


It Was Only A Kiss!

by remuslives23



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Boys In Love, M/M, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 78,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8138437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remuslives23/pseuds/remuslives23
Summary: It was all James Potter's fault. If he hadn't have nicked that bottle of Firewhiskey, none of this would have happened.





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**  
  
**_The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.  
_** Emil Ludwig  
  
  
Remus ran through the halls, not caring that the sound of feet pounding on stone echoing around the empty corridor might draw the attention of other Prefects or teachers. He just needed to get as far away from his best friend as possible which was unusual because Sirius Black was normally someone people wanted be close to; he had a magnetic energy that drew people to him. He was an irresistible force.  
  
That was the problem.  
  
Remus Lupin was many things: son, friend, student, werewolf, Marauder… straight.  
  
Or so he’d thought until tonight.  
  
For tonight, Remus Lupin had kissed a boy…  
  
And he’d liked it.  
  
  
Sirius sat on the floor of the Common Room, leaning up against the couch as he stared moodily into the crackling fire. The room was empty, had been for a good couple of hours except for him and his best friend who had minutes earlier run out the door, leaving Sirius completely alone. He hated being alone - not like Remus who could spend hours lost in his own world of musty smelling books and anything sweet to eat. He needed company, needed attention, needed people around him to reassure him that he was needed, loved and Remus was the person who did that best.  
  
That was the problem.  
  
Sirius Black was many things: son, brother, friend, Animagus, Marauder …straight.  
  
Or so he’d thought until tonight.  
  
For tonight, Sirius Black had kissed a boy…  
  
And he’d liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One**  
  
It was all James’ fault.  
  
If James had not smuggled the bottle of Firewhiskey out of his dad’s liquor cabinet, none of this would have happened.  
  
If he hadn’t made them drink it with him, none of this would have happened.  
  
If he hadn’t drunk so much, and encouraged Peter to match him drink for drink, they wouldn’t have stumbled up to bed and left Remus and Sirius alone, and none of this would have happened.  
  
It was all James Potter’s fault that Remus and Sirius had found themselves quite pleasantly tipsy, all alone and a little bit horny.  
  
Well, actually the horny part probably _wasn’t_ James’ fault. The Seventh Years put the heightened libido down to the fact that neither of them had a girlfriend right now and had made the mistake of discussing said horniness. More specifically, the lack of opportunities to relieve the edginess at the present time given the female of the species’ tendency to want more than a shag in a cupboard.  
  
The aforementioned discussion had led to the flippant suggestion from…one of them (they were too drunk to remember who was to blame)…that perhaps boys who liked boys actually had it easier as they didn’t have to figure out how girls’s minds work in order to get laid. The comment had branched off into a conversation about who they might fancy if they did happen to one day wake up and suddenly decide they were flaming queens.  
  
‘What about John Brown, Pads?’  
  
‘Too many teeth - they’re all crammed in there. I wouldn’t want to put my tongue in that mouth…don‘t know if I‘d get it back. Keith Martin?’  
  
‘Not my type.’  
  
‘We’ve only been talking about this for five minutes, Moony. How can you have a type already?’  
  
‘I just do, and he’s not it. Frank Longbottom?’  
  
‘Too skinny - he’s even skinner than you, Moons…’  
  
‘Don’t call me Moons. Alright, what about Peter then?’  
  
There was a moment of silence then both of them laughed.  
  
‘Alright, so that was a unanimous _no_ …’  
  
‘Let’s just call Peter and James off limits, Pads.’  
  
‘And Snape…ugh! Let’s pretend he doesn’t even exist in this alternative fruity universe.’  
  
‘Agreed. Matt Hancock?’  
  
There was a high pitched giggle.  
  
‘Han _cock_ …’  
  
‘For Merlin’s sake, Sirius…’  
  
‘Alright…sorry. Hmm, he’s not bad looking in a mousy kind of way…he wears a lot of beige…’  
  
‘Hey! I wear a lot of beige, Padfoot!’  
  
‘Yeah, you do, don’t you?’  
  
Sirius looked over at his friend who was sitting next to him on the floor, leaning back against the couch as they talked. His gaze was contemplative and after several seconds of rapt attention, Remus started to squirm and turned his head towards the brunette.  
  
‘What?’  
  
‘You’re not ugly, Moony.’  
  
‘Gee, thanks for the exorbitant compliment, Sirius. Remind me to come to you whenever I need an ego boost…’  
  
‘You get a fair few girls, don’t you?’  
  
‘In comparison to who? You - no. Snape - yes.’  
  
A snort then, ‘I’d date you.’  
  
Remus frowned and stared disbelievingly at Sirius. ‘You’d date me? I thought Marauders were off limits?’  
  
‘No, you only said Pete and James were a no fly zone…you didn’t say anything about yourself…or me.’  
  
Remus turned to stare into the fire, considering what Sirius said and finally asked, ‘Why would you date me? I’m skinny, I’m ‘beige’…’  
  
‘You’re a lot of fun, Remus. You’re smart, funny, nice to everyone…’  
  
‘Qualities you search for in a date, I’m sure.’  
  
‘Well…I suppose you’re…cute.’  
  
‘Did you _seriously_ just call me cute?’  
  
‘I’m always serious…’  
  
‘God, that joke is getting so old, Padfoot.’  
  
‘You are though. Cute, I mean. You’ve got nice eyes - blue and…everything.’  
  
Remus chortled at his inarticulacy and Sirius slapped him around the back of the head.  
  
‘Stop fishing for compliments and tell me how dashing I am.’  
  
‘I’ll need another drink first. I’ll have to be good and drunk for this.’  
  
There was more silence as each took a large gulp of the fiery liquid, choking a little as it burned down their throats.  
  
‘So? Would you date me?’  
  
Remus pondered the question and Sirius looked offended.  
  
‘You have to think that hard about it?’  
  
‘Well, I don’t know. It kills me to admit this, Pads, but you’re…sort of attractive…’  
  
‘Sort of attractive? I’m fucking gorgeous, mate.’  
  
‘Yes, alright. Have it your way - gorgeous - but dating you is a whole different kettle of fish.’  
  
‘Why?’  
  
‘You’re not exactly known for your longevity when it comes to relationships, Sirius.’  
  
‘Aren’t we talking about shagging?’  
  
‘Are we? I thought we were talking about dating?’  
  
‘Is there a difference?’  
  
‘Course there’s a bloody difference! Shit, no wonder you’re single.’  
  
‘You know the difference and you’re single too, mate.’  
  
They were both quiet then Sirius said, ‘So…you’d shag me but you wouldn’t date me?’  
  
‘Something like that…’  
  
Silence again, then gulping as they finished off the bottle of Firewhiskey, taking turns to see who could burp the loudest, chortling when Sirius let out a ripper that almost took the roof off.  
  
As their laughter faded, Sirius asked quietly, ‘What do you think it’s like?’  
  
Remus frowned and cocked his head questioningly.  
  
‘Kissing a bloke? Touching a bloke? Shagging a bloke? I mean, wouldn’t it be a bit…gross…putting your dick…there? Having a dick in there?’  
  
Remus bit his lip, his frown deepening as he considered Sirius' question. ‘You know, I read somewhere…’  
  
‘You read a book? There’s a big fucking surprise…’  
  
‘Shut up. I read somewhere that there’s something…a gland or something…and if you hit it…well, it‘s supposed to make it pretty good.’ He shrugged. ‘Not that sex with girls isn’t damn good as well.’  
  
Sirius looked thoughtful as he picked at a loose thread in the mat underneath them. ‘Mmm. I suppose that another bloke would know what you liked…but…god, it’d hurt the first time wouldn’t it?’  
  
‘Hurts girls their first time too.’  
  
‘Mmm.’  
  
Remus’ foot hit the Firewhiskey bottle and sent it rolling across the floor. They watched its progress then Remus said hesitantly, ‘Would you want to…you know…give or receive?’  
  
Sirius looked confused. ‘You giving me something?’  
  
‘No, you wanker. If you were shagging another guy, would you want to be on top or on the bottom?’  
  
‘Oh.’  
  
His brow creased and his lips pursed thoughtfully. ‘Top…I guess. I suppose it might be rude not to take turns though…’  
  
‘And you are the epitome of all that is polite and gracious.’  
  
‘I’m very well bred, Moony. What about you? Would the wolf let you…bottom?’  
  
‘Oh, you’ve got the lingo down now.’  
  
‘You want a slap? Forget that, actually, you might like it, kinky bugger. Just answer the question.’  
  
‘Um, I don’t know, actually. Maybe not around the full moon…’  
  
‘Are you all aggressive when you shag around then? With girls?’  
  
‘Mmm, it’s not like I’ve shagged all that many girls but when I was with Mary… sometimes. I try not to be - it freaked her out a bit if I got too rough so I kind of made excuses the week before and after.’  
  
‘It might be different with a guy…I reckon I could go a bit of rough sometimes…’  
  
‘You are such a poof.’  
  
‘You can talk, you ponce.’  
  
They chuckled as Remus watched Sirius’ fingers move, gradually pulling more and more thread out of the rug and he put his hand down on his to stop him.  
  
‘You’re going to ruin that.’  
  
‘Sorry.’  
  
Remus made to move his hand but Sirius grasped hold of it and quickly threaded their fingers together. A startled Remus looked over at his friend’s profile as Sirius stared at their clasped hands interestedly.  
  
‘It doesn’t feel any different than holding a girl’s…’  
  
‘Thanks a fucking lot, Sirius…’  
  
He tried to remove his hand but Sirius held firm. Remus sighed and turned away, a light flush colouring his cheeks.  
  
‘I didn’t mean that you were at all girly, Moony, despite you having a monthly cycle…I just meant that _this_...’ He gave their joined hands a little shake. ‘Doesn’t feel too bad.’  
  
‘Nice to know I give good hand. Maybe I should get you to take my kissing abilities for a test run too.’  
  
Sirius didn’t say anything for a moment then, ‘Alright.’  
  
Remus snapped his head around, expecting to see a big ‘fooled you’ grin on Sirius’ face but instead he saw what could only be called curiosity as he asked, ‘Have you ever, you know, kissed another bloke?’  
  
Remus shook his head. ‘Have you?’  
  
‘Nope.’  
  
Suddenly, the atmosphere changed from the teasing, jovial to tense and awkward and, to be honest, anticipatory.  
  
‘We couldn’t…’  
  
‘No. We shouldn’t do that…’  
  
They realised at the same time that they were still holding hands and let go immediately.  
  
‘We should go to bed.’  
  
‘Yeah, it’s late.’  
  
Neither of them moved though and Sirius slowly turned his head towards Remus. ‘That was a bit weird, yeah?’  
  
Remus exhaled sharply, marvelling at his friend’s aptitude for understatement. ‘Yeah, a bit.’  
  
He turned to look at Sirius, unaware the boy was watching him. Blue eyes met and held grey and it felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. Their hearts were pounding so fast and they could hear every beat in their ears, thumping and sending blood roaring through their veins.  
  
Sirius cracked first, breaking their eye contact as his gaze fell to Remus’ mouth. The brown haired boy swallowed hard then his heart stopped its frantic staccato beat as Sirius started to lean in tentatively, his tongue slipping out to moisten his lips. The brunette paused - Remus hadn’t moved - and he was about to pull back and try and brush his movement off as a prank when Remus’ face suddenly seemed to be closer. His eyes widened as he saw Remus’ head tilt a little and he found himself shifting until they could feel the breath on each other’s skin and then their lips were touching.  
  
It wasn’t a kiss, just an uncertain brushing together of tightly closed mouths but the light touch tied their stomachs up into excited, nervous, terrified knots and when Sirius increased the pressure, Remus didn’t pull away.  
  
Their lips softened and parted a little as they pressed together, still not a kiss…not until Remus gasped a little as Sirius’ hand brushed over his and the brunette decided that since they‘d come this far…  
  
He caught the werewolf’s bottom lip between his own and, after an initial hesitation, Remus responded, kissing Sirius back somewhat cautiously, eyes fluttering shut involuntarily as his lips closed over the other boy’s top lip.  
  
Cautious, though, was not Sirius Black’s style and, since so far kissing another bloke wasn’t as nauseating as he’d thought it might be, he opened his mouth and flicked his tongue experimentally over the other boy’s lip. Remus’ body jerked in surprise and a muffled noise escaped, the sound reverberating through Sirius’ lips and he struggled to hold back a moan as the little vibration send shivers through his body.  
  
Remus met the insistent tongue on its second probe, the tips of the soft muscles touching and sending a jolt of electricity through them. Neither could hold back a gasp this time and both were responsible for the kiss deepening, tongues tangling as the lip lock became hungrier and breathing ragged. How long the kiss went on for, neither could say but when Sirius’ hand rose to cup Remus’ head, fingers sliding into the soft hair, Remus pulled back.  
  
Their eyes were wide as they stared at each other, confusion, desire and horror in their faces. Remus was the first to move, jumping unsteadily to his feet as he tugged on the hem of his shirt.  
  
‘I…I forgot…I have to…’  
  
He waved his hand towards the portrait hole then muttered a quick good night before turning and almost running out the door. Sirius didn’t attempt to stop him…not sure he could even form a coherent sentence right now.  
  
He’d kissed Remus.  
  
Remus had kissed him.  
  
 _Thoroughly._  
  
And the bulge he saw in Remus’ pants, combined with the throb in his own turgid cock, told him that they had both liked that kiss a whole lot more than either of them had expected.  
  
‘Well, fuck.’  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Two**  
  
By morning they’d both decided it was an aberration, an abnormality bought on by a combination of extreme randiness, conversation with inappropriate sexual content and a bad, bad, bad batch of Firewhiskey. This opinion was reached as their paths crossed on the way to the bathroom - Remus having just emptied his stomach, Sirius’ gut still debating its options.  
  
‘Hey, Pads.’  
  
‘Hey.’  
  
‘Sick?’  
  
‘I feel like I spent the night trying to squeeze my head up Snivellus’ arse.’  
  
Remus snorted with laughter then grabbed his head between his hands with a moan. ‘God, don’t make me laugh…I’ll puke again or my head will implode.’  
  
Sirius’ stomach gave a lurch and he took another step closer to the toilet, making sure before he opened his mouth that only words would come out.  
  
‘Hey, listen, Remus…last night…’  
  
‘God, that was…’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
Pause.  
  
‘Moony, you know it was just…  
  
‘Course. I’m…you know…I like girls and that and…’  
  
‘Yeah, me too. We were so…’  
  
‘…pissed. Forget it, Pads.’  
  
‘Remus…’  
  
‘ _Forget_ it.’  
  
‘Oh, right…yeah, good. I just…we’re alright, yeah?’  
  
‘Mmm…oh _shit_ …’  
  
Remus staggered back to the bathroom and at the sound of his retching, Sirius’ stomach made a decision as well, Peter screaming, _‘For Merlin’s sake, Padfoot… Shit! Now it’s all over my toothbrush…!’_ as the brunette expelled the remainder of his stomach contents and dignity into the sink.  
  
Despite Remus’ insistence that they should just ‘forget’ that kiss, Sirius found himself taking more direct action to prove to himself that the lip lock with his friend (or rather, his enthusiasm for said lip lock and his subsequent physical reaction) had really been just the booze talking. He cornered Kelly Wright after breakfast - easily the easiest girl in the school - and arranged to meet her in a particularly private cupboard later that night, experiencing an urgent need to confirm his heterosexuality status with some no strings shagging.  
  
Feeling a little better, he made his way to Charms only to be deflated almost instantly by James’ asking, ‘So, what did you two get up to last night after Pete and I passed out?’  
  
Such an innocent question should not have inspired such fear in the heart of valiant Gryffindors but the frightened look Remus and Sirius shared before they answered betrayed their house’s reputation of being the place where the brave at heart dwell.  
  
‘Nothing.’  
  
‘Fell asleep.’  
  
‘Then woke up and went to bed.’  
  
‘Our _own_ beds.’  
  
‘Pads, what the…?’  
  
‘Sorry.’  
  
Peter and James looked at them in obvious confusion as the words tripped out of the other boys' mouths.  
  
‘We must have really knocked off a hell of a lot of brain cells last night, Prongs,’ Peter said with a frown. ‘Because that didn’t make a _bit_ of sense - even for them.’  
  
‘Mmm.’ James looked from one boy to another. ‘Maybe we’re still too drunk to get it.’  
  
They sat in their usual places for Muggle Studies, the awkwardness between Remus and Sirius diluted now there was some distance and two whiskey scented bodies between them. Neither paid attention to Professor Gable’s lecture on Muggle underwater apparatus. Remus took vague notes for a few minutes, illegible for the most part, then fell into something resembling a catatonic state, staring out the window vacantly and not noticing Peter sketching a caricature of two people coupling on his parchment. Sirius had no memory of the class whatsoever, having fallen asleep after the teacher said, ‘Good morning.‘  
  
They were both jolted out of their stupor by the ringing of the bell and yawned widely as they stood and collected their belongings.  
  
James chuckled. ‘What time did you two come up to bed?’  
  
Sirius looked startled then shrugged. ‘Don’t know. I came up before Remus.’  
  
‘You stayed up, Moony?’ Peter asked in surprise and the werewolf shrugged.  
  
‘Full moon soon. I guess I was just restless. Excuse me, I need to…talk to Frank.’  
  
Sirius frowned as he watched the slim built boy speed up his gait to catch up with Frank Longbottom who was further down the corridor.  
  
‘Is he alright?’ James asked, concern in his hazel eyes as he looked at Sirius.  
  
The brunette shrugged, annoyed that he was supposed to know what the other boy was thinking. ‘How would I know? Come on, I’m hungry.’  
  
Despite his assertion that he could eat a Hippogriff, Sirius could barely manage more than a few bites. He was feeling Remus’ presence across the table as he never had before and hated that one stupid, drunken, meaningless kiss had made things between he and his friend awkward. He was estranged from his family - he didn’t live with them anymore, couldn’t stand the bitter taste talking about them left in his mouth - so the Marauders were his support. That kiss had threatened his family, and his relationship with the person who perhaps meant the most to him.  
  
Peter was a laugh, but if he were honest, Sirius wouldn’t really mourn his absence if he decided to bugger off. They weren’t particularly close - got along well enough to sneak off to Hogsmeade together to pinch sweets and Firewhiskey when Sirius couldn’t convince one of the others to come - but they were rarely together without James or Remus.  
  
James was his brother, by choice even if not by blood. They shared a bond that he didn’t with Peter or Remus. They knew each other inside out - not a massive undertaking as they were so very similar - and accepted each other warts and all.  
  
But Remus…  
  
Remus _got_ him. He saw deeper inside him than James could or Peter wanted to. He saw the darkness that gave Sirius nightmares, the fear that sometimes paralysed him with its force, and he reassured Sirius that he was not his parents; that he was not the darkness.  
Remus was the only person that could bring him down from a rage, who could talk him out of particularly stupid pranks, who could make him laugh with just a crook of his eyebrow.  
Remus just got him - maybe that’s why he’d wanted to kiss him.  
  
His body jolted with the realisation and his fork fell to his plate with a clatter.  
  
 _I didn’t want to kiss him. It was spontaneous. It was a drunken mistake. Wasn’t it?_  
  
‘You alright, Pads?’  
  
James was frowning curiously across the table at him and next to him, Remus was staring quizzically, his blue eyes probing and capable of seeing far too much for Sirius' comfort.  
  
‘Padfoot?’ James repeated, and Sirius shook himself out of his trance and stood up abruptly, knocking Peter’s arm and spilling the boy’s drink all over his lap.  
  
‘Yeah, yeah. Fine. I, er, just remembered I’ve got a, um, thing to do. See you later.’  
  
He almost ran from the Dining Hall and Remus and James looked at each other.  
  
‘What’s wrong with him today?’ James queried, but Remus just shook his head and handed his napkin to a grumbling Peter before turning back to poke at his lunch.  
  
 _If Sirius keep acting like this, they’re going to figure it out._  
  
It was just a kiss, for Merlin’s sake. How did that Muggle song go? _‘A kiss is just a kiss?’_ He hummed the tune unconsciously and Lily looked over.  
  
‘I didn’t know you’d seen _‘Casablanca’_ , Remus,’ she said and he flushed when he realised what he’d done.  
  
‘Just…trying to remember the words,’ he muttered.  
  
She smiled and sang softly, _‘A kiss is still a kiss.’_  
  
‘What?’ he said, startled. ‘I thought it was ‘a kiss is _just_ a kiss’?’  
  
‘Nope,’ she disagreed. ‘A kiss is _still_ a kiss’.’ She grinned and nudged his arm. ‘Who are you thinking of kissing, Remus Lupin?’  
  
‘Er, no one,’ he mumbled then put his fork down. ‘I…forgot a book in the dorm for Potions. I'll see you later, guys.’  
  
He escaped, thinking as he walked back up to Gryffindor Tower. He loved all his friends - how could he not? They had accepted him and his ‘furry little problem’ with little more than a smile and an enquiry about the size of a werewolf’s penis.  
  
They’d covered for him when others questioned his frequent absences, bought him chocolate and kept him entertained in the hospital wing and, in the greatest show of loyalty and friendship, had broken the law by becoming Animagi so he wouldn’t have to be alone during his transformations anymore.  
Remus smiled - that had been Sirius’ idea.  
  
 _Any excuse to take part in a little bit of rule breaking._  
  
But he knew that hadn’t been the brunette’s motivation. Sirius needed to do something to help him; he hated feeling helpless or ineffectual. He’d been the first to fully transform and Remus couldn’t believe it when he saw the large black dog in front of him. It was perfect - Sirius couldn’t have chosen a better animal form. The fact that the decision was completely out of his control made it more startling - fate seemed to know exactly what he needed when it gave Moony a fellow canine to play with.  
  
Prongs was big and great for controlling the moody werewolf during the first couple of hours of the change when he was still adjusting to the changes in his body and the pain was subsiding. Peter was needed for the others to get to him, pushing the knot on the Willow and keeping Prongs company when Moony decided he wanted to play - for as much as the werewolf loved the stag and rat as his pack, the best playmate was Padfoot and the others tended to get left out sometimes.  
  
Padfoot and Moony could rough and tumble together, they ‘hunted’ together, frightening the life out of woodland creatures, and Padfoot comforted the wolf when the dawn approached and the ache of transformation began again. The two canines had a natural affinity and as their animals connected, the humans also instinctively became closer.  
  
The Marauders were all close in different ways. James and Sirius were so similar it was difficult to believe they didn’t share blood; Peter and James had a strange friendship based on Pete’s admiration for the other boy and James’ need for said admiration but it worked for them. Sirius had little patience for Peter’s simpering but put up with it for the boy’s irregular moments of brilliance, and Sirius seemed to intimidate Peter a little - the blonde never completely comfortable around him without Remus or James as a buffer.  
  
But Remus…they treated him slightly differently which sometimes made him feel a bit smothered but the knowledge of how much they cared for him overwhelmed any irritation about their occasional over-protectiveness.  
  
James acted all big brotherly before and after the moon, tutting over Remus’ still full plates and pushing chocolate on him to try and make up for his lack of appetite; Peter ran errands for him, fetching books from the library, food to try and tempt him from the kitchens, and quietly played chess with him when Remus couldn’t the handle loud and raucous brunettes anymore.  
  
But Sirius…  
  
Sirius _soothed_ him. He was the one who stayed the longest after Remus changed back, he was the one who patted his hand reassuringly when he told him how badly he’d torn himself up. He was the one who stayed with him at night after he dreamed of snapping jaws and claws and so much blood he didn’t know how he survived, and he was the one who reassured Remus that he wasn’t a monster.  
  
Sirius was the one person he showed himself to - his _whole_ self - and the thought that one drunken kiss could take his friend, his strength, away scared him to death.  
  
‘It was just a stupid, bloody kiss,’ he mumbled to himself as he reached the portrait hole.  
But a kiss is still a kiss.  
  
And he’d enjoyed that kiss _far_ too much.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Three**  
  
‘This is stupid.’  
  
‘Huh? Did you just call me stupid, Moony?’  
  
‘No, I said _this_ is stupid.’  
  
‘What? Your toothbrush?’  
  
‘Oh, for the love of Merlin…’  
  
‘Remus... just leave it, alright?’  
  
The suddenly low, soft tone made Remus look over and, seeing the flush across those high cut cheekbones all the girls envied, he guessed Sirius had known exactly what he was talking about. They were the last to use the bathroom tonight after a long, trying day and the unusual tension was becoming unbearable in the tiny washroom.  
  
‘If it’s going to cause this big of a problem…’  
  
‘It’s not.’  
  
‘It is.’  
  
‘It’s not, Moony.’  
  
‘You can’t even look at me, Sirius. You haven’t looked at me all day…’  
  
‘You’re bleeding.’  
  
‘I…what?’  
  
‘You’re bleeding.’  
  
Remus turned back to the mirror to see that he was, in fact, bleeding.  
  
‘Shit.’  
  
He grabbed his towel and held it to the nick, glaring at his razor, which he’d mistakenly picked up instead of his toothbrush, before checking the cut at the corner of his mouth.  
  
‘Damn, I opened up the edge of the scar.’  
  
‘Let me see…’  
  
‘It’s fine…’  
  
‘Will you let me have a fucking look at it, Moony?’  
  
In exasperation, Remus pulled the towel away and angled his head so Sirius could see the cut on his jaw. The brunette squinted at it, shifting closer to gauge how bad it was then he reached for his wand.  
  
‘I’ll heal it. It’s not deep, but you’re right - you’ve opened that scar again. You should be more careful when you’re brushing your teeth with your razor.’  
  
Remus shot him a dirty look. ‘Thank you, Pads. I’ll keep that in mind.’  
  
‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Moony.’  
  
‘ _You_ are the lowest form of wit, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius chuckled then pointed his wand at Remus’ face, his hand rising to grip the werewolf's chin to hold him steady. Remus balked as Sirius was about to murmur the incantation.  
  
‘You _do_ know what you’re doing, don’t you?’  
  
‘Course I bloody do. Who do you think heals the smaller wounds after you transform? Hold still.’  
  
There was a quick burning sensation as the skin knitted back together then Sirius mumbled, ‘Uh oh.’  
  
‘ _What_!?’  
  
Remus wrenched himself out of Sirius’ grasp and checked his face, expecting to see some hideous deformation but there was nothing but the scar that had been there before. He heard Sirius chuckle and smacked the brunette on the arm.  
  
‘Not funny, Padfoot!’  
  
‘Au contraire, my dear Moony. I thought the look on your face was priceless.’  
  
He ducked to avoid Remus’ swinging fist, laughing as he reached for his toothbrush and Remus checked his face again.  
  
‘Don’t worry, Moony. You’re still gorgeous.’  
  
Remus' head swivelled to stare at Sirius, seeing the other boy's grin fade when he realised what he’d said. Grey eyes shifted to peek warily at the werewolf who‘d decided he‘d had enough of this.  
  
‘Look, I’m straight. You’re straight. We were pissed and had a snog. It’s no big deal, is it? I mean…it’s not like we shagged or anything. We aren‘t poofs.’  
  
‘No, I…you’re right. I’m just being stupid about it, I suppose.’  
  
‘Well, now that you mention it…’  
  
‘Shut up, you scruffy werewolf.’  
  
‘Bite me, mangy mutt.’  
  
They both grinned then shuffled awkwardly.  
  
‘So, are we gonna be alright, Pads?’  
  
‘Yeah, course. Besides, if we were weird much longer, James and Pete would start asking why. I don’t want to be the one who tells them we made out.’  
  
Remus snorted then smiled wickedly as Sirius started scrubbing his teeth.‘Oh, I don’t know. It’d almost be worth the teasing to see the looks on their faces.’  
  
Sirius choked a little then spat out his toothpaste hastily, looking up at Remus with an appreciative grin. ‘Oh, that would be _awesome_. Can you imagine James’ face? And Peter…I reckon he’d wet himself…’  
  
The two boys broke down laughing, leaning against the vanity as they predicted how their fellow Marauders would react if they learnt about their little indiscretion. Remus wiped away a tear of amusement and sighed before dragging a brush carelessly through his hair. Sirius watched him for a moment, startled at his sudden realisation that Remus’ hair wasn’t just brown but it was threaded with gold and red and even a little grey - the lamp light glinting off the errant strands.  
  
’What? You need my brush, Padfoot?’  
  
Sirius blinked then averted his eyes as he shook his head and reached for his comb. Since when did he notice the complexities of other boys’ hair?  
  
 _Fuck._  
  
He took extra care with his own raven locks. He needed to make sure he looked good so Kelly would be in the mood for shagging. He had to enforce his heterosexuality _tonight_ before his dick fell off and he turned into a complete woman.  
  
‘Do you really heal me after the moon?’  
  
Sirius looked over at Remus’ reflection and saw him staring at him. ‘Yeah. James gets too squeamish with…you know…the blood…’  
  
Remus grimaced and a crease appeared between his browse as Sirius finished his thought.  
  
‘And do you really think we’d trust Pete to heal anything? You’d end up eviscerated.’  
  
Remus let out a breath of laughter and Sirius grinned, pleased that the werewolf was smiling at least. Remus hated anyone seeing how badly he ripped himself up, hated anyone seeing the scars that littered his body. He hadn’t known before now that Sirius had seen all of it - and the brunette wasn’t sure how his friend would react once he realised that in order to heal him, Sirius had to have seen everything he always tried to hide.  
  
Including the large bite mark he loathed with all his heart and soul.  
  
‘It’s not a big deal, Moony. I just make sure you don’t bleed to death before Pomfrey arrives…’  
  
‘You’ve seen my scars. You’ve seen my bite.’  
  
Remus had always had been quick on the uptake. Sirius paused then answered simply.  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
Remus’ frown had deepened and he was staring at Sirius with an indecipherable expression. ‘I didn’t know that.’  
  
His cheekbones were flushed with colour and as Sirius’ eyes met his, he looked away uncomfortably. He had never thought anyone but the school nurse had healed him; had seen his scar ridden chest and back or the large bite that had started all of this. He’d always assumed that his friends just made sure he wasn’t dead then covered him with a blanket before they went to get some sleep. He realised now that Sirius must have seen these scars ages ago but had never said a word, never treated him any differently…  
  
Well, that wasn’t strictly accurate.  
  
Sometime last year, before Christmas, Sirius had started staying longer with him, sitting with him until he heard the matron’s footsteps then he hid under the cloak until it was safe to go back to the dorm. Remus enjoyed that time alone with Sirius when the Animagus was being calm and quiet and gentle - everything he needed him to be. The realisation that he was doing all that, despite having seen the worst of him, made Remus’ skin feel hot and too small for his body all of a sudden. He had to get out of here, away from Sirius, before he either burst into tears or did something else equally as regrettable.  
  
‘Remus, I…’  
  
‘I’ve finished in here. Night, Padfoot.’  
  
‘Remus…’   
  
He grabbed Remus’ arm as he moved away from the sinks. Remus tried to shake him off, but he refused to let go.  
  
‘Don’t, Padfoot. Just…let me think about this.’  
  
‘There’s nothing to think about. Moony, do you think I care about some scars? Do you think seeing what I already know is there is going to make me think less of you?’  
  
‘Seeing is different to just imagining…’  
  
‘Yeah it is.’ Sirius moved closer, irritated that Remus wouldn’t look at him. ‘Will you look at me, please?’  
  
The blue eyes met his and Sirius said, ‘Do you know what I imagined? I imagined ripped skin and huge, masses of torn up flesh… It was horrible, Remus. Imagining the worst. I hated the thought of you covered in all that ugliness.’  
  
Remus made a strange, strangled sounding noise in his throat and turned away but Sirius still had hold of his arm and turned the other boy back towards him.  
  
‘But they _aren’t_ ugly, Remus. They aren’t. They’re like…badges of honour or something. They show how brave you are, how strong you are and I…’  
  
He stopped abruptly, realising that if he voiced his original thought that the scars he saw were actually beautiful in their own way, he’d make things even more awkward between them. So he finished with a weak...  
  
‘…I don’t think they’re ugly at all.’  
  
Remus just stared at him, eyes searching his for any trace of a lie. He gnawed at his lip and Sirius tapped his finger on the reddened flesh.  
  
‘Don’t. You’ll make it bleed.’  
  
Remus stopped but Sirius’ finger lingered, heat suddenly shooting up his arm from the feather light contact. Remus’ eyes widened a little then his gaze fell to Sirius’ lips before they realised what they were doing and pulled away hastily.  
  
Remus cleared his throat. ‘Hurry up, will you? I can‘t sleep with you banging about in here, fussing with your hair products.’  
  
Sirius nodded, not trusting himself to sound normal - not with this lump that seemed to have taken up residence in his throat - and turned back to the mirror. He saw Remus walk to the door then stop, hesitating for a few seconds before turning back. Sirius quickly looked down at the vanity, busying himself with putting away his toiletries.  
  
‘Thanks, Padfoot.’  
  
He paused his frantic packing up and looked up, staring quizzically at Remus in the mirror.  
  
‘For healing me,' the werewolf elaborated with a Mona-Lisa smile.  
  
Sirius gave him a small smile in return and nodded then watched as Remus turned and left the room, holding his breath unconsciously until the door closed behind the werewolf. He exhaled noisily then swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump as he wondered what the hell was going on with him.  
  
Shoving the rest of his toiletries haphazardly into his kit, he almost ran back into the dorm, anxious now to get to that cupboard and fuck Kelly to within an inch of her life.  
  
James looked at him with a confused frown. ‘Where are you doing?’  
  
‘Got a date.’  
  
Sirius resolutely refused to look at Remus, who he could feel staring at him, and pushed aside the enquiry from his usually silent voice of reason that was questioning why he was worried about what Remus thought of his date. He threw his belongings into his trunk carelessly and slammed it shut before giving them all a wave and throwing a ‘ _Don’t wait up!_ ’ over his shoulder as he left.  
  
He crawled back into bed an hour later and buried his face in his pillow, trying to resist the urge to scream. Kelly was everything he liked in a girl - pretty, blonde, busty, easy…so why couldn’t he get the picture of a flat-chested, scar-covered, brown-haired boy out of his head while his dick was inside the girl. He groaned audibly this time and silently repeated what was quickly becoming his new affirmation.  
  
‘I’m not gay. I’m straight. I don’t fancy boys. I _like_ fucking girls.’  
  
But no matter how many times he repeated this refrain, he couldn’t get around the fact that the only way he could get off tonight was by allowing his thoughts to stray to that kiss he and Remus had shared last night. He couldn’t pretend that it hadn’t been his best friend’s name that lingered silently on his lips and that it wasn’t his face in his mind when he came.  
  
‘I’m not gay,’ he repeated firmly.  
  
‘What?’  
  
Sirius started when he realised James was still awake and muttered, ‘Nothing. Sorry,’ before rolling over and punching his pillow hard.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**  
  
The full moon came all too soon and with it came an edginess that made Remus much less tolerant and easy going than usual. The others knew to stay out of his way during this time and had learnt from bitter experience to not plan any pranks. 'Remus the Prefect' took over 'Remus the Marauder'’s body just before the moon and house points were often snatched away before any one of them could try and talk him around to their way of thinking.  
  
What Remus had never told anyone about this time of the month was that he was not only incredibly irritable and snappy, but he was also impossibly horny. It wasn’t usually something that came up in conversation - except for that one night when Remus admitted to Sirius that he was a little rougher around that time.  
  
It wasn’t that big of a problem most months. His friends were overprotective around this phase of the moon’s cycle (sometimes ridiculously so), and any interested girls were summarily shooed away with a firm ‘ _he’s not well_ ’ offered as an excuse. He'd never had a chance to get close enough to one to get overly randy in inappropriate places.  
  
But _today_ \- the day of the full moon - he found himself squirming uncomfortably in History of Magic as blood pumped fast through his body, pooling heatedly in his groin. The heightened arousal was caused not by any of the numerous sweetly scented girls scattered around the room, but, infuriatingly, by the smell of hair product and sweat that was wafting across the aisle to him.  
  
A smell that was emanating from his best friend.  
  
 _This is bloody ridiculous. Why all of a sudden, am I hot for Sirius?_  
  
It was that kiss, that _bloody_ kiss that was ruining his life. He glanced at his watch, groaning softly when he realised there were still ten minutes left in the lesson; ten minutes until he could slip into the boy‘s toilets and quickly and, hopefully, quietly take care of his problem.  
  
Sirius, sitting across the narrow aisle, looked at him in concern when he heard the soft groan of frustration and Remus smiled at him reassuringly. The ebony-haired boy turned back to his notes as Binns droned on at the front of the class. Remus shifted again, aware of the tightness of his pants and thanking Merlin for the billowing fabric of his robes.  
  
There was a soft thud and he looked down to see that a piece of tightly folded parchment had landed on his notes. Remus quickly put his hand over it and glanced around. He wasn’t concerned that Binns would notice - the man was so oblivious that he wouldn’t notice if everyone stripped and started shagging on the floor in front of him in a mass orgy - but Peter, who was sitting next to Remus in a drooling stupor would perk up if he saw his friends passing notes and want to read it with him.  
  
He dropped his hands, now concealing the note, into his overheated lap and opened it carefully.  
  
 _Moony.  
You look like shit. Are you worse than usual? What’s all the groaning about? You hurting?  
Padfoot._  
  
Remus felt the corner of his mouth curl up in a smile and fought to keep the broad grin down. Of course Sirius was concerned about him - he was a friend.  
  
That’s all.  
  
Just a good friend.  
  
He grabbed his quill and scribbled a note back.  
  
 _Padfoot.  
Thank you. I’m always interested in updates on my appearance.  
You’ll be pleased to know that not only do I look like shit but I also feel like shit. But no…it’s no worse than usual.  
Moony._  
  
He was tempted to add ‘ _unless you count suddenly wanting to grab your best friend and shag him into next week as worse than usual_ ’ but figured that might freak Sirius out a little.  
  
 _Or turn him on. He did kiss you back..._  
  
Irritated with the path his mind was taking, he glanced about quickly then tossed the note back across the aisle. Sirius closed his hand around it and opened it quickly.  
  
Remus tried to pay attention to Binns but he was _throbbing_ \- his hard cock restricted painfully in his pants. He fidgeted, shuffling to try and get comfortable on the seat then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius scribbling on the parchment, his pink tongue slipping out of his mouth the way it did when he concentrated…  
  
 _Or just before he kisses._  
  
He squeezed his eyes together tight, trying desperately to wipe the image of Sirius’ face moving towards his, that tongue wetting his lips…  
  
The paper landed on his desk and again, he bought it down to his lap to read, almost moaning as his hand brushed over his hardened flesh.  
  
 _Moony.  
You know I can always be relied upon to point out your faults and foibles.  
You look a bit more…edgy than usual. More wolfy.  
Padfoot._  
  
Edgy? That was a fucking understatement. If he thought for one second he could get away with it, he’d shove his hands down his pants and bring himself off here. It’d only take a minute or so…  
  
He glanced over at Sirius who, to his surprise, was staring pink-faced at Remus. Or, more accurately, at his lap where he was holding the note...and where his robes were pulled more tightly than he’d realised over his hard on - making the cause of his ‘edginess’ rather obvious.  
  
 _Shit._  
  
Remus quickly grabbed a handful of his robes and tugged, belatedly trying to cover the evidence. He looked back over at Sirius and saw that those grey eyes were now on his face, staring so intently at him that it wasn’t just his libido making Remus squirm now. Turning back to the note, he rapidly scrawled a reply and threw it back. Sirius frowned down at the square of paper as though Remus had just jerked off over it then carefully picked it up and unfolded it.  
  
 _Padfoot.  
I’m fine. Don’t worry.  
Moony._  
  
The bell rang and Remus leapt to his feet, grabbing his books and shoving them into his bag.  
  
‘What’s your hurry, Moony?’  
  
Remus looked over at a sleepy looking Peter and tried to smile. He kept his voice low as he said, ‘I’m busting for a pee.’  
  
Holding his bag over his groin, he stepped out from behind the desk. ‘See you at lunch in a few minutes.’  
  
He didn’t dare look at Sirius as he bolted from the classroom, walking as fast as he could in his state to the nearest loo and locking himself in a cubicle. He dropped his bag fast and slammed down the toilet lid, pulling his pants down as he sat. His hand was cold on his burning shaft and he moaned as the sensory contrast heightened his arousal.  
  
He closed his eyes as he stroked fast and hard, trying to bring up images of his last girlfriend, Mary, and how she felt all around him. With a little grunt, he remembered the feel of her soft skin, the taste of her mouth, the sensation of her black hair brushing against his face as they kissed.  
  
‘Shit.‘  
  
He felt a surge of both need and panic as he realised it wasn’t the blonde Mary he was imagining - it was Sirius. The feel of his skin as he entwined their fingers, the taste of Firewhiskey on his lips, his surprisingly soft hair tickling Remus' cheek as they kissed.  
Remus moaned again but was too far gone to try and erase the images from his head. He stroked his length urgently and it took even less time than he’d predicted - seconds - to bite down hard on his lip and arch up, coming in powerful pulses that made his eyes roll back in his head.  
  
‘Fucking Merlin!’  
  
He collapsed back against the wall panting for a minute as he tried not to feel like a complete pervert.  
  
 _I just jerked off thinking about Sirius._  
  
How had his life become so fucked up? One drunken snog and all of a sudden, he was a shirt lifter? There was a little twist in his gut that reminded him of something he always pushed aside but that over the last couple of days, had become much more difficult to ignore - that one time that he’d looked at Stephen Clark’s mouth and wondered…  
  
 _Means nothing._  
  
Remus grabbed his wand and cleaned up his mess before unlocking the stall, making his way to the sink. Just before he left the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror, his forehead creased and blue eyes worried.  
  
‘I like girls. I loved having sex with Mary. It was great.’  
  
But then so was kissing Sirius.  
  
‘Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck _fuck_!’  
  
He banged his head into the mirror, punctuating every curse with a thud until he caught sight of a First Year staring at him in terror.  
  
‘Er...I...sorry.’  
  
Remus picked up his bag and made his way to the Dining hall, unable to look Sirius in the eye as he sat down across from him. As he stretched his legs out, they bumped against Sirius’ and both boys pulled back fast, slamming their knees into the bottom of the table and making its contents shake.  
  
‘Sorry, Pete.’  
  
Remus smiled apologetically as the other boy grabbed hold of his wobbling glass. He looked down at the food-laden table and suddenly reaslised that he wasn’t a bit hungry. Deciding to make his way to the Shrieking Shack a little earlier, he stood up and Sirius looked up at him, puzzled.  
  
‘Where are you going?’  
  
Remus felt his face turning pink and he mumbled under his breath, ‘Shack.’  
  
Sirius frowned but it was James who asked the question.‘Why so early?’  
  
Remus shrugged and stepped over the bench seat. ‘I’m not hungry and I’m tired. I’ll just go and lie down for a while.’  
  
Peter looked at his dinner then up at Remus. ‘Want someone to keep you company?’  
  
Remus grinned. Peter offering to give up his dinner to keep Remus amused was the ultimate act of friendship.  
  
‘I’ll be fine, Pete. Thanks anyway. You could take my stuff up to the dorm for me though.’  
  
Peter nodded in relief, shoving a potato into his mouth. With one last side-long glance at a guilty looking Sirius, Remus gave them a wave and trudged off to wait alone for the moon to rise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**  
  
‘I don’t know how you can look at that blood and not puke.’  
  
‘Because I’m not a lily-livered coward unfit to lick Snivellus’ arse?’  
  
‘Dickhead.’  
  
It was the morning after the full moon and two out of the three illegal Animagi had just changed back into their human counterparts, feeling somewhat guilty that they did it with such ease when Remus was in seven kinds of hell with his transformation. Sirius had immediately gone to Remus’ side and covered him with a blanket before he and James lifted him onto the dusty old bed. Peter, still in rat form, was snoring in the corner, having fallen asleep some hours earlier, and a slightly green James was watching Sirius as he checked Remus over for serious injury. He had never stuck around for this ritual before - his distaste for seeing his friend swimming in crimson making him flee, but now... he watched.  
  
He saw.  
  
His hazel eyes observed the unusually gentle hands almost caressing the scarred skin of Remus’ shoulder as Sirius used his wand to close some of the werewolf’s smaller wounds. A small crease appeared between Sirius’ eyes as he tutted over the cuts and bruises and James could see the genuine concern and fear held in the grey orbs. Sirius’ hand moved higher, touching a bruise on the back of Remus’ neck lightly with his fingertips then, almost as if by accident, those fingers combed through the hair at the nape of that slender neck.  
  
James felt an odd catch in his chest as his mind finally registered something which had been playing on the edge of his subconscious for many months now. Sirius was a different person around Remus. They had always been close, but their relationship had changed its tenor so gradually that it hadn’t registered. Not until now; not until James saw for himself the tenderness with which the usually rambunctious, careless teenager treated their stricken friend.  
  
They’d been having some kind of disagreement over the last few days - something neither boy would discuss with James, insisting that everything was fine - but you wouldn’t have known it from the way Sirius was treating the other boy now. James felt a nervousness - wondering if this change in Sirius' behaviour had anything to do with the reasons for that gulf that had appeared in the last week - or if it had anything to do with what had happened between the two canines during last night's transformation. Recalling the previous night's incident made James suddenly think that perhaps Sirius staying with Remus as he usually did wasn't such a good idea.  
  
‘Sirius, maybe you should let me stay with him this time? You go back to the castle with Pete.’  
  
The grey eyed boy looked up at James, taking umbrage with his suggestion that he should leave.  
  
‘Why would I leave him? _You_ can’t heal him - you‘re such a damn sook around blood. _Wormtail_ can’t heal him… You want to leave him to bleed to death…?’  
  
‘Don’t be so bloody melodramatic, Padfoot. He’s got a few cuts, but nothing life threatening. Just let me stay this time until Pomfrey comes.’  
  
Sirius stood up from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed next to a sleeping Remus and eyed James speculatively.  
  
‘Why?’  
  
‘You _know_ why. You two have been getting closer and closer then all of a sudden, things are weird between you two. You’ve both been strange for days now then last night…’  
  
‘Nothing happened, Prongs.’  
  
‘He almost ripped your throat out!’  
  
‘Shut. Up.’  
  
Sirius, gritting his teeth, looked down at Remus, panicking when he saw him stir. There was silence until the brown-haired boy stilled then Sirius turned to face James again and spoke in a low, urgent tone before the bespectacled boy could renew his argument.  
  
‘You know how he’ll react if he thinks he almost hurt one of us. He won’t let us come with him anymore and he’ll start tearing himself to shreds again. Do you want to see him like he was in Third Year? When they had to take him to St. Mungos because he’d nearly disembowelled himself?’  
  
James’ face showed his frustration and he spat his reply at Sirius.  
  
‘Of course I don’t, but until things are sorted out between the two of you, maybe Peter or I should stay.’  
  
‘Sirius can stay.’  
  
Both boys turned to the bed and saw Remus staring up at them through sleepy, confused eyes.  
  
‘I want to know what I did.’  
  
Sirius turned to glare at James then sat down on the bed again, crossing his arms defiantly over his chest as he said pointedly,‘Goodbye, James.’  
  
James let out an exasperated breath and nodded. ‘Fine.‘ He looked over at Remus and his expression softened. ‘We’ll see you later, Moony.’  
  
Remus mumbled a farewell and thanks then James woke Peter who changed back before they left the shack with loud yawns. Sirius fussed with the blanket covering the prone boy but Remus stilled his hand with his own and asked the question.  
  
‘What did I do?’  
  
Sirius looked down at a pale-faced Remus and shook his head.‘Nothing as dramatic as James made out. You just got a bit rough while we were playing.’  
  
Remus stared at him for a long moment. ‘How rough?’  
  
The brunette opened his mouth to reassure him it had been nothing but when Remus fixed him with one of his ‘McGonagall’ glares, he heaved a put upon sigh and reached up to unfastened the top buttons of his shirt.  
  
‘It really isn’t as bad as it looks.’  
  
Which was pretty fucking bad apparently.  
  
Sirius hadn’t seen the bruising yet himself but the horror on Peter and James’ faces when they changed back and now the look of pure fear on Remus’ indicated that it was pretty awful.  
  
‘Moony…’  
  
‘Get out.’  
  
“Remus…’  
  
‘Get _out_!’  
  
‘No. Remus…’  
  
‘For Merlin’s sake, Sirius, I could have…’ His voice gave out and he just shook his head as he buried his face in the thin mattress underneath him.  
  
Sirius ran a hand over his neck, feeling that the scratches there had started clotting and no doubt the bruises had started to purple. It _did_ hurt, but Sirius recalled the look in Moony’s eyes when he’d tumbled him onto his back and opened his jaws wide over Padfoot’s throat. _That_ look was why he was so certain that Remus hadn’t meant to harm him. It hadn’t been a murderous, hungry glint in Remus’ eyes and Sirius hadn’t felt in any danger - knowing that neither Remus nor Moony would ever hurt him. He trusted the werewolf implicitly.  
  
‘Remus, you weren’t trying to hurt me.’  
  
The werewolf sat up with a speed that almost had them clashing heads. He grabbed Sirius’ robes in his fist and pulled him close, their faces only an inch apart.  
  
‘You _always_ underestimate how dangerous I am. You did it last year when you sent Snape after me and you’re doing it again now. I could have torn your throat out and you sit here telling me I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You’re not being a friend by placing yourself in danger, Sirius…’  
  
‘You weren’t trying to hurt me. You…were showing me who the…alpha was. It’s no big deal, mate.’  
  
‘Tell me. Tell me everything.’  
  
Sirius obeyed, knowing the werewolf knew him too well to allow him to get away with a lie.  
  
‘We were wrestling like we usually do and I somehow managed to pin you down. I sort of snapped at you - I wasn’t going to bite you - just a ‘haha’ kind of thing. You growled and pushed me off then tackled me and grabbed me around the throat.’  
  
He glanced quickly at Remus then looked away again when he saw the aghast expression on his face.  
  
‘You didn’t try to hurt me. You only held me until I knew you were the boss. Once I, er, submitted, you started… playing again.’  
  
He felt Remus’ hands fall from his clothes and the bed shifted underneath him. Looking back at his friend, he frowned. Remus had pushed himself into the corner, curled up into a ball with his face tucked into his blanket-covered knees.   
  
‘Remus…’  
  
‘Please just go.’  
  
‘No. Remus, it’s okay. You didn’t hurt me - it was just showing me that you were dominant.’  
  
A whimper startled him and he shuffled closer to the now trembling werewolf.  
  
‘Remus, please. It’s alright. I know it was just playing, that it was just mucking around. You never tried to sink your teeth in; you never applied any pressure. I _trust_ you, Remus. You _and_ Moony.’  
  
His words just made Remus curl up tighter and Sirius’ face became pained. He hated seeing Remus like this - so self loathing and fearful - and wanted to help him, to soothe him. His hands moved, one to Remus’ arm to reassure him and the other to his head, trying to wordlessly tell the werewolf to look at him, that it was alright. He could feel the thin body shaking under his palms and felt a shot of guilt that Remus was in so much pain.  
  
Stroking his fingers through the soft, sweat-damp brown hair, he whispered, ‘I’m sorry, Remus. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have pinned you like that…’  
  
Remus shook his head but still didn’t look up, his words muffled. ‘You’re not the one who tried to kill his friend to show him who was boss.’  
  
‘You didn’t try to kill me, Remus. We were playing and…it just went too far. Seems to be our thing lately. You would _not_ have hurt me.’  
  
At that, Remus looked up, glistening blue eyes flashing in anger.  
  
‘I _did_ hurt you!’ He yanked at Sirius’ shirt and a few more buttons popped open.   
  
‘I could have fucking… _Jesus_! You have bruises - I could have crushed your windpipe. You have scratches - they could have been puncture marks. I could have bitten you, Sirius. I could have turned you into a monster like me!’  
  
Sirius grabbed an almost hysterical Remus’ face, holding tight as the other boy tried to wrench it from his grasp.  
  
‘You are _not_ a monster, Remus. Don’t you ever, _EVER_ , fucking call yourself that again or I’ll fucking smack you in the mouth.’  
  
‘You should throttle me for what I tried to do to you.’  
  
Remus was breathing hard, fighting his desire to just burst into tears of anger and shame, and trying to hide his humiliation from Sirius.  
  
‘Shit, Sirius. Hit me. Hurt me for what I did to you. Please? Make it better. Make me pay for what I almost did…’  
  
Sirius’ moan of helplessness was lost as he did the only thing he could think of to stop the flood of self recrimination, and crashed his mouth down onto Remus’. After an initial gasp of surprise, Remus didn’t hold back for a moment, kissing Sirius with as much heat and force as the brunette was generating.  
  
It was nothing like that first tentative kiss - this was something else; something fierce and desperate and - fuck it all - _exactly_ what they both wanted.   
  
Sirius was still gripping Remus' face hard enough to bruise when Remus’ hands came up to grasp the dark hair that was brushing over his cheek, pulling on it lightly. The tug made Sirius moan and Remus took advantage, plunging his tongue into the other boy’s open mouth and groaning as Sirius' taste assaulted his senses.  
  
Sirius stiffened in shock momentarily then let slip another moan before he attacked Remus’ mouth with his own tongue. He pushed at Remus until the brown-haired boy’s back was against the wall and Sirius was half on top of him, both kissing furiously, the sound of their ragged breathing loud in the air.  
  
‘Fuck, Moony.’  
  
Sirius lips moved against Remus’ as his hands shifted to the scarred chest, fingers brushing the light brown nipples. The werewolf groaned at the other boy’s touch on his bare skin as Sirius' gasped words thrummed over his lips.  
  
‘Fuck. _Fuck_.’  
  
Remus slid his hands down the the abused flesh on Sirius' neck, stroking gently, trying to take the pain from the purpling marks. Sirius whimpered and shivered, nipping at Remus' bottom lip then sucking it in apology when the werewolf made a little noise in his throat. Chests were burning from lack of air, but oxygen seemed so unnecessary and instead of pulling apart to fill their lungs, they deepened the searing kiss.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
They separated immediately, the initial sound of heavy breathing silenced as the two boys held their breath. The female voice again wafted up the stairs of the rickety shack.  
  
‘Remus, are you alright?’  
  
‘I'm fine, Madam Pomfrey. I‘m just dressing. I‘ll be there in a moment.’  
  
Remus was surprised his voice was so steady when his chest ached from trying to control his rapid respiration and his heart was beating so fast that the woman surely must be able to hear it.  
  
Sirius had moved away and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands as he attempted to slow his own breathing.  
  
‘Sirius, I have to dress.’  
  
The other boy nodded then pushed himself to his feet, clearing his throat as he adjusted his clothing to hide his arousal.   
  
Remus pulled his pants on while he was under the blanket, half an eye on Sirius as the other boy picked up the Invisibility Cloak. He winced as he pulled up his zip, trying desperately to ignore the fact that he was harder than he could ever remember being and that it was _Sirius_ who’d done it to him.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
‘Coming!’  
  
He tugged his shirt on and stood up, slipping his feet into his shoes as Sirius spoke.  
  
‘I’ll be up to see you later in the infirmary.’  
  
Remus looked up at Sirius who was staring down at his own feet as if they were the most fascinating things he‘d ever seen.  
  
‘If you still want me to come up, that is.'  
  
Sirius' gaze lifted and Remus saw the unusual insecurity there. He swallowed hard, resisting the pull of those grey orbs that made him want to find out where that kiss could have gone if they hadn’t been interrupted.  
  
‘Course I want you there. You’re my best mate, aren’t you?’  
  
It was his turn to hold his breath as he waited for an answer and it came out in a rush when Sirius nodded.  
  
‘Always, Remus.'  
  
He gave the werewolf a tight smile before pulling the cloak over his head and disappearing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**  
  
That afternoon, Remus watched in amusement as James moved across the room in bounds - very reminiscent of his alter ego - and presented a block of chocolate to Remus with a ridiculously over-dramatic flourish.  
  
‘Yours, Mister Moony. Since I see you did not eat your lunch, you must gorge yourself with Honeyduke’s Finest Milk Chocolate until I am satisfied you aren’t going to be coming over all girly and fainting from hunger. Eyebrows will be raised if I am caught with a limp werewolf in my arms.’  
  
Remus burst out laughing. ‘ _Limp_? Is that some kind of slur on my manhood?’  
  
‘What? Did I just hear something about you slurping on Moony’s manhood, Prongs?’  
  
Remus looked over in the direction the voice came from and flushed when he saw Sirius grinning in the doorway, Peter giggling behind him.  
  
James threw himself on top of Remus, who let out a squeak of surprise. ‘That’s right. Moony and I have been shagging in secret for years. I was about to start slurping on his manhood before you two interrupted.’  
  
Peter snorted loudly, sliding past a lounging Sirius who pushed himself off the door frame to follow the blonde over to the bed. He watched with a little frown as James pretended to slurp on a flushed Remus’ neck then decided to come to the embarrassed werewolf’s rescue, leaping into the room and striking a defensive pose.  
  
‘Fear not, oh delicate Moonbeam! I, Sir Sirius, will save you from that randy rouge.’  
  
Remus laughed and Peter fell into a chair with loud guffaws. Sirius pretended to stab James with an invisible sword then saw Remus wince as the messy haired boy collapsed on top of him in a noisy and enthusiastic death scene.  
  
‘James, you’re hurting him, you oaf! Get off.’  
  
James leapt up at Sirius’ words, fussing over Remus even as the other boy tried to assure him that he was fine.  
  
‘I’m so fine, in fact, that Pomfrey said I could go down for dinner which is good because I need to get Lily’s notes from History of Magic.’  
  
His comment spurred Peter on to tell Remus about James’ latest attempt to impress Lily Evans, showering her with stems of her namesake just hours earlier. James stared dreamily out the window during the retelling then, when the tale was over, he sighed.  
  
‘You know, I swear she actually smiled a little bit this time.’  
  
Peter stuffed a fist in his mouth to stop himself laughing out loud and shook his head at Remus, indicating he had seen no such thing.   
  
Remus grinned and glanced over at Sirius who looked mildly revolted by James’ besotted behaviour and muttered, ’Be cool, Prongs,’ before he glanced across at Remus. His eyes widened when he saw the werewolf was looking at him, and Remus quickly shifted his gaze, fidgeting uncomfortably at being caught.  
  
James, ignoring Sirius’ advice to be cool, began to tell the trio about his latest plan to woo the fair Miss Evans. Remus, having heard similar plots too many times to count, allowed his eyes to drift back towards Sirius, catching the Animagus watching him this time.  
Sirius flushed as their eyes met and he cleared his throat, turning to James.  
  
‘Prongs, weren’t you and Wormtail talking about going to Hogsmeade to get some…medicinal wine for Moony to help him recover after his latest bout of illness?’  
  
James stopped talking mid-stream and he looked at Sirius with a puzzled expression which changed quickly into one of comprehension.  
  
‘Um, yeah.’ He glanced at Remus and smiled hastily. ‘Yeah, we were going to do that.’  
  
Peter appeared confused, eyes darting from Sirius to James. ‘You never said…’  
  
‘I s’pose I forgot, Wormy. Lily Evans _smiled_ at me…I’ve had other things on my mind.’  
  
James stood up and pulled the blonde to his feet. ‘We’ll be back for dinner. Eat that chocolate, Moony.’  
  
Peter sighed, resigning himself to having no choice, and turned to Sirius. ‘You coming, Padfoot?’  
  
Sirius shook his head. ‘No, I’ll stay and be a third wheel for Moony and Pomfrey. You know I love threesomes.’  
  
Peter snorted with laughter and waved to Remus, James following him with a last meaningful glance at Sirius.  
  
Once they had vanished, Remus glanced over at Sirius.  
  
‘What was all that about? All those hint-laden looks Prongs was giving you?’  
  
Sirius’ face tensed and he stood up. ’James knows we need time alone to talk.’  
  
Remus stared at him in horror as he tugged the curtains across, hiding them from view, and cast a Silencing spell around the two of them. Turning he saw Remus’ wide eyes and quickly elaborated, realising the werewolf thought he’d told James about what had happened in the Shack.  
  
‘I didn't tell him what...that we...' Sirius flushed. 'He doesn’t know what it is we need to talk about. He thinks we’ve been fighting and we want some time to sort it out.’  
  
Sirius clicked his tongue in exasperation. ‘This would probably be easier if we _had_ just been arguing.’  
  
Remus mumbled an agreement, feeling incredibly vulnerable as he lay in the bed, dressed in just a gown, and he pulled the sheets up higher as if they would shield him from whatever the other boy was going to say.  
  
Sirius let out a long breath and then finally looked him in the eye. ‘What do you think all that was about? In the Shack?’  
  
Remus frowned. ‘I don’t know.’  
  
‘You don’t know?’  
  
Remus shrugged and Sirius shook his head in irritation at the unsatisfactory answer, pacing the curtained off cubicle.  
  
‘We _snogged_ , Moony. _Again_. We’re boys and we’re kissing each other. Regularly. And I…I don’t know what’s happening.‘  
  
He rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head again. ‘You _have_ to know what’s going on. You know about this stuff. All that ‘head’ stuff - feelings and that crap…’  
  
‘I don’t know about this. I’m just as confused about it as you are, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius paused in his movements to glare at Remus before resuming his toing and froing.  
‘If you don’t know, who does? Who can tell me why two straight men are suddenly snogging each other at every fucking opportunity…and even worse, why they are _liking_ it?’  
  
Remus forgot to breathe and his voice was strangely high pitched when he spoke.‘You…you liked it?’  
  
Sirius stopped and spun around, staring at Remus in horror. ‘You _didn’t_? Fuck! You didn’t like it and I’ve just been assuming you did… _Shit_ , Moony. Why didn‘t you stop me? God, am I a poof if I liked it?’  
  
‘Sirius, shut up! You’re _not_ a poof. And I didn‘t stop you because I…did…like…it.’  
  
Sirius stared at him and Remus could see his chest rising and falling too rapidly to be normal. They were silent for a long moment before Remus broke the quiet.  
  
‘So do we pretend this didn’t happen as well?’  
  
Sirius sank down onto the bed with a heavy sigh. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know what to do about this. I don’t know how to fix this so we can be like we were before.’  
  
Remus, with a little frown, suggested, ‘Maybe we just need to go out with some girls?'  
  
Sirius shook his head, but Remus grabbed hold of the idea with two desperate hands. 'I haven’t been with anyone for a while and nor have you. If we get shagging with some birds, we won’t be looking at each other like we’re dinner …’  
  
‘It doesn’t _work_!’  
  
Remus blinked at Sirius in surprise at the outburst as the brunette stood up abruptly, running a hand carelessly through his usually impeccably groomed hair in agitation.  
  
‘I didn’t tell you lot what happened but…I shagged Kelly Martin the night after it happened the first time.' His eyes darted over to Remus, but he quickly averted his gaze. 'But it didn't work...I kissed you again today. It didn’t work.'  
  
 _Sirius slept with that bint?_  
  
Remus felt hot inside even as a cold shiver shook him. He was startled to feel a growl vibrating in his chest and quickly stifled the sound before it could slip past his lips. His chest was tight as though a band were being pulled tight around him, and there was a gnawing, clawing feeling in his gut - as if the wolf were trying to escape.  
  
‘Are you alright? Remus?’  
  
The werewolf put a hand on his chest and rubbed, trying to ease the ache there and took some calming breaths, closing his eyes as he focused on keeping the wolf where he belonged - deep, deep inside him.  
  
‘Moony! What...?’  
  
Sirius grasped his chin firmly and Remus opened his eyes.  
  
‘I’m alright. I just…’   
  
He shook his head, running a shaking hand across his face. He couldn’t explain what was wrong - he didn’t understand it himself. It was almost like the wolf was angry…  
  
‘What happened, Moony? Should I get Pomfrey?’  
  
Remus shook his head again and Sirius’ hand dropped from his face. Remus waited until he thought he could speak without his voice wavering then said, 'So what do we do?'  
  
Sirius sighed. ‘We can’t keep acting strange around each other, Moony. The others already think we‘re fighting. If they see things are still weird….’  
  
‘Yeah, I don’t fancy answering questions about this. It would have been funny the first time, but twice...’  
  
They were both quiet for several seconds then Remus opened his mouth hesitantly.  
  
‘Perhaps it was just…well…the first time we were drunk - can’t be responsible for what we do when we’re pissed, right?’  
  
Sirius nodded an agreement, listening intently.  
  
‘Then today we were tired and emotional about last night. Exhaustion feels similar to being drunk, doesn't it? Makes you do strange things…’  
  
Sirius raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘So if we avoid being alone when we’re drunk or tired and emotional, we should be right?’  
  
Remus frowned. It didn’t seem like a very practical solution to this problem. He looked at Sirius who was staring at him doubtfully.  
  
‘Not an ideal solution, is it?' he said. 'I mean, who’s gonna carry me up the stairs when I’m pissed if we have to avoid each other.’  
  
The corner of Remus' mouth curved up. ‘I’ll just have to leave you to drown in your own vomit. It‘s practically compulsory that legends such as yourself die a unnaturally early and suitably tragic death anyway.’  
  
Sirius snorted and his face lit up with his first genuine smile of the day.  
  
‘And my ghost would forever roam the halls of Hogwarts, pranking and perving on couples in the closet. Well, when I wasn’t following you around and rattling my chains that is. I’ll have to punish you somehow for allowing me to die. Perhaps I’ll make sure I interrupt every time you’re shagging - you’ll be doomed to suffer from an eternal hard on…’  
  
His smile faltered when he realised the turn the conversation had taken and Remus sighed.   
  
‘Are we not going to be able to even _mention_ sex without going all funny? We’ll have nothing left to talk about.’  
  
Sirius shrugged and there was silence for several long seconds, Remus finally breaking it with a question that slipped out without his consent.  
  
‘It was different from kissing a girl, wasn’t it?’  
  
Sirius looked over at Remus, who wanted desperately to go back in time and bite his tongue off. He felt Sirius' gaze on him, and stared studiously looking down at his sheet-covered lap.   
  
He heard Sirius' breath hitch in his throat and the other boy answered on a choked gust of air.  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
Remus listened as Sirius took a gulp of what sounded like much needed oxygen then whispered,‘Rough.’  
  
Remus looked up with an affronted expression. ‘What?’  
  
Sirius' face was slightly pained when he clarified, ‘It was rougher than with a girl.’  
  
‘Is that bad?’ Remus asked, then wanted to slap his hand to his mouth.  
  
 _Why the hell can't I just shut up!?_  
  
Sirius remembered his reaction to that kiss this morning and his subsequent visit to the bathroom on the way back to the dorm and flushed deeply, wondering what the hell was happening to him?  
  
‘No. No, that’s not bad.’  
  
Remus nodded and swallowed hard, trying to resist the urge to reach out to touch Sirius. He was going insane, he was sure of it. How else could he explain this?  
  
Sirius touched the other boy's covered leg tentatively then let his hand slide down to rest on the bed.  
  
‘So we’re going to be alright, Moony? We'll be cool and let this stupidness just…run itself out?’  
  
Remus nodded, trying to look more confident than he felt. ‘We’ll be fine, Padfoot. We always are.’


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**  
  
Over the following weeks, things remained a little awkward between the friends, but as there were no more incidents involving spit being swapped, both Remus and Sirius had started to relax around each other. They even managed to be alone in the dorm together a couple of times without one of them finding an imaginary excuse to bolt.  
  
True, Remus had to leave the room for a few minutes when Sirius appeared in the dorm in just a towel, the brunette notoriously forgetful about taking clean clothes into the bathroom with him.   
And Sirius did turn a strange colour when he bumped into Remus coming out of the bathroom late one night - sending them both tumbling to the floor in a tangle of bare limbs and mumbled apologies.  
And it was difficult to explain away the fact that the usually affectionate duo were suddenly avoiding physical contact with each other but in general, James and Peter accepted that they’d had a slight misunderstanding about something neither Remus or Sirius could really even remember and that they’d apologised and, as an obliviously accurate Peter put it, ‘kissed and made up’.  
  
Just over four weeks after that first drunken kiss, Remus was playing chess with Peter in their dorm room, trying to settle the restless wolf inside him. His transformation was the following night and his body had been aching relentlessly all day. He made his move quickly then rolled his shoulders to try and loosen them as Peter contemplated the board.  
  
‘Hurting, Moony?’  
  
Remus jumped a little when he heard the soft voice, turning to see Sirius watching him from his bed where he‘d been thumbing through the latest Quidditch Monthly. The brunette had been unusually quiet, and Remus had forgotten he was there.  
  
‘I’m alright, Pads. Just a bit sore.’ He turned back to the board in time to see Peter’s queen smash his piece to smithereens.   
  
He groaned as he looked up at Peter. ‘I guess that’s game over.’  
  
He smiled and shook hands with a grinning Peter then stood up with a little moan. ‘I’m going to have a shower…try and work some of these kinks out.’  
  
‘Always said you were a kinky bugger, Moony.’  
  
Remus heard Sirius’ comment and his chuckle, and flipped him the bird before locking himself in the bathroom.  
  
~*~*~  
  
When he returned, the lazy atmosphere of the room had changed, becoming energised, with an underlying current of excitement. James had returned from his latest attempt to woo the lovely Miss Evans and was in the centre of Remus’ bed with Sirius and Peter almost bouncing next to him.  
  
Remus frowned disapprovingly at his no longer perfectly made up bed. ‘Why do you _always_ sit on my bed?’  
  
All three boys looked over and grinned iridescently at him. Peter ignored the question, instead heralding an upcoming announcement.  
  
‘James has news and gossip.’  
  
Remus put his shower kit on his side table and sat down next to Peter, an expectant look on his face.  
  
‘Prongs?’  
  
‘Lily agreed to go out with me.’  
  
Remus’ eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell open in shock. Sirius laughed at his dumbfounded expression.  
  
‘Yeah, that was pretty much our reaction as well.’  
  
Remus shook his head, sure his hearing was wonky. ‘She said _yes_?’  
  
James looked affronted at his obvious disbelief. ‘Why does that come as such a big surprise?’  
  
Remus was incredulous. ‘Perhaps because the most interest she’s ever shown in you as an actual person has been to enquire if you were raised by wolves?’  
  
Sirius chuckled again and Remus’ heart did some kind of odd flip at the low, melodious sound. He frowned a little, wondering if he should go see Madam Pomfrey about his heart’s gymnastics as he was sure that wasn’t normal behaviour for a vital organ. He vaguely heard James telling them his first date plans and took a tremulous breath, trying to concentrate on his friend’s happiness.   
  
As James spoke enthusiastically, Remus became more and more aware of Sirius' proximity. They weren't touching, but the side of Remus' body closest to the brunette was burning - as if Sirius were on fire and flames were licking at Remus' skin. He shifted, trying to fight the urge to look at Sirius but after just a minute, he gave in. His gaze slid side-ways and he was surprised when his eyes met Sirius’ grey orbs, which were staring disconcertingly right at him.  
  
The brunette mouthed, ‘Are you okay?’ to which Remus nodded, finding it more difficult than it should have been to tear his eyes away from the other boy’s mouth.  
  
‘…what do you think, Moony? You’re the romance expert.’  
  
He blinked and looked back at James. ‘How am _I_ the romance expert? I haven’t had a date in weeks.’  
  
‘You read all those books and watch those movies…’  
  
Remus sighed, still unsure of how watching the occasional romance film and reading Jane Austen made him an expert on love, but asked James to repeat the question.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sirius watched Remus carefully as he advised James against charming a bunch of flowers to sing to Lily. The werewolf looked tired, more tired than usual, and Sirius knew that was because he hadn’t been sleeping well.   
  
He had heard Remus tossing and turning in his bed until early morning before the other boy finally gave up on sleep and went down to the common room where Sirius found him reading or studying the next morning.  
  
Normally, he would be oblivious to this wee small hour activity, but he had heard Remus' fitful attempts at snoozing the last few weeks because he too, was having difficulty getting to sleep. Sirius sighed inaudibly as James rhapsodised over Lily. He had been laying awake in his bed most nights, listening to Remus' bed covers rustling and thinking about Remus' mouth on his as his hand crept into his pyjama pants. Sirius frowned, wondering if he'd ever be able to do what he and Remus had agreed to do and forget those kisses had ever happened.   
  
_Not likely._  
  
Not while he was still dreaming about what might have happened if Madam Pomfrey hadn’t interrupted them in the Shrieking Shack a month ago. He closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to lubricate his suddenly dry throat. Images that could have come straight from that porn film Peter had shown them last year flashed like lightening through his mind. Remus’ mouth on his, Remus touching his chest, Remus’ hands on his belt buckle...   
The fantasies all ended the same way - in powerful waves of pleasure as he fought not to say his friend’s name at the moment of climax.   
  
He didn’t dream about girls anymore - it was all about Remus.  
  
 _I am so fucked up._  
  
‘Padfoot?’  
  
He looked up and blinked, flushing when he saw all three pairs of eyes on him. ‘Huh?’  
  
James looked impatient, but repeated himself. ‘Did you hear what I said about Ken Lindsay and Jonathon Markham from Hufflepuff?’  
  
Sirius shook his head and looked over at Remus for a clue as to what this new conversation was about and was surprised to see the frightened expression on his friend’s face. James grinned and bounced a little on the bed as he leaned forward.  
  
‘I caught them at it in the boys loos after dinner.‘  
  
Sirius looked bewildered for a moment, failing to understand the implications. ‘At what?’  
  
James and Peter burst out laughing and it was left to a slightly sick looking Remus to answer quietly.  
  
‘James said they were…snogging and…stuff.’  
  
‘Stuff!’ Peter almost choked on his tongue as he laughed. ‘He said they had their hands down each other’s pants!’  
  
Sirius’ eyes widened as he got it and Remus' expression made complete and terrifying sense.  
  
‘Oh.’  
  
It was more of a noise than an exclamation, a breath released as words failed him. Both the named Sixth Years had girlfriends - he was sure of it as he’d been in trouble a couple of months ago for hitting on one of them. So why the hell were they feeling each other up in the loos?  
  
He waited until James and Peter had stopped cackling then asked tentatively, ‘Are they... gay then?’  
  
‘No.’ James shook his head. ‘No, when they asked me not to tell anyone, they said they weren’t; just that they were doing each other a favour. They said they liked girls, but sometimes they wouldn‘t do stuff when they needed them to. Doesn’t make them poofs.’  
  
Sirius saw Remus' forehead crease in thought, but the question came out of his own mouth.   
  
‘But…they were…doing _that_ to each other and they’re both…boys.’  
  
‘Lots of boys do it apparently.’  
  
This came from Peter and they all stared at him in shock. He looked a little nervous at the sudden attention as he stammered an elaboration.  
  
‘It’s all in those sex books that they handed out in Fourth Year that you said you didn’t need, Padfoot. Sometimes people…experiment. With the same sex. Doesn’t make them poofs or anything. It’s just…’ He shrugged. ‘...fooling around. No big deal. You do it, sort out if you like it or not then decide which way you‘re going to swing.’  
  
All three boys were still staring open-mouthed at him and he quickly added, ‘ _I’ve_ never done it.’  
  
James giggled at Peter's defensive tone and even Remus lost his stunned mullet stare and grinned at Peter’s hasty addition.   
  
Sirius managed a smirk. ‘No self respecting bloke would have you, mate.’  
  
Peter poked his tongue out at Sirius and threw Remus’ pillow at him. James made a noise of amusement and stretched before vaulting energetically off the bed.  
  
‘Well, Lily Evans is all woman so I won’t have to resort to shagging one of you to get off.’ He smacked Sirius lightly on the shoulder. ‘Sorry, Pads. You’ll have to keep buying your hand dinner.’  
  
He grinned wickedly, his eyes shifting to Remus. ‘Or try and win Moony over with your charms. You two are already like an old couple; you may as well be shagging as well.’  
  
Remus turned red and glared at James, standing up abruptly and startling Peter. The blonde stood as well, realising the gossip session was now over. Sirius seemed lost in his thoughts and Remus gave him a gentle shove to the shoulder to shift him off the bed.  
  
‘If you lot don’t mind, I’d like to use my bed for something other than gossiping now.’  
  
Peter chortled. ‘Ooooh, Pads, you are getting lucky, after all!’  
  
Peter’s cat call was followed by a _‘Mphf!’_ as he copped a pillow to the face. Sirius realised he might have thrown it a little harder than usual when the blonde bounced off the wall and landed on his arse on the floor.  
  
‘Hey!’  
  
Peter leapt to his feet and tossed the nearest object within reach at Sirius - his shoe. The dark-haired Animagus let out a war cry and leapt onto his bed to avoid the flying missile. Remus closed his curtains fast to avoid getting drawn into the inevitable wrestling match that would follow. He stripped to his boxers and lay down, yanking the bedclothes irritably to his chin as the battle raged beyond the hangings.  
  
~*~*~  
  
An hour later, after everything had gone quiet and all he could hear was James' deep breathing and the gentle rumbling rhythm of Peter’s snores, he was still thinking about Peter’s words.  
  
 _“Sometimes people…experiment. With the same sex. Doesn’t make them poofs or anything.”_  
  
Didn’t it? Remus had thought that if you touched another guy like that it _must_ mean that you were gay. Could he and Sirius really just have been fooling around? That what they did really didn’t make them gay?  
  
A little voice in the back of his mind piped up, reminding him that whilst the kiss may have been just a kiss, the other things he’d been imagining doing with Sirius were not as innocuous. Those erotic fantasies that he jerked off to most nights probably didn’t fit in the same category as a little kiss or even a wank between friends like poor Ken and Jonathon got caught participating in. What he’d been dreaming of doing to Sirius, of having Sirius do to him, were beyond _doing each other a favour_ surely?  
  
His body had yet again reacted to the lewd thoughts of his friend and Remus sighed, trying for now to ignore the insistent throb of his cock and get some much-needed rest.  
  
‘Moony? You awake?’  
  
Remus' entire body went stiff along with his cock and heat crawled over his skin as he shivered from the sound of that low, husky whisper.  
  
‘Yeah. I'm awake.’  
  
His curtains parted and a shadowy figure slipped inside the cocoon the drapes created.   
  
‘I can’t sleep.’  
  
Sirius was whispering but his voice seemed loud in the darkness, the nearly full moon’s light not able to infiltrate the thick fabric of the curtains as they closed behind him.  
  
Remus pushed himself up into a sitting position, folding his hands over his lap to try and hide the erection that hadn’t dissipated, but, in fact, had become even more turgid.  
  
‘Neither can I. You shouldn’t be in here, Sirius.’  
  
There was quiet then the sound of the other boys’ snuffling and snoring disappeared and light cut through the thick blackness surrounding them. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, holding his lit wand aloft to study Remus’ face. The werewolf flinched, both from the sudden brightness and the piercing stare, then saw Sirius nod at whatever revelations he saw plastered all over Remus' face.  
  
‘You’re thinking about it too. What Peter said.’  
  
Remus couldn’t hide the confirmation that flickered across his features. Sirius sighed then murmured an incantation, making the light disappear. They were both silent as their eyes adjusted to the dark again then Remus felt Sirius move closer, his side pressed against Remus' legs now.  
  
‘Remus…’  
  
Sirius' voice was low and thick with need and Remus felt a bolt of lust shoot through his core. His voice was shaking with want and fear as he tried to dissaude the other boy in whatever he was planning.  
  
‘Pads, you being here is a really bad idea.’  
  
Quiet. Then…  
  
‘Do you want to kiss me again, Moony?’  
  
Remus swallowed hard and tried to slow his rapid breathing, sure he’d hyperventilate. His already hard cock stiffened even further and he wished Sirius would go so he could bring himself off.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
Remus exhaled loudly. ‘Do _you_ , Pads? Do _you_ want to do it again?’  
  
He heard the stilted, almost tortured breathing of the other boy then suddenly warm, Butterbeer scented air was wafting across his cheek.  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
In the dark, he felt lips brush over his chin then Sirius cursed softly and put a hand to Remus’ face, running his fingers over each feature, lingering on his lips. The light touch burned Remus’ skin and his eyes fluttered shut as the pad of Sirius’ thumb followed the curve of his bottom lip. A little moan escaped him and Sirius let out a sharp breath.  
  
‘Remus, _please_? Do…do you…want to?’  
  
Pleading was something he’d only heard once in Sirius’ voice - just after the Snape incident when he was asking for forgiveness - and the thought that Sirius wanted to kiss him so badly that he would resort to begging…  
  
A shudder shook Remus and the words fell from his lips before he could stop them.  
  
‘I want to.’


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight**  
  
 _‘I want to.’_  
  
Almost before the words had left Remus’ mouth, lips were pressing against his and for an instant, he stopped breathing. His head spun from the cacophany of sensation that soft flesh created inside him and he closed his eyes against the sickening, dizzy rush of blood.  
  
Their lips slid awkwardly against each other at first, both of them breathing heavily into each others' mouths then Sirius groaned against Remus' lips.  
  
‘Merlin, Moony. This isn’t right.’  
  
Remus moaned a little noise of agreement, but neither of them pulled away. Neither wanted to _want_ this, to _need_ this, but they didn't know how to stop it now.   
  
They didn't know if they _wanted_ to stop it now.   
  
So, instead of coming to an end with Sirius' words, the kiss became less hesitant.   
  
There was none of the gentleness they would have used with a girl - they nipped and bit and forced their tongues past lips and teeth in an attempt to claim supremacy. The kiss was almost angry; their brutality revenge for the forbidden lust they stirred in the other.  
  
The air in their curtained cocoon became thick with moans and bitten-off cries and, with a loud groan of surrender, Sirius pushed Remus onto his back. Neither wore shirts and Remus shoved the sheet between them down, wanting to feel Sirius’ skin against his, then gasped when the contact burnt like fire.  
  
‘Fuck.’  
  
Sirius' mumbled curse filled Remus’ mouth and he felt a surge of desire, his grip on his restraint slipping considerably knowing Sirius was as needy as he was. With what only could be described as a growl, he pushed against Sirius, flipping them so he was pressed against the brunette’s now reclining body. He ducked and tucked his head into Sirius’ neck, breathing deeply to try and regain some control as it struck him that this was what had happened last full moon - him trying to gain dominance over Sirius. It hadn‘t been play between the pups that got a little rough - it had been a mating ritual.  
  
Remus and Moony _both_ wanted this.  
  
His body shuddered at the realisation and Sirius whined very canine-like into his ear when he felt the tremor. Remus felt the wolf inside him stir as he sank his hands into the raven hair and unthinkingly bit down where neck met shoulder.  
  
Sirius groaned and writhed underneath him, his voice hoarse when he whispered,‘Oh, that feels good.’  
  
With Remus’ swift twisting movement, the sheets had slipped down to tangle at their feet and their boxer short clad bodies were lying toe to toe, mouth to mouth and groin to groin... as Remus realised when Sirius arched up. Hard flesh collided and gasps escaped almost violently from their lips as their insides twisted with urgent need.  
  
 _‘OhmygodSirius!’_  
  
The usually articulate Remus’ almost unintelligible whisper made Sirius moan anew and the dark haired boy arched up again. This time, Remus was ready and met his insistent thrust with one of his own. Breathing so fast that his chest hurt, Remus gave one more lunge before he realised that he was too close, that this was going to go too far and he wrenched himself out of Sirius’ desperate embrace, sitting up on the end of the bed with his face in his hands.  
  
Their tortured breathing was the only sound for almost a minute then the bed shifted and Remus felt the heat from Sirius’ body searing his skin.  
  
‘Moony? Too much?’  
  
‘Yeah, I…I’m too…’  
  
He couldn’t say it; couldn’t let his friend, _his best friend_ , know how much he turned him on. But then…  
  
‘Me too.‘  
  
Sirius' whisper nearly undid Remus. A little whimper rent the air and Remus was surprised to realise the desperate sound had come from his own lips.  
  
‘Remus…’  
  
A hand on the werewolf’s thigh made him jump, the muscle tightening and Remus flinched as heart crawled up his leg.  
  
‘Don’t touch me.’  
  
The order sounded harsh in the darkness, but Remus was scared of what he’d do if Sirius didn’t stop touching him, if he moved his hand higher … _shit!_ … just like he was doing now. Remus gripped the wandering hand tight, holding it still.   
  
‘Please, Padfoot? Please, don’t. We can’t.’  
  
Sirius’ breath was teasing his sweat-slicked skin, making Remus shiver then he moaned as hot lips ghosted across his. He was panting as he gasped his last, weak objection out.  
  
‘We shouldn’t be doing this.’  
  
Sirius muttered an agreement, but didn't lift his lips from Remus' as he spoke.   
  
‘It’s wrong. _Shouldn’t_ want to do this; _shouldn’t_ want to touch you like that but I do, Remus.'  
  
He slipped a hand around the werewolf's neck, tangling his fingers in the sandy-brown hair there.  
  
'I do.’  
  
There was one moment; one opportunity to stop, to pull back, but the chance passed them by as Sirius’ hand brushed over Remus’ pulsing cock and the werewolf yelped as raw lust slammed into him. He shoved the other boy down onto the bed and climbed swiftly on top of him.   
  
Their limbs tangled as they snogged...and snogged was the right word because this _wasn't_ kissing. This wasn't what they did with girls. This was fervent, messy, needy snogging as pure, unadulterated need took them over, blurring their minds and removing their last remaining doubts and inhibitions. They rutted like animals, pounding their groins into each other without any style or finesse and, in less than a minute, they were tumbling over the edge.  
  
Breathing ceased and time stopped as Remus felt the explosion deep inside, his mouth open in a silent scream as the friction of his cock against Sirius’ bought him to a shuddering, whole-body orgasm the likes of which he'd never felt before. Every nerve, every cell sang with pleasure and his toes curled as a tiny whimper escaped his tight throat.   
  
Sirius was right with him, Remus feeling the other boy's body tense before a loud, strangled moan rent the air. Warmth spread over Remus' belly and the werewolf's own spent cock pulsed one final time as he felt the sticky heat. Sirius' fingers dug bruisingly into Remus’ buttocks, holding the other boy's hips tight against him as he jerked spasmodically under him.  
  
Their bodies relaxed and Remus leaned heavily into Sirius for several long seconds, focusing on the uneven rise and fall of their chests so he didn't have to think about what had just happened. Sirius shifted under him, and Remus sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and grimacing at the rapidly cooling stickiness spread over the front of his boxers. He felt inexplicably close to tears and, embarrassed at his frustratingly girly display of emotion, he hid his face in his hands. It was unnecessary; Sirius couldn’t see his expression in the dark, but his tension was palpable and the dark-haired boy sat up, putting a hand on Remus’ shoulder.  
  
‘We haven’t done anything wrong, Moony.’  
  
‘I know.’  
  
His voice was rough and raw and shaking and he hated that he sounded so frightened although when Sirius spoke again, his voice was equally as unsteady.  
  
‘I should go, shouldn’t I?’  
  
Remus nodded, mumbling an affirmative, and felt Sirius slide off the bed. The curtains parted and a sliver of light cut through the darkness. Sirius stopped and Remus looked up as the other boy whispered...  
  
‘We’ll talk tomorrow?’  
  
‘I think we’d better,' Remus said softly and there was a pause, the silence filled with everything they wanted to say, to ask, but couldn’t. Sirius turned away.  
  
‘Night, Moony.’  
  
‘Night, Padfoot.’  
  
~*~*~  
  
Remus was gone the next morning when Sirius rolled over in bed; his dry, itchy, sleep deprived eyes hurting as they scoured the room for the other boy. He sighed when it was clear the fastidious werewolf had left early, the events of last night clearly not rattling him so much that he’d neglected his usual efforts at tidying up. Sirius saw the pile of clothes at the end of his bed and knew they’d been on the floor between his and Remus’ beds last night.  
  
‘It’s unnatural.’  
  
James looked over at him, fastening the buttons on his shirt.  
  
‘What’s unnatural?’  
  
‘Remus.’  
  
James grinned, eyes finding the mountain of clothes on Sirius’ mattress, and he teased meaningfully, 'He only does that with your stuff, you know.'  
  
'That's because I'm messier than the rest of you,' Sirius snapped back, unable to hide his irritation at the innuendo in James' voice.   
  
_I can't handle shagging jokes this morning._  
  
James didn't seem to get the unspoken message and smirked. 'And Remus is completely anal...as you no doubt are aware.'   
  
Sirius growled in his throat and James laughed, shaking his head. 'You are such an odd couple.’  
  
Sirius frowned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, pushing himself into a sitting position with a loud, drawn out groan.  
  
‘We are _not_ a couple.’  
  
‘You act like you are.’  
  
Sirius made a dismissive noise and James stared at the other boy thoughtfully, the suspicions that had been buzzing like an annoying gnat around his mind for the last month again pushing themselves forward. He decided to test his theory.  
  
‘You know, Moony _can_ be a bit effeminate and he hasn’t had a girlfriend in ages. You don’t think he’s…’  
  
‘ _No!_ ’  
  
James looked surprised by Sirius’ vehemence and held up his hands in a gesture of surrender.   
  
‘Hey, I come in peace! Just wondering, that’s all. Wouldn’t surprise me if you two were secretly poofs. You’re too close by half.’  
  
Sirius tried to look affronted, quite difficult when panic was rushing through his veins as fast as river rapids.   
  
‘I’ve fucked half the girls in our year…why the hell would you think I was a shirt lifter?’  
  
James grinned and jabbed his index finger at him.  
  
‘You, my friend, are indiscriminate. I wouldn’t think it would bother you if your dick was in a girl or boy as long as they were doing the job properly.’  
  
Sirius grunted and stood up, snatching up his shower kit violently and stomping off towards the bathroom.   
  
‘You don’t know me as well as you think you do, Prongs. I’m going to have a shower.’  
  
James watched him go - still as unsure as ever about the path his mind was taking. He shook his head and again forced the niggling worry to the back of his brain, focusing instead on making himself look suitably hot for the delectable Lily Evans.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sirius yawned widely as he stripped and got into the shower, his befuddled mind drifting to the events of the previous night. His grey eyes closed tight and he leaned his head against the cool tile.  
  
 _I’m not gay. It’s like Peter said - it’s normal to experiment._  
  
His body hardened in response to the memory of Remus’ cock rubbing over his through their boxers. He’d felt Remus’ orgasm, felt the werewolf tremble and the hitch of his breath as warmth spread over Sirius’ stomach and his own body’s response had been immediate and visceral. Sticking his head under the stream of water, he groaned as blood rushed to his groin. He’d never been that turned on before, that out of control. How could another bloke make him so frantic and desperate?  
  
Unable to sleep, he'd had a lot of time to think about the wisdom of what he was considering undertaking. He and Remus were so close - they shared almost everything - why couldn’t they share this too? It wasn’t totally abnormal, after all. Ken Lindsay and Jonathon Markham both had girlfriends but were caught with their hands down each other‘s pants. It was alright if he and Remus did the same, wasn’t it? They both wanted it…  
  
Badly.  
  
‘Merlin’s hairy balls…’  
  
His cock was throbbing now, the vein on the underside pulsing with every rapid beat of his heart. Wrapping his hand around the smooth shaft, he pumped for a very short time before the tight coil of tension inside him broke and he came with a moan; once again, with Remus on his mind.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Remus propped his unusually heavy head on his hand, trying to stay awake. He yawned widely then sighed. There had only been a few early-birds at breakfast when he first came down this morning, but the Great Hall was filling up now. He poked at his food without any appetite, then let his fork clatter onto the table. He couldn’t turn off his head. Even bereft of sleep, his mind was active - still spinning dizzily as he replayed what had happened last night over and over.  
  
 _We…fooled around. No, we did more than fool around - Sirius and I came all over each other._  
  
And it had been good.  
  
 _Really_ good.  
  
He kept thinking about Sirius’ parting words:   
  
_‘We haven’t done anything wrong.’_  
  
They hadn’t. Shagging other guys; there was nothing wrong with it. Remus didn’t really care who other people slept with - he was a werewolf, for Merlin’s sake! It’s not like he could be judgemental. But he’d _always_ liked girls. Apart from just that once when he noticed Stephen Clark’s surprisingly full lips, he had never thought about another boy _that_ way. Until this thing with Sirius, he had never doubted his sexuality; never once thought he could possibly be gay.  
  
 _Obviously I was very fucking wrong. It seems there’s a damn good chance I could be a ponce._  
  
‘Hello, Mother Moony! You’re up early on this fine day.’  
  
Remus looked up and smiled tiredly at James and Peter. His eyes automatically did a quick sweep of the room but Sirius was nowhere in sight.  
  
‘Your better half is still showering.’ James grinned at him slyly. ‘Soaking his arse after the pounding you gave it last night.’  
  
Remus flushed a bit and kicked James under the table. He knew the other boy was kidding, but his words were hitting a nerve that was too close to the surface. To cover his unease, he fell back into their usual jokey banter.  
  
‘Even though I can see you’re salivating for all the dirty details, I don’t have the energy to brag about my conquests, Prongs. I’m buggered.’  
  
Peter chuckled and James quickly quipped, ‘And here I thought you’d be the top, Moony.’  
  
Before Remus could respond, a voice retorted, ‘Like I’d ever be a bottom, Jimmy-me-lad.’  
  
Remus turned around so fast he cricked his neck and cried out in pain. Sirius winced.  
  
‘Humping Hippogriffs! Are you alright, Moony?’  
  
Remus rubbed at his neck and rolled his head experimentally. ‘Yeah.’  
  
His eyes met Sirius’ and the ebony haired boy smiled. ‘I know you look forward to seeing me, Moony, but you don’t have to break your neck.’  
  
Remus was surprised that Sirius seemed so…normal after last night, but decided to follow his lead.  
  
‘I was actually looking at the fine bird behind you, Padfoot, but your swollen ego got in my way.’  
  
Sirius snorted and sat down next to him, reaching for the bacon. ‘I’m prettier than any bird in this school, mate. No overlooking me.’  
  
Remus and the others laughed and the werewolf felt cheerful enough to cast a heating spell on his now cold food and shove some into his mouth. James started asking for advice once again about his date with Lily, this time checking with Sirius about what shirt he should wear.  
  
‘Personally, I think Lily would appreciate the _‘Bikini Inspector’_ shirt Moony got you last Christmas.’  
  
James spluttered and moaned that no one was taking this seriously. Peter laughed, spitting egg everywhere and Remus grinned, the smile fading slightly when a smirking Sirius surreptitiously put his hand on his knee and squeezed lightly. His thigh muscle jumped as he tensed and he glanced over at Sirius, who removed his hand as he caught the werewolf’s eye and gave him another, now more tentative, smile.  
  
‘Alright, Moony?’  
  
His voice was hushed but Remus caught the underlying concern.  
  
‘Yeah. You?’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
They looked across the table simultaneously, seeing James trying to get Lily’s attention while Wormtail tried to smother his giggles. Sirius shifted, the boys' thighs now pressing together, and he spoke _sotto voce_.  
  
‘How...how do you feel?’  
  
Remus answered honestly and just as softly. ‘Weird.’  
  
‘Yeah, me too. Not bad though.’  
  
There was a pause then Remus gave a one shoulder shrug.  
  
‘Me either.’  
  
Throughout their stilted conversation, they had both kept their eyes focused on their breakfast plates, but now they chanced a quick look at each other, their gazes meeting before they hastily lowered their eyes again.  
  
‘We should talk after classes, I guess.’  
  
‘Full moon tonight, Pads.’  
  
‘Shit. Sorry, it slipped my mind.’  
  
Remus checked to make sure James and Peter were still occupied then leaned a little closer to Sirius.  
  
‘Maybe you shouldn’t come tonight.’  
  
Sirius frowned, his face showing his hurt at Remus’ suggestion. ‘You don’t want me there?’  
  
‘I don’t want to hurt you again. After last night…it might not be a good idea.’  
  
‘Are you angry with me?’  
  
Remus sighed and shook his head, exasperated with the whole situation.  
  
‘No, Sirius. It’s nothing to do with being angry at you. It’s a… bloody hell …I think it’s a mating thing, alright?’  
  
Sirius was silent and Remus suddenly recalled another significant pause in a conversation from last full moon…  
  
 _“Once I submitted, you started… playing again.”_  
  
‘You knew, didn’t you?' he hissed. 'That Moony was trying to… _Gods!_ Why didn’t you tell me, Sirius?’  
  
His temper was starting to flare and he made an effort to calm down when he realised how loud his voice was getting. Sirius' brow furrowed and his voice was low and urgent as he spoke.  
  
‘Because I didn’t know for sure and I didn’t want to upset you. Remus, James can control the wolf, you know that. It will be fine. I won’t stay behind - Moony loves playing with Padfoot; he’ll be bored without me there. We can worry about the other stuff later.’  
  
Remus knew Sirius was right - the canines spent all night frolicking together. Without Sirius, Remus’ wolf would tear himself apart.  
  
 _When did the wolf and I become so damn reliant on Sirius?_  
  
A loud, raucous laugh distracted them and they looked up to see Lily Evans’ smug smirk and James’ hair which was now every colour of the rainbow. Neither boy could help their chuckle and with the laughter, the tension between them lightened somewhat.  
  
Sirius turned back to Remus first. ‘I trust you, Moony. I know you won’t hurt me. Please let me come?’  
  
Remus looked at him and nodded. Sirius smiled and leaned a little closer, his breath warm on Remus’ cheek, making the werewolf close his eyes for a moment as need swirled low in his stomach.  
  
‘I don’t regret it, Remus. I might not understand what‘s going on, but I don’t regret it.’  
  
The whispered words and unwavering gaze sent Remus’ stomach into a flurry of somersaults and he swallowed hard before he answered roughly:  
  
‘Neither do I.’


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**  
  
The full moon that night bought more injuries and yet another scar for Remus’ collection, but there were no further incidents between Moony and Padfoot, much to their human guardians’ relief. Remus awoke to the sensation of long, surprisingly gentle fingers combing through his hair. His eyelids fluttered shut again as he allowed himself to take a moment to enjoy the feeling but Sirius must have seen him wake because the hand stilled then was quickly removed. Remus sighed at the loss then opened his eyes again, peering up at Sirius who spoke softly.  
  
‘It was a good night, Moony. I healed all the little cuts; there’s only one decent-sized wound on your arm that I left for Pomfrey to heal, but it’s shallow. It's already stopped bleeding. I reckon she knows one of us is healing you after sunrise but...’ He shrugged. 'Gotta let her feel useful.'  
  
Remus nodded, sitting up and finding himself almost nose to nose with Sirius who just grinned at him.  
  
‘If you wanted a kiss good morning, you only had to ask, Moony.’  
  
Remus smiled back, shaking his head, but neither of them moved. Remus cleared his throat as he tried to stop his eyes from dropping to Sirius' lips.   
  
‘Are the others gone?’  
  
Sirius nodded. ‘Five minutes ago. Pomfrey should be here soon.’ He paused, biting at his lip, his eyes fixed on Remus' mouth. ‘Are you sure you don't want that kiss?’  
  
Remus lost the battle, his eyes falling to Sirius' lips which were on his before he could take another breath. Remus felt his bones melt as Sirius caught his bottom lip between his own, sucking on it lightly before stroking his tongue along the soft flesh.   
  
No wonder the boy was so damn popular - those lips were a lethal weapon.  
  
In consideration of Remus' delicate condition, it was a much more gentle kiss than the fierce snogging of last time and, although it was short (and undeniably sweet), both were breathless when they pulled away.  
  
Sirius let out a huff of amusement as he slowly opened his eyes. 'Merlin, you’re good at that, Moony.’  
  
Remus faked indignation, trying to ignore the feverish thumping of his heart. ‘Why do you sound so surprised? I have had _some_ experience in this area. Granted, not as much as you, but I don’t think all the Seventh Year boys combined could beat your girth of knowledge.’  
  
Sirius let out a bark of laughter and rubbed at his forehead self-consciously. ‘You know what they say, Moony. Practice makes perfect.’  
  
‘Yeah, well…I guess it worked.’  
  
Sirius grinned widely. ‘Is that your backhanded way of telling me I’m a good kisser?’  
  
Remus shrugged, fighting a smile. ‘Don’t really know. I haven’t kissed you enough to form a proper opinion.’  
  
A smirk spread across Sirius' handsome face at Remus' words and when he spoke, his voice had a predatory tone.  
  
‘Well, I can start to remedy that right now.’  
  
He leaned forward, Remus inwardly cursing as a nest of butterflies exploded inside him, fluttering madly, as he also shifted closer.  
  
‘Are you dressed, Remus?’  
  
The disembodied voice floated up from the ground floor just as their lips met again, and Sirius groaned in frustration.  
  
‘That woman is _always_ ruining my fun.’  
  
Remus chuckled and called back to the nurse. ‘Not yet. I’m alright, I can get back to the castle by myself in a few minutes.’  
  
Sirius beamed in the ensuing silence, obviously anticipating some snogging, then the voice said, ‘If you’re sure…’  
  
Remus assured her he would be fine and she called out a goodbye, her footsteps soon fading and Sirius launched himself at Remus.  
  
‘Why, Moony, you little schemer! Are you trying to get me alone?’  
  
‘Yes,' he said, pushing the other boy off him. 'To _talk_ , Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius frowned and his voice was sulky as he sat back on the dilapidated bed. ‘That doesn’t sound like anywhere near as much fun as what I had planned.’  
  
Remus smiled, a little blood shifting from his lower body to his cheeks as he shuffled further back on the bed - away from the distraction that was Sirius’ mouth. The movement reminded him of the tearing transformation he’d been through the night before; his abused muscles screaming in protest at the sudden shifting. He winced and Sirius frowned, apparently also recalling the previous night.  
  
‘Maybe we should get you straight to the Hospital Wing? Get that arm healed properly...'  
  
‘I’m fine. Better than some days. We need to sort out what’s going on here.’  
  
Sirius pouted. ‘Didn’t we do that the other night? We’re just fooling around like Ken and Jonathon. We’re not _dating_. We aren’t...poofs or anything. We’re still going to shag girls, right?'  
  
Remus nodded quickly and Sirius looked relieved. 'It...this...you and me...if we get, you know, and we can't...with a girl, we can just...sort each other out. Yeah?'  
  
His voice was hopeful and Remus rested his chin on his hand, rubbing a thumb along his bottom lip thoughtfully. It _sounded_ harmless enough when it was put that way. If they only did what they did last night, if nothing more than a quick, much-needed release was expected…it was no different to rutting up against the bed or something, was it? Except that Sirius rutted back and that really was so much more satisfying than wanking by himself.  
  
Sirius knew the silence could mean either Remus was thinking about his suggestion or that he was trying to find a way to let him down gently. Sirius felt a tremor of anxiety ripple through him. He _wanted_ this to happen - more than he cared to acknowledge, even to himself - and tried to tip the scales in his favour, recalling Moony affectionately nuzzling Padfoot early this morning as they curled up together.  
  
‘Even our animals want us to...you know...’  
  
Remus screwed up his face in horror at the thought of the wolf mating with a still human-minded Padfoot. ‘That’s just...wrong, Sirius.’  
  
‘I don’t know about wrong, but it'd be bloody painful. Especially after you told us werewolves are the most generously endowed magical creatures.’  
  
Remus flushed and looked down at his lap. ‘Ah, yeah, well...that may have been a _slight_ exagerration on my part...’  
  
Sirus chuckled. 'I _knew_ it! I’ll bet Flobberworms have bigger dicks! Anyway, what I’m trying to tell you is that _they_ knew we wanted to do this. Perhaps before we even realised - animals are very instinctive...’  
  
‘Can we not talk about this?’  
  
Sirius sighed but dropped the topic. He watched the progress of Remus’ thumb as it ran back and forth over his mouth. The movement was mesmerising and Sirius found himself wetting his lips, wanting to kiss his friend more than he’d ever wanted to kiss anyone. He had to know if Remus was feeling this, if he was experiencing this kind of desire as well.  
  
‘Moony, have you been thinking about us...kissing when you...you know? Toss off?’  
  
Remus couldn’t help his deepening flush, closing his eyes as he nodded. Sirius let out a shaky breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, unnerved by how much he'd needed Remus to want this as much as he did.  
  
‘So have I. If we’re going to be thinking about doing it, then what harm does _actually_ doing it cause?’  
  
Sirius’ blunt honesty and strange logic helped make up his mind (what was left of it after the revelation that Sirius thought of him while he jerked off).   
  
Remus nodded again. ‘A…alright, so we just...do what we did the other night? No other...touching or anything? Just help each other out a bit - if we can’t find a chick to do it for us, that is,' he added hurriedly.  
  
Sirius grinned and patted Remus' head condescendingly. ‘Exactly. I’m sorry, Moony. I know how hot you are for me, but if it’s a choice between getting off on your, quite frankly, bony body or on a girl’s…’  
  
‘I’d expect nothing less, Padfoot. Of course, the same right to desert you for a bird extends to me as well.’  
  
‘Merlin, that means you’re going to be after me all the time. I don’t know how Mary put up with that skinny arse of yours banging away at her for so long…’  
  
‘Hey!’  
  
Sirius laughed as Remus shoved him in the shoulder then moved swiftly so that the startled werewolf was suddenly lying flat on his back with Sirius leaning over him.  
  
‘No girls here right now, Moony.’  
  
He pushed his hips against Remus' and the werewolf lost all the breath from his lungs when he felt hard flesh drag across his own somewhat turgid cock. His gut twisted with desire as Sirius stared down at him, his grey eyes dancing with mischief, but underpinned by a darker, smouldering need that Remus knew was reflected in his own orbs. Sirius pressed their bodies together again, but this time, the movement made his aches and pains flare up and he reluctantly put some distance between their heated groins.  
  
‘I’m not feeling particularly horny right now, I’m afraid, Padfoot. Undergoing a bone breaking, muscle tearing transformation tends to ruin the mood.’  
  
Sirius’ face lost its teasing countenance and a crease appeared in between his eyes. ‘Am I hurting you?’ He prepared to move but Remus reached up and stopped him before he could think about what he was doing.  
  
‘I never said I wanted you to move. I just meant I didn’t think I was up for what we did the other night.’  
  
Sirius grinned and leaned down until the tips of their noses were touching. ‘So what do you want, Mister Moony?’  
  
Remus hesitated. Sirius had initiated all of their non-platonic contact so far, but this time, he was leaving it up to Remus to make the first move. Remus tried to envision himself leaning forward, capturing Sirius' mouth with his own and snogging him until they were both incoherent. He could see it all too clearly in his mind, but now he had the opportunity to actually do it...  
  
He chickened out.  
  
‘I want some bacon and eggs and then a shower and a very long sleep.’  
  
Sirius looked disappointed for a moment then smiled. He kissed Remus lightly on the nose before he pulled back, climbing off the bed and holding out his hand.  
  
‘I’ll help you up.’  
  
‘I’m naked under this blanket, Pads.’  
  
‘I know.’  
  
Sirius wriggled his eyebrows and Remus laughed, making a shooing motion with his hand.  
  
‘Turn around, tosser.'  
  
With a put-upon sigh, Sirius did what he was told and Remus quickly pulled on his clothes, not seeing Sirius glance over his shoulder as he stood up.  
  
Sirius knew he shouldn't look, _told_ himself not to look, but his head was turning as if it operated independently of the rest of his body and he peered over his shoulder to catch a peek of his friend in the buff.  
  
 _Sweet Merlin, he’s hung like a fucking centaur!_  
  
Sirius turned back around quickly, blood rushing with alarming speed from his head to his own cock which hardened immediately. The sudden migration of vital fluid from his brain caused his head to spin a little and he reached out to steady himself on the wall.  
  
The other night, he’d felt Remus’ erection against his but, what with all the rolling around and thrusting, he hadn’t got a proper idea of exactly how well-hung werewolves apparently were (despite Remus’ earlier admission that he’d been stretching the truth).  
  
He had been surprised and a little confused by his desire to kiss Remus earlier - _'like he was my bloody boyfriend or something'_ \- and now he was absolutely terrified by his immediate and completely carnal reaction to seeing him naked.  
  
He wanted Remus to fuck him.  
  
He wanted to fuck Remus.  
  
He wanted to claim him, to be claimed; to be so deep inside each other that they were ruined for anyone else and, as that thought slammed into him like that Bludger did to James’ cojones last Quidditch match, he felt a swooping sensation in his stomach.  
  
 _Straight guys who are doing each other a favour occasionally do not fuck each other. I do not want to screw Remus Lupin. I’m not gay._  
  
‘Padfoot, what’s wrong? You’ve gone all pale.’  
  
Sirius turned at the sound of Remus’ voice, seeing the other, now fully dressed boy staring at him with a puzzled expression.  
  
‘Sirius? You look like you’re going to be sick.’  
  
Sirius swallowed hard then took a long, tremulous breath before he tried to smile at Remus.‘I’m alright. I…I’m just a bit hungry, I think.’  
  
Remus smiled and picked up the Invisibility Cloak. ‘It _is_ later than your usual feeding time. I’m not surprised you’re nearly fainting from hunger. Am I going to have to carry you like a swooning maiden to the castle? Should I call your noble stag to collect you?’  
  
‘Bugger off, Lupin. If anyone’s a woman here, it’s you. All skinny and cute and talking about _feelings_ all the time…’  
  
‘ _You’re_ the pretty one, remember. I’m very masculine looking compared to you.’  
  
‘You’re as masculine as a fucking tampon.’  
  
Remus snorted and Sirius felt a lot better now that they were two mates joking around again. He was fine - just a weird moment, but it was over now.  
  
 _I think I’ll find Kelly again tonight though. Just in case._  
  
*~*~*  
  
‘Oh, _Sirius_!’  
  
He scrunched his face up and buried it in the girl's neck, trying not to let her see how her squealing was irritating him. Kelly had readily agreed to join him in the closet but now he was actually here with her, he was wishing he was almost anywhere else.  
  
‘Baby, kiss me.’  
  
He stifled a sigh and did as he was bid, kissing her hard and fast, trying to recreate that feeling he’d had with Remus the other night, that intensity that had made his heart pound so hard he could almost see it beating under his skin.  
  
‘ _Ow_!’  
  
Kelly pulled away from him and held her mouth. ‘You bit me!’  
  
‘Did I? Sorry.’   
  
Sirius let the sigh escape this time and moved away from her, buttoning up his shirt. ‘Look, I’m sorry. My mind is somewhere else. I...I’ve got an essay I should be doing and I guess I’m just too distracted.’  
  
He tried to ignore the indignant expression on her face as he mumbled a farewell and slipped out of the closet, trudging back to the now-empty common room.  
  
The dorm was quiet and dark when he entered and he hesitated by the door, looking over at Remus’ bed. Why was it that his friend, his _male_ friend, was the only person that inspired a veritable eruption inside of him? Why was he the only one that made him completely lose control and all sense of reason?  
  
Worrying his lip for another moment, he debated with himself then muttered, ‘Ah, fuck it,’ and walked over to the werewolf’s bed, slipping between the curtains.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
‘Pads?’  
  
Sirius could tell the other boy hadn’t been asleep and the sheets rustled as Remus sat up and murmured ‘ _Lumos_.’  
  
The point of his wand lit up and cast light over them both. Sirius pulled his own out and cast Silencing and Imperturbable Charms on the curtains before he put his wand down on the side table.  
  
‘How was your date?’  
  
Remus’ voice was mild but still, Sirius felt an unusual shot of guilt.  
  
‘Shitty. I just...wasn’t in the mood. She had this awful bloody lipstick on - fucking tasted disgusting.’  
  
The sandy haired boy fought down his smile. The wolf inside him also crowed; triumphant that it and it's human seemed to have won this time.  
  
‘So nothing happened? You didn’t shag her?’  
  
‘Didn’t I just say that?’  
  
Sirius’ sharp tone seemed to linger in the air as Remus remained silent. The dark haired boy sighed - he was doing that a lot tonight.  
  
‘I just didn’t want her. Not tonight.’  
  
He saw Remus nod and stared at the werewolf's face for a long moment. His blue eyes looked huge and dark, and light was glinting off the red threads scattered through his hair. Sirius felt strange, as if he were being heated from the inside out. His skin prickled and he licked his dry lips before swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat.  
  
Remus frowned - unnerved by the other boy’s unwavering gaze. ‘What? Pads?’  
  
‘Remus...I...’  
  
He couldn’t get any words out; didn’t know what to say. He didn’t understand this feeling himself. How could he try and find the words to explain it to someone else?  
  
‘Turn the light off.’  
  
Remus did and Sirius heard the dull clunk as the wand joined his own on the side table. His hand found Remus’ leg and he leaned forward, his other hand searching in the inky blackness for the werewolf’s face. Remus’ hands found his first, his lips made contact and they fell back onto the bed in a tangle of tongues and limbs.  
  
Sirius’ hands pulled at his clothing, stripping his shirt and jeans off fast, leaving on only his boxers as Remus, already half naked, pushed down the sheets. Their half-bare bodies came together, then Sirius lost his mind as Remus breathed his name into his ear and clutched at his shoulders.   
  
Sirius prodded the other boy’s legs apart with a knee then moaned when Remus slid his hands down to his arse to help their cocks make more satisfying contact. They rocked together, moaning loudly as erections dragged back and forth over each other. They managed to find a rhythm and ground their hips against each other hard as they explored each other's mouths, tongues mimicking the dance taking place below. Friction soon had them panting fiercely, kisses tapering off as they struggled for breath, lips still brushing.  
  
'Gods, this feels too good.'  
  
The whisper slipped out unbidden from between Sirius' parted, kiss-swollen lips, swallowed almost immediately by Remus and his hungry mouth as lust drove them over the edge.  
  
'Oh, Merlin!'  
  
With his exclamation and a loud moan, Sirius finally got the release he’d been craving, Remus following him closely with a strangled whimper.  
  
This time, they lay together for several minutes, listening to each others’ galloping heart beats, before Sirius murmured a quiet goodnight and moved to his own bed, falling into a contented sleep almost immediately.  
  
Remus, however, lay awake for a long time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**  
  
Several weeks past and suddenly the Christmas holidays were upon them. Peter was going home - _‘big frigging family Christmas. Boring as hell!’_ but James had been planning to stay at Hogwarts with Remus and Sirius until he received an owl from his mother saying his father was ill and he had to come home to help out. Dumbledore gave him permission to leave a day early and he Flooed home, looking a little more concerned than his usual bravado suggested.  
Peter left the next day with a dark _‘hope you have more fun than I will’_ to the two remaining Marauders who sat on their respective beds in a bit of a funk.  
  
‘What do you want to do, Pads?’ Remus asked the brooding brunette.  
  
‘Dunno,' Sirius shrugged, staring down at his ground with apparent rapt fascination. 'Go for a walk?’  
  
Remus nodded and stood up. ‘Mmm, alright.’  
  
They rugged up and walked down the staircases in silence. They got all the way to the lake, standing on the stony shore and looking out over the frozen, glassy surface before Remus spoke.  
  
‘James’ dad will be alright, Padfoot.'  
  
Sirius’ jaw clenched when he heard the soft reassurance and he closed his slate-grey eyes. He didn’t know if the fact Remus knew _exactly_ what he was thinking irritated him or whether he was pleased the werewolf knew him so well.  
  
‘He’s not getting any younger. I just...' He shook his head. 'They took me in, Moony. They let me stay with them for a year before I found my own place... They didn’t have to, but they did and they treated me like a son. I feel like...’  
  
He shrugged, not sure if he would sound incredibly selfish if he voiced his thoughts.  
  
‘...like you want to be there but you aren’t sure if you should be?’  
  
Sirius let out a disbelieving breath and shook his head in wonder.‘How do you _do_ that? How do you know exactly what I’m thinking?’  
  
Remus smiled an enigmatic smile and just said, ‘Lucky guess, perhaps.’  
  
‘Bullshit.’  
  
Remus’ smile broadened, but he said nothing, waiting for Sirius to get out everything he needed to, knowing it would drive the other boy mad if he kept his concerns and fears bottled up.  
  
‘James is their son. I’m just the mutt they took in off the street. I don’t have the right to be there if he gets ill. That‘s time for family...’  
  
‘It takes more than blood to make a family, Sirius,' said Remus firmly. 'You know that better than anyone. Mr and Mrs Potter love you. They probably just want James to come home to help out. He‘ll come back complaining that he had to work his arse off.‘  
  
Sirius nodded, but still looked unconvinced and Remus tried one more time.  
  
‘If James’ dad is really ill, they’ll call for you, Pads. They’ll want you there, I know it. They love you.’  
  
Sirius sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, staring at the ground intently until he was sure he wouldn‘t burst into grateful tears. There was a very good reason Remus was the one everyone came to when they needed to talk through their problems. There was something very comforting and soothing about his soft reassurances.  
  
Remus saw Sirius’ efforts to hold back his tears and hesitated a moment before he brushed his hand lightly against the other boy‘s; tentatively, not sure the gesture would be welcome. But Sirius grabbed hold of the offered hand like a life preserver and they stood silently by the lake, gripping each other tight.  
  
~*~*~  
  
After a quiet and somewhat introspective day, Sirius disappeared behind his curtain with a quiet ‘goodnight’ early that evening, leaving Remus to his own devices. Remus tried to read for a while, but his mind kept wandering to something that had been bothering him for weeks.  
  
He and Sirius had been ‘helping each other out’ for around six weeks now. Not _every_ night - they weren’t sex-crazed animals - but Sirius _did_ creep into his bed at least every second night. Sometimes they talked for a while first, sometimes they were pulling at each others’ clothing almost before the curtains closed, but every single time, it was hot and hungry and they were both a little surprised by how easily they had become comfortable with the change in their friendship.   
  
But to Remus’ chagrin, their frantic thrusting, that delicious friction of their cocks clashing through their underwear, was rapidly becoming not nearly enough for either of them. Sirius’ hands had started wandering - ‘accidentally’ brushing up against Remus’ groin and Remus himself found his hand gripping Sirius’ hip, desperately trying to resist slipping it between them to grasp the hard flesh that bought him so much pleasure.  
  
The growing temptation to go further was what was worrying Remus. He and Sirius had agreed: _this_ was okay, _this_ was just two mates mucking about. If they actually touched each other, if they let this...thing grow, where did they draw the line?  
  
Hand jobs?  
  
Blow jobs?  
  
Sex?  
  
A pleasurable shiver ran through him at the thought of having sex with Sirius. It was something he had been having very vivid dreams about lately - Sirius touching him, sucking him, fucking him, and Remus eagerly reciprocating - and it scared him to death that this mad, crazy situation could possibly escalate until his dreams became reality...and until he could no longer deny that he fancied boys.  
  
Well, _one_ boy.  
  
His hands trembled, making the book he was holding shake, and he put the tome on his side table, flicking his wand and muttering, ‘ _Nox_.’  
  
Sirius had been on dates with a few girls since they began their arrangement, but he hadn’t shagged any of them - well, he _told_ Remus he hadn’t shagged any of them - a fact Remus and the wolf (who it seemed was ludicrously possessive) were far too pleased about. Remus himself hadn’t dated at all - nor had he even thought about being with a girl in any sexual way. The only body that dominated his dreams was Sirius’ and Remus was beginning to suspect that any remaining traces of heterosexuality may be rapidly slipping from his grasp.  
  
 _If I want to fuck Sirius, that makes me gay, right?_  
  
His heavy sigh hung in the air. He didn’t want to be gay. _Werewolf_ was bad enough but _gay werewolf_? Merlin, what chance did he stand then? But despite all his concerns, his fears that yet again, he was an aberration, there was no way he was going to tell Sirius that their arrangement was over. He craved their time together far too much to give it up.  
  
That was what scared him most of all.  
  
'Remus? You still awake?’  
  
Remus sat up at the whispered words, parting his curtains and peering through the semi-dark at his friend’s bed which was bathed in soft silver light from the moon. Sirius’ crimson hangings were partially open and he was laying on his side, staring over at him.  
  
‘Yeah, I‘m awake,' Remus replied quietly. 'You want to talk, Pads?’  
  
There was a slight hesitation then the soft confirmation wafted across the space between their beds. ‘If you don't mind.’  
  
Remus swung his legs over the side of his bed and stood up, swearing when the freezing stone floor immediately burnt his bare feet. He quickly closed the gap between their beds, almost prancing to avoid his feet touching the ground for a prolonged period.  
  
‘Shove over,' he said urgently as he reached Sirius' bed. 'Quick! My feet are about to fall off!’  
  
Sirius chuckled, but shuffled over, pulling the blankets back so Remus could get underneath them. The brown-haired boy sighed in relief when his feet hit a warm spot and he yanked the bedclothes up to his chin.   
  
Sirius watched him in amusement. ‘It’s not _that_ cold.’  
  
Remus glared at him, blanket pulled up to his nose. ‘I notice _you_ didn’t get out of your bed, hero.’  
  
‘Well, I figured it was your turn to come to mine,’Sirius retorted, trying to tug the blanket away from Remus' face.  
  
Remus resisted, worming further under the covers, then he made a face and sat up. ‘There is a reason you prefer my bed, you know. Less...crunchy bits.’ He brushed at the mattress with the back of his hand.  
  
‘Hey, it’s only a few crumbs…’  
  
‘Which all seem to be crawling into my pants.’  
  
‘Lucky crumbs,' Sirius grinned, sliding a hand across Remus' belly and suddenly, Remus wasn't concerned with the crumbs in the bed.  
  
‘Pervert.’  
  
‘Princess.’  
  
Remus let out a breathe of laughter then, when Sirius fingers crept under his pyjama top, he said, ‘Enough with the foreplay. Just shut up and snog me, would you, Padfoot?’  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow and took his hand off Remus' stomach. ‘No,' he said in a mock sulk. 'I don’t know if I’m in the mood after you called me…’  
  
Sirius’ words were cut off as Remus’ lips landed on his and they both groaned, falling back onto the mattress. Their lip lock started off the same as it usually did: hot and fierce snogging as they pulled each others clothes off and twisted and turned, battling to see who would end up on top. Tonight, though, when Sirius rolled Remus over onto his back, he pulled away from the werewolf's eager lips and stared down at him with a little frown.  
  
‘What?’ Remus panted the word out, hands still carding through Sirius’ hair as the other boy gazed down at him in contemplation. Remus could see every crease in the Animagus' brow and was about to repeat himself when he realised why Sirius had stopped. His breath caught and he stared up at Sirius with wide eyes.  
  
They hadn’t been as careful with the curtains tonight, knowing no one else was here, and in the moonlight that streamed in through the window next to Sirius‘ bed, they could see each others faces clearly. Their late night interactions were normally carried out in complete blackness. He’d never been able to see expression on Sirius’ face as they kissed, as they moved against each other, as they came; the othe boy was always just a vague shadow. Remus wasn’t sure if he liked this change, if he liked the idea that every reaction, every nuance, every scar and imperfection would be seen by those burning grey eyes.  
  
Remus could sense that Sirius was pondering the same thing and offered a solution.  
  
‘I could close the curtain...’  
  
‘No.’  
  
Sirius’ voice sounded a little odd, strangled, and he leaned forward and kissed Remus softly, his eyes fixed on the werewolf’s blue orbs. Remus couldn’t breathe. _This_ was different, _this_ was intense, and it made what they were doing real.  
  
What followed was not a continuation of their previous frantic snogging and tearing at each other’s clothing.   
  
It was kissing.   
  
_Real_ kissing.   
  
Kissing the way they had both done with girls.   
  
It was a soft, even tender, exploration of each other’s mouths and, when their lungs were screaming for air, Sirius pressed his lips to Remus’ neck - venturing into unchartered waters.  
  
Remus swallowed hard, chest tight with anticipation and need and a little fear. They hadn’t done this before, hadn’t made this more than snogging and thrusting and coming...primal and primitive and strangely safe. This...this was foreplay, this is what lovers did, and suddenly, this wasn’t safe anymore.   
  
They both felt as though they were standing on the precipice - trying to decide if they were going to turn back or dive over the edge. Sirius’ lips worked their way down Remus' neck and when the dark-haired boy licked the hollow of his throat, Remus whimpered softly, a shudder shaking his body.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
Sirius’ voice was low and rough and made Remus’ skin break out in goose bumps.  
  
‘S’alright.’  
  
‘Want to stop? We don’t have to…’  
  
‘Don’t stop.’  
  
Remus heard the Animagus draw in a loud, shaking breath then he shifted, sliding his legs between Remus’ and both boys moaned as their now-throbbing cocks made electric contact. Sirius' mouth moved over Remus' neck, his tongue drawing moist patterns on the soap-scented skin. Sirius licked at Remus' ear lobe and flexed his hips, making the other boy cry out. Sirius smiled at his reaction and nipped at the obviously sensitive lobe, getting another, softer cry as a reward.  
  
'Sirius? Please?'  
  
Remus arched his body, his hands gripping Sirius' hips as he tried to encourage the other boy to just _move_. Sirius groaned then shifted his lips back to Remus' mouth, kissing him slow and deep as they rocked against each other. Little whines of pleasure escaped from them both and their languid, almost lazy pace picked up as hips and mouths grew hungry for more. Both were shaking uncontrollably, pushing each other closer to the end then Sirius let out a frustrated growl.  
  
‘Fuck! Remus, I need...more. I need… _Shit_!’  
  
Sirius threw himself down on his back next to Remus and his hands moved to his boxers. Before Remus could say a word, the brunette was stripping his underwear off, his hand closing around his cock and a relieved groan slipping from his lips as he pumped once, twice. Breathing heavily, he looked over at Remus who was trying not to watch, trying not to _want_ to watch.   
  
Grey eyes fell to the tent in Remus’ boxers then shifted back to the werewolf's face, his voice harsh as he whispered the order,‘Take your pants off.’  
  
Remus must have looked uncertain because Sirius leaned over and kissed him hard before he added, ‘We don’t have to touch each other, but I need something else. I need more tonight.'   
  
Sirius hesitated then added softly, 'And...I want to see you.’  
  
Remus was struggling for breath, his head spinning, then, almost without him even realising they were moving, his hands were tugging down his boxers and tossing them off the bed. He could see Sirius shaking as their eyes ran over each other, and knew he was trembling just as badly. Remus felt the other boy’s hot gaze on his chest and hunched his shoulders a little, instinctively trying to hide the scars.  
  
‘Don’t.’  
  
A hand flattened in the centre of his chest and Sirius whispered,‘I’ve seen them before, Remus. It’s okay.’  
  
The hand trailed down to his stomach, following the progression of a particularly long scar, and Sirius’ little finger came perilously close to the tip of Remus’ weeping cock. The brown-haired boy sucked in a shuddering breath and Sirius’ eyes met his; the question there making Remus’ body throb with need. His head was nodding before his mind could debate the pros and cons then his brain shut down completely as Sirius’ warm hand closed around his shaft.  
  
‘Fucking hell!’  
  
Sirius chuckled at the other boy's breathless reaction then started to move his hand experimentally, making Remus hiss and grip the sheet under him as he closed his eyes tight. Sirius’ hand was different to his own - calluses in different places, his grip was unfamiliar as was his pace, his fingers fitted on him a little awkwardly but - _Merlin_ \- it felt good!   
  
An elbow dug into his ribs and he looked down to see Sirius watching his hands as he pumped both their erections, his ragged breathing loud in the air. As if he sensed Remus watching, his head raised and by the silvery moonlight, Remus could see the desire and need in those grey orbs and knew it was echoed in his own. He reached out and stilled the hand that was working Sirius’ cock.  
  
‘I’ll do it.’  
  
‘M…Moony…’  
  
‘I _want_ to do it.’  
  
Sirius released his shaft and Remus turned, laying on his side facing his friend as Sirius was doing, and wrapped his hand around Sirius' thick length before he could change his mind.   
  
The experience of wanking someone else felt as foreign as the unfamiliar hand on him, but it was about as far from unpleasant as you could get and within a minute, their inhibitions had been cast aside and they were fisting each other enthusiastically, wriggling and thrusting under the other boys’ ministrations. Sirius thrust his hips forward and his cock hit Remus', their sticky heads dragging over each other deliciously.  
  
‘ _Oh!_ ’  
  
He stopped and Remus grunted in objection, the lusty wolf well and truly ruling him now.  
  
‘Shit, Padfoot! I’m close - what the fuck are you stopping for?’  
  
Sirius didn’t answer, but wriggled closer before reaching down between them, grasping both their dicks and pressing the organs together. Remus' eyes widened as the hot flesh slid and slipped together.  
  
' _Oh_!'  
  
Sirius thrust his hips and they both exhaled sharply, their bodies jerking in response to the stimulation. As if it were choreographed, they each wrapped a hand around their side by side cocks and stroked, quickly finding a rhythm together and once they’d set the pace, Remus attacked Sirius’ mouth again with hungry, biting kisses.  
  
So it was kissing and stroking and almost simultaneous releases that marked Remus’ private revelation that, yes indeed, fate really was so cruel as to create a gay werewolf.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Eleven**  
  
An owl arrived the next morning from James, Remus’ prediction of the previous day proving true as the short letter was filled with complaints about his mother being a slave driver for making him clean the attic out and how unfair it was that Sirius got out of having to do any work but still got invited to Christmas dinner along with Remus.  
  
 _“…mum reckons she must like Sirius better than me…"_  
  
Remus chuckled as Sirius read from the parchment, a big smile on his face. The brunette breathed a sigh of relief and flopped onto the couch next to Remus.  
  
‘You were right. It’s just a bad dose of flu.’ He looked at the werewolf and grinned gratefully. ‘You should offer yourself up to teach Divination next year, Moony! Reckon you give old Professor Celestia a run for her money.’  
  
Remus laughed and made his voice soft and dreamy. ‘Yes, I have the gift of foresight. Let me free my inner eye and see what the future holds in store for you.’  
  
He waved his hands gracefully in the air, managing to whack Sirius across the head, the brunette yelping, before he spoke.   
  
‘Ah, yes. It is coming to me. The eye is clearing. I see your future…’  
  
‘What do you see, Madam Moony?' chuckled Sirius, rubbing at his forehead. 'Regulus coming down with dragon pox? Snivellus shampooing his hair?’  
  
‘Mmm, no. Nothing that drastic but...oh, I can see love in your future, Mister Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius snorted and Remus stifled his grin. ‘I see a blonde with enormous boobs and no personality offering her undying love and smokin’ hot body to you…’  
  
‘Moony, you are such a…'  
  
‘Hi, Sirius!’  
  
Remus chuckled as Sirius spun around to see Kelly standing behind him. She fluttered her eyelashes and sank onto the couch between the boys, forcing Remus to move over. He watched, smile gone now, as she put her hand high on Sirius‘ thigh, then swallowed hard to muffle a growl that came from deep inside as the girl leaned in and spoke in a breathy voice.  
  
‘Hogsmeade weekend coming up after New Years. Care to _come_ with me?’  
  
Remus winced at the emphasis she put on the word and felt nausous when she winked lasciviously at Sirius. He could feel jealousy stirring darkly inside him, and decided to leave Sirius to deal with the girl before the wolf, whose hackles were already raised, tore the tart’s face off.   
  
He stood up, glaring down at them. ‘I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.’  
  
Sirius' face blanched and the burning jealousy inside Remus eased as he realised that the brunette didn't want to be left alone with Kelly. He almost laughed at Sirius’ panicked expression, irrationally pleased with the realisation. Sirius glared at him, his grey eyes flashing when he saw Remus’ mirth.  
  
‘No need to run away, Remus!' Sirius insisted, leaping to his feet. 'Sorry, Kelly, but I, um…I’m already going to Hogsmeade with Remus. I promised him you see. Poor thing couldn’t get a date…’  
  
Remus grunted his dissatisfaction with Sirius' explanation then said sweetly, ‘Oh, that’s fine, Sirius. I wouldn’t dream of depriving Kelly of your comp... _ouch_!’  
  
Sirius' foot had shot out and caught Remus in the ankle and making him hiss in pain. Sirius grabbed an annoyed Remus' arm and yanked him close.  
  
‘Oops, my foot slipped! Sorry, Moony. I‘d better help him up the stairs, Kelly. See you later, yeah?’  
  
He tugged on Remus’ arm and pulled him towards the stairs.   
  
~*~*~*  
  
Bursting into the dorm, he threw himself on Remus’ bed with a laugh, the limping werewolf following, slamming the door shut behind him.  
  
‘Bloody hell, Padfoot! Did you have to kick me so hard? That _hurt_.’  
  
‘Oh, poor Moony,' Sirius crooned, not looking at all sorry. 'Want Padfoot to kiss it better?’  
  
He pursed his lips and made a kissing noise. Remus shoved his palm into Sirius' face and pushed him out of the way before falling heavily onto the bed next to him. Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the werewolf.  
  
‘Serves you bloody right anyway. What were you thinking, leaving me with that blood sucker?’  
  
‘Well, I was thinking of all the times you told us how much you enjoyed her sucking skills, actually. Thought you might like some time alone…’  
  
‘You’re all heart, Moony.’  
  
‘I think only of your best interests, Paddy.’  
  
They lay in silence for a few moments then Sirius asked in an even tone,‘You think she’s got a good body?’  
  
‘Who? Kelly?’  
  
Sirius looked at him with a frown, irritated by Remus' show of obtuseness and by the twinge of what felt suspiciously like jealousy in his gut.   
  
‘No, McGonagall. Of course Kelly. You said _"a blonde with enormous boobs and a smokin’ body"_ Do you really think that she's hot?.’  
  
He watched Remus' face nervously as the werewolf considered the question.  
  
‘Well, yeah, I suppose,' Remus answered finally. 'She’s not really my type, but I can see the attraction…' He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably. 'You’ve shagged her a few times. _You_ must think she’s hot.’  
  
‘Mmm,' Sirius murmured, pleased that Remus didn't fancy Kelly. 'She's alright, I suppose.'  
  
Sirius shifted onto his side and slid his hand over Remus’ stomach, plucking absently at the buttons on the other boy's shirt. Kelly hitting on him today had made him aware of something slightly disturbing: he hadn’t had a date in weeks; hadn’t had a shag in even longer...not since that night with Kelly where all he had done was think about Remus.   
  
He frowned. That had been... _shit_...two months ago! He hadn’t gone so long without sex since he’d lost his virginity at the end of Fifth Year.  
  
 _‘It’s not like I’ve been abstinent.’_  
  
This errant thought only served to deepen his frown. This thing with Remus was only ever supposed to be a little bit of relief when they couldn’t find a girl to help them out, but instead it seemed that it had become a substitute for being with a girl.   
  
Sirius bit his lip. The problem was he _liked_ being with Remus. Last night... _Merlin_ , that had been something pretty amazing! His teeth sank harder into his bottom lip, the flesh stinging from the abuse. He wasn’t supposed to enjoy this thing with Remus so much, was he? It was never supposed to have gone that far and it was never supposed to be...  
  
Gentle.  
  
Sweet.  
  
It was meant to be rough and hard and not so... _fucking fantastic_ that he couldn‘t get those kisses - those deep, soul shaking kisses - out of his head.  
  
 _'We’re just experimenting. Boys experiment with each other. It’s ok.'_  
  
But it didn’t feel like experimenting anymore. It felt like a habit, a routine, and that funny, squirming feeling he was starting to get in his stomach when he thought of Remus worried him. With a growing sense of panic, Sirius wondered if perhaps he should make a date with someone of the female persuasion pretty soon.  
  
Like tonight.  
  
 _'I have to get laid by a girl and fast before I turn into a mincing queen.'_  
  
He had another thought and shifted to peer up at his friend.  
  
‘Remus?’  
  
The werewolf jolted and Sirius realised he’d fallen asleep. ‘Sorry, Moony. Didn’t realise…’  
  
‘S’ok. Just...didn't get much sleep last night. What’s wrong?’  
  
Sirius flushed, recalling with incredibly arousing clarity exactly what had kept he and Remus awake last night. ‘You haven’t been out with a girl for ages.’  
  
He felt the other boy tense, but his voice was relaxed when he responded. ‘No. No one’s asked me and there’s no one I want to ask.'   
  
There was a pause then he said cautiously,'You haven’t gone out with anyone for a while either.’  
  
‘No,' Sirius said, stretching and concentrating on making his voice sound casual. 'I’m sick of all the birds here. Wish we could get some fresh meat.’  
  
Remus chuckled softly. ‘There are plenty of very attractive young ladies at Hogwarts, Padfoot.’  
  
‘Yeah, but they want to stay young ladies. Pure, innocent, unshagged-by-Sirius-Black young ladies.’  
  
He rolled over, heaving himself on top of Remus who made a ‘ _oof_ ’ noise.  
  
‘Why do you think I was so horny last night, Moony?' he teased. 'No sex.’  
  
Remus stared at him with a frown and Sirius felt his stomach twist as he realised he should have kept his mouth shut. Remus had his 'we need to talk' face on.  
  
‘What?' Sirius sighed and shook his head. 'Just spit it out, Moony.’  
  
‘Sirius...maybe we went a bit too far last night,'the werewolf said hesitantly. 'I mean, we were only supposed to...muck around a bit...’  
  
‘We only mucked around a bit last night.’  
  
‘We…it was different,' Remus insisted. 'We…’  
  
‘…jerked each other off?’Sirius said with a roll of his hips.  
  
‘Shit, Sirius.’  
  
An irritated Remus pushed Sirius off him and sat up, feeling his body react to both the reminder of what they’d done last night and the feel of Sirius pressing up against him. The Animagus was tossed off the bed by the force of the thrust, and he swore loudly, pullig himself to his feet and glaring at Remus as he sat back down on the bed.  
  
‘Moony, I didn’t _force_ you to do it.’  
  
‘I never said you did,' Remus bit back, his voice rising a little. 'I wanted to do it too. But...well, maybe that’s a problem in itself; that we even _wanted_ to do it.’  
  
‘It’s only helping each other out!’ Sirius glared at Remus, face reddening. ‘And I seem to recall you enjoying it.’  
  
He smirked then ran his hand up Remus’ leg, cupping his half-hard cock. ‘And you want to do it again or is that a result of admiring Kelly’s smokin’ body?’  
  
Remus tried to push Sirius' hand away. ‘I _told_ you she’s not my type.’  
  
‘She’s _everyone’s_ type.’  
  
‘Not mine.’  
  
‘You’re a red blooded bloke, Moony…’  
  
‘I don’t fancy her, Sirius,' Remus snapped. 'She...is a _she_.’  
  
Sirius was silent, his hand still resting on Remus’ bulge when the werewolf said uncertainly,  
‘I think I’m gay.’  
  
Sirius’ hand immediately moved off the other boy's groin and he stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets moodily.   
  
‘You’re not gay, Remus.’  
  
'We wanked each other off, Sirius,' Remus reminded him. 'We _might_ be gay...'  
  
Sirius rounded on the werewolf, his face fierce. 'I am _not_ a poof! And neither are you.'  
  
Remus was quiet for a moment, then asked softly, ‘How can you be so sure?’  
  
Sirius' face lost its ferocity and he shook his head. ‘I’ve shagged girls, Remus. You’ve shagged girls. Poofs don’t like shagging girls.’  
  
Remus still looked sceptical. Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow.   
  
‘Do you want to fuck me?’  
  
Remus’ eyes widened and he squeaked, ‘What?’  
  
‘Do you want me to put my dick in your arse?’ Sirius articulated very slowly and clearly, his face reddening.  
  
Remus swallowed hard and tried to avoid answering. ‘I…I...just...don’t…’  
  
Before he could stammer out any kind of coherent reply, Sirius broke in, grabbing hold of the stammered words and pushing aside the fact his own fantasies heavily involved Remus and some kind of shagging.  
  
‘See! You said you don't so you aren’t gay. If you wanted to shag boys, then, fine, maybe you’re a ponce, but you don’t want to shag me. You just want to get off when you’re horny and it’s better when someone helps you out.’  
  
Remus seemed to be considering this with a worried frown and Sirius sighed, sitting down again.  
  
‘Moony, do you want to stop? We don’t have to do this, you know.’  
  
‘I…I don’t want to stop.’ Remus looked over at Sirius with no small amount of alarm. ‘Do _you_?’  
  
Sirius shook his head. ‘I...like it. I just...I don’t want you thinking we’re gay just because we do this.’  
  
‘Sirius…’  
  
‘Remus, please? I don’t want to hear about it. This is...experimenting, having a laugh. We aren’t screwing each other, we aren’t dating or anything. Ergo, we aren’t gay.’  
  
His voice had risen and Remus held up his hands in surrender, seeing that the conversation was disintegrating fast.  
  
‘Fine. We aren’t gay. Satisfied?’  
  
Sirius nodded and smiled, standing up again. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, Mister Moony. I have a young lady who wants me bad just sitting in the common room and going to waste.’  
  
Remus rolled his eyes and reached for a book to hide any signs of distress on his face. Sirius had just made it clear that whatever went on between them was nocturnal and secondary to getting shagged by slutty Seventh Year girls, and that was fine with Remus. He didn't care what Sirius got up to, and to show just how much he didn't care, he called blithely after him:  
  
‘Have fun, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius waved and trotted down the stairs, trying desperately to rid himself of the seeds of doubt Remus had planted.  
  
 _'We’ll see who’s gay.'_  
  
He saw Kelly in the corner and went directly to her, whispering in her ear that he was horny and did she know anyone that could help with his problem? She was out of her seat in an instant and linked her arm with his, making certain everyone saw them leaving together. Sirius took her to the nearest classroom; the lingering effects of Remus' body pressing against his had made him unbearably randy and he needed to bury himself in something warm, something hot, something _female_.  
  
He grabbed Kelly as soon as he locked the door, kissing her hard and fast. His hands went immediately to her arse, tugging up her skirt and squeezing the ample flesh there. She moaned into his mouth and he grunted, the high pitch of the noise irritating him a little. He shoved her roughly towards a desk, but when she went to slide herself up on it, he shook his head.  
  
‘No, turn around and bend over it.’  
  
She grinned wickedly and he tried to smile, but all he could think was that he didn’t want to see her face, hear that voice in his ear while he fucked her. She did as he asked and he stripped her knickers down her legs, kicking them apart roughly. His haste seemed to turn her on which was fine by him. He only gave her cursory attention before he tore open his fly and thrust himself inside her, filling her in one plunge.  
  
Kelly cried out, her body tightening around his immediately.  
  
 _‘Thank fucking Merlin.’_  
  
He didn’t think he could last too long; he was already on edge, already too aroused by that bastard Remus and his angles and flat planes and hardness...   
  
_'Shit!_  
  
He closed his eyes tight as he pounded inside Kelly unrestrainedly, trying to keep his mind clear and not allow a blue eyed werewolf to take over his thoughts, but it was hopeless. He remembered last night - their kisses, the way Remus touched him, the look on the other boy's face as he came and the explosion inside his own body as he climaxed just a second later, unable to hold back any longer at the sight of Remus' gratification.  
  
‘Shit! Fuck, _yes_!'  
  
Kelly was moaning as she finished, but he really didn’t care if she had been with him or not - he couldn’t stop the flood of heat and pleasure that melted everything inside him as he came hard. He groaned his release harshly as he slammed into the body underneath him one last time.  
  
~*~*~  
  
He went for a walk through the snowy grounds after he shook the clinging Kelly off, stopping by the Great Lake and sitting on the stony shore where Remus had held his hand just yesterday. Sirius worried his lip as he counted his regrets for the night. He wished he'd handled things differently with Remus earlier, wished he'd never gone off and screwed Kelly, wished that he actually believed his own insistance that he wasn't gay.  
  
Even the in denial Sirius had to admit that imagining a bloke while he was fucking the very attractive Kelly through the desk did not bode well for his argument that he was straight. If he and Remus were just fooling around, why did he need to think of what they did to get off with a bird? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn't he be imagining Remus was a girl to be able to come when they were together?  
  
He rubbed his temples, clenching his eyes shut.  
  
‘Fuck.’  
  
He didn’t really care about other people being poofs. Whatever floated their boat, live and let live and all that, but for him, homosexual just wasn’t an option.   
  
He sighed, picking up a handful of stones, tossing them one by one onto the frozen lake, watching them skid across the glassy surface as he realised that no matter how far away he got from his family, he couldn’t completely erase their influence. He could hear his mother's voice so clearly, he would swear she was right next to him.  
  
 _"You are the eldest Black. It is your job to marry well and provide heirs to carry on the most Noble House of Black. Now you start behaving in the way we expect of you; the way a Black is expected to behave."_  
  
His parents wanted the Black name to continue and that was more important than anything he got up to. _That_ was the only reason they hadn’t immediately disinherited him when he was sorted into Gryffindor, when they got owl after owl about his detentions, when they found out he was friends with half-bloods and Mudbloods, when he had that screaming fight with them last year and left home.   
  
They wanted what he could provide them.  
  
An heir.  
  
The continuation of his line.  
  
Sirius wrapped his arms around his chest. Being gay, even bisexual, would bring shame to the Noble House of Black and the former would put paid to any chance Sirius had of fulfilling his parent’s wishes to sire an heir. If they found out what he was doing with Remus, it would be the last straw. They would cut him off, disown him, and the privileges and attention that came from being a Black would end.  
  
He scrubbed at his cold face. He knew it was shallow, he knew it was pathetic, but he didn’t want to give up the one thing that made others want to be around him. His parents had never been demonstrative, had never given him any indication that they liked him, let alone loved him unconditionally as a parent should. For eleven years, he was surrounded by coldness, darkness; for eleven years, he believed he was unlikable, unlovable.  
  
Then he came to Hogwarts and every time he introduced himself to staff or peer, their eyes would widen and their manner would become more respectful. They would engage him in conversation rather than ignore him as they did the other first years...   
  
Hell, even James’ attitude towards him was casual until he realised he was one of _"those Blacks"_. Peter had been in awe when they’d met, speechless for several minutes and only able to produce a stutter around him for weeks afterwards. Remus was the only one who’d seemed unaffected - just shaking his hand over the platter of chicken at the Welcoming Feast and saying it was nice to meet him. The werewolf later revealed to an astonished James that he’d never heard of the Black family and had said in a slightly mocking tone: _“should I have bowed or something“_?  
  
His family had left a powerful legacy in their wake at Hogwarts. Many people sought him out because of his name; others may not have liked him, or what his family stood for, but they certainly treated him differently - more respectfully, deferentially. When he was younger, he'd lapped it up eagerly, and even now, ashamed of what his family was, he had to admit that he still enjoyed it, still wanted the attention, the grudging respect.   
  
He wanted to feel wanted.  
  
 _Because I don’t know who would love me, who would want me, if I wasn’t a Black._  
  
A little voice inside his head responded with one word - _Remus_ \- but he pushed it aside. Remus was the problem. Remus was making him think things, feel things that he hadn’t before and Remus was going to get him disowned because of it.  
  
And if his parents disowned him, if he was no longer one of _those_ Blacks, he was afraid he'd be unlovable again.  
  
‘It has to stop. We can’t do it anymore.'  
  
His muttered words made his chest hurt, but he took that as a sign that he should have stopped this a long time ago - before it had ever gotten as far and as intense as it had last night.  
  
‘It has to stop because I can’t be gay. I just can’t.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve**  
  
Sirius headed back to the castle and climbed into bed, ignoring the glow of wand light he saw behind Remus' curtains. The next day, he rebuffed all of the werewolf's attempts to talk to him, to find out why, all of a sudden, there was a distance between them. When James and Peter arrived back on New Years Day complaining about their respective holidays with their relatives, the boys were barely speaking, let alone visiting each other in the dark of night.  
  
Remus, confused by his friend’s sudden coolness, had at first tried to talk to him about what was bothering him, but each time he was pushed away with a curt ‘ _I’m fine, Remus_.’   
He had refused to accept that as an answer at first, but when Sirius flung, ‘ _I’m not your fucking boyfriend, Lupin. Go find a girl to talk to about your feelings_ ‘ at him, he gave up, more hurt than he wanted to admit by the rejection.   
  
Classes began again and six week into the term, Sirius had regained his reputation as a lothario, shagging his way through the willing females of Hogwarts in an effort to prove to himself and Remus that he was most _definitely_ heterosexual. But no matter how many girls he buried himself in, or that knelt before him, the emptiness inside him continued to grow, and Sirius was frustrated and frightened when the gaping chasm remained just as deep and cavernous as it had been before the unsatisfying sex.  
  
Remus watched Sirius as he left the dorm every night, and was still awake when he returned, stinking of sweat and semen and sex, and his hurt and confusion slowly morphed into anger. He felt the wolf inside him stirring as he never had before: the creature a snarling, seething fury that made it almost impossible for him to be around Sirius, afraid of what he might do to the other boy. And it was this anger and frustration at Sirius' lack of concern for Remus or their dying friendship, that led to Remus accepting a date to Hogsmeade with Diane Kenny on Valentine’s Day.  
  
~*~*~  
  
'Diane?' James said in surprise when Remus broke the news that Saturday morning. 'But I thought you...'   
  
He bit off the rest of his sentence, shooting a quick glance at Sirius then, seeing his stony face, looked back at Remus. 'Good for you, Moony.'  
  
'Yeah,' said Peter, with a bewildered smile. 'Don't forget: we want details.'  
  
Remus smiled and, pointedly ignoring Sirius, waved goodbye before collecting his date from her giggling gaggle of girlfriends.  
  
Sirius glared at the couple from under his eyelashes as they left the common room, telling himself he was only upset that Remus had deserted the Marauders for the pretty Sixth Year.  
  
 _I don’t give a flying Flobberworm's backside who he goes out with._  
  
'Alright, Padfoot?'  
  
Sirius gritted his teeth and glared at James as he pushed himself to his feet.   
  
'Fine,' he snapped impatiently. 'Come on then. What are we waiting for?'  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘Sirius, what in the name of Merlin is wrong with you today? You’re not listening to a word I say and _what_ has poor Moony done to deserve those holes you've been burning into him all day?’  
  
Sirius spun around, his eyes leaving Remus and Diane, who were laughing together across the street.  
  
‘He _knew_ we were going to Zonko’s to get more supplies today,' he said sulkily. 'He’s supposed to be helping, not off shagging some bird.’  
  
Peter laughed. ‘Do you know how many times we’ve said the same thing about you, Padfoot?'  
  
Sirius shot him a dirty look and stomped ahead of them down the still-snowy street to Zonko’s.  
  
Peter and James exchanged glances, both looking a little nervous. They’d noticed how close Remus and Sirius had become before the holidays and were surprised by the distinct frostiness between them now. They had been even more surprised when Peter made a joking remark about a lover’s tiff and both boys had reacted strongly before they hastily tried to laugh the comment off. Arguments between the two boys never lasted too long, but this time, a month and a half later, the disagreement still hadn't been resolved and both boys were refusing to discuss what had happened.  
  
The full moon had been tough this month as well. Prongs had been run off his hooves as he fought to keep Moony away from Padfoot; the wolf becoming unusually aggressive around the companion it normally held so dear. Sirius had refused to comment when he changed back into his human form at sunrise and, although his concern for the sleeping Remus was clear, for the first time in a long time, Peter's was the face Remus had woken up to.  
  
James, although caught up in the loveliness that was Lily Evans right now, was still a smart lad and already had his suspicions about the boys relationship; Peter, although not as well equipped in the brains department, was extremely observant and had formed his own opinion as to what might be going on. They had both separately begun putting two and two together before they shared their thoughts with each other, but together, they were a formidable team and far too brilliant to add all the clues up incorrectly.  
  
James watched Sirius depart and mumbled,‘I _still_ can’t believe it.’  
  
Peter shook his head. ‘James, he’s jealous. He’s got to be. Why else would he be carrying on like this about a date when he hasn’t given a damn about anything else Remus has been up to lately?’  
  
‘Mmm,' James acquiesced. 'Remus is on a date, though, Pete. With a girl. Doesn’t that mean we were wrong?’  
  
‘Maybe that’s why Padfoot’s pissed off,' Peter suggested with a shrug. 'Maybe he’s angry that Remus isn’t…you know…like _that_ and he thought he was.’  
  
James frowned as he considered this. ‘We still don’t know for sure that Sirius is like _that_.’ He hesitated. ‘Should we just _ask_ them if they are…?’  
  
‘Do you really want to know?’  
  
James grimaced at the thought of Sirius talking to him about shagging other blokes and shook his head.  
  
‘No, I’m not sure that I do, and if we ask and we’re wrong... Well, let’s just make sure that if we ever do ask, we hide their wands first.’  
  
‘Agreed.’  
  
James looked across the street to where Remus and Diane were now talking to Frank Longbottom and his girlfriend, Alice.  
  
‘You know, I was sure Remus would be the one who was a p…' He stopped. 'Shit. Do we call them _gay_? Will they get upset if we call them poofs?’  
  
‘I'm not really up on the appropriate etiquette when addressing a gay friend. And I’ve never thought you were particularly sensitive to that type of thing, Prongs.’  
  
‘Git! I’ve never had a friend who was...one before.’  
  
‘Well, we still don’t know that we do. We still aren't sure if either of them are…gay. Maybe we’re imagining it.’  
  
‘Mmm, maybe.'  
  
Down the street, Sirius poked his dark head out the door of the shop and looked around, eyes narrowed when he saw they hadn't moved.   
  
‘What are you women gossiping about? Will you get your arses in here and help me decide if I want to turn Snivellus purple or if I want him to sprout horns?'  
  
~*~*~  
  
Sirius’ mood picked up during the day and by the time they stepped through the portrait hole, he seemed to have returned to his normal self. That is until they entered the common room to the sight of Remus sitting with Diane on the couch. Or, more accurately, until they saw Diane almost in Remus’ lap on the couch - the two joined at the lip.  
  
‘Merlin, Moony!’ Peter squawked in surprise and the pair broke apart.  
  
Remus flushed as his eyes fell on the trio, but his gaze quickly shifted from James and Peter to Sirius, his tiny bashful and slightly puzzled smile fading when he saw the other boy’s undisguised look of hurt and anger. Sirius must have realised that his feelings were splashed all over his face, and he quickly blinked, rearranging his features to a blandness that was almost as disconcerting as the previous pained expression.   
  
‘Don’t let us interrupt your snogfest, Remus,' he lashed out spitefully. 'Carry on.’  
  
Irritated that his words had come out snappish rather than in the blasé tone he’d been aiming for, he turned on his heel and stomped loudly up the stairs. Remus watched him go with a confused look on his face then looked over at the two remaining Marauders.  
  
‘Is...is he alright?’  
  
James and Peter glanced at each other then James shrugged. ‘He’s been a bit moody today. Nothing to worry about, Moony. Must be his time of the month.’  
  
Remus nodded slowly then, with one last puzzled glance up the stairs, he turned back to listen to Diane with a distracted expression on his face. James and Peter reluctantly followed Sirius up the stairs - thankful the tempestuous brunette was in the bathroom when they got there.  
  
'What do you make of all that?' James asked and Peter's brow creased thoughtfully.  
  
'I think that it's only a matter of time before this...thing...between them explodes. And I do _not_ want to be there when it does.'  
  
~*~*~  
  
The atmosphere at dinner was colder than Antarctica with Sirius ignoring Remus completely, and Remus becoming increasingly annoyed by the other boy’s moodiness. He overcompensated by holding a loud and raucous conversation with James and Peter whilst shooting side-long glances at the Animagus. Sirius became more and more withdrawn as he poked at his food.   
  
After the meal, however, he stood immediately, claiming loudly and with a pointed glance at Remus, that he had a hot date. He could feel Remus' eyes on him as he left the hall and kept up his studly swagger until he was out of sight, then he slumped in on himself, feeling more miserable than he ever had before. He walked dejectedly across the grounds until he reached the Great Lake then he sat down on the damp ground under a tree and sighed, staring up at the clear night sky.  
  
It was a crisp night and he wished he’d gone up to the dorm to get a coat first, but had to get out of there before he did or said something stupid. He had to get away from Remus and that wide smile that was all for James and Peter tonight, and those damnable blue eyes that steadfastly refused to look his way, and that scent that he wished with everything inside him that he couldn’t smell, but then couldn't stop himself from deliberately inhaling so every breath was scented with _Remus_.  
  
He didn’t understand what was wrong with him. He’d had plenty of dates over the last couple of months; of course Remus should do the same. They weren‘t _dating_ , for Merlin‘s sake! Remus could see whatever tramp he wanted to...   
  
So why did he feel as though there was a monster inside him, clawing and scratching, wanting to burst through his chest and sink its fangs into Diane Kenny’s pretty face and make her so unappealing that she wouldn’t be kissing anyone again?  
  
A thought struck him with the force of a speeding Bludger and he sat up ramrod straight.  
  
 _Am I fucking jealous?_  
  
He couldn’t be.   
  
_He_ had been the one to call off their nocturnal excursions to each others’ beds. He was the one who had shagged just about every attractive bird of legal age in the castle. If he was jealous, that meant that he wanted Remus, didn’t it? That he wanted to be the one kissing him and touching him and whispering in his ear?   
  
But he didn’t…  
  
‘I don’t.’  
  
His whispered words were weak and unconvincing, even to his own ears and Sirius scrubbed hard at his face, fighting frustrated and confused tears.  
  
 _It's just getting off. That's all this thing with Remus is and I can give it up anytime._  
  
Even as he thought the words, he knew they weren't true.  
  
'Sweet Merlin, what the hell is happening to me?' Sirius whispered then he jumped as he heard a voice above him.  
  
‘Thought this would be where you’d come to sulk.’  
  
Sirius’ felt his heart rate pick up and frowned, trying to will it to slow down, telling the misbehaving muscle sternly that it wasn‘t right that it sped up at just the sound of his friend‘s voice. He looked over at Remus warily as the other boy sat down next to him, but the werewolf didn't say anything else. He just settled himself on the cold ground and looked out over the lake.   
  
Neither boy spoke for several minutes and Sirius grew more tense by the second, uncomfortably aware of Remus' nearness as the heat rising from the werewolf's body warmed his own. But when the stand-off hit the ten minute mark, the brunette finally snapped, making a growling noise and standing up with the intention of stomping back to the castle in a theatrical huff.   
  
But Remus’ soft voice stopped him in his tracks.  
  
‘You can’t ignore me forever, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius scowled and glared down at Remus. ‘I can bloody well try.’  
  
Remus shook his head, still staring out over the lake. ‘The others are starting to wonder what’s going on.’  
  
‘They can wonder all they like,' Sirius snapped. 'There’s nothing going on, is there?’  
  
‘You can stop sounding so damn resentful about it,' Remus bit back, looking up at Sirius. ' _You_ stopped coming to me, Sirius. _You_ turned me away every time I tried to come to you to talk.’  
  
‘I wasn’t in the mood to talk!'  
  
‘You were punishing me for suggesting you could be anything but straight.’  
  
‘Was not.’  
  
‘Were too.’  
  
Sirius felt his anger at the werewolf rising and spat, ‘Bugger off, Moony. Go back to Diane.’  
  
‘Is that what this is about?' Remus asked in disbelief. 'I can see who I want, Sirius. You shag anything that moves…’  
  
‘I don’t care who you fucking snog, mate!'  
  
‘Then why won’t you bloody look at me!’  
  
Remus pushed himself to his feet and glared at the brunette.  
  
‘The only times you’ve even glanced my way today, you may as well have been shooting silver bullets at me,' Remus said in a shaking voice. He must have heard the waver because he tried to clear his throat before he said softly, 'Merlin, Padfoot. Do you really hate me that much?’  
  
Sirius looked stricken and his own voice trembled. ‘I don’t hate you, Remus. I could never...’  
  
‘Then why are you looking at me as if you’d love nothing more than to see me dead or at the very least in a great deal of pain? Is it because I dared to make the great Sirius Black wonder if he might be gay?’  
  
The anger returned with the force of a tidal wave and washed away all of Sirius' self-control.   
  
‘You’re a bloody hypocrite!’  
  
‘W…what?’ Remus said with a frown.  
  
Sirius couldn't be stopped now. 'You told me you thought you were gay then you went out and snogged some bird!’  
  
‘You’ve been shagging half the fucking school!’ Remus shouted suddenly and Sirius felt a little dart of triumph that he'd made Remus lose some of that tightly-held restraint as he snapped back.  
  
‘But I never claimed to be gay!’  
  
Remus looked as though Sirius had slapped him. ‘I wasn’t sure what I was. I wanted to talk to _you_ , my friend, about it, but you shot me down.’  
  
‘Well, you sorted it out without me from the looks of that display in the common room,' Sirius said nastily and Remus paled.  
  
‘No, I haven’t…’  
  
‘It looked like you were pretty straight while you were snogging Diane tonight,' Sirius taunted, perversely pleased he was rattling the usually serene werewolf.  
  
‘That…that wasn’t right,' Remus stammered, a flush spreading across his pale cheeks. ' _She_ kissed me, but I didn’t stop her. I wanted to know...' He looked up at Sirius with a frown. 'I _have_ to know who I am, Sirius. How can you stand all the uncertainty?’  
  
Sirius' defences rose again and he took a low shot. ‘So is that why you came down here after me? You want to double check if you’re a fag or not?'  
  
Remus’ eyes narrowed and his lip lifted in a snarl rarely seen on his human face.   
  
‘Fuck you, Black!'  
  
‘You wish!' Sirius snorted, crossing his arms. 'Or maybe you want me to go down on you? Will that help you make up your mind, Remus?' He shook his head, ignoring the warning growl from Remus.   
  
'Why do you have to take everything so fucking seriously, make it so complicated? Everything was fine - we were just fooling around and you have to try and turn us fucking gay... _oomph_!’  
  
Remus’ fist collided with his chin, the force behind it making the brunette stagger. He fell back against the tree behind him then raised a hand to his face as he regained his balance, staring in disbelief at a furious looking Remus.  
  
‘You _hit_ me! Shit, Remus…!’  
  
Sirius didn't have a chance to say anything else as Remus' mouth came down on his hard, teeth clashing with a sharp clink and the werewolf's hands cupped his face firmly. The air was violently expelled from Sirius’ lungs as Remus slammed him back into the tree trunk and he was caught between the unyielding wood and Remus‘ determined lips. The other boy’s tongue was trying to push its way into his mouth and, disgusted by his complete lack of willpower when it came to Remus, Sirius surrendered.   
  
He eagerly parted his lips to allow Remus' soft muscle entry then a long, tortured moan escaped them both as their tongues swept over each other. The mingled sounds of need were swallowed by their greedy mouths, and Sirius‘ frantic mind tried to hang on to what was left of his excuses as he attempted to find some reason in what was happening.  
  
A kiss from another boy shouldn’t make his bones melt, shouldn’t make his heart speed up, shouldn’t make it impossible to breathe, and it sure as hell shouldn’t make him as hard as he was right now. His tongue stroked along Remus' of its own accord and the werewolf moaned, deepening the kiss. The surge of lust and need that hit Sirius was immediate - as was the realisation that, Merlin help him, he had _missed_ this.  
  
He _wanted_ this.  
  
His hands grasped the front of Remus’ shirt, fisting the material tightly between his fingers as he tried to remain upright while his mind closed down to everything but sensation. Remus pressed up against him and Sirius groaned when he felt that the werewolf was every bit as aroused as he was. The brunette’s hand snuck down, gripping the other boy’s long erection through his trousers, and Remus cried out into his mouth. Sirius echoed the cry when he felt Remus’ hand close around his own length and rub, sending jolts of pleasure ricocheting through his body.  
  
Sirius’ unoccupied hand blindly groped for the other boy’s arse, fingers sinking into that soft flesh as he pulled Remus tighter against him, thrusting his hips so their cocks dragged over each other. With a loud groan, Remus tore his mouth from Sirius’, burying his face in the Animagus' neck then biting down lightly as he shifted his hands to fumble with Sirius’ belt. Once the leather strap was undone, Remus yanked Sirius’ zipper down roughly before warm, slightly rough hands spread the fabric and forced their way into his boxers. Sirius swore loudly as Remus’ fingers brushed over the smooth, hard flesh encased in the cotton underwear and, only thinking about how much he wanted to make Remus feel as good as he did, he unfastened the other boy's fly with badly shaking hands.   
  
He tugged Remus' boxers down far enough to allow the long, smooth erection to spring free then he pulled his own pants down to his knees to expose his own weeping cock to the cool night air. He gasped in shock at the contrast of hot skin and cold air, but - damn it to hell - he _ached_ for Remus to put his hands on him.  
  
‘Touch me, Sirius.’  
  
Remus’ timely demand was growled into Sirius’ ear and he shivered with the knowledge that Remus needed this as much as he did. The deep rumble of the werewolf’s voice sent little pulses of pleasure cascading down his spine and straight to his cock which Remus now began to stroke. Sirius quickly reciprocated, closing his hand around Remus’ shaft and shutting his eyes as he tugged, long and slow strokes at first, thumb rubbing over the tip like he himself enjoyed. He realised Remus was matching him stroke for stroke, copying his movements, and he understood that the other boy was trying to learn how to touch him. Sirius eagerly showed him, the realisation that Remus wanted him, wanted to _please_ him, nearly making him finish before he wanted to. He squeezed Remus' cock and the werewolf whimpered before catching Sirius' lips again in a sloppy, desperate, clumsy kiss that grew in intensity as their hands sped up and thier breathing became harsh and loud in the quiet of the grounds.  
  
‘R…Remus!’  
  
The involuntary cry slipped from his lips as Sirius reached his end, arching into Remus' hand one last time. His eyes rolled back in his head as the powerful orgasm made his knees shake, the unsteady limbs threatening to give way and send him crashing to the ground. As the aftershocks crashed over him, he barely noticed when a hand wrap around his stalled one and stroked, coming back into himself in time to see Remus' eyes widen before his head fell onto Sirius' shoulder as he gave into his own release. The trembling werewolf leaned heavily into Sirius, biting down on his covered shoulder to stifle a loud exclamation as he spilled all over his friend's hand.  
  
They stood like that, hands wrapped around softening cocks and leaning into the other for support, until their breathing slowed. Remus was the first to pull away, pointing his wand at each of them in turn and casting Cleansing spells before pulling up his pants. He avoided Sirius’ eye as he tucked the wand back into his pocket and turned to look back out over the lake.  
  
‘If you’re going in now, I might stay here for a few minutes to think,' he said softly, his voice trembling.  
  
Sirius pulled up his pants and fought down the inexplicable hurt that rose inside him with the werewolf's words. After that fucking _incredible_ moment, Remus wanted to get rid of him?  
  
‘And what if I want to stay?  
  
He let out a sharp breath, regretting his churlish tone instantly, and tried again.  
  
‘I'm sorry. Could...could I stay with you, Moony?’  
  
The brown haired boy sat down, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his head on them.  
  
‘I can’t stop you.’  
  
Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, uncharacteristically unsure about what to do, then Remus reached a hand up and grabbed the waistband of his pants, pulling him down beside him.  
  
‘And you complain about me over thinking things.’  
  
Sirius let out a breath of laughter and mimicked Remus’ pose. They sat quietly for several minutes, lost in their own thoughts.  
  
Remus watched a bird swooping down close to the lake as his mind wandered. He was far more realistic about the issue of his sexuality than Sirius, who seemed to have enthusiastically latched onto Peter’s words that everyone experimented and was hanging onto them for dear life. Remus, however, was nothing if not practical, and he knew that not all straight guys did what he and Sirius had been doing and if they did, they almost certainly didn’t enjoy it as much as they were. And Diane, though a pretty damn good kisser, had done absolutely nothing for him. If a pretty, shapely girl with a talented tongue could not stop him thinking about the kisses he‘d shared with his friend, there really was only one logical conclusion that could be drawn.  
  
He was gay.  
  
He turned slightly to look at Sirius, who was picking absently at his fingernails. Remus wasn’t sure if it was fear or true denial that stopped Sirius from considering the possibility that he might not be the ladies man he thought he was. Maybe this really was just fooling around for him, maybe he was bisexual, but all Remus knew at the moment was that he had missed this, missed them being together, and was willing to forgo any further discussion about their sexuality in order to be able to keep being with Sirius. He wasn’t proud of his lack of pride in allowing this arrangement to continue but… _fuck it all_ …he really wanted to be able to touch Sirius again.  
  
He cleared his throat.‘I won’t mention the ‘g‘ word again, Pads. I promise. If you’re confident about your sexuality then good for you and I won't mention it again.’  
  
Sirius looked over at him with a frown. ‘Does that mean you’re still not confident? About yourself?’  
  
‘I… _am_ pretty sure about it actually but…I won’t talk about it with you again.’  
  
‘I…I don’t want you to hold stuff back, Moony,' Sirius said with a deepening frown. 'You can talk to me about yourself, I just…' He shook his head. 'I’m straight, Remus. I have to be straight.’  
  
Remus caught the edge of desperation in Sirius’ voice and suddenly realised that there was more to the other boy’s insistence than met the eye.  
  
‘It’s alright, Pads. You know no matter what happens, what you decide to do, I’m your friend.’  
  
‘Really?’ Sirius said gratefully and Remus nodded.  
  
‘Of course.’  
  
Sirius smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks, and slung his arm in what he hoped was a casual way around Remus’ shoulders.  
  
‘Thanks, Moony.’  
  
Remus smiled and his gaze moved to Sirius' chin. ‘And I’m sorry I hit you.’  
  
Sirius waved his free hand dismissively, even though it had been quite a good punch. ‘That little tap? I barely felt it. Forget it.’  
  
They both laughed and Sirius’ arm tightened around the werewolf’s shoulder, both of them relishing the contact. They were quiet for another moment then Remus spoke hesitantly.  
  
‘Can I come and visit you later, Pads? After the others are asleep?’  
  
‘If you want,' said Sirius evasively, but Remus wasn't having it.  
  
‘Do _you_ want?’  
  
There was another, longer pause then Sirius whispered,‘Yes. Yes, Moony. I want.’


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Thirteen**  
  
 _ **A month later**_  
  
‘ _Bloody Hell_!’  
  
‘Happy Birthday, Moony!’  
  
The chorus of voices made Remus look up from his soaked bed to see his room mates grinning down at him, each with now empty buckets in their hands.  
  
‘You call _this_ a happy birthday?' he spluttered, pushing his soaking wet brown hair out of his face. 'Woken up by buckets of cold fucking water being tossed on me?’  
  
James was holding weakly onto the bedpost, crying with laughter, Sirius was sniggering behind his hand, and only a chortling Peter bothered to try and offer an explanation.  
  
‘Well, we couldn’t find a hooker to celebrate your coming of age and Prongs refused to get down and dirty to help initiate you into adulthood. We ran out of ideas then so we fell back on an old stand by.’  
  
Remus snarled as he wrung out his shirt. ‘You lot claim to be the greatest fucking pranksters of the modern age yet none of you could think of a more original way to wake me up...and who’s gonna clean up this mess?’  
  
‘Give us a break, Moony,' Peter said with a snort of laughter as water streamed out of Remus' pyjama top. 'Zonko himself would have trouble thinking up something original at six in the morning.’  
  
Remus groaned at the reminder of the early hour then climbed over a mound of wet bedclothes to stand up. He shook his head vigorously in a very canine-like way and sent a spray of water droplets over the still-chortling trio, who screeched and tried futilely to leap out of the way. Sirius and Peter slammed into each other in their haste and crashed to the ground in a tangled heap. Remus laughed at them then quickly moved to grab his soaked pyjama pants, which had started to slip over his hips. A pale butt cheek was exposed before he managed to catch them and drag them back up into place.  
  
James burst into fresh waves of laughter as he watched Remus struggle with his pyjama bottoms and joined the others on the floor, his shaking knees unable to hold him up any longer. Peter bent over double giggling as Remus glared at them and held onto his sagging pants.   
  
Sirius, however, sat up fast, his amusement fading at the sight of that rounded flesh he had been clutching at so desperately just last night. His face flushed as his groin twitched in reaction to the memory and he blinked a couple of times before he made himself look away, catching a grinning Peter staring at him all-knowingly. Sirius was surprised by the blonde boy’s obvious smugness, but recovered enough to stand up and throw a towel at Remus with a smile that hopefully didn‘t look too forced.  
  
‘Get dry, Moony. You’ve got presents to open.’  
  
The thought of the copious amounts of sweets the Marauders usually heaped on him cheered Remus up some, and, grumbling under his breath, he squelched his way to the bathroom to change. He had stripped and was drying off his damp skin when he heard the bathroom door open. Glancing up at the mirror, he saw Sirius behind him before he felt a pinch on his arse. He squeaked in surprise and leapt out of the way of Sirius' wandering hands, even as his body responded to the touch.  
  
Sirius chuckled at his reaction. ‘I was busting to do that in there,' he teased. 'You have a nice butt, Moony.’  
  
‘Shit, Padfoot!’ Remus growled, grabbing a towel and holding it to his groin.   
  
Sirius watched in amusement as he hastily tried to wrap the terrycloth around himself without revealing his privates.   
  
‘You seem to have forgotten that I’ve actually seen that thing in a _much_ more impressive state, Moony,' he said, his voice laced with laughter.  
  
‘You…I…shut _up_ , Pads!'  
  
Remus could feel himself flushing and Sirius’ throaty chuckle only served to redirect some of the blood that had been rushing to his face in a more southerly direction. He frowned and grabbed his underwear.  
  
‘What do you want anyway? I refuse to allow you to molest me when there is some of Honeydukes finest waiting out there for me.’  
  
Sirius laughed, still watching Remus' fumbling attempts to dress. ‘Good to see you’ve got your priorities sorted out, Moony.’  
  
‘There’s no competition, Padfoot,' Remus said, finally getting his feet into the boxers. 'Chocolate is my one true love.’  
  
He pulled his underwear up under his towel then untied the terry cloth, slinging it over a hook with a relieved sigh. Sirius had seen him naked before, but the dim lighting of their bower was very forgiving. The light in the bathroom was not so kind.   
  
‘So...what couldn’t wait?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.  
  
Sirius’ smile faded and he looked a little uncertain as he jumped up onto the vanity, sliding his backside onto the cold stone bench.  
  
‘I've got something for you and I...' He bit his lip. 'I’ve got the usual box of chocolates in the dorm - Merlin knows you’d bite my hand off if I forgot that - but I... I wanted to give you your proper present in private and...’   
  
He sighed heavily then shrugged and pulled a rectangular shaped, wrapped gift from inside his shirt. ‘Here.’  
  
Remus reached out for it cautiously and looked it over. 'It won't explode, Moony,' Sirius said. 'Although you might want to be careful of Prongs' gift.'  
  
The corner of Remus' mouth twitched and he tugged on the ribbon, unwrapping the gift carefully and cursing his heart, which was beating so fast he thought it would break his ribs. He pulled off the wrap and his chest tightened almost painfully when he uncovered the leather encased book.  
  
‘I still don’t get why it’s called the ' _Three_ Musketeers' when there are four of them, but...’ Sirius shrugged, his face pink. ‘We ruined your copy during that pillow fight before the summer break and I’ve been trying to find it since. I had it bound and the title and your name embossed...'   
  
He realised he was babbling and snapped his mouth shut. 'Anyway, I hope you like it.’  
  
Remus stared down at the book, words refusing to come. The scent of luxurious leather reached his nostrils and his thumb traced the gold embossed words, _‘Property of Remus J. Lupin’_ across the bottom of the back cover, the script matching that used to stamp the title of the book into the calfskin on the front. He’d never had such an extravagant gift given to him before and was a little overwhelmed by both Sirius’ thoughtfulness and his intense gut reaction to it.  
  
Sirius bit his lip hard when Remus remained silent. ‘I...I got the wrong thing, didn’t I?’  
  
Remus shook his head quickly as he looked up at the other boy, his breathing a little laboured.  
  
‘No. No, it’s...perfect, but Sirius... this must have cost you a fortune.’  
  
The Animagus flushed and he looked extraordinarily pleased with himself. He shrugged as he slid off the bench, dismissing Remus’concerns.  
  
‘You might want to keep it somewhere safer this time - never know when a pillow fight might break out.’  
  
He smiled then that uncertain expression flittered across his face again before he leaned over and pecked Remus on the cheek quickly.   
  
The werewolf’s skin burned with awareness and his stomach flipped over as Sirius said softly,‘Happy Birthday, Remus.’  
  
He left the bathroom quickly and Remus stared down at the leather-clad cover of the book in alarm. He knew this feeling.  
  
Fast beating heart?  
  
 _Check._  
  
Rapid respiration?  
  
 _Check._  
  
Desire to smile stupidly and read ridiculously flowery poetry about love and rainbows?  
  
 _Check._  
  
 _Oh, bloody hell!_  
  
He hadn’t felt this since Third Year when James decided that Lily Evans would one day be his and a disappointed Remus had to resign himself to putting her on the forever unobtainable list. These were the symptoms of a fast growing crush and yet again, it seemed his heart was setting itself on someone completely and utterly out of its reach.  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘Have a good birthday, Remus?’  
  
The werewolf looked up and smiled at Lily Evans as he nodded. ‘Yeah, it was great - apart from the wake up call.’  
  
She giggled and sat down next to him on the couch where he‘d settled himself after his last class to read. ‘James told me about that. He thought it was hysterical. Do you think he’ll _ever_ grow up?’  
  
Remus put down his book carefully and grinned. ‘Probably not completely, but you’ve curtailed him since you gave in and agreed to date him.’  
  
She looked smug and smirked before she picked up his book. _‘Three Musketeers'_. I love this book.’ She ran her fingers over the leather and gold and smiled. ‘Remus, this is gorgeous. Where did you get it? Did your parents give it to you for your birthday?’  
  
Remus felt his face heating up and cleared his throat.‘Er, no. Actually, Sirius gave it to me.’  
  
‘Oh. I see,' Lily said, in a tone that implied that she really _did_ see. She handed the book back to Remus and seemed to be thinking about her next words before she opened her mouth.‘He’s not usually so…generous with his gifts, is he? He gave James a packet of Liquorice Wands for his last birthday.’  
  
Remus tried evasive tactics to distract her from her too-close-for-comfort observations. ‘I didn’t realise you paid so much attention to James before you started dating him. Was all that resistance just you playing hard-to-get?’  
  
'I _am_ hard to get,' she retorted, glaring at him to communicate that she knew exactly what he was trying to do and that it hadn't worked. ‘Sirius must have done something really bad to try and make it up to you with such an expensive gift...'   
  
She paused then added softly,'...or he _really_ likes you.’  
  
Remus stood up, flustered by her pointed questioning. ‘He did something bad,' he told her, grabbing his bag of school books and clutching his book to his chest. 'He helped ruin my other copy so got me this. You know Sirius - doesn’t think about the cost of things much. People with money don’t.’  
  
‘Mmm,' Lily murmured, not sounding convinced and Remus decided to beat a hasty retreat, mumbling a farewell and taking the stairs two at a time.   
  
He burst through the door of his dorm, stomach churning with worry. Did Lily know what was going on? Had she seen something in his face that screamed _‘gay werewolf'_? He dumped his bag and book on his bed then went to the bathroom, splashing water on his face with hands that trembled a little.  
  
 _She doesn’t know. Lily doesn’t beat around the bush. If she thought she knew, she’d ask._  
  
‘You okay, Moony?’  
  
Remus looked up and smiled at Peter, who was frowning in concern from the doorway.‘Yeah, I'm fine, Pete. Too many sweets.’  
  
Peter grinned and stood aside so Remus could move back into the dorm first.‘Well, I can take some of that load off your hands if you like…’  
  
~*~*~  
  
After dinner, Remus ignored the others' suggestions that he should nip off to the pub for an after-dinner Firewhiskey, or try to find some _‘ahem - company’_ to celebrate his coming of age, and instead, curled up in bed to read. He remained there all evening as one by one the others came up to bed. He blocked out the sounds of their laughing and teasing and soon enough, Remus was reading to a chorus of light snores. It was nearly midnight and he had nearly reached the end of his book when his curtains parted softly and Sirius poked his dark head in and grinned.  
  
‘Want some company?’ he whispered and Remus smiled, shifting on his bed to allow Sirius to slide under the covers next to him.  
  
They’d fallen back into their routine after that night at the lake nearly a month earlier. Sirius would wait until the others fell asleep then sneak over to Remus' bed. At first, they'd talk for a little while then make out, ending the night in a sweating, groping wank that left both of them panting and sated.   
  
But, more recently, they found themselves talking for longer, telling each other things they never thought they’d tell another living soul. Remus told Sirius about the night he was bitten, about the fight his parents put up to stop the Ministry putting him down like an animal, about the fears he held for his future. In return, Sirius confided in him about his parents and his love/hate relationship with them, his brother who he felt guilty for leaving behind when he ran away from home and who he feared was getting sucked into the battle that was building in the outside world, and his terror that he himself would turn out to be everything he despised in them all.  
  
Those nights, there was no rutting, no wanking, no physical release, nothing more than a few kisses goodnight once they'd talked themselves out, but when Sirius tiptoed back to his bed, they were just as sated and content as they were on those other nights.  
  
The only topic they never discussed was what they were doing together or their sexuality. Sirius once almost blurted out all his fears and growing doubts about his sexual orientation, his concerns that his friends would turn their backs on him if he was disowned and was no longer a powerful, wealthy Black, but bit his tongue at the last moment as he lost his famous Gryffindor courage.  
  
Tonight, Sirius put his head on Remus’ shoulder and stopped him from closing the book.  
  
‘No, finish it. Read it out loud to me.’  
  
‘Too tired to read with me?’ Remus teased and Sirius grinned.  
  
‘Too lazy.’  
  
Remus chuckled, but did as he was bid, casting a Silencing spell then reading the final pages of the story, which Sirius had read the year before with his encouragement and enjoyed. When he finished, he looked over at Sirius, who’d been unusually quiet and caught the other boy watching him.  
  
‘What?’ he asked self-consciously.  
  
‘You’ve got nice lips.’  
  
Remus smiled, feeling himself flush and thanking Merlin for the dim lighting. ‘So have you.’  
  
‘Mmm,' Sirius murmured, burrowing his chin into the crook of Remus' neck. 'So why are we still talking if my lips are so nice?’  
  
Remus shrugged nonchalantly and hid a smirk. ‘Well, I thought we could discuss the book. It was just _fascinating_...’  
  
‘You talk too much, Moony,' Sirius complained, nudging the werewolf in the ribs. 'Do something more interesting with your mouth.’  
  
‘Any suggestions?’ Remus asked and Sirius sniggered.  
  
‘Many - all too filthy to actually say aloud. Why don't you start with a kiss and see what happens?’  
  
Remus smiled and planted a chaste kiss on Sirius' lips. ‘Alright?’  
  
‘Not nearly alright yet,' Sirius complained, grabbing hold of the front of Remus' shirt and pulling him closer.  
  
Remus laughed and swiftly rolled on top of the brunette, pinning him to the bed and making him exclaim cheekily,‘Hey, this looks a lot like one of those suggestions I had...!’  
  
Sirius’ words dried up as Remus leant down and kissed him, the soft lip lock quickly growing and deepening as heat took hold. Their clothes fell by the wayside and hands wandered over the exposed, heated skin. They had both been growing in confidence of late, their explorative touches guided by soft moans and gentle direction. Neither wanted to admit it aloud, but they found what they did together far more erotic than being with a member of the fairer sex, both startled that the roughened fingers, scratchy jaw and hard angles aroused more intense sensations than the softness of the girls they’d been with in the past.  
  
For Remus at least, it was now impossible to deny that he preferred this to being with a girl and his mind was gradually coming to accept that girls were never going to be an option for him again. He was also starting to want to try new things, to touch and taste Sirius in different ways, but didn’t have a clue how to broach the subject with the other boy, who he was sure would react badly if he suggested going a bit further.  
  
 _So perhaps I should try just doing it..._  
  
His lips trailed along the delicate chord of Sirius’ throat, loving the feel of the frantically fluttering pulse point under his tongue. Sirius groaned, tilting his head to the side to allow Remus full access then he let out a fast, sharp breath as Remus' roughened fingers tentatively rolled a nipple.   
  
Remus looked up at the sound, wondering if the simple touch was too much, but hoping to all that was holy that Sirius would allow it.  
  
‘Pads?’  
  
‘Do it again,’Sirius ordered, his voice thick and hoarse.  
  
Remus obliged him then, after garnering another long moan from Sirius’ lips, he bent his head and allowed his tongue to flick lightly over the tiny nub.  
  
‘Oh, Merlin! _Again_!’  
  
The breathy whisper came as a shiver shook Sirius and Remus smiled, pleased his first push for more intimacy had been eagerly accepted. He laved the coffee-coloured nipples with his tongue and Sirius pushed his chest towards him, offering himself up for Remus' mouth to devour. When the werewolf bit down gently on his nipple, Sirius growled and shifted his hand to pinch Remus’ sensitive buds.   
  
The werewolf squawked at the unexpectedly sharp touch then moaned softly as Sirius ran the pad of his thumb over the nub to soothe it. Remus returned his mouth to Sirius’, catching sight of the other boy’s eyes, which were darkened with lust and need, and the desire he saw there made Remus just about lose his mind.  
  
Fighting back the urge to snog the other boy senseless, Remus touched his lips lightly to Sirius’, brushing their mouths together teasingly until Sirius made a frustrated noise and lifted his head, impatiently claiming Remus' lips. They kissed - long, deep, aching kisses - and they rocked together as their laboured breathing filled the bubble they’d created around themselves. When his head was spinning and he could no longer deny his body’s need for oxygen, Remus pulled away from Sirius’ clinging lips, burying his face in the other boy’s neck and breathing in his musky, spicy scent.  
  
Sirius’ hand ghosted over Remus’ arse and the werewolf moaned as the feather-light touch firmed around the curve of a buttock. Sirius squeezed lightly as he flexed his hips and ground their leaking erections together. Remus swore into Sirius' neck and pressed kisses along the brunette's throat. Sirius’ other hand stroked up and down Remus' back, lingering for several moments over the freshest scar then his lips grazed Remus ear.  
  
‘You’re soft for a boy.’  
  
Remus lifted his mouth off Sirius’ throat and looked at him in surprise. They rarely talked once they started this dance and usually then spoke only to direct the other... _harder, faster, Oh Gods, moremoremore..._ But chit chat was unusual…  
  
‘What?’  
  
‘You’re soft for a boy,' Sirius repeated quietly. 'Your skin, I mean.’  
  
‘Did you just insult me, Padfoot?’ Remus teased, skimming a finger along Sirius' collarbone and smiling when the other boy shivered.  
  
‘Why would that be an insult?’ Sirius asked, tilting his head to give access to Remus' finger as it stroked over the curve of his neck.  
  
‘Well, boys shouldn’t be described as soft,' Remus told him, pressing a kiss to the ridge of Sirius' clavicle. 'They should be muscular and hard and…’  
  
‘Some bits of you are hard,' Sirius smirked then he rubbed his groin over Remus'. ' _Very_ hard, in fact.’  
  
Remus moaned softly and smiled. ‘Prat. You know what I mean. You’re soft too, you know.’  
  
‘My skin’s rougher than yours,' Sirius argued, hands weaving into Remus' hair. 'I have manly calluses and the like.’  
  
Remus grinned wickedly and pushed himself into a seated position between Sirius' legs. ‘Not everywhere.’  
  
His hand crept between Sirius’ legs and lightly scraped over his inner thigh.‘You’re soft here.’  
  
Sirius chuckled and arched off the bed, spreading his legs to encourage the caress. Remus diligently ran his fingers over the soft flesh, his wrist accidentally brushing Sirius’ straining erection. The brunette moaned loudly and Remus stared down at him, stunned all of sudden by how...beautiful the other boy was. With his hair all mussed, his eyes squeezed shut, face contorted with pleasure and his body twisted and muscles tensed because of what Remus was doing, how he was touching him, Sirius was simply gorgeous.  
  
Remus ran his hands over Sirius’ tense thighs to cup his hips, feeling the other boy straining to push himself closer and his frustrated, pleading moans hanging in the air. It gave Remus a strange sense of power to know that he could make another person feel that good and he acted on impulse, bending over and kissing the tip of Sirius’ cock.  
  
The other boy’s reaction was instantaneous and not at all subtle. His eyes flew open and he yelped, his body jerking off the bed.  
  
‘What the…?!’  
  
 _Fuck, I ruined it!_  
  
‘Sorry!’ Remus sat up fast, reaching over to grab his boxers, not brave enough to look at Sirius' no doubt horrified face. ‘I’m sorry. God, Sirius…I…I’m sorry.’  
  
‘Moony...’  
  
‘I’m so...’  
  
Sirius nearly growled. ‘For Merlin's sake, don’t apologise again!' He put his hand on Remus' arm. 'Remus, please? Stop.’  
  
The ardent plea stopped Remus and he sat slumped on the edge of the bed, hands coming up to press against his eyes.  
  
‘Remus, look at me,' Sirius asked softly. 'Please?’  
  
Summoning every ounce of courage he had left, Remus took his hands off his burning face and looked at Sirius who shocked him by kissing him, letting his lips linger for several seconds before pulling back.  
  
‘S…Sirius…I...’  
  
‘Did you _want_ to do it?' Sirius asked abruptly. 'It wasn’t an accident? You didn’t mean to kiss my stomach and...slip?’  
  
For a moment, Remus was tempted to say _‘yes, it was an accident that your penis fell into my mouth,'_ but he knew Sirius would never believe it.  
  
‘I wanted to do it.’ His voice was low and miserable and Sirius chuckled.  
  
‘Doesn’t sound like you wanted to do it.’  
  
‘I did,' Remus said then looked up into Sirius' dark eyes. 'I _do_.’  
  
Something flared bright and hot in those dark irises and Remus shivered as that heat captured him and spread throughout his body. Sirius stared intently at Remus then nodded and fell back onto the bed, striking a flamboyant, spreadeagled pose.  
  
‘Well, if you're sure. Just watch your teeth; I don’t want your fangs sinking into anything sensitive.’  
  
Remus stared at Sirius with a combination of disbelief and excitement, and Sirius smiled, holding out a hand to him.   
  
'Come here, yeah?' he said, a little gruffly and Remus moved, sliding up his friend's body to kiss him hard and fast.  
  
They _snogged_ this time, hot and rough as their wandering hands renewed each others' arousal. Remus’ hand stroked both his own cock and Sirius’ as he pressed kisses all over his friend’s chest, his ribs, his stomach - every patch of skin he‘d been wanting to taste. When he reached Sirius' hip, he kissed the bony knob there then looked nervously up at the brunette who, to his surprise, was watching him intently.  
  
‘Remus, you don’t have to…’Sirus began, but Remus interrupted.  
  
‘I know. I want to.’  
  
Tentatively, Remus pressed his mouth to the soft, slightly sticky head of Sirius' cock then pulled back and licked the transferred pre-come off his lips. It didn’t taste as bad as he thought it might and looked back up at a dark-eyed Sirius.  
  
‘Is it disgusting?’  
  
Remus was pleased to hear that Sirius’ voice was nowhere near as steady as it had been just a few seconds earlier and he shook his head.  
  
‘Not too bad,' he answered tremulously. 'It's…salty.’  
  
Sirius grunted and Remus once again focused on his task. His pink tongue flicked over Sirius‘ erection, circling the ridge of the soft glans and Sirius’ long moan spurred him on. Remus eased his mouth slowly over the tip of the now-throbbing shaft and pressed his tongue to the tip, wriggling it over the little leaking crevasse there.  
  
 _‘Holy fucking Merlin!’_  
  
Smiling at Sirius’ loud and enthusiastic reaction, Remus sucked lightly and the Animagus’ hips jerked sharply, pushing more of his long cock into Remus’ mouth. Another groan made Remus do it again, harder this time, then he dragged his lips up the stiff shaft, keeping just the tip inside his mouth as he sucked this time and Sirius whined.  
  
'Remus...Oh, _Gods_ , Remus!'   
  
Remus nearly came there and then; Sirius' desperate, pleading voice calling his name sending him right to the edge. He breathed in through his nose before he dove back down to eagerly suck more of Sirius length inside his mouth, not stopping until his gag reflex kicked in. He repeated this action a few times, swirling his tongue around the soft cockhead as Sirius’ hands twisted in his hair and guided his pace. He fisted the bottom half of Sirius’ hard column, shifting his hand in sync with his mouth’s movements.   
  
Sirius’ raspy voice murmuring, ‘ _Fuckfuckfuck_ ’ over and over let him know he was doing it right then, after one last hard suck, he heard Sirius whisper,‘Shit! Remus, I’m coming.’  
  
Remus was still deciding what to do when thick fluid filled his mouth and, after choking initially, he bravely swallowed. Sirius convulsed under him, bucking and swearing violently then his body went limp, cock still pulsing in Remus' mouth. Remus let the softened member slide from between his lips, but stayed where he was, leaning his head against Sirius' hip. Sirius was still whimpering and ran his hands over Remus’ head as the aftershocks eased. When he stopped trembling, Remus moved away, but the Animagus opened his eyes, pinning him with his darkened orbs as his smooth, flawless chest rose and fell erratically.  
  
‘Come here, Remus.’  
  
Remus obeyed the shaky demand, crawling up the bed to lie down next to Sirius and immediately, he felt a calloused hand wrap around his throbbing, neglected cock. He gasped then moaned and, just a few expert strokes later, he was arching up and cursing his own blue streak as he came hot and hard all over Sirius' hand.  
  
When he finally opened his eyes, Sirius was looming over him, his grey eyes searching Remus‘.  
  
‘Did you _really_ swallow?’  
  
Remus groaned in embarrassment, but warily nodded, hoping that Sirius wouldn't screw up his nose in disgust. The ebony-haired boy hesitated then dipped his head to kiss Remus, his tongue snaking into the werewolf's mouth, sweeping around the soft recess and tasting his own essence there. He pulled back and gazed down at Remus breathlessly, wondrously.  
  
‘I can taste me.’  
  
Remus nodded, waiting for a reaction. Sirius’ face softened and he suddenly looked more vulnerable than Remus would have thought possible. A shaky hand brushed over Remus’ forehead, shifting light-brown strands away from his face gently. Remus raised his own arm, touching Sirius’ face lightly with the tips of his fingers and stroking them along the line of his jaw. The other boy smiled then leaned down to kiss Remus again, lips meeting softly, sweetly, before he pulled back, face more animated now as he teased:  
  
‘Not bad, Moony. Not bad at all.’


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fourteen**  
  
‘Padfoot!' Remus whispered hoarsely, shoving Sirius' shoulder. 'Wake up!’  
  
Sirius squirmed under the bedclothes then he raised an arm, swatting Remus across the head as he pushed him away. ‘Bugger off, Moony,' he mumbled sleepily, burrowing his face deeper into the pillow. 'Too early.'  
  
‘It's morning,' Remus told him, yanking the pillow out from under Sirius' head. 'And you’re _still_ in my bed!’  
  
The low, hissed words had the intended result; Sirius’ eyes snapping open instantly. Bright light assaulted him, slicing into his still half asleep brain, and he groaned before squinting up at a naked Remus with rapidly-rising panic.  
  
‘It's morning? Shit! Did I sleep here all night?’  
  
Remus nodded in confirmation, pulling his nightclothes on fast as Sirius sat up, their faces tense and worried.   
  
There was just over a week until the Easter break, and for the first time, Sirius hadn’t returned to his own bed the night before. They’d been pushing their unspoken boundaries for weeks now, becoming more relaxed with their clandestine relationship and, along with the more casual attitude, came a loosening of their usual routine of talk, fool around then back to their own beds.   
  
They had been staying with each other for longer after their bodies were sated, talking and dozing until the early hours of the morning when one or the other of them would stumble back to their own bed so the others would remain none the wiser. But this morning, Remus woke to soft, gentle lips on his throat and a hard, insistent erection pressing into his thigh and the part of his brain that had earned him his Prefect badge, shut down. Kissing led to groping which, in turn, led to some desperate frotting and culminated in a mutual wank which left them sweaty and exhausted. They'd both fallen asleep almost immediately with limbs tangled and come sticky on their skin, but with smiles playing on their lips.  
  
Now, though, the light of day bought harsh reality down upon them and, after a fast Cleansing Charm, they frantically pulled on their hastily discarded nightclothes, praying to every deity they could recall - Muggle _and_ Magic - that no one else was awake yet. Remus quietly removed the Silencing spell once they were dressed and, to their dismay, they heard James asking Peter if he knew where Sirius was.  
  
‘Shit.’  
  
The word was said under his breath, but Remus still flapped his hands to indicate that Sirius should shut up. The werewolf bit his lip then pulled Sirius down onto the bed, sitting down at the opposite end when he heard footsteps coming their way. They were trying to appear as if they'd been casually chatting when the curtains parted and James peered in at them with suspicious eyes.  
  
‘Hey! What are you two up to so early?' he asked, then he grinned. 'Did I catch you out? Were you just getting up from a night of debauchary?’  
  
Sirius, stomach dropping, forced a grin and winked outrageously at Remus, deciding that the truth might be the best defensive tactic right now.  
  
‘Yes, we are,' he said, pouting. 'And we were about to have some _fantastic_ morning sex when you opened the curtains and so rudely interrupted.’  
  
He threw himself at Remus, who looked stunned by Sirius' words, and pulled him down onto the mattress before looking up at James with an arched eyebrow.‘Want to watch, Prongs? I’m sure Moony won’t mind if you join in, would you, Moons?’  
  
Remus, catching on, tried to push Sirius off, but to no avail. ‘ _Don’t_ call me that! And I don’t care if he joins in, as long as he uses your arse.’  
  
Sirius gave his hips a wriggle, Remus biting back a moan as their groins rubbed together through their pyjama pants and his cock started to show some interest in proceedings.  
  
‘ _I_ am a top, Mister Moony,' Sirius said, seeming to delight in Remus' discomfort. 'I will have _nothing_ shoved up my…’  
  
‘Guys!' called Peter, hands on hips. 'It’s a bit early for all this fruitiness, isn’t it?’  
  
Sirius arched his back, much to Remus’ dismay as the movement pushed their groins into even more intimate contact, and taunted the objecting Peter.  
  
‘Jealous, Pete? We were going to invite you as well, but if you don't want to...’  
  
Peter shrugged. ‘Oh, well, in that case…’  
  
He took a running jump and leapt onto Sirius‘ back, making both Remus and Sirius groan in pain as their heads butted together. James laughed and jumped on the pile as well as a bemused Frank Longbottom came out of the bathroom. He glanced at them and shook his head resignedly, having become accustomed to seeing strange things after nearly seven years of rooming with the Marauders, and he knew when not to ask.  
  
Many complaints, elbows in ribs and one close call involving Pete’s bollocks and Remus’ knee, later, James and Peter were in the bathroom and Frank had just waved a farewell on his way down to breakfast.  
  
Remus glanced over at Sirius, who let out a long, slow breath of relief. ‘Shit, that was close, Pads.’  
  
‘Mmm,' Sirius agreed, trying not to notice that Remus' pants were slightly tented in the front. 'We’ll have to be more careful about getting back to our own beds next time.’  
  
He stood up and stretched, his night shirt riding up. Sirius smirked when he caught Remus eyeing off the strip of revealed skin, then felt heat spread through him as the werewolf's eyes dropped to Sirius' own, far-more-prominant-than-usual bulge below.  
  
He swallowed hard, then leaned over and whispered teasingly, ‘ _Totally_ worth it, though. You’re getting damn good at giving head, Mister Moony.’  
  
His tongue snaked out and traced the curved shell of Remus’ ear, feeling his cock stiffen even further as his lips closed around the soft lobe. Remus was unable to completely mute his moan then he let out a loud, shaky exhale before he pushed Sirius away.   
  
‘Get changed, you ponce,’ he muttered, voice gravelly and face flushed.  
  
Sirius grinned, but stepped back, blowing Remus an exaggerated kiss before moving toward his own bed.  
  
He drew his curtains and rummaged in the pile of clothes on the floor, finding what looked like a reasonably clean uniform. He sniffed it then, once he'd determined it still had at least one wear in it, shook the wrinkles out of it and quickly tugged his pyjamas off. His hand brushed over his cock - still hard from just being close to Remus. He smiled to himself as he recalled what he and Remus had done last night and what they might do tonight.   
  
After his tentative first try, Remus had taken to oral sex like a fish to water and, like the diligent student he was, used every opportunity to refine his skills. He now gave the best blow jobs Sirius had ever had and the brunette's cock throbbed at the thought of those soft, pink lips which had been stretched around his shaft just hours earlier.  
  
Sirius felt a little shot of guilt; he hadn’t offered to reciprocate yet. He was curious about what it would be like. Really curious; Remus had gotten off several times while blowing Sirius, without the other boy so much as touching himself. Sirius' mouth had opened many times to offer to do Remus in return, but the words kept sticking in his throat. He just wasn’t ready yet. Sucking a bloke off...wouldn’t that mean he could kiss any chance of being heterosexual goodbye?   
  
Sirius frowned. Heterosexual...when had his last contact with a girl been? He thought back and swore silently when he realised it had been months since he'd had sex with a bird and he couldn't even remember the last time he masturbated without Remus. He sighed and sank down onto the edge of the bed as the reality of his situation began to finally sink in.  
  
 _So, not so straight, perhaps. Bisexual, maybe? Would that be so bad? I could still carry on the Black name and all that shit…_  
  
He tried to draw on his previous experiences of sex with girls to reassure himself that he still wanted them, but their curves and softness suddenly seemed so unattractive after Remus and his straight lines and rough textures and hard, toned body...  
Sirius cock pulsed and he groaned, pressing down on it with the heel of his hand.  
  
 _Is it really that I'm attracted to men, or is it just that I'm attracted to Remus?_  
  
He tried to imagine himself with James or...ugh...well, _not_ Peter, but any other boy in their year...but he couldn’t. Nor could he now see himself with one of the girls. Sirius shivered as he finally realised it was _Remus_ he wanted, _Remus_ he craved.  
  
Sirius sighed again. It wouldn’t really matter to his family whether he was shagging one boy or sixty-three. His parents would be _furious_ if they found out he’d been carrying on with a member of the same sex. Homosexuality, while not as taboo in the younger generations, still remained a forbidden subject amongst older wizards and witches who still believed matches were made based on blood purity and the ability to breed, rather than for love.  
  
When Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, his mother sent a vicious letter telling him how disgusted she was in him. Every time they got a letter about his misdeeds, his mother would send a Howler. When she discovered he was hanging around with Muggle borns and half bloods, she’d locked him in his room for almost an entire summer and, when he left home last year, his parents had been furious. But after everything he'd done to piss them off, they _still_ hadn’t disowned or disinherited him. They would, however, do exactly that if they found out about him and Remus.  
  
As much as he disliked what his parents stood for, they _were_ his parents. He _had_ to believe that deep, deep down, there was some good in them...if for no other reason than so he could keep believing there was good in himself. If he had been borne of two people so dark, how could there possibly be any light in him?  
  
 _Remus believes there’s light inside me. He believes I’m a good person._  
  
Was that enough? Was what he had with Remus enough to make up for everything he’d lose - the name, the power, the money - if his family found out he was waking up naked next to another guy?  
  
The definitive _'no'_ that he'd answered that question with a couple of months ago now wavered and was beaten back by a stronger, but still slightly uncertain _'maybe'_. Sirius rubbed at his face roughly and let out a groan of frustration.  
  
‘Paddy?’  
  
Sirius' head jerked up and he saw James watching him closely with a slight frown through the curtains.  
  
‘Everything alright?’ his best friend asked in concern.  
  
Sirius nodded and finished buttoning his fly. James came closer and leaned against the bedpost.  
‘Sirius, you know that if you ever want to talk about anything, I‘m here. Right?’  
  
Sirius looked up at the bespectacled boy and swallowed hard before slapping a smile on his face. ‘I know, Prongs. I…don’t have anything I need to talk about. Unless you want to know about that strange rash I found after shagging Evans in the closet…’  
  
James slapped him around the head and chuckled. ’Lils has got better taste than that. But if you _do_ ever want to talk about...oh, I don’t know...where you got that hickey on your shoulder, for example, you know where to find me.’  
  
Sirius’ eyes widened and he quickly checked both shoulders, seeing nothing, but unblemished ivory skin. He looked up to see James laughing as he walked away and realised that his friend may not be as clueless about what was happening between him and Remus as he’d thought.  
  
 _Me and Remus...makes it sound like we’re a couple._  
  
Instead of sending a horrified shudder down his spine, the thought of he and Remus being able to be as openly affectionate together as James and Lily were made warmth spread through him and he was suddenly thinking of how Remus would make a fantastic boyfriend. He was cute, funny, a right clever bastard, great kisser, gave head like he was born to fucking do it...  
  
 _I can’t think about him like that. I can’t. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to face this._  
  
He sighed again and pulled his shirt on as Remus appeared as neat as ever. He smiled at Sirius, making the brunette's stomach do a strange kind of somersault and said, ‘Ready, Padfoot?’  
  
Sirius smiled back grimly and muttered under his breath, ‘No. No I’m not.’  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘C’mon Moony, let me see it.'  
  
‘No.’  
  
‘Why not? I’ll show you mine.’  
  
‘You won't.’  
  
‘Reeemmmuuusss…’  
  
‘Oh, for the love of Merlin, Sirius!' Remus said in exasperation, throwing down his quill. 'I'm _not_ showing you my essay. Do your own bloody homework.’  
  
With an exaggerated pout, Sirius threw himself down next to Remus on the werewolf’s bed, nearly knocking a bottle of ink over in the process.   
  
Remus’ hand shot out to steady it and he cursed, ‘ _Fuck_ , Padfoot!’  
  
‘Now you’re talking!’ Sirius said, perking up.  
  
‘Oh, sorry,' said Remus with a tone of sweet scorn that made Sirius' insides wobble. 'That should have been _NEVER_ fuck Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius snorted and chucked Remus under the chin. ‘Don’t pout, Moony m’ darlin‘. Although, you do look pretty cute with your lips all puffed out…’ He shifted, sliding over the werwolf until he was lying half in his lap.  
  
‘Get off me, you oaf,' Remus muttered half-heartedly, pushing at Sirius weakly. 'I’m _trying_ to study.’  
  
‘I’m studying something far more interesting than Ancient Runes...your arse is quite fetching, you know.'  
  
‘Yeah, well, you’ll never know how fetching if you don’t stop annoying me,' Remus retorted snarkily and Siriu poked him in the ribs playfully.  
  
‘Does that mean that you plan on allowing me up close and personal access to your arse in the near future, Moony?’ he teased then he realised exactly what it was they were talking, albeit jokingly, about doing and clamped his jaw shut.  
  
There was a moment of heavy silence and Sirius knew what Remus was going to say before he even opened his mouth. He remained quiet, however, as he watched the werewolf put his quill and ink on his bedside table then carefully roll up his assignment and put it on his trunk. Then, somewhat reluctantly, he turned to Sirius and took a deep, shaking breath.  
  
‘Sirius, I’m gay.’  
  
There was another thick silence then Sirius gulped and nodded, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Yeah. I know. I kind of wondered when you went down on me…’  
  
Remus let out a little whimper and Sirius watched in horror as the werewolf's eyes filled with tears as the impact of his admission struck him. Remus raised a trembling hand, swiping it across his face and Sirius reached out, grasping the other boy's hand tightly. He knew how hard this was; knew how hard he himself was struggling with this same issue and envied Remus’ ability to see himself for who he was and not who he wished he could be for someone else.  
  
‘It’s okay, Moony,' he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. 'It’ll be okay.’  
  
‘Okay?' Remus burst out, words exploding in a strangled sob. 'I’m a fucking flaming werewolf queen! I may as well shoot myself now.’  
  
Sirius felt a strong surge of protectiveness and squeezed Remus' hand. ‘Well, Your Majesty, anyone who says a word against you will have to answer to me.’  
  
Remus looked up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears that he was trying valiantly to blink away.  
  
‘You still aren't sure...?’  
  
Sirius smiled shakily and shook his head. ‘I may not be able to be as decisive about my sexuality as you right now, Moony, but I know what I like...and I like being with you, I...like what we do.’  
  
He grinned, trying to diffuse some tension. 'And I _really_ like your blow jobs.’  
  
Remus smiled grudgingly, but Sirius could still see the fear and uncertainty in his face. He quickly glanced over at the door to make sure they were alone then embraced the other boy.  
  
‘I’ll bloody kill anyone who hurts you, Remus. I swear on my life, I'll _kill_ them.’  
  
Remus tightened his arms around the brunette and kissed the sensitive little spot under the other boy's ear lightly.  
  
‘Thanks, Pads.’  
  
A shiver ran through Sirius at the sensation of those warm lips on his skin. ‘Mmm, thank me again.’  
  
Remus smiled and kissed him in the same spot, making a heady combination of desire and need undulate down Sirius' spine.  
  
‘Again,' he murmured, pressing his face into Remus shoulder and biting down lightly on his clothed collar bone.  
  
Remus chuckled. ‘Horny mutt.’  
  
‘Randy wolf,' Sirius returned and lifted his face to Remus' with the intention of stealing a kiss until they heard a soft gasp and a girl's voice.  
  
‘Ah, pardon me. So sorry to interrupt…’  
  
Remus and Sirius leapt apart, both flushing as their eyes fell on Lily who was staring at them from the doorway with a strange look on her face.  
  
'What is it, Evans?' Sirius growled, running a hand through his hair as he tried to regain his composure.  
  
‘I’m sorry,' Lily said, for once, not returning Sirius' harsh tone. 'I…I have a message for you, Remus. Dumbledore needs to speak with you in his office.’  
  
Remus' brow creased in confusion, and he stood, Sirius rising also.  
  
‘Want me to come with you…?’  
  
‘Professor Dumbledore said he needed to see him now and in private,’ Lily said regretfully, looking from Sirius to Remus. There was a glint of comprehension in her green eyes and Sirius shifted uncomfortably.  
  
Remus must have also noticed because he said in a kind, but unmistakably dismissive voice, ‘Thanks, Lily. I’ll go now.’  
  
She took the hint and left quickly down the stairs. Remus glanced at Sirius who he could see was as worried as he was; Remus didn‘t get called to the Headmaster‘s office unless something was wrong and they‘d both had the same horrid thought - someone had found out about the lycanthropy.   
Remus tried to smile reassuringly. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing too serious,' he said unconvincingly.  
Sirius nodded and followed the werewolf down the stairs, watching worriedly as he left the common room.   
  
He tried to concentrate on his Potions essay for a few minutes then gave up on it. Lily Evans caught his eye; the girl ignoring James in favour of staring thoughtfully at Sirius. Disconcerted by her piercing, knowledgable gaze, Sirius decided to try and distract himself by joining Peter and James when they announced they were attempting a kitchen raid. There was really nothing tricky or masterful to the task - the house elves loved them - and it was only a short time later that they were returning to Gryffindor Tower with their pockets stuffed full of sweets.   
  
‘Hey, Wormtail, don’t be a pig,' Sirius snapped, slapping the other boy's hand as he reached for another chocolate and caramel slice. 'Save one of those slice things for Moony. He likes them.’  
  
Peter sulked, but pulled back his abused hand. ‘Should have got more of those. I like them too.’  
  
‘You’ve had _three_ ,' Sirius scolded. 'And Moony needs fattening up.’  
  
James shot him a look that Sirius was too scared to try and decipher and said blithely, ‘You been paying a lot of attention to Moony’s body, Padfoot?’  
  
The question didn’t quite have the teasing undertone that usually went along with their banter and Sirius quickly sidestepped the underlying question, pretending to take it as seriously as he usually did.  
  
‘Of course. Nothing else but his knobbly spine to stare at while I’m pounding him into the mattress. One day I’ll snap him in half.’  
  
He heard Peter snort, but James was silent as they reached the portrait. They gave the password and stepped into the common room where James was immediately leapt upon by Lily.  
  
‘Thank Merlin, he was looking for you lot, but he just couldn’t wait. I told him I’d go and look for you, but he said there was nothing you could do anyway and not to bother but…oh, James…he shouldn’t be alone…’  
  
‘Evans, as usual, we have no idea what you’re talking about,' Sirius said impatiently.  
  
‘ _REMUS_!' she exclaimed. 'Remus was looking for you. He’s gone home.’  
  
‘What?’ James and Peter spoke as one but Sirius frowned.  
  
‘Does this have something to do with what Dumbledore wanted him for?’ he asked.  
  
Lily nodded, her eyes glittering with tears, and for one horrible moment, Sirius thought his worst fear had come true - Remus’ lycanthropy had been discovered and he’d been kicked out.  
His voice was harsh when he next spoke.  
  
‘Spit it out, Evans. What happened?’  
  
‘He’s gone home,' she told them tearfully. 'His mother…his mother was in a car accident. She’s in the Muggle hospital. It’s pretty bad. They...the doctors...Oh, Sirius. They don’t think she’ll pull through.’


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Fifteen**  
  
‘Could you try and contact them again, Sir?’  
  
Professor Dumbledore stared thoughtfully at an obviously anxious Sirius over his steepled fingers then sat back and waved towards a hard-backed chair.  
  
‘They will answer in their own time; I would imagine they have a lot to organise at the moment.' The Headmaster watched Sirius pace the floor in front of the fireplace for several seconds then said, ' _Do_ sit down, Mr Black. Wearing a hole in my floor will do nothing to expedite matters.’  
  
Sirius exhaled heavily, but did as he was bid, balancing on the edge of the chair and fidgeting impatiently. He and Professor Dumbledore were waiting for an answer to an earlier Floo to John Lupin, confirming that the Marauders had permission to attend Mrs Lupin’s funeral the next day and double checking the starting time. Sirius had sent his own personal request with the confirmation note, determined Remus would not be by himself.   
  
Sirius checked his watch again. It had only been five minutes since the letter had disappeared into the green flames, but it felt like hours. What the hell was taking so long?  
  
Remus had been gone for three days and already Sirius missed him like he’d been away for a month. He was lonely without Remus and the aching hollow inside him that he only now realised Remus had filled, grew wider and deeper with each passing hour. There had only been one brief contact when Remus had owled Sirius to let him know his mother had passed away just minutes after he’d arrived at the Muggle hospital and asking if his friends would like to attend the funeral. The brunette had slipped the note into his pocket after reading it to James and Peter, and pulled it out to re-read behind his closed curtains at night. He analysed every word of the short missive - Remus’ tightly held control palpable in each neatly written word - and he was surprised by how very much he wanted to be with his friend right now; to hold him and comfort him, even if Remus thought he didn't need him.  
  
Sirius knew that the werewolf would try to go this alone. If there was one thing Sirius Black knew, it was Remus Lupin, and he knew _exactly_ what the other boy would be doing right now. He’d be making sure his father ate, and keeping up with the housework, and seeing that all the relatives had clean sheets and morning tea, and checking that the flowers on the casket were the kind his mother loved the most. What he wouldn’t be doing was eating properly, or sleeping, or thinking about his mother, let alone grieving for her. Remus would be doing what he usually did - looking after everyone else, thinking of everyone else, and neglecting his own needs.  
  
Whether he knew it or not, Remus needed someone to look after him and Sirius only hoped that his friend would let _him_ be the one to do it.  
  
The fireplace flared green and a rolled up cylinder of parchment was spat out onto the stone surround. Sirius, full of nervous energy, was out of his chair before it hit the floor, but Dumbledore gave him a warning look and picked up the scroll himself. He unfurled it, quickly glanced over the parchment then handed it wordlessly to Sirius.  
  
 _Dear Sirius, James and Peter,  
  
The funeral will be held tomorrow at nine o’clock. Thank you for wanting to pay your respects - mum was very fond of all of you.  
Thank you, too, Professor Dumbledore, for allowing my friends to attend and for offering to arrange transport.  
  
Truly,  
Remus Lupin_  
  
Sirius frowned. The letter was efficient and polite and, even though Remus was both those things, the cool tone of note only made him more concerned about his friend's state of mind... _and_ he had left Sirius’ question unanswered.  
  
He looked up, meeting the Headmaster's clear blue eyes. ‘Professor, what about…?’  
  
Dumbledore held up a smaller tube of parchment. ‘Mr Lupin has enclosed a private message that I assume is for you,' he said, holding out the scroll to Sirius, who snatched it up eagerly and opened it with trembling fingers.   
  
_Padfoot,  
  
Dad says it’s alright for you to stay a few days, but I want you to know I’m fine. Don’t feel obligated to keep an eye on me or anything.  
It’s all pretty sad here right now and I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to stay away. Thank you for offering though.  
  
Moony_  
  
Sirius reread it twice, his heart feeling as though a fist were squeezing it. Remus had done everything to discourage him from staying with him except for flat out refusing him, and hurt tightened his chest. He set his jaw stubbornly and looked up at Dumbledore, who was watching him expectantly.  
  
‘I’ll be staying with Remus until after the Easter holidays, Sir,' Sirius said firmly. 'Could I take some homework assignments with me? Remus won’t want to miss out on anything.’  
  
Dumbledore smiled an approving smile, his eyes twinkling. ‘That is what I expected, Mr Black,' he nodded. 'Professor McGonagall is arranging some lesson plans for you and Mr Lupin to work through.’ He stood up and Sirius absently mirrored him. 'You, Mr Potter and Mr Pettigrew will need to be ready to leave after breakfast in the morning.'  
  
Sirius nodded and crumpled up the dissuading note in his fist, throwing it into the fire on his way out of the Headmaster‘s office.  
  
 _Whether you want me or not, Remus Lupin, I'm coming._  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘Well?’  
  
‘We can go.’  
  
James had stood when Sirius entered the dorm but with his confirmation that they were all set to go and see Remus, he fell back into the bed.  
  
‘Thank Merlin,' he breathed. 'I’d hate for him to have to do this alone.’  
  
Peter sat down on the bed next to him. ‘He’s not really alone. He's got his dad…’  
  
‘Pete, his dad’s going to be a mess,' James scolded, frowning at the blonde. 'You’ve seen his parents together - it’s almost sickening how sweet they are with each other.’   
  
James' face blanched and he sat up. ‘How sweet they _were_ with each other,' he corrected himself and Peter winced. They had all liked Mrs Lupin.  
  
The frown Sirius had been wearing for the last few days deepened and he sat down on Remus’ bed. The impact of his backside hitting the bedspread sent an invisible cloud of scent into the air, tendrils of perfume wrapping themselves around Sirius. For a moment, he closed his eyes and breathed in the aroma of the friend who had come to mean so much to him. Tears stung his eyes as the earthy, musky scent faded, and he rubbed his palm over the werewolf’s pillow, hoping some of the fragrance that drove him to distraction when they were in close quarters would transfer to his skin, would leech into his pores so he could carry a little piece of Remus with him.  
  
 _Sweet Circe, I miss him so much._  
  
‘Sirius? Are you alright?’  
  
Sirius nodded, not opening his eyes until he was sure his ridiculous tears wouldn’t spill over, then he told them his other piece of news.  
  
‘I’m going to stay with Remus once the funeral’s over and for the holidays if he’ll have me.’  
  
He looked up to see James and Peter glance knowingly at each other and realised that his friends were already pretty sure that Remus had indeed been _having him_ on a regular basis. They seemed to be silently communicating then James, with a reluctant expression, turned back to Sirius and opened his mouth.  
  
Sirius got in first. ‘Look, you…you’ve obviously worked out that something’s going on with Remus and I,' he said softly, staring down at the stone floor. 'But…I don’t know what it is yet and I don’t want to talk about it. But regardless of anything else that's happened, he’s one of my best mates and I’m not letting him do this alone.’  
  
He chanced a glance up, seeing both James and Peter staring at him then James turned to Peter and heaved a heavy sigh. ‘I suppose it had to happen sometime,' he said with mock seriousness. 'The pup has grown up.’  
  
Peter chuckled and Sirius made a disgusted noise, throwing a pillow at the bespectacled boy who fell off the bed trying to avoid it. Sirius let out a bark of laughter as James landed on his messy, black head then stood up and grabbed his shower kit.  
  
‘I’m going to have a shower then pack some clothes. Dumbledore said we're leaving after breakfast.’  
  
He disappeared into the bathroom and turned the shower on, staring at his reflection in the mirror while he waited for the water to heat up. He was pale and exhausted, and the creases in his brow appeared to have been permanently etched there.   
  
He sighed and mumbled under his breath, ‘A couple of nights without him and I look like shit.’  
  
He felt like shit as well - his stomach was all churned up and his chest ached relentlessly. He missed Remus _too much_. Far too much to keep trying to convince himself that the werewolf was just a mate he fooled around with when they were randy. The brown-haired, blue-eyed boy was starting to mean something entirely different to him, something a whole lot more frightening, and the realisation was both terrifying and completely thrilling at the same time.  
  
Sirius rubbed a hand across his face, suddenly feeling older than he ever had before. So many changes had occurred in the last year: he’d moved out of home, gotten his own place, discovered a liking for cocks instead of boobs and now suspected that he was developing a crush on one of his best friends who happened to be a boy as well as the most amazing kisser he‘d ever known.  
  
It was all so overwhelming and emotion swirled like a whirlpool - frantic and temptestuous - inside his chest. Whenever he felt like this, like everything was becoming too much, he talked to Remus and felt a whole lot better afterwards. But now…  
  
 _Don’t mention any of this confusion to Remus. You’re there for him this time. Don’t blow it, Black._  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘Don’t push me, Wormtail!’  
  
‘I didn’t push you, Prongs. You stepped on my foot and…’  
  
‘You shouldn’t have had your big feet in my space…’  
  
‘Merlin, this bloody robe is strangling me…’  
  
‘Shut up the both of you!’  
  
James and Peter clamped their jaws shut and stared at Sirius, who had stopped in the middle of the Lupin's garden path to turn and glare at them.  
  
‘Just cut it out! This is bad enough without having to listen to you two peck at each other like bloody hens.’  
  
‘It’s how they show their undisclosed yet ardent love for each other, Padfoot. Don’t take that release away from them or they’ll be snogging all over the place instead.’  
  
Sirius spun around and saw a pale, but smiling Remus in the doorway of the house. His heart did a high jump in his chest and he smiled back, trying to look sympathetic rather than as if he’d like nothing better than to grab the werewolf and do some snogging of his own. Luckily, the other boys unwittingly came to his rescue, pushing forward to take turns to give Remus a manly hug - a quick, slightly awkward squeeze and a pat on the back before pulling away with an air of relief.  
  
Remus muttered something to them and waved them inside, leaving him alone with Sirius. His gaze fell to the bagful of clothes the brunette held then his eyes lifted to meet Sirius' determined grey orbs.  
  
‘You’re staying,' Remus said softly, not bothering to make it a question.  
  
‘Did you really think I wouldn’t?' Sirius asked, trying to keep his voice light. 'Don’t you know me at all, Moony? Any excuse to get out of a bit of school…’  
  
Remus made a weak attempt at a smile but failed miserably; the strain of the last few days laid bare across his face. Sirius moved closer and put a hand on his arm.  
  
‘How are you, Remus?’ he asked quietly and Remus shrugged, trying for a smile again.  
  
‘Alright,' he lied. Sirius saw straight through the fib and Remus knew it. The werewolf sighed. 'It’ll be better after today. The funeral planning really upset dad…’  
  
'What about you, Remus?'  
  
Remus swallowed hard and bit his lip. 'I...I don't want to talk about it,' he said tremulously, then he looked up at Sirius' face. 'I'm...really happy you...and the others are here.'  
  
Sirius had seen Remus withstand unimaginable pain every month, but never had he seen the werewolf look as broken as he did right now, and he couldn’t stop himself, sliding his arms around the other boy. Remus made a little whining noise and wrapped his arms around Sirius' waist, pulling him close and melting into his embrace. He buried his face in Sirius’ neck and their arms tightened, bodies pressing together from head to knee as their breath warmed each others' skin. After a quick check that they were alone, Sirius pressed his lips lightly to Remus neck then nuzzled his face comfortingly into the side of the other boy‘s face.  
  
‘I’m so sorry about everything, Remus.’  
  
Remus nodded into Sirius' shoulder then took a shaky breath and pulled back, clearing his throat noisily.  
  
‘Come on. We’d better go and save the others from my aunt Joan. I’ll warn you now - stand with your back to the wall. She pinches.’  
  
Sirius chuckled and they walked into the living room just in time to see an elderly woman’s hand sneak down to tweak Peter’s butt.  
  
~*~*~  
  
The funeral was as sad as expected, but, strangely, the final farewell to Mrs Lupin seemed to lighten the sombre mood at the house afterwards. Remus' mother's family and friends drank lots of alcohol, ate lots of cake and told very loud and raucous stories about Mrs Lupin, insisting that the gathering be a celebration of her life.   
  
Sirius sat a little apart from James and Peter and watched Remus as he bustled about the house. The other boy had been stoic at the graveside, standing between his father and grandmother, and had rebuffed Sirius’ every offer of help since they'd returned to the house. He scuttled between the kitchen and living room, tidying up and fetching more drinks and food for the guests.  
  
Sirius saw a concerned looking John Lupin watching Remus as well. The older man frowned then stood up, looking over at Sirius and catching his eye. With a tight smile, he walked across the room and sat down next to the young brunette, offering him a drink of Muggle Scotch.  
  
‘You aren’t technically of drinking age in the Muggle world,' he said, seeing Sirius' hastily disguised look of surprise. 'But you are in the wizarding world and that’s good enough for me.’  
  
Sirius accepted a half glass of the amber liquid and took a gulp, trying not to choke as the liquid burned like Fiendfyre down his throat. Mr Lupin noticed his red face and watering eyes and chuckled.  
  
‘It's not as potent as Firewhiskey but it still packs a punch. Drink it slowly.' He turned to offer James and Peter a drink, both taking the glasses with wide eyes and bringing it to their mouths cautiously. Mr Lupin put down the half-empty bottle and leaned back against the couch. He and Sirius both sipped at their drinks, eyes on their glasses, then John looked over at Sirius.  
  
‘Remus said you decided to stay on for a few days,' he said and Sirius nodded.  
  
‘Yes, sir…if that’s still alright. I don't want to intrude...’  
  
Mr Lupin waved a hand. ‘Of course, it's alright,' he said, his voice a little hoarse. 'You're always welcome and I think it would be good for Remus to have someone...'  
  
The older man's voice trailed off as Remus reappeared. He and Sirius watched as Remus grabbed a handful of glasses before he turned and headed back to the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind him.   
  
Mr Lupin sighed. ‘I’m worried about him, Sirius,' he confided, taking another, larger, sip of his drink.  
  
Sirius turned to look at John, who was still staring at the door Remus had disappeared through. ‘He hasn’t cried,' Mr Lupin said shakily. 'He hasn’t wanted to talk about it at all with me.' He smiled a rueful smile. 'I’m not much use to him, I’m afraid. He and his mother were very much alike and he talked to her when he had a problem. I only came in handy for the ‘birds and bees’ talk which I suspect his mum had to redo anyway because I don’t think I made a whole lot of sense.’  
  
Sirius smiled and they both took a longer pull at the fluid in their glasses before the man continued. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Sirius. He talks a lot about all of you boys, but you and he seem... particularly close.' Mr Lupin cleared his throat and he peered closely at Sirius. 'He wanted you here very much. Even though he wrote that discouraging note, I could see he wanted you to stay.'  
  
Sirius heard the uneasy question in the man’s voice and felt his face flushing.   
  
Hoping the man would put the extra colour in his cheeks down to the Scotch, he said, ‘Remus is my one of my best friends. He lets me dump all my problems on him and doesn‘t complain about what a girl I am. If I can help him at all now, it’ll go some way towards repaying him for everything he’s done for me.’  
  
Mr Lupin stared at him appraisingly then turned away to watch Remus as he juggled the teapot and a teacup while trying to avoid his aunt‘s pinching fingers.  
  
‘Maybe you can get him to slow down and talk about his mother,' he mused. 'I can’t get through to him. Perhaps you'll have more luck.'  
  
Sirius nodded, turning to watch Remus as well. ‘I can try, sir.’  
  
~*~*~  
  
Two hours later as Mr Lupin saw off the last of the guests, Sirius took some dirty dishes through to the kitchen where Remus had been hiding for the last ten minutes. Sirius stopped just inside the door, an alarmingly powerful wave of desire and affection swamping him as he stared at the werewolf. Remus had the sleeves of his white dress shirt pushed up to the elbow, his arms half-submerged in a sinkful of sudsy water as he washed dishes the Muggle way. Sirius' hungry gaze took in the werewolf's strong forearms and the curtain of shaggy brown hair that fell attractively over his eyes, and he cleared his throat, trying to push the libidinous, inappropriate thoughts aside.  
  
‘Wouldn’t it be easier to do it with a spell?’he asked as he approached Remus at the sink.  
  
Remus glanced over at him and shot off a quick, closed mouth smile. ‘Mum hated it when Dad used magic on dirty dishes. She reckoned spells never got them as clean as good old-fashioned soap and h..hot water.’  
  
His voice wobbled a little and he frowned down into the soapy water, focusing all his attention on the foamy white peaks as he scrubbed at a plate.  
  
‘Why don’t you let me do it and go and talk to your dad?’ Sirius suggested but Remus shook his head.  
  
‘I’m fine.’  
  
‘Remus…’  
  
‘ _I_ have to do it, Sirius.’  
  
Remus’ sharp tone startled Sirius into silence and he nodded, placing the plates next to the sink carefully. He turned to go, thinking he would give the other boy a little space, when he heard Remus say his name softly. He twisted back around, seeing his friend’s regretful face.  
  
‘I’m sorry, Pads,' Remus said miserably. 'I’m just…’  
  
Sirius shook his head. ‘It’s alright, Moony. I just want to help, but I...I don’t know how. I’m not as good at this stuff as you are.'  
  
Remus picked up a dish towel, wiping his hands as he moved closer, eyes flicking over to the closed door then back to Sirius‘ face.  
  
‘You're helping by being here,' he said softly, colour creeping along his cheekbones. 'I know I tried to put you off in my letter, but I really _do_ want you here. I just...'   
  
He shifted awkwardly. 'I wasn’t sure if you were offering because you thought you had to,' he admitted shyly. 'I don’t want you to feel...obligated because of...you know...what we do.’  
  
Sirius frowned. ‘I asked to stay because I _wanted_ to be here, Remus,' he told the other boy. 'Because I _wanted_ to be with _you_.’  
  
He seemed to realise how intimate that sounded and colour spread across his face. A little flustered, Sirius glanced over his shoulder quickly to ensure they were still alone and when he saw they were, he reached out and took Remus’ hand. Remus smiled tiredly and squeezed the warm hand in his as Sirius drew him closer, their bodies stopping just short of touching.  
  
'I really wanted to be with you,' Sirius whispered and Remus sighed, some of the tension leaving his body.   
  
‘Thank you, Sirius,' he murmured, twining their fingers together. 'I...really wanted you here.'  
  
Sirius smiled, a flush darkening his already pink face as his chest swelled with joy and his stomach did somersaults. Remus leaned in and hugged him, and Sirius felt dizzy as explosions went off all over his body. He felt weak at the knees as they pressed together and, when Remus' lips brushed as light as a butterfly wing over his cheek, Sirius forgot how to breathe. His heart was pounding fast when Remus pulled away and it skipped a beat when Remus smiled and handed him the dish cloth.  
  
‘You can dry,' he said, gazing at Sirius with an odd expression in his eyes before he turned and moved back to the sink.  
  
Sirius watched him go, blood racing as fast as a speeding broomstick through his veins and his skin sizzling where Remus had made contact. It was then that he realised there was no longer any _maybe_ about it.   
  
He had a crush the size of England on his best friend.  
  
 _Well, shit._


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Sixteen**  
  
‘Remus, I’m not sure…’  
  
‘Dad, I’m of age now,' Remus said wearily as his father wavered again. 'I’m more than capable of looking after myself for _one_ night.’  
  
‘I’m not questioning your capabilities, son…’ Mr Lupin said, his tone still indecisive.  
  
‘Then go,' Remus interrupted, waving his hand. 'Gran needs you more than me right now.’  
  
John Lupin hesitated, rubbing at his lip with his thumb in the same way Remus did when he was thinking and Sirius could see how reluctant he was to go. It was a few days after the funeral and Remus' distraught grandmother had Flooed earlier after sorting through her daughter's childhood belongings had become too much for her. Mr Lupin had agreed to spend the night with her and help out, but was now dithering over leaving Remus alone.   
  
Sirius had offered to go back to Hogwarts so Remus go with his father, but his suggestion had been immediately and vigorously panned by Remus who, in his refusal to consider sending Sirius away, had shown more life and energy than he had since his mother's passing. Sirius had felt the weight of Mr Lupin's gaze on him after Remus' outburst...a questioning, assessing gaze that made Sirius fidget a little guiltily.  
  
Those blue eyes - just like Remus' - shifted to him now as he sat at the kitchen table and he knew that John Lupin had made a decision.  
  
‘Sirius…’ he began and the brunette nodded with a smile.  
  
‘I won’t take my eyes off him, Mr Lupin,' he promised, not sure if Mr Lupin would be pleased or alarmed to hear that. 'I swear. Should I handcuff myself to him? Just to be safe?’  
  
‘ _Safe_?' snorted Remus, throwing a balled up dish cloth at Sirius. 'I’d be in more danger handcuffed to _you_ than I would be in a room full of Chimeras.’  
  
Mr Lupin chuckled and picked up his overnight bag. ‘Right, well, if you need me, I can Apparate straight back. We’re only going through some of your mother’s papers and old belongings.’  
  
Remus saw the deep sorrow in his father’s eyes, the furrows of grief etched across his brow that had first appeared after Remus was bitten, but that had deepened in the last few days, and he impulsively stepped forward to hug him.   
  
‘I’ll be fine, Dad,' he whispered against his father's shoulder, startled to realise he was almost the same height as the older man. 'Sirius is here. Go and look after Gran.’  
  
His father sighed and pulled back, staring at his son sadly. ‘You're a good boy, Remus,' he said fondly, then frowned. 'You're not really a boy anymore, though, are you?'   
  
The two Lupin men stared at each other for a moment; startled as they realised that Remus' childhood had well and truly passed, then Mr Lupin tried to smile as he ruffled his son's hair. 'You grew up too fast, son.’  
  
Remus made an equally as unsuccessful attempt at a smile then waved as his father left through the back door, Disapparating with a pop from the stairs.  
  
Sirius watched Remus as the werewolf stared blankly out the kitchen window. He was embarrassed by how pleased he was that the older man was gone for a while. He and Remus were used to hiding their burdgening relationship, but it was so hard not to reach out to Remus. Sirius just wanted to put his arms around him and tell him everything would be okay, but every time they got close, Mr Lupin appeared and Sirius snatched his hands away from Remus as if the werewolf's skin had burnt him.  
  
Remus had been holding up remarkably well so far, but Sirius could see the cracks starting to appear in the other boy's calm facade. The strain was becoming more and more prominent in Remus' face each day and, although he was careful not to let his father see it, Sirius knew that the other boy’s control was slipping. Sirius had found him a few times in a quiet corner of the living room, staring out at the garden - Mrs Lupin's domain - with his hand pressed hard against his mouth as if he was trying to hold the grief in. But he just brushed away Sirius' attempts to talk, claiming he was just exhausted and disappearing into his room. Sirius had been sleeping in the spare room, but could hear Remus moving about next door at night. Mr Lupin had taken to restlessly wandering through the house at odd hours, though, so Sirius had been unable to slip into Remus’ bedroom to offer some comfort.   
  
But tonight...  
  
‘What do you want to do now?’he asked quietly, and Remus looked over at him and shrugged.  
  
‘I don’t know. Shag?' he suggested, his face inscrutable.  
  
Sirius looked surprised then smiled, thinking Remus was trying to lighten the somewhat heavy atmosphere.  
  
‘Shag it is, Mister Moony,' he teased. 'Shall we do it here or out in the street so we scare the horses?’  
  
‘I don’t care,' Remus said as he leaned against the wall. 'I don’t care where we do it. I just need…’  
  
There was something in his voice - a neediness and desperation that Sirius hadn’t heard before and he realised that this wasn’t Remus fooling around or trying to keep things light; this was Remus reaching out for help in the only way he knew how right now.  
  
‘Moony, do you want to talk about your mum?’ he asked softly and was surprised by the immediate and blunt reply.  
  
‘No.’   
  
Remus turned away from Sirius as he ground the word out, slumping against the wall. Sirius stood up and moved towards him, touching his shoulder carefully.  
  
‘It might help to talk about...’  
  
‘I don’t want to talk,' Remus said, his voice cracking as he turned to face Sirius. 'I want to forget.’  
  
Sirius frowned when he saw Remus' drawn face and he slid his hand up to the werewolf's head, brushing his soft hair gently off his forehead. ‘Remus,' he whispered, wanting to take his friend's pain away. ‘I want to help you. Tell me what I can do to help you.’  
  
Blue eyes met grey and Remus shifted closer to Sirius, hands on his shoulders then sliding up to tangle in the raven hair at the nape of his neck. Remus dipped his head, resting his forehead against Sirius' collarbone.  
  
‘Just...touch me,' Remus answered, so softly and tremulously that Sirius almost didn't hear him. 'Just...k...kiss me. Tell me it’ll be...alright.’  
  
Sirius gripped the other boy’s wrists, feeling him shiver when he ran his thumbs over the delicate skin on the inside. This was his chance to help Remus, to pay him back for all the times he’d been there for him. He brushed his lips over the other boy's cheek and nuzzled his nose into Remus' face in a very Padfoot-like way.  
  
‘It’ll be alright, Moony,' he said, whispering into Remus' ear. 'I promise. It’ll be alri…’  
  
His words were cut off when Remus turned his head and kissed him, their lips coming together hard then softening as their arms moved around each other. Their mouths moved hungrily, but gently against each other, and Sirius was surprised by the emotion that the soft, tender kiss aroused inside him. Remus' tongue swept over his and Sirius moaned as his insides liquified and heat bubbled up hot like lava. He allowed Remus to draw his tongue out of his own mouth and into the cavern of the werewolf's; stroking and teasing each other until Remus groaned and deepened the lip lock. Sirius whimpered then pressed Remus into the wall, trying to keep his balance as his head spun and knees weakened.  
  
Sirius' hands skimmed up Remus’ arms to cup his face, thumbs stroking over the slightly rough jaw and he knew in that moment, with Remus' tongue in his mouth, his hands tangled in his hair, that _this_ was what he wanted. He wanted to feel that changing texture in the skin under his fingers - smooth then rough and raised where the scars began. He wanted to hear that deep moan in the other boy's throat that told him he was doing the right thing and _‘for Merlin‘s sake, keep going‘_. And, when Sirius tore his mouth away to kiss the salty skin of Remus' neck and the other boy whispered his name, Sirius knew he could listen to that desire-roughed voice murmuring in his ear for the rest of his life.  
  
Straight, gay, bisexual - whatever he was labelled; he knew what he wanted and he wanted Remus.  
  
Just Remus.  
  
‘Come upstairs.’  
  
Remus’ voice was hoarse and the sound reverberated against Sirius' lips. He lifted his mouth from the other boy's throat, staring at him through eyes glazed with need. ‘Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like...’  
  
Remus kissed him hard and fast. 'I'm sure,' he said firmly, taking Sirius' hand as he pushed himself off the wall. They walked an unsteady path to the staircase, Sirius gripping Remus' hand tightly as he followed him up the steps to the bedroom.  
  
Sirius locked the door behind them and as soon as he turned around, Remus clutched his face in his hands and kissed him. Not gently, or tenderly as they had kissed downstairs, but passionately, desperately as their hands tugged roughly at each others' clothes. Sirius heard a tearing sound as several buttons went flying off his shirt, but he ignored it, ripping Remus' shirt just as badly as he hurried to strip it off him.   
  
Before the ribbons of material that was once Remus' shirt even hit the ground, Sirius' fingers were working on the werewolf's jeans, distracted by the long, hard bulge of the other boy's erection beneath his fingers. Remus was cursing under his breath, the words muffled against Sirius' lips, then he shoved Sirius' jeans and underwear down to his knees.   
  
Kicking the clothes away, Sirius felt a hand close around his cock and bit Remus' bottom lip in surprise. He doubled his efforts on Remus' fly and let out a cry of triumph when the button finally slid from it's hole. Both boys worked to rid Remus of the last of his clothing, finally falling naked and tangled together onto Remus' bed.  
  
Their breathing was ragged and their need urgent as Remus attacked Sirius’ broad chest with his lips and teeth, nibbling his way down to the brunette's navel. Sirius almost gave himself over to those talented lips, but pulled himself together for long enough to mumble an objection and wriggle away from that demanding mouth.   
  
Remus frowned, looking confused as he slid off Sirius. 'What's wrong?' he puffed, chest rising and falling rapidly.  
  
'Nothing,' Sirius said with a little smirk as he pushed the other boy back down onto the bed. 'I just think it's my turn, don't you?'  
  
He saw Remus' startled expression then the slow smile that spread over his face and felt a happiness he'd rarely felt before. This wasn’t for him today. Remus needed to be looked after, Remus needed to let go, and _he_ was going to be the one to help him do that - in the only way he could think of right now.   
  
His mouth pressed against Remus’ hard then shifted to trail hot, open-mouthed kisses all over the scar littered chest before moving lower and blowing a raspberry on the werewolf’s stomach. Remus chuckled and Sirius grinned happily at the almost forgotten sound before he settled between Remus’ legs and looked up at him.  
  
‘Pads…’ Remus began, preparing to give the same reassurance that he didn't have to do anything that Sirius had given him, but the brunette shook his head.  
  
‘I’ve been wanting to do it for a while now,' he admitted, kissing the knob of Remus' hip. 'Now, lay back and enjoy. I expect rave reviews after, you know.’  
  
Remus smiled. ‘Well, that all depends on ho... _oh_!’  
  
His head fell back against the cushions and his breath escaped in a long, shaky exhale as Sirius, who saw subtlety as a waste of time, took half of Remus’ not inconsiderable length into his mouth. The brunette was impressed by the reaction he'd garnered and sucked, making Remus’ hips jerk up sharply. Sirius nearly choked as too much of the other boy's shaft forced its way to the back of his throat, and he released Remus, coughing a couple of times.  
  
‘Sorry, S…Sirius,' Remus stuttered, flushing a deep red, but Sirius shook his head.  
  
‘My fault,' he said, clearing his throat. 'I probably should have gone a bit slower, yeah?’  
  
Remus nodded then bit his lip. ‘Try again?’he suggested and Sirius smirked.  
  
‘You bet your virgin arse, Moony.’  
  
Remus laughed as Sirius dipped his head again. This time, he forced himself to try and contain his enthusiasm and really concentrate on giving Remus a decent blow job. His tongue snuck out and lightly traced the ridge of Remus' glans then he swiped the soft muscle over the tip, tasting salty-sweet pre-come. He took a moment to let his taste buds register the unfamiliar flavour and when they didn’t revolt, he did it again.  
  
Remus moaned and his hips shifted, raising a little as if to encourage Sirius to get on with it. The brunette obliged him, closing his lips around the head of the now weeping cock and laving it with his tongue. Remus’ moans got louder and strangled sounding and his hands clutched at Sirius’ ebony hair almost painfully. Sirius took more of the shaft into his mouth, sucking lightly then slid his lips up to the tip again.  
  
‘Merlin, fuck, don’t stop,' Remus whispered urgently and Sirius hummed his agreement, having found to his delight that giving was almost as arousing as receiving.   
  
He ignored the demands of his own cock, though, as he dragged his lips up and down Remus’ length, fisting that which he couldn‘t fit in his mouth. Remus’ hands tightened in his hair and with a little pressure, he guided Sirius’ speed. Remus mumbled his name and Sirius thought it was the most incredible sound he'd ever heard, moaning around his mouthful of flesh, and with those tickling vibrations going straight to his balls, Remus broke.  
  
‘ _OhmyfuckinggodI’mcoming_!’  
  
His burning orgasm exploded from him accompanied by a loud, almost anguished cry. Sirius was surprised by the sheer volume of fluid and automatically swallowed, wiping his mouth as he released the still-throbbing cock and raised his head.  
  
‘Shit. I don’t have that much come, do I? Is there more because you’ve got such a big, fucking di...what’s wrong?’  
  
Remus had an arm thrown over his face and his body was shaking with silent sobs. Sirius was alarmed, thinking for one frantic moment that he'd done something drastically wrong.  
  
‘Moony?’  
  
He slid a hand up the distressed boy’s chest then pulled the arm away from his face, his heart breaking when he saw the tears streaming down his cheeks and his face twisted in despair. This wasn't because of anything he had done. This was Remus finally letting himself feel.  
  
‘Remus, it's okay.’  
  
The sandy haired boy’s lip trembled violently as he tried to hold onto his grief, tried to push it back down inside himself, but it was too late. All those emotions that had been locked up inside him had been freed with the intensity of his climax and now, naked, vulnerable, completely exposed, he couldn’t shut it back up again.   
  
Remus swiped at his face in panic, trying to hide the tears. ‘Fuck.’  
  
‘Remus, just let it go,' Sirius said soothingly but Remus shook off his comforting hands and turned his face away.  
  
‘Don't! Just go...please...I don’t want...’  
  
He stopped talking and tried to roll his body away, but Sirius stopped him.  
  
‘Remus, please. Let me help. Let me...'  
  
Sirius grasped impotently for words that would convey just how badly he wanted to help, but found none. Instead, he shifted to lay down beside the other boy, reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers, not allowing Remus to tear his away. He waited, hoping with every fibre of his soul that Remus turned to him and let him be the one to make it better.  
  
Remus fought it - and he might have won if Sirius hadn't bought their laced fingers to his mouth and kissed each digit softly. At the supportive, sweet gesture, Remus broke. His chest heaved with barely-suppressed emotion as he rolled his body into Sirius’ and, cursing, pressed his damp face hard into the brunette's chest.  
  
‘S’not fair, Pads,’ he whispered tearfully and Sirius nodded, arms sliding around the other boy.  
  
‘I know,' he murmured against the silky brown hair. 'But I’ve got you, Moony. It'll be okay. I’ve got you.’  
  
Remus let out an agonized sob and his fingers bit into Sirius’ hip bruisingly as he finally let go.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Remus had fallen asleep curled up in Sirius’ arms after crying for what had felt like hours, and the Animagus tried not to wake him as he pulled the bedclothes over their cool, naked bodies. Remus shifted, rolling onto his back, and Sirius propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at the other boy’s face which was peaceful and unlined for the first time in days.  
  
He supposed Remus might not like to be described as beautiful but, looking down at him now, Sirius struggled to find another word to describe him.  
  
Angelic?  
  
Exquisite?  
  
Magnificent?  
  
Sirius smiled and brushed a lock of soft hair away from Remus’ face. He was all of those things and more, and Sirius now knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t want the soft curves of a woman anymore and wondered if he’d ever really wanted it in the first place. Once Remus was starting to feel better and didn’t need him so much, Sirius knew he was going to have to take some time to himself to come to terms with what he couldn‘t deny any longer.  
  
First, that it seemed he was as gay as a handbag full of rainbows. And, secondly, that these feelings he was having for Remus might be _slightly_ more than a simple crush. He swallowed hard, the thought that Remus might not feel the same terrifying him beyond belief. He'd spent so much time telling the other boy that this was just fooling around, that it wasn't anything serious or long term. How could he tell him that he'd changed his mind, that now...now he wanted serious, he wanted long term?  
  
He wanted Remus.  
  
Remus moved again and this time, Sirius pressed a kiss to the thin skin covering his temple.  
  
‘I've missed you, Pads,' Remus murmured and Sirius blinked in surprise.  
  
'I thought you were still asleep,' he said quietly, then kissed the tip of Remus' nose. 'I've missed you too.’  
  
The admission make a corner of Remus’ mouth turn up and his eyes opened. Sirius leaned over and kissed him on the lips, still marvelling at how comfortable this all felt. Shouldn’t being naked in bed in the middle of the day with his best mate feel more awkward, more confronting?  
  
‘We’ve never done this in the daylight before,' Sirius joked, running a hand over Remus' ribs. 'I’m surprised we didn’t turn to dust or something.’  
  
‘Mmm, you do have a certain ‘vampirish’ look about you, Pads,' Remus said, wriggling away from the tickling touch. 'And you _do_ like to bite...’   
  
Sirius bared his teeth and adopted a cheesy Transylvanian accent as he buried his face in the werewolf‘s neck. ‘Remus, I vant to suck your blood...amongst other things.’  
  
Remus chuckled and aimed a kiss at the nearest part of Sirius’ head, catching him on the shell of his ear. ‘You know,' he said carefully. 'For a straight guy, you’re pretty good at giving head.’  
  
Sirius lifted his head, flushing lightly as he shrugged, not quite ready to make the admission. ‘I had a good teacher,' he said. 'There’s this guy and - _oh sweet Merlin_ \- his mouth is just _magic_ …’  
  
‘Really?' said Remus, raising an eyebrow. 'I’d like to meet him; see how good his mouth is for myself.’  
  
Sirius laughed. ‘I'm pretty sure that what you’re suggesting is anatomically impossible and if it _were_ possible, would render me redundant.’  
  
‘You could never be redundant, Padfoot,' Remus said with a smile then he gripped Sirius' chin and raised his head off the pillow to kiss him.  
  
Sirius made a soft pleading noise then pushed Remus back into the mattress, keeping their lips pressed together tight. Remus groaned and Sirius felt a hand thread into his hair, pulling his head closer and encouraging him to deepen the lip lock.  
  
Then, he lost all conscious and coherent thought.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Several minutes later, Sirius reluctantly pulled away, sucking oxygen into his lungs desperately. ‘Damn, we’re good at this,' he panted.  
  
Remus, also breathing hard and fast, smiled a little sadly and Sirius frowned, knowing exactly what was on the other boy's mind.   
  
‘Do you want to talk about her?’  
  
Remus closed his eyes and shook his head. ‘I don’t think so,' he said quietly. 'Not yet. I…I don’t want to keep crying all over you…’  
  
‘I don’t mind.’  
  
‘I feel like a sook…’  
  
‘You’re not.’  
  
‘I know, but I feel so bloody girly…’  
  
‘If you were a girl, I probably wouldn’t be lying here naked with you.’  
  
Remus looked at him quizzically then smiled, recognising that, for now, this was as close as Sirius was going to come to actually saying the words.  
  
‘You’ve figured things out?’  
  
Sirius shrugged in what he hoped was a nonchalant fashion. ‘Well, the desire to nibble on your nuts made it blindingly obvious that I may not be _entirely_ straight, but enough about me. How are you doing?’  
  
Remus sighed. ‘I miss her already. I could always talk to her and...I never told her that I...I’m gay. This is the biggest thing in my life besides the furry little problem and I can’t talk about it with her.’  
  
He blinked back fresh tears irritably and Sirius snaked an arm over his stomach, hugging him close.  
  
‘I’m here,' he said softly. 'You can talk to me. I know it’s not the same and that my choc chip cookies are shite compared to your mum’s, but I can shut my mouth and listen when it‘s called for.’  
  
Remus smiled. ‘I know. Thanks, Padfoot.’   
  
He leaned over and kissed Sirius then pulled back with a self-conscious smile. 'I...er...can taste myself. Was...was it alright?'  
  
Sirius smiled, blood rushing back to his cock at the memory of how _alright_ Remus coming in his mouth had felt. 'Yeah,' he said hoarsely. 'Yeah, it was pretty incredible actually.'  
  
'Not like choc chip cookies, though,' Remus said shyly and Sirius reached out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind the werewolf's ear.  
  
'No, but...I really liked it,' he murmured and they both turned bright red, staring at each other for a long moment, all the things they hadn't said hanging between them.  
  
Sirius cleared his throat. ‘Speaking of choc chip cookies, I’m starving,' Sirius said, trying to break the moment which was threatening to become a little too intense. 'Tasty as you are, I don’t think man can live on spunk alone.’  
  
' _That_ is possibly the most disgusting thing you’ve ever said,' Remus said, grimacing.  
  
‘No, I did say something about Snivellus having sex once. Now, that was a disgusting image.’  
  
Remus laughed and pushed himself up, the sheet falling around his lap, and he rubbed at his face which was tight and sore from his tears. Sirius slid out of bed and pulled his pants on, leaving off his boxers with the lewd thought that ease of access may come in handy later on. He caught Remus watching him zip up his fly and grinned, flexing his muscles and posing.  
  
‘Like what you see, Mister Moony?’  
  
‘I do, Mister Padfoot,' Remus laughed. 'And it has just occurred to me that I had my breakdown before you could get off earlier.’  
  
‘Mmm, I expect you could figure out a way to remedy that situation later,' Sirius said, wriggling his eyebrows lewdly.  
  
He snatched up his shirt but Remus took it off him as he pushed himself to his feet. ‘Leave it off,' he said with a smile. 'A chest that nice shouldn’t be covered up.’  
  
Sirius smirked even as a flush coloured his cheeks. ‘Only if you leave yours off too. You have a sexy chest.’  
  
‘I have an ugly chest,' Remus said, screwing up his face, and Sirius gasped in mock horror.   
  
‘How _dare_ you insult one of my favourite parts of your body! I’ll have you know I look forward to licking melted chocolate chips off that chest later…’  
  
‘Queer.’  
  
‘Queen.’  
  
‘In that case, kneel before me, knave Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius smiled lasciviously, looking down at Remus’ naked lower body and licking his lips. ‘Later - with _immense_ pleasure, your Majesty.’  
  
Remus shook his head, hiding his smile and his blush, as he dragged his pants up his legs. His hands moved to his fly and he was startled to find another pair there already. He looked up and met Sirius’ intense grey stare as the other boy tugged up Remus' zip. As Sirius slid the button home, an understanding seemed to pass between them, a silent acknowledgement that there would be no more pretending that this was less than it was. They had stepped over the invisible line between friendship and...something neither of them were ready to admit to yet, but both knew was there.  
  
This was no simple crush.  
  
Sirius finished with Remus’ pants, but before he could drop his hands, Remus took them in his. ‘Thanks, Padfoot. For…before. For all of it.’  
  
Sirius smiled softly and hooked his fingers into Remus’ belt loops, pulling the werewolf to him and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.  
  
‘Anytime, Moony.’


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Seventeen**  
  
'Sirius...fuck...!'  
  
Remus' hands tightened convulsively in the jet-black hair as he arched his back, pleasure spiraling through him as Sirius' fucking incredible mouth sent him tumbling head over heels into ecstasy.  
  
Breathing hard, Remus opened his clenched eyes, muscles still quivering as after-shocks washed over him. Sirius was kneeling between his legs, teeth sunk into his bottom lip as his hand stroked his hard and weeping cock so fast it was almost a blur.   
  
Remus tried to order his liquidized muscles to push him up; to help finish Sirius off, but he couldn't move his heavy limbs.  
  
'Sirius...' he whispered, eyes lifting to look the Animagus in the eye.   
  
'Merlin, I love the way you say my name,' Sirius muttered breathlessly, his other hand moving to cup the heavy, tight sac between his legs. 'Fuck...fuck...'  
  
'Come on me.'  
  
The words were out before Remus even realised that was what he wanted, but when he heard them resonating in the air, he was pleased he hadn't given himself time to think. He wanted to see Sirius come, wanted to feel that warmth on his skin and the expression on Sirius' face as the other boy marked Remus as _his_.   
  
Sirius' eyes widened in surprise, but, even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't have stopped himself from doing exactly what Remus had demanded; the werewolf's words had stripped him of the last of his control and, with a loud cry, he came. Both boys watched as thick ropes of ejaculate landed on Remus already sticky stomach and Remus felt his supposedly spent cock throb as blood rushed to fill it. Sirius moaned - a combination of satiation and exhaustion - and collapsed onto Remus, his warm come slippery between their bellies.  
  
'You are...Merlin, Moony. You are full of fucking surprises,' Sirius puffed, adjusting his body so he fit along the hard planes of Remus'.   
  
Remus smiled and pressed his lips to the other boy's temple. 'I surprise myself sometimes,' he muttered, wriggling a little and flushing at his own boldness.  
  
They lay in silence, the bedside clock's steady tick tick tick the only sound other than that of their slowing respiration.   
  
'Mum hated that clock,' Remus mused to himself silently, realising that the oppressive grief that had been weighing heavily on his chest since he'd said goodbye to his mother was a little lighter than it had been a week earlier.  
  
 _Thanks to Sirius._  
  
The corners of his mouth turned up. Sirius had chanced being caught by Mr Lupin, sneaking into the werewolf’s room each night where he spent long hours paying Remus back for all the oral attention the other boy had plied upon him that had gone un-reciprocated telling Remus, _'You got a head start...'_ then falling about in laughter at his own double-entendre.  
  
 _Not that he needed any bloody practice. Sirius Black really is just naturally good at every damn thing._  
  
It wasn't all wanking and blow jobs, though. Sirius never forced Remus to discuss his mother, but carefully probed and prodded until Remus' walls tumbled down and the werewolf revealed to Sirius the true depth of his grief. Sirius was powerless to do anything for him other than hold him, kiss him and try to reassure him that, in time, the pain would ease.   
  
And it did. Slowly, Remus found himself smiling more often and crying less and now, as the holidays were coming to a close, he knew he was ready to face another monster he'd been trying to avoid.  
  
It was time to talk to his father about his sexuality.  
  
'Sirius...'  
  
'Mmm?' Sirius murmured, stretching a little then twisting his neck to stare up at Remus.  
  
'I want to tell my dad,' Remus said quietly. 'That I...that I'm gay.'  
  
Sirius was silent, staring up at Remus with unfathomable eyes for long moments before he asked, 'Are you sure, Remus?’  
  
Remus smiled and tried a joke. 'What? That I’m gay? There have been some clues…’  
  
Sirius released an amused exhale and Remus relaxed.‘I’m pretty sure the fact that you’ve had my cock in your mouth on more than one occasion means you’re a bum bandit, Moony. I meant, are you sure you want to tell him _now_? He’s got a lot on his plate and…well, he might not be thrilled to find out his only son fancies blokes.’  
  
‘You think he’d be really upset?’ Remus asked with a frown.   
  
He knew his father would be shocked, but he wanted to be honest with the only parent he had left. He bit his lip, gnawing at it as Sirius pushed himself up and reached for his wand.   
  
‘I’m just saying that you can’t expect everyone to be accepting about it as you might like. Not even your own parents. I mean, can you imagine what mine would say?’  
  
Remus cocked his head. ‘You’re not going to tell them?’  
  
‘ _No_!' Sirius said vehemently before casting Cleansing spells on the both of them. 'Gods, Moony! They are an inch away from disowning me as it is. If they found out there was no chance they could ever get a decent Black progeny out of me, they’d disinherit me completely.’  
  
Remus frowned at him, worrying his lip even more aggressively now. ‘So you’re going to keep pretending you’re someone you’re not?' he asked, wondering where that left this... _thing_...between them. 'You’re going to go through with the charade of getting married and having kids for…money and a name?’  
  
Sirius frowned, grey eyes clouding. ‘I…I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t thought it through properly. What it would mean…’   
  
It sounded so mercenary coming out of Remus’ mouth like that, so...unappetising. Marrying to keep a name and some cash? He _didn't_ want that. He didn't want to pretend to be someone else to please people who didn't want to know the real him. He wanted... what?   
  
Sirius looked down at Remus lying naked and biting his kiss-swollen lip on the disheveled bed and it hit him with incredible clarity. _This_ was what he wanted; a future with Remus - preferably naked - by his side. The realisation hit him powerfully and he blinked, trying to regain his composure.  
  
'Stop that,' he scolded softly, leaning forward and kissing Remus' abused lip quickly. 'You'll make it bleed.'  
  
The familiar admonishment and the gentle kiss did not distract Remus' attention from the uncertainty on Sirius’ face. He knew that marrying well and providing a child to carry on the Black name was a task that had been drummed into Sirius and his brother Regulus since they were young, and that Sirius had never even considered that he wouldn’t do it one day.   
  
Suddenly the reasons behind Sirius’ denial of his sexuality made a lot more sense.  
  
 _One doesn't throw aside seventeen years of brainwashing in a few months._  
  
'You've already left home, Sirius,' he said softly, taking Sirius' hand in his own and squeezing it gently. 'It's not like they can kick you out or anything...'  
  
Sirius shook his head and stood up, Remus’ hand falling from his. ‘I…I couldn’t tell them, Remus. You don’t understand what they are like...you can't. Your parents are amazing - even if they don’t like that you’re gay, they’ll still support you, they'll still love you. You don’t have to worry that they’ll disown you or blast you off the family tree. You know you‘ll always be part of something. You know you’ll always have them.’  
  
There was a long moment of silence as Remus tried to catch the breath that had been squeezed out of him by the shooting pain in his chest at the thoughtless reminder of what he'd so recently lost. He sat up, hurriedly standing up and tugging on his jeans.  
  
'Remus...'  
  
'You think I don't understand?' Remus snapped, hastily buttoning his flies. 'You think I don't know what it's like to lose a parent?'  
  
Sirius' eyes widened and he clapped his hand over his mouth, staring at a stony faced Remus in horror.  
  
‘Fuck, Remus,' he whispered, his voice muffled, but unmistakeably remorseful as he approached the werewolf.   
  
Remus turned his back on Sirius, pulling on his shirt. 'I've already lost my mum and now I'm facing losing my dad if he can't accept what I am, but I _can't_ live more of a lie than I already do. I can't keep any more secrets, Sirius.'  
  
He picked up his shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed to put them on, surreptitiously watching Sirius buttoning up his own pants then the bare-chested Animagus was in front of him, on his knees, tugging the shoes from Remus' fingers.  
  
‘I’m so sorry,' he said contritely, running his hands up Remus' tense, jean-clad thighs. 'I’m such an arsehole. If there was any justice in the world, it would have been my mother and not yours. I’m sorry, Moony. I’m sorry.’  
  
He laid his head on Remus thigh, wrapping his arms around him. Remus' resolve and anger melted away as his legs parted and Sirius immediately slipped between them, pressing close. His arms encircled Remus' waist, cheek resting against his stomach.  
  
Remus put his arms around Sirius. The brunette hated apologising, but when he did, it was always sincere. ‘It's okay, Pads,' he said, lowering his head to Sirius'. 'I know you didn’t mean anything. I just...’  
  
He sighed and let his sentence hang, knowing Sirius would understand. He tangled his fingers in dark hair and kissed Sirius lightly on the top of his head before he leaned his forehead against the soft strands, inhaling the fresh, clean scent. Light brown hair mingled with ebony as they held each other until the soft clearing of a throat broke them apart.  
  
They looked up to see Remus’ father push open the bedroom door. He stared at them for several seconds with an indecipherable expression on his face before he spoke.  
  
‘I think we need to talk, Remus. Sirius, you’d better join us. In the kitchen - when you’re ready.’  
  
He turned and they heard his heavy footfalls on the stairs. Remus felt dread sitting heavily in the pit of his stomach and he stared worriedly at Sirius.  
  
‘Shit.’  
  
‘Yeah,' Sirius agreed, his face pale as he pushed himself to his feet and reached for his discarded shirt.   
  
‘You don’t have to come down, Padfoot,' Remus said, but Sirius shook his head, pulling his shirt on.  
  
‘Yes I do. I’m your…’ Sirius paused, frowning and Remus looked at him quizzically.  
  
‘You’re my what exactly?’  
  
‘I…I don’t know,' Sirius mumbled, face now regaining some colour as he flushed. 'I don’t know what we are, but I know I‘m not letting you face him on your own.’  
  
He held out a hand and Remus took it, letting Sirius pull him to his feet.  
  
'Together then?' he said softly and Sirius nodded.  
  
'Together,' he confirmed, twining their fingers then taking a deep breath as they made their way downstairs.  
  
Mr Lupin was sitting at the kitchen table when Sirius and Remus came down the stairs and looked up as they entered the room, eyes immediately falling on their joined hands.  
  
‘You have something you want to tell me, boys?’ he asked mildly, but Remus could see the tension in the older man's jaw.  
  
‘Dad…I…was going to tell you tonight…’ he began, but his father broke in, waving his hand at the chairs opposite him.  
  
‘Sit down. Both of you.’  
  
His tone of voice didn’t broke an argument and they obeyed immediately. Mr Lupin drew in an audible breath and looked at his son, eyes demanding honesty.  
  
‘I suppose I really shouldn't be surprised. It's not as though you were particularly subtle...' He lifted his chin. 'You're...gay?’  
  
‘Yes,' whispered Remus, feeling his throat go dry.  
  
His father nodded, a muscle in his jaw jumping. ‘And you and Sirius are…?’  
  
With a quick glance at Sirius, Remus answered, ‘Together. Yes.’  
  
‘I see,' said Mr Lupin, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. 'And how long have you been…together?’  
  
‘I…’ Remus began then stopped. He didn’t want to lie to his father, but nor did he want to explain that he and Sirius had been indulging in casual sexual contact for months now.   
  
He decided to take evasive action. ‘I didn’t really work it out until a few weeks ago.’ He looked at Sirius. ‘ _This_ is…new.’  
  
He wasn’t really lying - what was between he and Sirius now was new and so much deeper than the casual arrangement this started out as. Mr Lupin stared at them both for another moment then rubbed his hand over his eyes roughly.  
  
‘I did wonder if you had… I heard Sirius leaving your room a few times and the way you talk about him…’  
  
Blue eyes, just like Remus’, flicked over to Sirius, including him in his next comment.  
  
‘You know, it’s…normal at your age to…experiment…with people of the…same sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you…’  
  
‘I know, dad. This…this isn’t an experiment,’ Remus said, glancing at Sirius, who squeezed his hand under the table in support, reassuring the other boy that they were in complete agreement.  
  
‘You’re sure?’ Mr Lupin said, and Remus frowned at the slight pleading note in his father's voice.  
  
It was Sirius who answered this time, nodding his head and confirming, ‘We’re sure.’  
  
Mr Lupin frowned deeply and ran a hand through his hair. ‘I see. Remus, you…you have other issues to think about…’  
  
‘Sirius knows, dad,' Remus interrupted, deciding to get all the surprises over and done with. 'He knows what I am.’  
  
‘He…’ The older man stared at Sirius in ill-disguised disbelief. ‘You know?’  
  
‘Yes. I’ve known that Remus is a werewolf since our second year and I don’t care,' Sirius said firmly, his eyes daring the other man to challenge his veracity. 'It's never been an issue before and it won't be now.’  
  
‘R…right.’ John Lupin's voice sounded a little weak. ‘Merlin, Remus. I just don’t know if I can process all this right now…’  
  
His father looked pained and Remus winced. Maybe Sirius was right - maybe his father wouldn‘t be able to accept this.  
  
‘I’m sorry, Dad. I can leave for Hogwarts now instead of tomorrow if you like.’  
  
‘Leave?’Mr Lupin said, staring in confusion at Remus. 'Why would I...?'  
  
‘If you don’t want me here right now…’  
  
‘Oh, Remus,' the older man said, shaking his head. 'No. I don’t want you to leave; I don‘t want you to apologise if this is what you want. I just…’ He sighed. ‘I have never wanted your mother here more than I do right now.’  
  
Remus tightened his fingers around Sirius' and felt the comforting squeeze in return as he said, ‘Me too, dad. Me too.'  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘It could have been worse.’  
  
Remus glared at Sirius. ‘How _exactly_ could that have been more painful, Padfoot?’  
  
‘He could have come in twenty minutes earlier.’  
  
Remus paled as he recalled exactly what they'd been doing not long before his father had walked in.   
  
‘Shit.’  
  
‘Remus, he’ll come around,' Sirius said reassuringly. 'He didn’t kick you out or tell you it was disgusting or anything. He’s just…in shock.’  
  
‘Yeah, I guess.’  
  
They were still sitting in the kitchen, Mr Lupin having gone up to bed with a shake of his head and a pained, _‘I just can’t deal with this right now. I love you, Remus and your decisions are your own now. I’ll always support you but…I just need some time with this.’_   
  
Remus stood with a sigh and mumbled, 'We should get some sleep as well,' and Sirius nodded, both trudging up the stairs, stopping in the doorway of Remus' bedroom.  
  
‘Better not come in tonight, Pads,' Remus said softly and Sirius nodded.  
  
‘No, I don’t think your dad needs a practical demonstration of what it means to have a gay son.’  
  
Remus made a little whining noise and Sirius gripped his hand. ‘It’ll be alright, Moony.’  
  
‘Will it?’  
  
Sirius nodded again. ‘Of course it will. You’ve still got me. Lucky dog!’  
  
Remus smiled weakly then, after a slight hesitation asked, ‘Sirius, before... You said you didn’t know what we were. I...I think I need to know. Are we still just two friends doing each other a favour? Are we going to be seeing other people or…?’  
  
He shrugged, feeling horribly girly by needing to define their relationship, but his feelings for Sirius were growing by the day and he had to know how serious the other boy was about what was happening.   
  
Sirius seemed to understand his disjointed rambling and smiled softly. 'I think that the ‘straight guys doing each other a favour’ arrangement ended a fair while back, Moony.'   
  
He paused then asked softly, 'Do you want... something more?’  
  
‘Do you?’ countered Remus.  
  
‘I asked first,’said Sirius and Remus shook his head.  
  
‘No you didn’t.’  
  
‘Did too.’  
  
‘Did not.’  
  
‘Did too.’  
  
‘Did too.’  
  
‘Did not… _Oi_!’  
  
Remus laughed and Sirius was so glad to hear the uplifting sound that he gave in and answered the question in his usual roundabout way.  
  
‘I’ve never been someone’s boyfriend before, Moony,' he said haltingly. 'Especially not another boy’s boyfriend, but…I‘m willing to give it a try.’  
  
‘Hmm, maybe we could call you my lover instead?’Remus teased, relief making him feel light and a little giddy.  
  
 _He wants me. Sirius Black wants to try being my boyfriend._  
  
‘Oh, I like that,' grinned Sirius. 'Sounds much sexier; very exotic…’  
  
Remus smiled distractedly, looking down at his fingers as they twisted nervously together. This couldn't be real. Was there _really_ a chance Sirius could return his feelings?  
  
‘Are you sure about this, Padfoot? You've always been upfront about your allergy to monogamy...’  
  
Sirius' mouth dropped open in mock outrage. ‘I’m offended Moony! You think I’d cheat on you? You - who has the most incredible tongue…?’  
  
‘Sirius.’  
  
The brunette lost his teasing countenance when he heard the pleading vulnerability in Remus’ voice and touched him on the chin, wordlessly asking him to look at him.  
  
‘Look, I've never done this before, Remus,' he said quietly. 'I don’t know what kind of boyfriend I’ll be. I can promise you that I’ll be messy, inconsiderate, insensitive, thoughtless and arrogant. I can promise you that I will probably be a complete arsehole more than once, a prat many times and a git almost every day.’  
  
Remus smiled grimly. ‘It doesn’t actually sound like there are too many benefits to being with you, Padfoot.'  
  
Sirius smiled and put a finger to Remus’ lips to silence him. ‘But I will also promise you that I will never deliberately hurt you and that I will be faithful to you. I have a lot of faults, Remus, but if I could take down the moon for you, I would.’  
  
He took his finger away from Remus’ lips and kissed him softly. He made to pull back but Remus grabbed his face and deepened the lip lock, surprising Sirius with his passion. The brunette lost his balance, his back hitting the door jamb and Remus went with him, their lips still joined, and every inch of their bodies pressed against the other boy as they kissed.  
  
Caught up in the intensity of the deep, powerful kiss, neither heard a door close softly down the hall.  
  
Sirius was panting when Remus pulled back and stared at the werewolf through wide eyes.  
  
‘Wow! That was...wow.'  
  
Remus smiled an enigmatic smile and took Sirius’ hands in his own. ‘Stay with me?’  
  
‘Your dad…’ said Sirius, but Remus shook his head.  
  
‘I don’t want to do anything, I just…want you with me.’  
  
Sirius smiled a beatific smile. ‘Well, that works out well because I just want to be with you too.’  
  
As Remus led the brunette into his room, he knew that years from now, when he thought of this night, he’d remember this as the moment he fell in love with Sirius Black.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Eighteen**  
  
‘How are you feeling, Moony?’  
  
‘I’m fine, Wormtail,' Remus replied, stopping himself from rolling his eyes at the question. 'Just like I was this morning when you asked.’  
  
Peter smiled ruefully. ‘Sorry.’  
  
‘It’s alright,' Remus said, giving him a grateful smile. 'Better you care too much than not enough.’  
  
‘I guess,' Peter said with a shrug then his gaze fell upon a welcome distraction. 'Chess, Moony?’  
  
‘Sure.’  
  
It was a Saturday evening and they'd been back at Hogwarts for two weeks. The Gryffindor students had been especially solicitous to Remus, who was appreciative of their support, but was growing weary of constantly reassuring people that he wasn’t suicidal. He was still missing his mother dreadfully, but he was starting to emerge from the fog that had been surrounding him since he had watched her take last breath.  
  
Being back at school helped.  
  
Being around his friends helped.  
  
Being with Sirius helped.  
  
Peter and James had been hovering around he and Sirius lately; James putting the long-coveted-and-finally-won Lily to the side in favour of his Marauder buddies. The unusual attentiveness made it difficult for Remus to find time with Sirius...anytime they managed to snatch a moment alone, Peter or James would interrupt at the most inopportune moment.  
  
Remus had noticed a particularly edgy Peter sticking close to him today and gave up hope that he'd be able to lure Sirius into a quiet cupboard for a quick fumble. As the werewolf followed the blonde to a deserted corner of the common room, he hoped the other boys would settle down soon - their stalker-like behavious had Remus squirming in sexual frustration.   
  
He and Peter soon became engrossed in the game. Sirius and James watched them for a while, but the energetic duo soon became bored. James, standing and stretching, suggested going up to the dorm to plan their traditional end of year prank and Sirius readily agreed, shooting Remus a little wink before he climbed the stairs after his friend.  
  
‘It’ll have to be something big this time, Prongs,' Sirius declared as they dodged tiny First Years on the way to their dorm. 'It’s our last chance to humiliate them. Gods, this will be fantastic! We haven’t pranked the Slytherins in ages...bloody Evans is a bad influence on you.’  
  
James made a harrumphing noise as they entered the dorm then he threw himself down on Sirius’ bed, his expression grave when he looked at Sirius.  
  
‘Lily is a _wonderful_ influence on me and _I’m_ not the only one who’s whipped these days.’  
  
Sirius froze for a second as he lowered himself to the bed then decided to ignore the comment in the hopes of avoiding the conversation he still wasn't sure he was ready for.  
  
‘So? Ideas? Did you have something in mind already, or...?’  
  
‘Sirius…’  
  
‘I think the Slytherins need a final farewell from us befitting their repulsiveness…’  
  
‘I know about you and Remus.’  
  
Sirius stared at his friend with wide, slightly fearful eyes, then closed them as he sighed and leaned back against the headboard. He and Remus had intended to tell their friends about their relationship when they came back from holidays, but found themselves putting it off, unsure as to how the others would take the change in the dynamics of the group. But it seemed the moment had arrived and Sirius let out a long breath, cursing Remus' absence, before he opened his eyes.  
  
‘What is it you think you know?’ he asked, deciding to see how much James knew already. Perhaps they really didn't need to do this and he could seduce Moony into telling them by himself later.  
  
‘I know there’s been something going on for a while now,' James said.  
  
'Well, that's specific.'  
  
'I know that you’ve been visiting each other’s beds in the middle of the night…' he went on, as if Sirius had not interrupted.  
  
‘We talk…’Sirius said defensively.  
  
James raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘And that you’re using Silencing spells during those visits…’  
  
‘We don’t want to wake you and Pete when we talk…’ Sirius explained, twisting his fingers.  
  
‘You’ve become almost inseparable…’  
  
‘We’re mates,' Sirius said. 'People said that about _us_ before Evans got her hooks into…’  
  
‘You look at him like I look at Lily.’  
  
 _Oh, that's the killer._  
  
Sirius opened his mouth then closed it, unable to find a believable excuse to explain that reasoning away. He _did_ look at Remus with that same mixture of longing and adoration (and a tinge of disbelief) that James had in his eyes when he gazed at Lily. He'd caught sight of himself in the mirror once or twice, and Remus had teased him about his moony stares - both of them blushing when he told Sirius to cut it out before everyone figured out they were shagging.  
  
James took his silence as confirmation of his suspicions and crossed his arms over his chest.‘Say it, Sirius.’  
  
‘I…I can’t.’  
  
James snorted and waved a dismissive hand. ‘If you can do it, you can say it.’  
  
More silence then James’ sigh filled the air. ‘Don’t you trust me? You’re my best mate, Padfoot. Do you think there is anything you could tell me that would change that?’  
  
‘I haven’t…said it out loud yet,' Sirius admitted quietly. 'To anyone. Not even Remus.’  
  
James stifled a grin. ‘I would have thought Remus would have an inkling…’he teased and Sirius clenched his jaw as he looked down at the bedspread.  
  
James frowned. ‘Padfoot?’  
  
‘ _mga_ ’  
  
Jamed cocked his head in confusion and leaned closer.  
  
‘What did you say?’  
  
Sirius' chest rose as he sucked in a long, deep breath then he said,‘I’m gay. Or bi. I’m not sure, but…well, I fancy boys. I fancy _Remus_.’  
  
James was silent for several excruciating moments and Sirius looked up, prepared to punch, hit, yell - whatever he had to do to defend himself and Remus, but he was surprised by the understanding expression on James’ face.  
  
‘And you and Remus are…together? Not just…’ James closed his eyes for a moment, seeming to gather his strength. ‘Not just shagging?’  
  
Sirius flushed a deep red, but answered, ‘Yes, we're together.’  
  
The understanding on James' face faded, concern supplanting it. ‘Sirius, you have to be _very_ sure about this. You can’t muck around with Moony…’  
  
‘I’m _not_ mucking around with him,' Sirius cried, determined to make James believe him. 'I…I really care about him, James. It’s not like it was with all the girls. I promise.’  
  
‘I hope you’re right, Pads,' James said quietly. 'Because if you’re not, it won’t be just him you hurt. It’ll ruin us - the Marauders. We’ll have to…take sides and I don’t want to do that.’  
  
‘You won’t have to,' Sirius promised. 'I…I really want this. I really want _him_. It’s never been like this for me before; I've never felt like this...' He bit his lip, frowning. 'Shit, I sound like a bloody bird.’  
  
James chuckled. 'Well, now I know who the girl is.'  
  
Sirius punched him on the upper arm and James smacked him back. They both laughed, the strained, serious atmosphere lightening. James leaned back against the end of the bed, staring at his friend interestedly.   
  
‘Do you think that’s why you’ve never stayed with one girl for long? Because you were a poo…gay?’  
  
Sirius snorted in amusement at James' rapid change of phrase and considered his question.  
  
‘I hadn’t really thought about it like that. Maybe you’re right; maybe I’ve always been a poof and didn’t know it yet. I’ve never fancied another bloke before Remus though…’  
  
‘Perhaps you just needed the right bloke to bring out your fruitiness,' James suggested and Sirius chuckled.  
  
'Yeah, and the right bottle of Firewhiskey.' James looked puzzled, but Sirius just shook his head. ‘So…you knew, huh?’  
  
James shrugged. ‘We’ve suspected for a while now, but it became pretty obvious a few weeks before Easter. Then Lily told me what she saw just when she walked in on you two just before Remus‘ mother died and we saw how you acted with him at the funeral - you were all protective and kept touching him. Pete and I have been trying to figure out a way to talk to you two about it ever since and decided to just bite the bullet today.’  
  
Sirius looked startled. ‘You mean Pete's down in the common room talking to Remus right now…’  
  
‘Yeah,' confirmed James with a wicked grin. 'We didn’t want to bail you both up or anything so we decided to divide and conquer. Poor Wormy. He was so nervous Moony would eat him at the next full moon if we were wrong.'  
  
Sirius laughed. ‘So, you and he are alright with this?' he asked, amusement sliding from his face as James seemed to consider his answer.  
  
James saw his unease and grinned. ‘As long as you keep putting up those Silencing Spells and don’t start dry humping each other like randy dogs in public, we’re fine, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius grinned in relief. 'Thanks, mate.'  
  
James made a resigned face. 'Ah, well. Who am I to begrudge you two getting laid? Even if you had to resort to each other to get some. You and Remus...' He shook his head in disbelief. 'Who would have thought it? I guess opposites attract.'  
  
‘Yeah, I guess,' Sirius said, a gentle smile lighting up his face as he thought of Remus' kisses, of his touch. 'He’s…pretty amazing.’  
  
James nodded his head slowly, staring in wonderment at Sirius. 'Oh, Merlin,' he whispered, sitting up ramrod straight. 'You just... _lit up_. You're thinking about him and you...' His mouth fell open as he watched colour infuse Sirius' cheeks. 'This _really_ isn't just shagging, is it? You're in lo...'  
  
Sirius interrupted before James could utter the words he was _positive_ he wasn't ready to use.   
  
‘I wonder how Pete’s getting on down there.’ James was still staring at him,dumbstruck, so he threw a pillow at his face and stood up. 'Let's go find out.'  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
‘Are you alright, Wormy?’ Remus asked in concern.  
  
Peter looked up, an almost frightened expression on his face. ‘Yeah, I’m fine, Moony. Why?’  
  
‘Pete, you’re losing,' Remus said slowly, enunciating every word carefully. 'You're losing to _me_. What’s going on?’  
  
‘Are you gay?’ he blurted out then his eyes widened in shock at his own words.  
  
Remus blinked a few times, staring at Peter, who looked as though he was about to wet himself. He glanced over his shoulder at the nearly-empty common room to ensure they were alone in their corner then he turned back and nodded.  
  
‘Yes,' he said softly. 'I am.’  
  
Peter looked surprised that he hadn’t tried to deny it and asked his next question more confidently.  
  
‘And so is Sirius?’  
  
‘You’ll have to talk to him about that.’  
  
Peter frowned. ‘I thought you were together?’  
  
A reluctant smile spread across Remus’ face. He was surprised at how good it sounded to have their relationship acknowledged out loud by someone else.  
  
‘How long have you known?’ he asked, tilting his head to the side as he searched Peter's face for condemnation.  
  
‘A while,' Peter admitted. 'James and I talked it over and decided to ask you both about it today.’  
  
‘So that’s why he dragged Sirius upstairs?’Remus asked, grinning at the thought of James grilling Sirius.  
  
‘Yeah,' Peter said with a smile, obviously sharing Remus' pleasure at the thought of the confident Animagus on the back foot. 'He thought it might be a bit…confronting to corner you both but, well, we wanted you to know we’re alright with…with you being… _gay_ and… _together_.' Peter paused, both of them realising Remus had never really answered the question. 'If you _are_ together…’  
  
‘We are,' Remus confirmed with a little smile. 'We just haven’t had a lot of time to get used to it ourselves. We were going to tell you once we were more comfortable with it.’   
  
He looked around again, seeing no one nearby but making sure his voice stayed low. ‘No one else can know, Pete. We aren’t ready for that.’  
  
Peter nodded, looking a litte offended that Remus had felt he'd had to reiterate the need for discretion.   
  
‘So, you won’t be…doing stuff in front of us, then?’ he asked tentatively, a pleading look on his face.  
  
Remus grinned. ‘No. As much as I appreciate your support, I know there will be some limits to your tolerance,' he said, chuckling at the expression of relief on Peter’s face. ‘Did you think I would suddenly start bending him over the couch and pounding him while we’re studying?’  
  
‘Oh, I wish you would!’  
  
Sirius whipped the Cloak off himself and James, who didn’t look as thrilled about Remus’ suggestion as Sirius did.  
  
‘Although, we haven’t yet determined who the bottom is, Mister Moony,' he teased. 'Why do you assume it would be me doing the bending?’  
  
‘Because you’re obviously more effeminate than me, Mister Padfoot,' Remus retorted, face going pink as he stared at James who smiled and nodded his acceptance.  
  
‘Hush your mouth, Moonboy,' Sirius said, throwing himself down on the arm of Remus' chair and making it creak threateningly. 'Just because I’m pretty doesn’t mean I’m a girl.’  
  
‘You squeal like a girl,' Remus said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
 _‘Whoa!‘_  
  
James’ exclamation made them all look at him as he pulled a startled Peter to his feet. ‘And _that_ is where we take our leave, gentlemen. I have no desire to discover how it is you have that information, Moony. It’s bad enough I know you _have_ that information.’  
  
Remus burst out laughing and Sirius chortled as he spoke. ‘Do you want us to confirm or deny your suspicions about how he stumbled across that knowledge, Prongs?’  
  
James looked horrified. ‘ _Hell_ no! Come on, Pete. I’m in need of some heterosexual activity. Let’s go and find someone with breasts to snog or a Slytherin to prank.’  
  
Peter grinned and followed James out the portrait hole. Sirius turned to Remus, who was packing up the chess set. He watched those long fingers for a moment as they closed around each piece, his pants becoming uncomfortably tight as he realised how long it had been since those fingers had been wrapped around his favourite appendage.  
  
‘I squeal like a girl, huh?’he asked, grey eyes rising to Remus' face.  
  
The werewolf flushed as he glanced back at Sirius. ‘You’ve been known to on occasion.’  
  
Sirius smirked and leaned closer, putting his hand on Remus' lower back. ‘Want to make me squeal now?’ he whispered and Remus fumbled the last of the chess pieces which clattered onto the board.  
  
He picked them up with noticeably trembling fingers then turned to Sirius and smiled a broad smile that made Sirius ache in places that were entirely non-sexual.  
  
‘I’d be delighted, Mister Padfoot.’  
  
~*~*~  
  
They walked up to the dorm, Remus asking about Sirius’ conversation with James, pleased to discover their friends were accepting of the new status quo.  
  
‘He said he’s fine with it as long as we keep the Silencing Spells up,' Sirius said, then his eyes lit up mischieviously. 'Hey, we should do it on his bed!’  
  
Remus chuckled and shrugged his jacket off, throwing it into his open trunk. ‘It’d scar him for life.’  
  
Sirius' eyes ran over Remus' chest as he murmured,‘Don’t know why. I can’t see how he’d prefer Evans and her big boobs over you.’ He grabbed a handful of Remus’ t-shirt and pulled him closer, planting his lips on the werewolf’s throat and sucking lightly.   
  
Remus made a little noise of pleasure then reminded Sirius of his previous preferences. ‘You used to prefer big boobs over scars and dicks not so long ago, Padfoot.’  
  
‘Yeah, well, that was before I knew what I was missing out on,' Sirius replied, his voice muffled against Remus' skin.  
  
He made a growling noise and pushed Remus down onto the bed, waving his wand and casting the necessary spells before throwing it down and stripping his clothes off fast. Remus hastily copied him and as his pants hit the floor, Sirius fell down on top of him, kissing him hungrily.   
  
Sirius rocked against Remus, their hard, naked cocks grinding deliciously against each other, then his eager mouth burnt a blazing trail over the other boy’s body until he reached his navel. Remus moaned, arching up in encouragement, but Sirius paused, suddenly recalling an illustration in one of his newly-aqcuired porn magazines. He smirked then startled Remus by rolling off him and flipping his body so his cock was suddenly bobbing next to the brown haired boy’s face.  
  
‘Ah, Sirius…?’ Remus said in surprise, his voice cracking a little as he stared at the flushed phallus.  
  
Sirius looked down at Remus and shuffled back so Remus' cock was poised in front of his mouth. 'I thought we could try something new.’  
  
‘Bored with our sex life already?’ Remus asked, eyes still fixed on Sirius' cock.  
  
‘Impatient,' Sirius mumbled, Remus' fascination sending even more blood south and he thought he might just explode from the intensity of the other boy's gaze.  
  
As if to prove his point, Sirius rolled onto his side and drew the werewolf’s cock into his warm mouth, immediately taking as much as he could inside the orifice. Remus groaned and for a moment laid back and enjoyed the sensation of that glorious mouth wrapped around him. It was the insistent batting of Sirius’ cock at his chin that made him laugh and shift so he could access the other boy’s leaking erection.  
  
Teasing the impatient Animagus with little nips and licks was fun for a minute until Sirius let out a warning growl and dragged his teeth not-so-gently up Remus’ shaft. With a little yelp, Remus set to his task with an enthusiasm that quickly bought Sirius to the edge. Remus moaned, deep and low, and the vibrations knocked his partner off the precipice, Sirius thrusting hard into the werewolf’s greedy mouth as he came loudly and more powerfully than he had in a fortnight.   
  
He fell onto his back, forgetting for long moments about Remus’ neglected erection as he tried to return his respiration and heart rate to normal rhythms.  
  
‘Have you forgotten about me?’  
  
Sirius let out a bark of laughter when he heard the plaintive voice and rolled over, shifting so he was kneeling between Remus’ legs.  
  
‘Something this large is very hard to overlook, Moony,' he teased, licking a stripe up the underside of Remus' cock, feeling the vein pulsing under his tongue.  
  
‘Could you possibly get on with it then?' Remus asked, his sweet tone underpinned by frustration. 'I think my balls are going blue.’  
  
Sirius laughed again and lowered his head to the hair sprinkled sac. ‘Nope. Not blue yet.’  
  
He took a testicle into his mouth and sucked lightly, sending a jolt of electricity right through Remus’ centre.  
  
‘Oh, that’s good,' he said breathlessly.  
  
Sirius mumbled an agreement and Remus chuckled. ‘It’s not nice to talk with your mouth full, Pads.’  
  
Sirius let go of him with a pop and bit his inner thigh. ‘Cheeky bugger,' he said with a grin, eyeing Remus contemplatively then he put two fingers to Remus’ lips. ‘Suck. Lube me up, baby.’  
  
Remus frowned at the soppy endearment, but had no choice to obey the command as Sirius jammed the fingers into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the digits, making Sirius moan a little as he was reminded of how that tongue had made that motion around his cock just a minute earlier. When the fingers were dripping with saliva, Sirius withdrew them, then kissed Remus fast before the other boy could ask what he was up to.   
  
As the kiss grew heated, Remus giving himself over to that talented tongue, Sirius slid his hand between them, past the heavy, tight sac and touched a wet finger to the pucker below. Remus jumped a little at the sensation, tearing his mouth from Sirius’.  
  
‘Wh…what…?’  
  
‘I told you I wanted to try something new.’ Sirius saw the apprehension in the blue eyes and frowned. ‘If you don’t want me to, Remus, I won’t.’  
  
Sirius saw the apprehension in Remus' eyes and wondered if he'd moved too fast.  
  
‘Bad idea, Moony?’ he asked, ridiculously relieved when Remus shook his head.  
  
‘No. Good idea; execution…well, we’ll see.’  
  
Sirius smiled. ‘Is that a _“go ahead and invade my virgin arse, Padfoot”_?’  
  
‘That’s a _“let’s give it a try and, for Merlin's sake, go slow”_ ,’ Remus corrected, giving Sirius a warning look.  
  
Sirius grinned and kissed him again, his talented lips doing some of their best work, but Remus’ attention was focused on that one finger tip that was circling the entrance to his body with gradually increasing pressure. Sirius noticed his preoccupation and rolled his already semi-erect cock against Remus’ hard flesh and saw the werewolf’s attention jolt back to him.  
  
‘Relax, Moony.’  
  
As he crooned the reassuring words, he carefully pushed on the centre of the pucker and with a hiss from the other boy, he was inside the incredibly tight backside of Remus Lupin.  
  
‘Shit, you give 'tight arse' new meaning,' he teased. Remus looked mortified and Sirius chuckled and kissed him. ‘Please don’t worry. I…I did some reading about this and I want to try it.’  
  
He moved his finger and Remus sucked in a breath. ‘You r…read a book?’  
  
Sirius grinned, withdrawing his finger until only the tip was still inside the other boy then he pushed it agonisingly slowly back into him, seeing Remus bite down hard on his lip.  
  
‘Never doubt my dedication to learning when it comes to the art of getting laid, Moony.’  
  
Remus’ mouth opened to comment, but Sirius pushed the finger deeper inside him and all that came out of the werewolf's mouth was a loud gust of air.  
  
‘How’s it feel?’Sirius asked, his voice a little faint as he tried to ignore how hot and tight Remus' body was.  
  
‘Weird.’  
  
‘Is that a slur on my skills?’ Sirius asked, slightly offended by Remus' comment.  
  
Remus bit his lip. ‘No, just a statement of fact; things generally don’t go _in_ there…’  
  
Sirius smiled, but his voice held a hint of vulnerability when he spoke. ‘Good weird? I can stop if it's uncomfortable, Remus…’  
  
‘Don’t stop,' Remus interrupted hastily. 'It's a good weird, I promise.’  
  
Sirius smiled and their lips came together again softly, gently, as Sirius adjusted his position to allow their cocks could rub over each other while his finger delved the last unexplored crevice of Remus’ body. When the other boy’s body relaxed around the digit, Sirius added another, watching Remus’ face carefully then smiling against his lips when the werewolf’s moan was one of pleasure rather than discomfort.  
  
Soon, the rocking of their hips became less smooth, less measured and Remus was bearing down hard on Sirius’ invading fingers. The brunette adjusted his position to get more friction on his erection and his fingers shifted. Suddenly, Remus jerked as if an electric current had just shot through him.  
  
‘Fuck!’  
  
‘Did that hurt?’ Sirius asked in concern, preparing to withdraw, but Remus grabbed his wrist.  
  
‘Hell, no. Shit! Do that again,' he demanded and Sirius' eyes widened.  
  
‘What did I do?’ he asked and Remus shook his head.  
  
‘I don’t know but whatever it was, Sweet Merlin, Sirius, I will let you fuck me into this bed right _now_ if you just find it again.’  
  
Sirius beamed. Given the previously reluctant werewolf's eagerness, he realised he must have found _that_ spot the book mentioned and it obviously felt as good as the guide had promised.  
  
Now he just had to remember what it was he’d done.  
  
It took several seconds of impatient fumbling before he felt his middle finger hit something spongy and Remus let out a high-pitched yelp then a loud curse. Sirius started then realised he'd found the magic button.  
  
‘That’s it?’  
  
‘Oh, shit! Yes. Fuck!’  
  
Sirius aimed for it now and was both amused and fascinated by Remus’ reaction. The quiet, shy boy was now a writhing, cursing entity and Sirius loved this particular transformation. His hand reached for Remus’ cock, stroking fast and furious, and the other boy was almost immediately yelling his name as he arched off the bed, coming in powerful bursts.  
  
He was still trying to catch his breath when Sirius pulled his fingers out of him roughly and sat back, eyes fixed on Remus as he tugged his own dick hard and soon, he was moaning loudly as he climaxed again, come splattering over Remus' already soiled abdomen.  
  
Remus pried open his eyes as he felt Sirius crawl up the bed to collapse across his chest with a curse.  
  
‘Fuck, Rem!’  
  
‘Yeah.’  
  
‘Good?’  
  
‘You could say that.’  
  
There was a moment of silence then Sirius asked:  
  
‘Will you do it to me next time?’  
  
‘Hell, yes.’


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Nineteen**  
  
A week later  
  
‘Oh Sweet Merlin, Remus!’  
  
Remus grinned proudly around Sirius' shaft as his finger brushed over the small bundle of nerves he'd been searching for deep inside the other boy. The Animagus swore loudly then arced off the bed as if he'd been electrocuted as Remus stimulated the tissue again. Remus' mouth slipped off his cock as he moved, and Sirius let out a cry of protest, reaching out to grasp handfuls of silky brown hair.  
  
'Bloody, buggering hell!' he gasped frantically, trying to drag Remus' mouth back to his groin. 'Don't fucking stop now!'  
  
He tugged insistently at the locks and Remus, with a yelp of pain and a glare at the brunette, lowered his head. Sirius sighed as the hot, wet mouth surrounded him once more, tongue dipping into the tiny, leaking slit at the tip and making him groan. Remus thrummed his finger against the sensitive gland, almost gagging as Sirius' hips leapt off the bed with each pass, forcing his dick further into Remus' throat than was comfortable.  
  
Working the head of Sirius' cock with his tongue - the way he knew drove Sirius completely insane - Remus was soon rewarded with a choked, _'Fuck, Moony!'_ before he had to swallow fast as Sirius' orgasm broke in waves over him.   
  
Pleased with himself, Remus licked the softening cock clean as Sirius collapsed back onto the bed, panting hard and whimpering from the pain-pleasure sensation of soft muscle stroking over-sensitive flesh. He carefully withdrew his fingers from the other boy’s slick back passage and reached for his wand to clean them up, his own earlier release still sticky on his stomach. He smirked down at the sated and completely limp body spread across his bed.  
  
‘I found it then?’ he asked smugly and Sirius nodded slowly.  
  
‘Uh huh,’ he murmured faintly.  
  
Remus waved his wand and cast the _Scourgify_ , snickering at the expression of stunned bliss on the other boy's face.   
  
‘Told you it was good,' Remus said and Sirius smiled lazily.  
  
‘Mmm,' he agreed, then said, 'Hard to find though. You were fiddling around for ages.’  
  
Remus frowned at this slight on his efforts. ‘Yeah, well, I know where it is now,' he muttered, throwing his wand back onto the side table.  
  
‘Yes, you do,' Sirius agreed with a leer, but Remus was distracted by the leaking tube next to his wand.  
  
‘And I won’t use as much of that lube next time,' he mused aloud, frowning at the clear gel. 'It made everything too slippery...and it's gotten every-bloody-where.'  
  
‘Remus, stop analysing this,' Sirius said impatiently. 'You did a fucking marvellous job of fingering my arse. Now come and give me a hug, you mutt.'  
  
‘Merlin, you can be foul sometimes,' Remus complained half-heartedly and Sirius laughed as he pulled the werewolf down on top of him.  
  
'I know,' he mumbled into Remus' hair. 'Me? Cuddling? It's revolting, an abhorrence, an abomination...'  
  
Remus kissed him smack on the lips to shut him up, then grinned as Sirius nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck, kissing the spot where neck met shoulder.   
  
They curled around each other, loosened bodies touching in so many places it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. Limbs were like lead, draped over and under and around; they felt heavy with satisfaction and pleasant exhaustion, yet as light as air at the same time.   
  
Sirius sighed contentedly.  
  
 _This is what happy feels like._  
  
‘Why didn’t we do this a long time ago, Moony?’he asked softly, his lips dragging over Remus' sweat-salty skin.  
  
‘Coz we were straight?’ Remus suggested sardonically.   
  
Sirius snorted as he stretched his repleted body then wrapped his leg around Remus’, rubbing his big toe up and down his lover‘s calf.  
  
‘It seems like another lifetime that I was shagging girls,' he admitted, flattening a hand over Remus' pectoral muscle and skimming it down the other boy's chest. 'I can’t imagine doing it now.’  
  
‘Mmm, me either,' Remus agreed, yawning. 'You've ruined me for girls.'  
  
Sirius laughed softly and drew Remus closer. ‘Wonder why it took so long to work out that _this_...' He tightened his arms around Remus' waist. '...is what we wanted?’  
  
Remus shrugged and said flippantly, ‘Maybe we just needed some Firewhiskey to bring it out?’  
  
‘We should write to the manufacturers and thank them,' Sirius suggested with a smile.  
  
Remus chuckled and shifted, fitting his body along the angles of Sirius’. They slotted together like puzzle pieces now - as if they’d been made for the other.  
  
They lay in companionable silence for several minutes then Sirius spoke softly, ‘You seemed happy after you opened that letter from your dad tonight.’  
  
Remus started a little, jerking out of his light doze and nodded. ‘He said he’d like you to come and stay at ours for a while after school finishes. He wants to “get to know you better”,' he said, his index finger absently tracing patterns on Sirius’ chest.  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. ‘Should I be worried he’s going to greet me with an _Avada Kedavra_ for turning his heterosexual son into a flaming queer?’  
  
‘No,' Remus said with a small smile. 'He said that he isn’t quite comfortable with _us_ yet, but…’  
  
He swallowed hard and irritably blinked back the tears he thought had finally dried up.  
  
‘He told me that when mum’s parents first met him, they didn’t want her to marry him. They thought her life would be too hard with someone so different from what they knew - a wizard.' He took a deep breath. 'Dad said she took his hand and told them that she loved him and was going to marry him with or without their blessing. She said, "The heart wants what it wants and it can’t be dictated to".’  
  
Sirius smiled up at Remus. ‘Sounds like something your mum would say,' he said.  
  
'Mmm,' Remus murmured, lost in his own thoughts.   
  
Sirius saw the sadness flickering over the werewolf's face and kissed his jaw lightly. 'That wasn't a hint that you want me to propose, was it?' he joked in an attempt to distract the other boy. 'Because I think you should know that I've already had _several_ offers and I have to consider them all to be fair. Although, the fact you give the most fantastic head works well in your favour...'  
  
Remus chuckled softly and hit him on the bicep. 'Shut up, you tosser.'  
  
Sirius let out a sharp amused exhale then, after a slight hesitation, Remus whispered, 'Thanks, Pads.'  
  
Sirius felt the tension that had crept back into Remus' previously relaxed body and ran his hands soothingly over the werewolf's too-prominent shoulder blades, trying to ease the hurt he still carried.  
  
‘Moony?’ he asked softly and Remus shook his head.  
  
‘I’m alright,' he said, unconvincingly and Sirius frowned.  
  
‘Are you sure?' he asked, turning his face into Remus' hair and breathing in the scent of the soft locks. 'You can have a cry if you like. You know I feel all manly when you sob all over me.’  
  
Remus smiled and wiped away the tear that had leaked from the corner of his eye. ‘No, she wouldn’t want me to keep blubbering over her,' he said, clearing his throat. 'I’ve done my crying. I want to remember the good times now and smile about them.’  
  
Sirius tightened an arm around him and asked tentatively, ‘Would…would she have liked this, do you think? Us?’  
  
Remus paused. ‘She liked you…’ he began, but Sirius interrupted.  
  
‘I was just your mate then, Moony,' he reminded him. 'Things change when the male friend of your son becomes his lover.’  
  
Remus considered this. ‘She’d probably tell me to make sure I was certain - about my sexuality and about you - but…yes…I think she would have understood and supported us.’  
  
Sirius smiled, his eyelashes tickling the skin on Remus’ cheek as he closed his eyes in relief. ‘I’m glad,' he said fervently. 'I really liked your mum.’  
  
Remus turned his face and brushed his lips over the other boy’s prickly jaw before he asked hesitantly, ‘Do you think you’ll ever tell your parents?’  
  
Sirius sighed heavily, Remus feeling his chest expand then deflate under his own before the brunette spoke.  
  
‘My parents believe the heart is a useless organ, worn on the sleeves of the weak. They’ll tell me to force myself to turn my back on my ‘abnormality’, straighten up and fly right. I’m such a disappointment to them already - the only hope they still hold out for me is that I’ll marry well and help Reg provide them with the next generation of Blacks.'   
  
He laughed abruptly, no trace of amusement in the bark. 'Me being a poof will put paid to _that_ dream.’  
  
'You could still...' Remus said, but Sirius interrupted.  
  
'No, I couldn't,' Sirius said firmly. 'The thought of being with a bird instead of you does nothing to me that is conducive to making babies.'  
  
Remus smiled weakly and Sirius sighed.  
  
‘I try not to think about what they’d do if they ever found out,' he admitted. 'I think I’ll just…distance myself from them…might have to keep it a bit quiet…’  
  
Remus felt a pulling in his chest. He didn’t want to come out or have anyone other than their friends knowing about them at the moment, but he didn’t want to live more than one lie for the rest of his life either. Being a werewolf was bad enough, but not being able to be honest about his sexuality... that was a secret Remus wasn't willing to keep under wraps as well.  
  
Neither he nor Sirius had yet broached what would happen to them after school finished. Remus had hoped they would continue their relationship, but if they had to shroud themselves in secrecy all the time…  
  
Perhaps school yard romances weren't meant to be carried on to the outside world.  
  
The real world.  
  
They lay in a contemplative silence for a few minutes longer, then Sirius wriggled out from underneath Remus and smiled down at him.  
  
‘I’m hungry,' he announced and Remus grinned.  
  
‘I am too,' he said, grateful for the distraction.  
  
Sirius slapped him playfully on the thigh then stood up. 'Come on then, my randy wolf,' he said with a broad smile. 'Let's find a different kind of meat for you to gnaw on.'  
  
They dressed quickly then Sirius tiptoed over to James' trunk to borrow the Invisibility Cloak, both boys struggling to hold back guffaws when they heard James murmuring, _'Oh, yeah, Lily. That's the spot,'_ in his sleep.  
  
Under the cloak, they managed to avoid detection by a patrolling Prefect and snuck into the kitchen. The house elves were thrilled to see their most frequent visitors, even this late at night, and stoked the fire before plying the couple with cakes and sandwiches. The boys ate their late night snack next to the warm fireplace, talking quietly about their upcoming NEWTS then headed back to their common room, a revived Sirius teasing Remus by groping various body parts along the way.  
  
‘Stop it,' Remus hissed, shifting under the cloak to evade a wandering hand.  
  
Sirius chuckled, low and deep in his throat, and Remus whimpered at the sound. ‘You’re just too sexy to keep my hands off, Moony,' he growled, lips brushing over the shell of Remus' ear.  
  
‘Idiot,' Remus muttered without any real annoyance then he slapped at the hand that slid over the curve of his buttock.  
  
‘Pads, get your hand off my arse,' he admonished weakly and Sirius sensed victory.  
  
‘Why?’  
  
‘Someone will see,' Remus argued, his words punctuated with a soft moan as Sirius seemed to grow extra hands, touching him all over.  
  
‘No one’s around and we‘re under the cloak,' Sirius reminded him then, with a smirk, slid his hand around the werewolf's body to cup his balls.  
  
‘Padfoot!’  
  
Sirius gasped as, seconds after his hand touched Remus’ groin, he found himself with his back pressed against the cold stone wall and a mouthful of talented werewolf tongue. The cloak slid unnoticed to the floor as Sirius growled in approval of the other boy’s actions and gripped Remus’ hips tight, pulling him closer.   
  
The werewolf smiled against his lips then ground his hips teasingly against the Animagus’, the movement setting Sirius on fire as their rapidly hardening cocks were helped along by the friction of the motion.   
  
Sirius moaned and tore his mouth away with a gasp, dragging his lips across the scarred cheek of his lover to whisper hoarsely in his ear, ‘I want you to fuck me, Remus.’  
  
Remus pulled back, staring at Sirius’ shadowed face in surprise. ‘Y...you do?’  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
‘Now?’  
  
‘Yes.’  
  
‘Here?’  
  
‘I think I could possibly wait till we get back to the dorm,' Sirius said with a smile.  
  
A shuddering breath reeking of anticipation and a little apprehension escaped from Remus’ trembling lips as he asked, ‘Are...are you sure?’  
  
‘Didn’t you hear me screaming under you earlier tonight?' Sirius teased gently. 'I _want_ to be inside you, Remus. I want _you_ inside _me_. I don’t mind which way we do it - who fucks who - I just want us to be together. _Really_ together.’  
  
Heat streaked through the brown-haired boy and he made a strangled noise in his throat before latching his mouth onto Sirius’ neck, sucking the skin into his mouth hard then mumbling into the hot skin...  
  
‘Fucking hell, I want that too.’  
  
Sirius moaned softly as the desperation in Remus' voice then a hand tangled in the werewolf’s hair and pulled his head back. Remus went with the pressure, his head lifting, and Sirius immediately claimed his mouth roughly, spinning them around so now he was pressing Remus hard into the wall. The kiss deepened and the hall filled with the sound of ragged breathing and cut off moans of pleasure.  
  
‘Oh my god!’  
  
Despite their preoccupation with each other’s lips, Remus and Sirius heard the whisper as if it had been shouted in their ears. Sirius moved like lightening away from Remus, spinning to confront the interloper.  
  
Regulus Black stared at them through eyes like flint. He shot a disbelieving look at Remus then his face changed, disgust evident as his cold grey eyes turned to his brother.  
  
‘You’re a fucking faggot?’ he sneered derisively.  
  
Remus watched Sirius’ face turn from defiant to furious as the viciously spat slur echoed around the cavernous corridor. As Sirius took a step toward his brother, Remus stepped in front of him.  
  
‘Don’t,' he said firmly and Regulus’ lip curled in a snarl.   
  
‘Stay out of it, werewolf!’ he snapped.  
  
Sirius gasped and Remus’ heart stuttered then started to beat double time, sending blood roaring through his veins as he looked into the scornful face which was so like that of his best friend and lover. Sirius stepped closer, cupping Remus’ elbow supportively.  
  
‘H…how…did you...?’  
  
Regulus sneered at his stammering sibling. ‘I’m not stupid. _You_ and your thick-headed Gryffindors' worked it out; I don‘t know why you thought I wouldn‘t. I just watched him closely and put two and two together.' He smiled nastily. 'Did you think our parents wouldn’t ask me to keep them informed about who you were aligning yourself with?’  
  
Sirius paled and Remus made a noise in his throat like a kicked puppy. ‘They know Remus is…?’  
  
‘No,' Regulus admitted, much to Sirius and Remus' relief. 'They would have had him expelled, or killed, by now if they did.’  
  
Sirius made another aggressive movement towards Regulus as he spoke so casually about Remus being murdered, but Remus once again stopped him. Regulus smiled - an unpleasant version of Sirius’ charming grin.  
  
‘Yes, I’ve been saving _that_ little bit of information for a special occasion,' he taunted, knowing he was hitting a raw nerve. 'I think the time may have arrived, though, to inform our parents that their oldest son - scion of the family Black - is not only a queer, but is debasing himself even further by screwing an animal.’  
  
‘You little fucking bastard!’  
  
‘Sirius! _No_!’  
  
Their wands were drawn before Remus could get the words out and even as his cry was still bouncing off the stone walls, Sirius' first curse was soaring across the hall. It rebounded off the wall behind Regulus’ head and Remus ducked fast as it shot back towards him. He drew his own wand hastily as Regulus sent a red jet of light at his brother, Sirius spitting an obscenity at him as he dodged it and threw his own hex back at the other boy. Remus raised his wand to try and subdue them, but a Body Bind hex Regulus had thrown at Sirius went astray and hit him in the chest, sending him crashing to the floor.  
  
He heard Sirius’ shout of outrage and a kaleidoscope of colours lit up the darkness before a cry of pain rang out. Everything was quiet for a moment, a duet of hastened, irregular breathing the only sound, then there were low, muttered words dripping with contempt, and fast footfalls that faded quickly into nothing.   
  
An incantation was mumbled and Remus’ body unclenched; the spell released. Remus sat up, seeing Sirius slumped on the ground against the wall, knees drawn to his chest, and his chest tightened.  
  
‘Sirius?' he gasped urgently. 'Are you hurt?’  
  
He scrambled across the cold floor, kneeling in front of the brunette. ‘Pads?’  
  
‘I’m fine,' Sirius mumbled, lifting his head.  
  
Remus was horrified to see blood smeared across the brunette's cheek. ‘Shit! What did he do?’  
  
‘He didn’t do anything,' Sirius said dully. 'It was just a bit of stone or something that hit me.’  
  
‘From a bloody curse he used,' Remus said furiously, so angry he almost missed Sirius' next whispered words.  
  
‘I got him.’  
  
Remus had pulled out his wand to try and heal the cut across Sirius’ cheekbone, but paused at the almost inaudible confession.  
  
‘What?’  
  
‘I got him,' Sirius said quietly, pale face tinged with a little green as he thought of what he'd done. 'He was bleeding, Moony. Bad.’  
  
Remus sank down, sitting on his legs in front of Sirius. ‘How badly?' he asked. 'Where?’  
  
‘His chest…Cutting hex…’ Sirius said, breath catching as nausea hit him hard and fast. He swallowed against the bile that rose in his throat as Remus spoke soothingly.  
  
‘He‘ll go to the infirmary, Sirius. He‘ll be fine. He was right about one thing - he's not stupid. I‘ll clean you up...’  
  
He lifted his wand again but Sirius gripped his wrist, stopping him casting the healing spell and staring up at him with dark, shadowed eyes.  
  
‘Can…can you check on him for me?' he asked hoarsely. 'Please, Remus? Take the cloak - you won’t have to see him or talk to him. Just…make sure he didn’t collapse somewhere on the way back to his common room? Someone there will heal him; I just need to know he isn't...bleeding to death somewhere.’  
  
Remus frowned. Sirius’ lip was trembling, his voice cracking with suppressed emotion. The last thing Remus wanted to do was leave him, but when the brunette repeated his plea, he nodded.  
  
‘Alright,' he muttered. 'Can you get back to our dorm?’  
  
‘It’s just a little cut,' Sirius said, brushing off his concern. 'I’m fine.’  
  
Sirius saw Remus’ reluctance and slid his hand from the werewolf’s bony wrist to his hand and squeezed it tight. 'He's still my brother, Moony.’  
  
Remus nodded and touched his hand to Sirius’ face. He leaned forward to press his lips to the brunette’s forehead before he pushed himself to his feet.  
  
‘I’ll make sure he got back to his common room alright,' he acquiesced. 'See you up in our room. I won’t be long.’  
  
He stared down at Sirius for another moment then snatched up the Invisibility cloak and took off down the hall fast.  
  
Sirius let out a long, shaky breath and buried his face in his hands. He and Regulus had fought before but their battles had always been verbal. When the younger Black had insulted Remus though, Sirius had reacted before thinking, before he remembered that this was his _brother_ and the next thing he knew, he was holding a wand on him.   
  
And when Remus had been hit with a hex, fury like Sirius had never experienced before had burnt through him, consuming every last fond memory he had of his sibling. He’d cast his curses true, aiming them not as warnings or to frighten, but to hit, to _hurt_ , and they had. His last hex had hit Regulus in the chest - where his heart would be if he had one.  
  
A little moan escaped Sirius and he raised his head, letting it fall back hard against the stone wall. The look of repugnance in his brother’s eyes before he left had sent chills down Sirius’ spine and his parting words left no doubt of his feelings towards his older sibling.  
  
 _"You are no brother of mine. You are no Black."_  
  
‘Well, maybe I don’t want to be a Black anymore.’  
  
Sirius said the words aloud, not realising what he'd done until he heard them echoed back to him. He stood up slowly and headed to the nearest bathroom, sucking in a breath when he saw the long cut across his cheek.  
  
Holding his wand to his cheek, he mumbled an incantation and watched as the torn flesh knitted itself back together. He winced at the slight burn then bent over the basin, washing the blood off his face with ice cold water. He raised his head and watched the water run in little rivulets down his face - over the grey eyes and straight nose he’d inherited from his father; the sharp cheekbones and pink lips that were his mothers'. At the thought of his parents, he grimaced. Regulus would tell them everything, of this he had no doubt, and Sirius was surprised that the knowledge didn’t terrify him as he thought it would.  
  
 _I may look like them, but I’m nothing like them. Thanks to Remus._  
  
Remus had such a good heart that it was almost impossible not to become a better person just by being with him. The other boy had somehow, without Sirius even realising it, made him believe that he could escape the shadow of his family, that he could be his own person, that he was strong enough to withstand anything they could throw at him.  
  
He could do this...as long as he had Remus.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty**  
  
Sirius looked up as a shadow stealthily entered the quiet, darkened room. ‘Hi,' he murmured, his voice low and the darkened outline of a tall, gangly boy came to a halt.  
  
‘Hey, you‘re okay?’ Remus whispered, stepping into the silvery light cast across the stone floor by the waxing moon.  
  
Sirius nodded and smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring manner as he patted the bed next to him. ‘Pull up a pew, Moony,' he said in a hushed tone, casting a glance over at the other silent beds.  
  
‘Generous of you, Padfoot,' Remus said wryly, sitting down in the offered space. 'Considering this is _my_ bed.’  
  
Sirius let out a huff of amusement then leaned into Remus' touch as the werwolf's hand lifted to cup Sirius’ cheek, checking the site of the earlier injury.  
  
‘You healed yourself?’ Remus asked and Sirius nodded, waving his wand at the curtains and watching them shut before casting a Silencing Spell.   
  
He looked at Remus as the other boy's hand fell from his face.  
  
‘Regulus?’  
  
Remus blinked almost imperceptibility. ‘He’s fine,' he said, a little shortly. 'Snape had healed him by the time I got to his common room.’  
  
Sirius closed his eyes in relief. As much as he disliked his brother, he hated the thought of Regulus being hurt by his hand. Snape would be rejoicing in the animosity between the Black brothers, though, and Sirius felt a wave of resentment towards the hook-nosed student.   
  
_Bloody Snape..._  
  
Something clicked in Sirius' brain as he cursed the greasy-haired git and he frowned, opening his eyes and tilting his head as he looked closely at Remus' unusually tense and closed-up face.   
  
‘How do you know that Snape healed him?‘ he asked, his heart skipping a beat when he saw Remus' stony facade wobble for a moment and he knew instantly what Remus had done. ‘You showed yourself to him, didn't you?'   
  
He didn't need an answer; it was written all over Remus' face. 'Remus…why…? What did he say to you? He had a go, didn‘t he?’  
  
Sirius felt anger bubbling up inside of him as Remus' jaw tightened, but the other boy just shrugged, his hand dropping casually to Sirius’ thigh.  
  
‘I thought I might be able to explain…talk him around, but he wasn’t having it.'  
  
'What did he say?' Sirius pushed and Remus sighed heavily, looking away.  
  
'It was just the usual 'werewolf' bile - _"half breed, animal, wait until my parents find out you've corrupted the noble heir of the family Black…"_ ’  
  
‘Prat,' Sirius spat viciously, fists clenching as he imagined himself wringing Regulus' scrawny little neck. He opened his mouth to curse his brother some more, but caught sight of Remus' face.  
  
There was more...  
  
‘What else, Remus?' he asked through gritted teeth. 'Tell me everything.’  
  
He saw the werewolf swallow hard, his throat visibly undulating, and knew that this was going to be bad.  
  
‘He said that once your parents found out about me, I’d never see you again,' Remus said, words rushing out fast and emotionless. 'That you would never choose me over your family and inheritance. That…that they’d see me put down like the animal I am for…for _turning_ you.’  
  
Sirius snarled and jumped to his feet; his, until now, slow-boiling anger flaring fast and hot. ‘I’ll go and fucking finish what I started!’ he fumed, but Remus stood as well, pulling him back down onto the bed.  
  
‘You will not!' he snapped, gripping Sirius' arm almost painfully tight. 'You’ll stay here and ignore it just like I’m going to.’  
  
His tone was firm, but the flicker of pain in his eyes gave him away.  
  
‘You…you don’t believe him, do you?’ Sirius stammered, all anger draining away fast as concern filled him. He frowned when he saw Remus look away guiltily.   
  
‘Remus…’ He gripped the other boy’s chin and forced his face back to his. ‘Do you? You don't really think I'd leave you for them?’  
  
Remus met his eye and the insecurity and fear in his face took Sirius’ breath away.  
  
‘You said yourself you’d never tell them because they’d disown you and I know you still care what they think,' Remus said softly, the low tone of his voice not hiding the strain there. 'Regulus… Regulus said he wouldn’t tell anyone about me or us if I left you alone, if I b...broke up with you.’   
  
Remus blinked several times then cleared his throat. ‘P…Padfoot, if that’s what you want…if you can’t stand the thought of being disinherited, I’ll…I’ll do it.’  
  
Sirius couldn't hide the quaver in his voice as he choked out, ‘You’d break up with me?’  
  
‘To stop your parents disowning you - yes,' Remus said, his own voice tremulous. 'If that‘s what _you_ wanted. I just…I want you to be happy, Sirius.’  
  
Sirius stared at the brown-haired boy. Remus would sacrifice his own happiness so Sirius could keep his reputation? So he could stay in the good books with a family that wanted nothing but progeny and a continued blood line from him?  
  
 _Of course he bloody would. That’s_ exactly _what Remus would do._  
  
The contrasts between his family and Remus seemed incredibly stark right now and Sirius felt as though he were straddling an ever widening gulf. On one side was the family that he just couldn’t seem to let go of, but that would only ever accept him on _their_ terms regardless of his feelings. On the other side was the only person who had ever put him first and who was willing to walk away from his own happiness if that's what Sirius wanted.  
  
He was being stretched to his breaking point and he knew the time had come to make a choice and plant his feet firmly on one side or the other.  
  
‘I don’t want that, Remus,' he said, making his decision with startling ease.  
  
Remus frowned. ‘But your parents…’  
  
‘I’ll deal with it,' Sirius interrupted, desperate to convince Remus that his feelings were true. 'Maybe Regulus won’t even tell them. Maybe they’ll be so ashamed of me they won’t tell anyone and just continue to ignore me - their prejudice could work in my favour.’  
  
‘Sirius…’  
  
‘Maybe I just don’t care anymore,' he said fervently, cupping the werewolf's face. 'Remus, please. I…I want _you_ and I won't give you up. I don't care what they think or what they do. Nobody else matters but you.’  
  
He leaned in and kissed Remus almost chastely, feeling the other boy’s slightly chapped lips quivering against his own. Pulling back minutely, he touched his forehead to Remus‘, hands still framing his scarred face.  
  
‘Let me show you how much I want you,' he whispered.  
  
Remus exhaled tremulously, wide, still-uncertain blue eyes closing as Sirius tried to make up for the hurt his family had caused. Pressing his lips to Remus’ face, he scattered hot, needy kisses to every inch of his skin.  
  
‘Please, Remus?’ he begged, feeling the other boy's resistance.  
  
He kissed the brown-haired boy’s lips softly, but with such intense purpose that Remus' very bones melted under the onslaught. Each short kiss punctuated a plea.  
  
‘Please?’  
  
 _Kiss_  
  
‘Please?’  
  
 _Kiss_  
  
‘Please?’  
  
Remus grasped Sirius’ face between his palms and capitulated, kissing him with everything he had, trying desperately in that one lip lock to show the brunette just how much he meant to him.   
  
Sirius returned the kiss just as feverishly, his intent identical to Remus‘. The fight tonight had shaken them - they had been exposed before they were ready and they _needed_ this, needed reassurance that in the backlash that may come, they had something special, something worth hanging onto and fighting for.  
  
Remus felt Sirius’ fingers scrabble at his shirt, tearing at the buttons as the kiss became more urgent. His own hands raised to help, pulling the fabric from his shoulders before their hands moved to Sirius’ t-shirt, yanking it roughly over his ebony hair. With a little moan of appreciation, Remus flattened his palms against the other boy’s pectorals and dragged them down to his stomach, revelling in the way the muscles tensed in reaction.  
  
‘ _Moony_.’  
  
The nickname whispered breathlessly against his lips made desire curl tight in Remus’ stomach and his hands moved to the other boy’s belt, fumbling uncoordinatedly at the buckle as Sirius pushed him back onto the mattress. Sirius' hands moved to cover Remus’ briefly before he moved away, quickly divesting himself of his jeans and boxers. Remus' hands shifted to do the same to himself, but Sirius stopped him with a shake of his head.  
  
‘I want to do it. I want to undress you.’  
  
Remus didn’t argue, couldn't argue; the way Sirius’ eyes ran hungrily over his bare skin made any type of logical speech or thought impossible, and when the brunette’s lips descended to trace the curve of his collar bone, Remus surrendered his very soul to the dark devil who had already claimed his heart.  
  
Fingers slowed to trace the tributaries of Remus' scars, each one worshipped with an awe and respect that melted Remus’ marrow, turning it into liquid fire that spread through every vein, and artery, and organ until he felt as though he would combust. Sirius’ lips trailed after his fingers; tongue and teeth marking the path taken with saliva and raised red marks. The Animagus was marking him, claiming him, covering him with Padfoot’s scent so there was no doubt to whom he belonged. The wolf inside him growled in satisfaction, more placid than it had ever been this close to the moon. It was just as eager to be claimed by its mate as Remus was by his.  
  
Remus moaned and writhed under Sirius’ touch, the zipper of his pants straining under the growing pressure of his swelling cock. Shifting on the bed, Sirius brushed quick, feather light kisses along the waist band of Remus' jeans then nuzzled his nose into the denim-covered crotch.  
  
‘Sirius…p…please?’  
  
At the plea, the brunette’s teeth bore down lightly on the long bulge, nibbling along the length of it before Remus let out another choked off cry and twisted his hands tight in ebony locks.  
  
Sirius let out a whimper as black strands were pulled from his scalp and took the hint, drawing Remus’ zipper down slowly then popping the button. His lips twitched in a smile when he heard the werewolf’s sigh of relief as some of the pressure on his aching cock was relieved. Remus’ hands joined Sirius’ in tugging down his pants and boxers then he moaned loudly as a hand curled around his shaft and stroked once, twice…then disappeared.  
  
‘Fuck! Keep going!’ he pleaded, making Sirius chuckled wickedly.  
  
He skimmed his hands ran down Remus’ legs then coasted back up the insides, gently easing the limbs apart, exposing the other boy’s most intimate areas to his gaze.  
  
‘Be patient, Moony,' he murmured, eyes devouring the body laid out in front of him like a man who was starving eyed a buffet.  
  
Remus squirmed a little under the dark, almost black-eyed gaze then groaned as hot lips brushed over the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. Nerves sizzled as Remus' blood turned to molten lava and all he could feel was _fire_ and those fucking incredible lips that were trailing a damp path that edged ever closer to where he was most needy. A warm tongue traced the crease where his leg joined his groin and Remus almost cried in desperation.  
  
‘G…gods! Sirius, I need…’  
  
A hand wrapped around his impossibly hard cock again and Remus’ moan of relief and need was loud in the air. Teeth nipped dangerously at his sac, which tightened immediately in defence and desire. As a tongue laved the injured skin, a finger, quickly coated in saliva, probed at the tight entrance to the werewolf’s body.   
  
Remus was almost embarrassed at how quickly his legs parted, spreading wantonly across the bed to allow Sirius unhindered access to his body. But as the fingers pushed inside him, all discomfiture was forgotten as he burned with both pleasure and pain. Sirius’ fingers scissored, stretching Remus’ body in preparation for…  
  
Remus’ tightly closed eyes popped open as the full realisation of what Sirius was doing and why hit him.  
  
‘P…Pads?’  
  
Sirius looked up, seeing the question in Remus’ eyes and he rose, stilling his fingers, though not removing them.  
  
‘Is it okay? I know I said I wanted _you_ to fuck _me_ and I still do but…’   
  
He bit his lip then leaned over to kiss the other boy on the mouth, lips brushing as he spoke, ’I want to be in you tonight. I want to be part of you. Is…is that alright?’  
  
Remus worried his lip as he thought and Sirius prayed his boyfriend could really read his mind as he'd so often complained he could. He _had_ to do this, had to show Remus how much he wanted him, to be buried inside him, to be part of something good and pure.   
  
His relief was palpable when the werewolf nodded.  
  
‘It’s okay,' Remus said with a nervous smile. 'I want you to...do it.’  
  
Sirius smiled widely then moved his fingers deeper inside Remus, brushing over the bundle of nerves hidden in the cavity. The sandy-haired boy's smiling face crumpled into lust as he groaned and closed his eyes, a kaleidoscope of colours bursting like fireworks inside his head.   
  
Sirius voice was full of want when he opened his mouth to tease his lover. ‘You want me to what, Remus?’  
  
The werewolf’s blue eyes snapped open and turned black with lust. Sirius saw him swallow, but his voice was still rough when he answered, ‘I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me.’  
  
Sirius whimpered and crashed his lips down onto Remus'.  
  
‘Do you have _any_ idea how fucking hot it is to hear you say that? Sweet Merlin, Remus! I have never wanted anything this much.’  
  
Remus’ hand skimmed down the front of Sirius’ body to grip his weeping cock, gasping in surprise when the Animagus bit down on his bottom lip then licked it in apology. Sirius pulled away, his fingers slipping out of Remus’ body as he reached over to fumble in a drawer for lube. His hands were shaking as he clumsily opened it and squeezed too much out.  
  
‘Shit,' he cursed and Remus sat up.  
  
‘Sirius, settle down,' he murmured, his calmness for once appreciated beyond measure by the brunette. 'Let me…’  
  
Remus grabbed a tissue from the side table and wiped half the lubricant off Sirius’ cupped hand. Then he scooped some of the remainder up and reached down between the brunette‘s legs, applying it very thoroughly to Sirius’ member. His fingers moved slowly, ensuring the cool emollient was smoothed over every inch of the shaft, caressing it into every crevasse and ridge of the throbbing flesh.  
  
Sirius felt the coil of pleasure inside him tightened almost past endurance and wrapped his hand around Remus' to stop his motion. ‘S…stop.’  
  
He closed his eyes tight, panting as he tried to force down his excitement, his eagerness. He didn’t want this to be over as soon as he was inside Remus, nor did he want to hurt him because he was too far gone to take care. He wanted this to be special, to be…incredible.  
  
‘Sirius? I’m ready. Please?’  
  
Remus lay back on the bed, tugging on Sirius’ arm in an attempt to pull him down with him. The Animagus quickly obliged, his fingers quickly moving between Remus’ legs to apply the lubricant to the already stretched entrance. He smiled when the werewolf moaned loudly, pushing his hips up and moving a hand to his own cock, stroking in time with the thrusts of Sirius’ fingers. Sirius whimpered, unable to wait any longer as the sight of Remus pleasuring himself proved too much too handle.  
  
‘Remus…’  
  
Sirius grabbed a pillow and stuck it under the werewolf’s backside, seeing Remus’ questioning gaze as he raised his hips to help.  
  
‘Easier access, Moony,' he explained and Remus flushed even further.  
  
‘So…is this okay? This…position?' Remus asked tentatively. 'I thought you might prefer...on my hands and knees...?'  
  
Sirius stared down at the long, lithe almost-man in front of him and for a moment, was lost for words. He saw the expected desire and the slight apprehension in those blue eyes, but more overwhelmingly, trust and love and he knew he wanted to see those eyes looking into his as they did this. No one had ever looked at him like that and Sirius felt a wholeness he’d never experienced before. He felt as though all of the darkness, all of the sores and wounds on his soul were being soothed and healed.   
  
Remus was healing him.   
  
And he loved him for it.  
  
He _loved_ him.  
  
‘Sirius? Is this alright?’  
  
He blinked and nodded, his voice gravely with both lust and emotion when he answered.  
  
‘Perfect. You're perfect.’  
  
He leaned over Remus, hissing as their cocks and lips met at the same time. Remus shuddered underneath him as their lips frantically tasted each other and hips ground desperately. Then Sirius shifted, his cock head aligning itself with unerring accuracy with Remus' body, and they both immediately paused in their frenetic movements.  
  
Sirius felt Remus’ heart beating in a rhythm as rapid as his own as the blunt head of his erection pressed insistently at the entrance to the other boy’s body. For a moment, it seemed as if it would be impossible, that they wouldn’t fit together then Remus drew his knees to his chest, opening himself, and Sirius felt the head of his cock push past an excruciatingly tight ring of muscle to sit inside Remus' body.   
  
Remus winced and made a noise in his throat and Sirius quickly stopped himself from sliding any further forward.  
  
‘R…Remus?’  
  
Remus’ eyes were shut tightly and his chest was rising and falling fast. Sirius grit his teeth; Remus' eyes weren't the only part of the other boy that clenched and, as the werewolf's muscles tightened around Sirius' cock, the brunette quickly recited Potions ingredients in his head to stop himself from giving in to the grasping body below him.  
  
Finally, Remus let out a long shaky breath and opened his eyes, looking directly into Sirius' grey orbs as he nodded. ‘S’okay. Just…slow, yeah? Really, really slow.'  
  
Sirius took a deep breath and pressed forward, letting out a little whimper as he slid in deeper. His cock throbbed, feeling too big for the tight, tight sleeve of Remus’ body, but Remus bore down as Sirius pushed and the hot, velvet walls gave way as, inch by inch, he became part of someone else.  
  
Sirius finally stopped, his cock now buried to the hilt inside Remus, balls resting against Remus' balls, and both boys’ eyes remained clenched shut as they concentrated on pushing past the uncomfortable burning and squeezing of the first moments of their joining. Sirius fumbled for Remus’ hand, the werewolf’s fingers gripping his hard and suddenly, it was alright.   
  
Their eyes opened, watching each other’s face as their sweat-slicked bodies adjusted and relaxed, and desire returned. Sirius gave Remus’ fingers a squeeze then ran that hand down the werewolf’s body, slipping in between them to close around his lover’s nearly flaccid cock.  
  
He held himself still inside Remus’ body as he stroked the boy’s smooth length, pleased that the phallus immediately began to harden under his ministrations. Remus moaned as Sirius ran his thumb over the tip, spreading pre-come over the soft head in a concentric motion that made the sandy-haired boy arch up.   
  
As Remus’ hips fell back onto the mattress, Sirius’ body moved inside him and both boys gasped. The brunette held himself still until Remus’ strangled voice begged…  
  
‘Move, Padfoot! Please?’  
  
He did as Remus asked, and knew immediately that he wasn’t going to last long. Remus was too hot, too tight and this was too overwhelming. Being with a woman for the first time hadn’t been _anything_ like this and as he withdrew then pushed slowly back into his friend, he knew that _this_ was what he’d always wanted, _this_ was why sex with girls had always been so unfulfilling.   
  
He’d been searching for this feeling.  
  
He couldn’t keep up his motion on Remus’ cock so he grabbed the boy’s hand, dragging it to his erection and Remus took the hint, fisting himself as Sirius gripped the werewolf’s narrow hips with both hands and withdrew once more. His re-entry was faster this time, and he moaned, control fraying fast.  
  
‘Too close… _fuck_!’  
  
His trembling became violent as he thrust once, twice more then with the third, the hardest, plunge, he cried out Remus’ name, as he exploded with a force that made him see stars. He shuddered and shook, pumping his hips with decreasing speed until he finally collapsed onto Remus’ chest, trapping the werewolf’s hand between them.   
  
Panting, he tried to regain some composure before he opened his eyes. When he felt warm lips press against his forehead, he looked up at Remus, grinning then shifted and frowned when he realised Remus hadn’t come.  
  
‘Fuck!' he swore, embarrassed about his lack of staying power. 'I’m sorry, Rem…’  
  
‘It’s okay,' Remus smiled, but Sirius shook his head.  
  
‘No, it’s not,' he snapped, frustrated at himself. 'I wanted it to be good for you…’  
  
‘It _was_ , Sirius,' Remus insisted. 'It was…amazing.’  
  
Sirius looked down at the reassuring blue eyes, knowing his own were regretful. ‘No it wasn’t,' he said. 'But I can certainly try to fix it.’  
  
He moved carefully, pulling out of Remus before he slithered down his body, taking the brown-haired boy’s still-stiff cock deep into his mouth. It wasn’t the best blow job he’d ever given - he was still short of breath and shaky after his own climax, but when Remus yanked on his dark hair less than a minute later and he tasted the first pulse of thick come, Sirius felt as though he may have just redeemed himself.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-One**  
  
‘Oh Sweet Merlin! My _eyes_! My virgin eyes!’  
  
A duet of sleepy grumbles arose from the bed and Sirius raised his arm from where it was draped over Remus‘ bare chest, swiping aimlessly at thin air.  
  
‘Piss off, Potter,’ he mumbled, forcing his eyes open to squint at James who was staring down at their partially exposed naked forms with a grimace on his face.  
  
James turned his head to the side and covered his eyes, peering at them from under his hand as if the sight pained him. ‘Cover your hairy arse, at least,' he begged, tugging on the sheet then he squawked when Sirius' hand finally made contact with his arm.  
  
‘Why don’t you just close the fucking curtain and bugger off?' Sirius suggested then the corner of his mouth quirked up wickedly. 'Or maybe you want to watch what I was about to do to Moony?’  
  
He kissed the werewolf’s chest then shifted and pressed his lips to the too prominent ribs. 'Look and learn, Prongs,' he murmured, sliding his mouth down to Remus' stomach then grinning when he heard a loud rattling as James pulled the curtains around Remus' bed shut.   
  
Remus, eyes still shut, chuckled and addressed the boy who once again had spread himself across his scarred chest.  
  
'How far would you have gone if he stayed there?'  
  
'All the way, baby,' Sirius said with a smirk then he ducked his head towards Remus' groin. 'Want me to demonstrate?  
  
‘Don’t you threaten me with one of your blow jobs...’ Remus teased and Sirius looked indignant, raising his head again.  
  
‘Threaten you?' he said in mock outrage. 'You were screaming in the end last night…’  
  
‘I was screaming in relief that you‘d finally finished torturing me with those teeth,' Remus retorted.  
  
Sirius made an affronted harrumph and shifted, his comforting weight lifting off Remus as he settled himself on his side and propped his head up on his hand. Remus yawned and forced open his heavy eyelids, turning his head to gaze at his bed partner. Sirius was staring down at him - looking far too bright for someone who’d only fallen asleep three hours ago after a night of debauchery.  
  
‘What are you staring at?' Remus said quietly, a smile playing on his lips. 'Do I have something unsavoury splattered on me?’  
  
Sirius smiled as well, a gentle, soft smile, and leaned over to kiss the sleepy-eyed werewolf on the forehead. ‘I like scaring the shit out of James like that,' he confessed. 'Maybe I should wake up naked in your bed more often.’  
  
Remus grinned. 'Was that a hint?' he asked and Sirius chuckled, nuzzling his nose into Remus' neck in a very Padfoot-like manner.  
  
'I could get used to waking up like this,' he whispered into Remus ear then bit down lightly on his earlobe. 'I like this.' He eased an arm over Remus' torso and found the werewolf's hand, wrapping his fingers around the other boy's.  
  
The corners of Remus' mouth lifted and he tilted his head to drop a kiss on Sirius' cheekbone. 'So do I,' he murmured softly, feeling Sirius' beaming smile against his skin. The brunette kissed Remus on the delicate skin behind his ear then lifted his head.  
  
'And it has the added benefit of driving Prongs insane,' he said with a smirk and Remus made an exasperated noise before he rolled onto his side with a soft groan. His body ached in places it had never ached before and he groaned again as his lower body objected to the new position.  
  
‘Gods, my arse is sore,' he complained and watched as Sirius’ affectionate smile quickly turned into his usual shit-eating smirk.   
  
Remus cuffed him around the head. ‘Don’t fucking laugh,' he warned, waggling a finger at Sirius. 'It’s your turn next and mine‘s bigger than your‘s.’  
  
‘Oh, I’m quaking!’ Sirius said, unable to stop his eyes wandering down to Remus' fabric-covered cock, noticing that the sheet was ever-so-slightly tenting. He looked up to tease Remus and saw a wince flicker across the other boy's face. Guilt washed over him - as effective as a cold shower - and he frowned in concern.  
  
‘Are you alright, Moony?' he asked tentatively. 'I know I hurt you last night.’  
  
A surprised Remus blinked at him then smiled. ‘It was fairly unavoidable, Sirius,' he said reassuringly. 'I knew it was going to hurt a bit, but I wanted to do it.' Sirius must have still appeared sceptical because he squeezed his hand and said, ' _Really_ , Padfoot. It’s getting close to the full moon, remember? Lots of the stiffness is just normal stuff.’  
  
Sirius seemed a little placated and moved closer, snuggling into the werewolf’s embrace. ‘How…how did it feel?’ he asked a little shyly and Remus was startled to see a flush colour the other boy's cheeks.  
  
Knowing this would be the wrong time to tease the unusually vulnerable boy, he said quietly, ‘It was good after the initial...pain. Really good.' He saw Sirius' self-satisfied smirk return and couldn't resist a poke. 'Of course, you _were_ a bit quick…’  
  
Sirius huffed in indignation, though unable to keep the smile off his face. ‘Keep going and you’ll never fuck me, Lupin,' he threatened and Remus laughed.  
  
He pulled Sirius closer, their groins rubbing tantalisingly over each other. Their eyes locked and he saw a little uncertainty still lingering in the grey depths.  
  
‘It was good, Sirius,' he murmured softly, raising his hand and tenderly stroking his thumb along Sirius' prickly jaw. 'Better than good - it was fantastic. How did it feel for you?’  
  
Sirius grinned mischieviously. ‘Like you were going to squeeze my dick off,' he said with a laugh. 'You were so fucking tight… I loosened you up beautifully though, with my huge...’  
  
Remus smacked him on the arm, blushing furiously.  
  
‘Poof,' he said affectionately.  
  
‘Ponce,' Sirius returned with a grin.  
  
There was a moment of silence then Sirius spoke softly, all humour leaving his face. ‘It was brilliant, Remus,' he whispered. 'Really just...' He swallowed hard. 'It was like nothing I've ever felt before.'   
  
Remus smiled and Sirius let out a soft bark of laughter. 'I guess I really am gay, huh?’  
  
Remus laughed and nodded. ‘I guess you are,' he agreed. 'And I, for one, am quite pleased about that.’  
  
Sirius chuckled and kissed Remus’ chest, letting his lips brush over the other boy’s nipple. The little nub hardened and Remus moaned approvingly.  
  
‘Is that a _‘For the love of Merlin, keep going’_ moan or a _‘you shagged me so thoroughly last night that I‘m ruined for the day'_ moan?’ Sirius asked, lips forging a damp trail across the werewolf's chest to his other nipple.  
  
‘Whatever you said first,' Remus mumbled, arching his back to encourage Sirius' lips to move faster.  
  
‘Good,' Sirius muttered, lips closing over the coffee-brown nipple as they heard a shout.  
  
‘Padfoot! You have an owl from your parents - get your fruity arse out of bed!'  
  
Sirius felt Remus stiffen under his mouth at James' cry and he pulled back, looking up at the werewolf’s wary face.  
  
‘Would Regulus have had time to tell them?’ Remus asked worriedly and Sirius hastened to reassure him, although he was nervous himself.  
  
‘It’s probably nothing, Remus,' he said, patting the other boy's arm. 'I reckon Reg will try and manipulate me a bit before he gives up and tells our parents.’  
  
Remus didn’t look as certain of Regulus' silence, his brow furrowing as he watched Sirius get out of bed and pull his jeans on. He pulled open the curtains then winked at Remus before closing them again so the werewolf could dress in private.   
  
By the time Remus had dressed and opened the hangings, Sirius was in the shower and the others had gone to breakfast. The owl was gone and Remus couldn’t see any notes laying around. He sighed and, knowing how long Sirius could take with his morning ablutions, he decided to head down to Sunday breakfast.  
  


~*~

  
  
Sirius didn’t show for the morning meal and when Remus reached the dorm, he saw him sitting on his bed, staring out the window.   
  
‘Where were you?' Remus demanded, the sound of his voice obviously startling Sirius. 'Breakfast is over.’  
  
Sirius didn’t look at him, instead bending to pull his shoes on as he replied, ‘Is it? Shit, I got…distracted.’  
  
Fear pooled in the pit of Remus' stomach. ‘Was the owl from your parents?’ he asked reluctantly and Sirius finally looked at him.  
  
‘Huh? Oh, yeah but it was just a note about my cousin Narcissa’s wedding,' he muttered, fiddling with his laces. 'She’s marrying that Malfoy git in a few months.’  
  
‘So they don’t know?’ Remus asked.  
  
Sirius shook his head. ‘Nope. I told you - Regulus is such a fucking prat he’ll try and blackmail me or something.’  
  
His shoes now on, Sirius walked across the room to Remus and kissed him firmly on the lips. ‘I’m going to the kitchens to see if I can scrounge something to eat off the House Elves. Then I’m going to go to Hogsmeade. I’ve run out of chocolate and mead and I know you like them after the moon to ease your aches and pains.’  
  
‘Sirius…’ Remus began, unwilling to just drop the subject, but Sirius kept talking.  
  
‘I know you don’t like me nicking stuff,' he chattered, oblivious to Remus' attempts to cut in. 'I always leave the Galleons there somewhere, but I certainly wouldn’t want you to compromise yourself, Mister Prefect, by coming along. You probably couldn’t walk that far anyway with your injured arse.’  
  
He grinned when Remus, now too embarrassed for words, flushed then he kissed the other boy again, this time allowing it to deepen. They slid their arms around each other as lips tasted and tongues explored and senses ignited once more. Remus was thinking of suggesting that Sirius take his turn to bottom right now when James and Peter walked in.   
  
Peter let out a little squawk when he saw the entwined couple and James groaned.  
  
‘I was _soooo_ not ready to see that.’  
  
Remus and Sirius pulled apart, both flushing deeply at being caught. ‘Sorry…we thought we were alone,' Remus stammered, swiping his hand across his kiss swollen lips.  
  
‘Don’t be sorry.’  
  
All three boys looked at Peter in surprise, the blonde looking just as startled that the words had come from his mouth.  
  
Under the scrutiny of his room mates, Peter stammered out an explanation. ‘I mean…well…James snogs Lily all over the place and he doesn’t say sorry when we walk in on it,' he stuttered. 'Why should you two? Just cause you’re both…boys… _what_?’  
  
He frowned, glaring at the trio whose mouths were hanging open, staring at him as if they'd never seen him before. Remus came to his senses first and cleared his throat.   
  
‘Thanks, Pete,' he murmured, touched by the other boy's support.  
  
‘Yeah.’ Sirius looked over at Remus then back at Peter with an odd expression on his face as he added his gratitude. ‘Thanks.’  
  
James clapped Peter on the shoulder, making the shorter boy jump in surprise, then looked at Sirius and Remus and sighed. ‘Pete’s right,' he mumbled, blushing. 'Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Of course you can snog wherever the hell you like in your own dorm.' He grinned suddenly. 'I just can’t work out how you could prefer snogging someone with stubble.’  
  
Sirius snorted and punched him on the arm. ‘I'm sure last time I snogged Evans she had a distinct five o’clock shadow…’  
  
‘My Lily has perfectly smooth skin, thank you very much,' James retorted, hitting Sirius back. 'And as fine as I am with you two snogging, can you please get your hand off Moony’s arse? It’s quite distracting.’  
  
Sirius chuckled, squeezing Remus’ butt cheek quickly before he let go. ‘I’ve got some stuff to do in Hogsmeade,' he said then saw James open his mouth. 'Alone, Prongs. I won't be long. I’ll see you all later.'   
  
He paused before he moved away then, with a bashful smile, leaned in to kiss Remus chastely on the corner of his mouth. 'Bye, Moony. I promise to be a good boy.’  
  
He smiled at Remus then left the room, blowing an overdone kiss to Wormtail and Prongs as he did.  
  


~*~

  
  
But come lunch time, Sirius still hadn't returned. A worried Remus broke off from Peter and James after the meal and wandered through the corridors, hoping to find the other boy involved in some scheme which made him lose track of time. Instead, the brunette he found was the last one he wanted to see.  
  
‘Lupin.'  
  
‘I’m not in the mood, Regulus,' Remus said shortly, trying to move past the younger boy, but Regulus blocked his escape.  
  
‘So he made his choice, huh?’ he smirked and Remus frowned.  
  
‘Get out of my way,' he insisted.  
  
‘I tried to give you the chance to do the breaking off last night,' Regulus said, a condescending note in his voice. 'But you had to try and keep your claws in him. You’ve only made things harder for him now - our parents are furious.’  
  
Remus had been trying to push past Regulus, but stood stock still when the brunette’s words registered in his brain.  
  
‘What?’ he said, his frown deepening.  
  
Regulus looked at him, puzzled, then smirked. ‘And he calls _me_ a fucking coward,' he said spitefully. 'He hasn’t told you yet, has he?’  
  
His lunch churning in his gut, Remus managed to sound firm as he said, ‘Spit it out, Black.’  
  
Regulus grinned unpleasantly. ‘My _darling_ brother would have received an owl from our parents this morning giving him an ultimatum,' he told Remus. 'You, or his family and inheritance.’  
  
Remus’ face collapsed in shock and Regulus smiled nastily, realising that Remus hadn't known. ‘Meet the real Sirius Black, Lupin,' he said snidely. 'He’ll _always_ look after his own skin first and if he were to stay with you, he’d be throwing away power and reputation and more money than you can _ever_ hope to know. You can’t compete with that, werewolf; you were foolish to think he‘d ever give that up for you.’  
  
He gave Remus a shove, sending him stumbling back against the wall, and walked off with a laugh.  
  
Remus didn’t move from where he'd fallen, leaning heavily against the wall as his mind spun, putting everything together.   
  
The Blacks knew about him and Remus and had owled Sirius which meant Sirius had lied about the letter and there was no reason for him to do that unless...  
  
Remus’ stomach twisted, threatening to send his lunch flying spectacularly all over the floor.  
  
 _Unless Sirius changed his mind. Unless Sirius chose his family after all._  
  
Remus took a shaking breath and pushed himself off the wall, his knees wobbling as he made his way to Gryffindor Tower. He ignored the calls of Peter and James who were sitting in the common room and went straight to Sirius’ bed.   
  
He yanked open the drawers of the side table, rummaging through them quickly. There were several magazines and books shoved messily in the space and he thumbed through them, searching for the piece of parchment that was going to cost him his happiness. They revealed nothing and Remus sliced his finger open on a page of a book he’d lent the other boy for his troubles.   
  
He swore, then as anger swelled inside him, he spun around and threw the book hard at the opposite wall. The thuds as it hit the wall then the floor were not as satisfying as Remus had hoped they’d be and he dragged a shaky hand through his hair roughly, trying to regain control.  
  
After a few calming breaths, Remus turned back to the bed, stripping the bedclothes off and shaking them out. The pillow was knocked off the bed as he tore into it and he saw a folded piece of parchment fall out of the pillowcase. Remus threw the sheets back down onto the bed and snatched the note up.   
  
Without any qualms about invading Sirius’ privacy, he unfolded the paper. It was headed with the Black Family Crest, a shield flanked by two canines and the words, _'Toujours Pur'_ , scrawled proudly underneath. The black ink slashed across the letter screamed fury and Remus, somewhat reluctantly, began to read.   
  
The anger in the words was palpable and yet again, Remus found himself wondering how any parent could speak to their child in this way. He skimmed over the words, his mind picking up crucial phrases within the venom…  
  
  


_‘As if you haven’t been enough of a disappointment to the family already…’_

_‘…mixing with half breeds and Mudbloods, sullying our respected name…’_

_‘…bad enough, but to have taken him into your bed…’_

_‘He is an abomination and you are disgusting, a disgrace if you allow this abnormality to continue…’_

_‘…make a choice. Your perverted lifestyle or your family…‘_

_‘…disowned. We shall no longer call you son. You will be dead to us…’_

_‘…no longer a Black.’_

  
  
Remus swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that had risen in his eyes - Sirius' family had made their position very clear indeed. He drew in a shaking breath. Regardless of what Sirius might think, he _did_ understand the brunette’s dilemma. If his dad hadn’t been so cool about him being gay, if he had offered this same ultimatum, would Remus have just dusted off his hands and said, _‘Well, fuck off then, I choose Sirius‘_?  
  
He sank down onto the bed as he considered this. He didn’t know. He would like to think that he would choose his lover, that he would choose to be true to himself, but he wasn’t one hundred percent sure.  
  
Sirius’ parents weren’t anything like what Remus would consider ideal parents, but they were all Sirius had ever known and to him, they were normal. No matter how much they hurt him or how he proclaimed to hate them, there was still a little part of Sirius that had always hoped they would realise the mistakes they’d made and accept him for who he was. He still hoped that one day, they’d see that it didn’t matter that he was sorted in Gryffindor, or that he didn’t want to join the Dark Lord…  
  
 _Or that he’s gay and sleeping with a werewolf…_  
  
Sirius cared about him - Remus knew that - but enough to turn his back forever on his family, on his inheritance?  
  
 _He shouldn’t have to make that choice. He_ won’t _have to make that choice._  
  
Because Remus loved him enough to make it for him.  
  
‘You alright, Moony? You look a bit sick?’  
  
Remus looked up from where he was still sitting on Sirius’ stripped bed. James was standing at the end of the bed, his curious expression changing to one of concern when he saw Remus’ haunted eyes.  
  
‘Moony?’  
  
Remus handed James the note wordlessly and the bespectacled boy sat down next to him to read it.  
  
‘Oh, shit,’ he murmured when he saw who it was from.  
  
‘Yeah,' agreed Remus then all was quiet as James read.  
  
He looked up at Remus a minute later. ‘It says _Regulus_ contacted them,' he said. 'How did he find out?’  
  
Remus quickly told James what had happened with Regulus last night and James’ face grew stormier.  
  
‘And that little arse licker ran straight to his parents? God, I can’t believe he’s related to Sirius sometimes.’  
  
‘Regulus was the one who told me what was in the note…not Sirius,' Remus snapped. ' _Sirius_ took off to avoid me. He can’t face me to tell me he’s chosen to dump me and forget about his…foray into homosexuality in favour of keeping his inheritance and his place in his family.’  
  
Remus heard the bitterness in his voice and tried to fight the feeling back. Resentment wouldn’t change the situation - it would only make this hurt all the more.  
  
James was silent; there was none of his usual bluster and Remus took that as an ominous sign. If there was anyone else who knew how much Sirius wished his relationship with his parents was different, knew how much Sirius enjoyed the perks that came with his surname, it was James. If he wasn’t immediately telling Remus that he had nothing to worry about, then Remus’ first instinct was correct.   
  
He was doing the right thing.  
  
‘He doesn’t have to choose, James,' he told the silent boy. 'I’ve done it for him. He needs his family more than he needs me.’  
  
James' forehead creased in consternation. ‘Remus, you should talk to him about this first.’  
  
‘No. Why make it hard for him?' Remus said stubbornly. 'Look, James, I can’t ask him to choose. I _won’t_ ask him to.’  
  
‘He loves you.’  
  
Remus' skin immediately prickled and his insides twisted as if he were riding a Muggle rollercoaster.   
  
_Sirius loved him?_  
  
Remus bit his lip and stared at James through rapidly filling eyes. ‘Did he…?’  
  
‘He didn’t tell me,' James said softly. 'He didn't have to. I can see it in his face every time he looks at you.'   
  
James let out a long breath and smiled tightly at Remus. 'I think I started to wonder about his feelings for you before you two ever got together,' he admitted. ' _Merlin_ , he’d murder me if he knew I was telling you this, but after the...Snape thing last year, he was…’  
  
James hesitated then shook his head despairingly. ‘I’ve never seen him so frightened before,' he whispered, staring down at his feet as he spoke. 'He was terrified that you’d never speak to him again, of what could have happened to you. He…cried. Like a baby. Got snot all over my favourite shirt.’  
  
Remus let out a puff of breath and blinked rapidly to hide his tears from his friend. James waited a moment for Remus to compose himself then spoke again softly.  
  
I’ve never seen him like that,' he said. 'Not when his parents locked him in his room almost all summer, not when Regulus told him he wanted nothing more to do with him, not when he finally left home last year and his parents did absolutely nothing to get him to come back…only the fear of losing you made him break. He loves you, Remus.’  
  
Remus sighed and scrubbed at his stinging eyes, trying not to break down completely. ‘I don‘t want to be with someone who might always be wondering if he made the right choice,' he murmured and James frowned.  
  
‘What if he wants you?' he asked. 'His family are no prizes, Moony. He’s starting to realise that they are always going to be like this, that they’ll never accept him the way he is…’  
  
‘I can’t give him what his family can,' Remus interrupted loudly. 'You know how much he likes the perks, even when he pretends he doesn’t. He loves the attention and, though I’m sure being gay and screwing a werewolf would bring him attention, it’s not the kind of attention he craves. He’d lose all of that - and his inheritance - if he chose me. ’  
  
‘Moony, you know what Sirius is like,' James said. 'It takes a long time for things to get through that thick skull of his and when he‘s getting what he thinks he wants…’  
  
James flushed, uncomfortable talking about his best friend this bluntly, but he kept going.  
  
‘He loves the attention, the respect the Black name brings. He wanted all of that when he first came here because he didn’t get any of it at home. He wanted it because he _thought_ it meant people cared about him. He knows now that it doesn’t mean that at all and you know he tries to stay away from all that rubbish.’  
  
Remus nodded. Sirius had been trying to stay away from the more sycophantic followers these days.  
  
‘Well, that’s because he’s got us in some part but mainly because he’s got you,' James told him. 'He’s been confused for years about whether he wants to be a Black or disassociate himself completely. But now, since the two of you got together, I think he’s had to accept that they are _never_ going to let him be himself and he’s ready to let them go. He loves his parents out of obligation, Remus, but he loves _you_ because…because he couldn’t help himself. You give him everything he thought he wanted from them. Please don’t be so quick to assume he’d give you up.’  
  
Remus took a long, shaky breath, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. He wanted so badly to believe James, to believe that Sirius Black would choose a skinny, scar-ridden werewolf over his powerful, wealthy family, but he just couldn’t allow himself to hope. His heart couldn’t take another hit - it would shatter.  
  
‘If he was so sure about his choice, where is he?' Remus whispered. 'Why not share it with me? Why disappear?’ Remus shook his head. ‘I’ve made up my mind, James. He shouldn’t have to choose but he does, and I care for him too much to ask him to pick me over everything the Black name brings him.’  
  
They were both quiet for almost a minute then James spoke in a very low, soft voice. ‘Do you love him?’  
  
‘James…’  
  
‘Do you love him, Remus?’  
  
There was a moment of silence then Remus answered just as quietly. ‘Yes. I love him.’  
  
‘Then now’s the time to prove it.’  
  
Remus looked at James with a frown and saw the tousle-headed boy incline his head towards the door. He turned and saw a bashful-looking Sirius standing in the doorway.  
  
James stood up and patted Remus on the shoulder, leaning down and whispering in his ear, 'Don't let them win. Fight for him, Moony.’


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Two**  
  
  
James left, closing the door behind him and Sirius looked warily at a wide-eyed Remus. Hee took a tentative step forward, frowning when Remus blinked, his face closing up before he turned away.  
  
‘You’re angry with me,' Sirius said softly. 'I don’t blame you, but if you could just give me a chance to explain…’  
  
‘It’s alright, Sirius,' Remus said stiffly, clenching his fists. 'Really. I _do_ understand why…’  
  
‘No, you don’t. I...’  
  
‘I read the letter.’  
  
There were several seconds of silence then Remus stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. ‘I'm sorry I snooped,' he mumbled, staring at his feet. 'I probably shouldn't have but...well, I know now, so there’s not much more to be said. I really _do_ understand how hard this must be for you and…well, maybe we can still be friends…’  
  
‘Fuck it all, Moony! I don’t want to be your friend!' Sirius cried and Remus looked up sharply, hurt and pain all over his face.  
  
'Fine,' he snapped angrily, turning his back on Sirius. 'You'll only have to put up with my presence for another few weeks then we never have to see each other again.'  
  
'That's not what I meant, Remus!' Sirius insisted, voice cracking as the thought of never seeing Remus again tore at his insides. 'I just...'  
  
He let out a sharp, frustrated exhale and ran a hand through his unusually dishevelled hair. ‘Can you just…hear me out?' he asked, stepping closer to Remus who glanced over his shoulder at him. 'Please? I know I’ve been a complete arse but I did warn you I would be occasionally. I needed some time to sort everything out in my head…and you know what a mess it is in there.’  
  
He smiled weakly at Remus who felt his aching heart crack a little more. ‘You don’t need to explain your choices…’ he began, but Sirius interrupted.  
  
‘Please, Remus?' he begged, grey eyes pleading and pained. 'Don’t give up on me so quickly.’  
  
His imploring tone made Remus pause. He bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth. Sirius shifted closer and touched a finger to the soft, reddening flesh. 'You'll make it bleed.'  
  
Remus shivered as Sirius' touch sent a jolt of pure want through his core. He moved to sit down on the bed and nodded his agreement. Sirius closed the distance between them and sat down next to him, giving Remus a little space. Remus' face was schooled into a blank mask and Sirius was terrifed that he wouldn't be able to get through to the werewolf.   
  
‘Remus?’ he asked quietly and Remus frowned.  
  
‘I’m listening,' he muttered, staring down at the floor. 'I said I would...’  
  
Sirius nodded and took a breath, gathering his thoughts before he spoke. This might be the most important conversation he ever had and he had to get it right.  
  
 _Breathe, Sirius. Breathe._  
  
‘I’m sorry,' Sirius began, eyes fixed on Remus' frozen profile. 'I shouldn’t have lied to you about the letter but…I _know_ you, Remus. You would have blamed yourself for all this shite.’  
  
‘It’s my f…’  
  
‘It’s _not_ your fault,' Sirius said firmly. 'My problems with my family extend way beyond your reach, Moony. You didn't cause this - it's been coming for a long time...ever since I got sorted in Gryffindor really.’  
  
Sirius sighed, reaching out and picking up the letter from his parents that James had dropped on the side table. ‘My parents want the Black name to continue and that was always more important than anything I ever got up to,' he murmured, running a finger along the edge of the obviously expensive parchment. 'They tell everyone I’m high spirited and put my oddities down to me…testing my limits.'   
  
His tone was scathingly acerbic and Remus frowned at the resentment Sirius' voice held. He felt rather than saw Sirius take a deep breath and when he spoke again, the anger was gone from his voice.   
  
'They think that the novelty of rebellion will end and I’ll come crawling back to the family when I realise how much I need them,' Sirius continued, calmer now. 'They are willing to put up with all the trouble I cause them, all the embarrassment I bring, because of what I can provide - the continuation of the good Black name. I were not able to give them that, if I was gay…' He shook his head. 'It would humiliate them.'  
  
The hand holding the letter tightened a little, tearing the edge of the parchment. He screwed up his face in disgust as a passage caught his eye, wincing at the vitriol his parents had spat about his relationship with Remus.  
  
‘When I came to Hogwarts, I saw the reaction other people had to my name and the way they behaved around me and…’ Sirius sighed heavily. ‘Well, _you_ saw me. I was a right prat. It all went to my head. People wanted to be around me, girls wanted to shag me…and I guess I thought that if they were giving me all that attention, they must like me. They never did, of course. They liked the name and when I realised that, I used it shamelessly.'  
  
He looked over at Remus who was studying his hands intently. His face was unreadable so Sirius continued, wanting to get it all out while he had the chance.  
  
‘I won’t pretend that I didn’t like the perks that came along with my name, Remus - I did. I _do_ ,' he admitted, more than a little ashamed of his shallow, selfish streak. 'I like the attention and I like the power. The money’s nice too.'   
  
He smiled humorlessly then shrugged. 'I guess I’ve just realised that nothing comes for free; that there is a pretty steep price to pay for those benefits,' he said softly, staring hard at Remus and willing him to look at him, to see how sorry he was about all of this. 'But it's a price I’m not willing to pay anymore, Remus. I don’t care about the name. I don’t care if I lose it all now. Because you’ve given me what I wanted.’  
  
Remus glanced over at him, unable to stop himself. His scepticism showed on his face; his mind refusing to allow him to believe what he was hearing in an effort to protect his heart.  
  
‘You’re just going to walk away?' he asked disbelievingly. 'From everything? For _me_?’  
  
Sirius shook his head, catching Remus' gaze with his own and refusing to let go. ‘Not just for you, Remus,' he whispered. 'But for me too.'   
  
Remus looked surprised and Sirius smiled a little tentatively.  
  
'I spent years searching for a way to earn their affection, their love,' he told Remus. 'I’m not sure they are even capable of it, and I was starting to wonder if _I_ was capable of it. All those girls I was with…I couldn’t work out why I didn’t fall for _any_ of them, why I couldn’t love them.' He smiled less hesitantly this time. 'Now I know why. It's because they didn‘t know _me_ , they didn’t want _me_. I was just "the Black heir". There are only a few people who saw me for who I am - James, Pete...you.'   
  
He shifted closer, his knee pressing against Remus'. 'You…you always saw more of me, all of me. _You_ made me realise I was more than just my surname. _You_ made me realise I was capable of loving someone - with no conditions.'  
  
He grinned suddenly. 'Even you being a bloke didn't stop me falling for you.’  
  
Remus shook his head, but Sirius saw the corner of his mouth turn up a little. He took a breath and reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of parchment. Reaching out, he pressed it into Remus’ hand.   
  
‘Read it,' he asked a startled Remus. 'Please?’  
  
The werewolf took it, surprised by the tremors that shook the other boy's hand. He hesitated then unfolded the paper. There was considerably less ink on this page than on the letter from Sirius’ parents and the words were written carefully, precisely.  
  


Mother, Father, Regulus,

In response to your ultimatum, I encourage you to do what you must in regards to my position in the family and my inheritance. I am writing to tell you that I no longer seek your approval or good opinion, nor do I need or desire your financial support.

I have found unconditional love and support with my true family who accept me without question.

I love Remus Lupin - not in spite of what he is, but because of it. He is the most beautiful person I have ever known - in body and soul - and loving him makes me a better person. I would not give him up for all the Galleons in the world. Loving him is not a choice or a phase - this is who I am and I cannot change that for anyone. Nor do I want to.  
  
I hope that one day you should know such contentment and happiness.

Sirius.

  
  
Remus was shaking by the time he finished reading and hot tears filled his eyes and blurred his vision. He felt Sirius shift closer to him on the bed, but he didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to hope…  
  
‘It was _never_ going to be them, Remus,' Sirius said softly, reaching out for the other boy's hand. 'I finally realised last night that it was always going to be you. I’m sorry I left today - I didn’t mean to be gone such a long time, but this...' He flicked his letter. '...is my last contact with them.'   
  
Remus had sucked his bottom lip into his mouth again and Sirius could see unguarded emotions flickering across his face. His hopes were bolstered and he continued.   
  
'I needed to make sure they knew I wasn’t being rebellious or petulant,' he told Remus. 'I wanted them to read this and know that this something I have thought about and that I won’t be taking back. It took me a long time and a lot of drafts to not make it angry or resentful or sulky. It was cathartic, I think…to get it all out and when I saw it on paper…’ ’  
  
He gave a snort of disgust and Remus looked up at him.  
  
‘It sounded so pathetic,' Sirius said with a snort. 'These people… _strangers_ , really…were dictating the rest of my life to me, telling me to be something I’m not. And I was willing to do it for approval that was never going to come, for a name. I was considering turning my back on someone who gave me everything I ever wanted from them because of some stupid notion of blood loyalty.’  
  
He squeezed Remus' hand. 'Not anymore though.'   
  
Remus felt his hopes rising and his cautious brain tried to play devil’s advocate for his heart. ‘How…how can you have just changed your mind overnight?’ he asked, his voice a little rough.  
  
‘It wasn’t overnight,' Sirius said. 'Like I told you earlier, this has been coming for a while, but I was stubbornly hanging onto an obsolete idea…' He smiled. 'You know me, Moony. I have trouble accepting that I might possibly, _occasionally_ be wrong.'   
  
There was a definite upturn in Remus' mouth this time and Sirius felt a shot of happiness at the sight.  
  
‘And you’re okay with that?' Remus asked, frowning at Sirius. 'You’re _really_ okay with them disinheriting you?’  
  
Sirius shrugged. ‘They gave me the choice, but there never really was one,' he said, his thumb stroking over the back of Remus' hand, feeling the fragile bones under the delicate skin and wondering how someone who seemed so breakable was so strong. 'They don’t want _me_ \- they want an obedient little doppelganger who’ll marry well and pop out the requisite two-point-five kids. They don’t know anything about me, but you do. You…you know me - everything about me - and you love me anyway.’  
  
He looked uncertain and frowned worriedly when Remus didn‘t respond. ‘You… _do_ , don’t you? L…love me?’  
  
Remus looked over at him and smiled a little reluctantly. ‘Yeah,' he whispered. 'Yeah, I do.’  
  
‘You do what?’ Sirius said, and Remus flushed.  
  
‘Sirius…’  
  
The brunette squeezed his hand, his grey orbs revealing a longing that just about took Remus’ breath away. ‘No one’s ever said it to me before, Moony,' he murmured. 'Please? I…I need to hear you say it.’  
  
Remus, unable to speak for a moment, looked down at Sirius' note to try and compose himself, eyes finding the phrase that stood out amongst everything else.   
  
Sirius followed his gaze and smiled. ‘It’s true what I wrote,' he said, voice cracking a little. 'I love you.’   
  
Remus’ head shot up and he saw Sirius grin at his surprised expression. ‘Your turn, Moony.’  
  
Remus felt a smile tug at his lips as he finally found his voice. ‘I love you, Sirius.’  
  
Sirius let out a breath he hadn't realised he’d been holding and leaned in, kissing Remus firmly on the lips. He clutched at the werewolf’s face as if afraid he’d disappear and Remus felt his battered heart begin to heal.  
  
 _Sirius loved him._  
  
Sirius pulled back and looked into Remus’ eyes, still cupping his face.‘Forgive me for being an arse today?’ he asked and Remus sighed.   
  
He looked down at the letter in his hand. Would Sirius really send this to his parents? Was this issue really resolved or would Sirius have second thoughts and smash Remus' heart beyond repair next time?  
  
Sirius, having seemingly developed an inner eye in the last few hours, took the note from him and rolled it up tight, sealing it with his wand. He stood up and walked over to the window where Remus now noticed the regal-looking Black family owl waiting.  
  
‘He must have been told not to go back until he had an answer,' Sirius told him, glaring at the owl who glared right back. 'Bloody thing’s been following me around all day.’  
  
He tied the scroll to the bird’s leg with steady hands then shooed it out the window.  
  
Remus walked across the floor to stand beside him and they watched as the owl got smaller and smaller. Sirius’ breath wafted, warm and gentle, over the back of Remus’ neck as he spoke softly.  
  
‘Are you worried?' he asked, his smooth, deep voice sending a shiver down Remus' spine. 'That everyone will find out about your furry little problem? Regulus might tell everyone, or my parents might make trouble…’  
  
Remus shook his head, surprised that he really wasn’t worried at all. ‘There’s only a few weeks left of school,' he said quietly. 'I have to register at the Werewolf Registry after graduation and then the information will be accessible to the public anyway. I would have liked it to stay secret a bit longer but…well, I can handle anything for a few weeks and I don't think Dumbledore would allow it to get too bad.’  
  
He shrugged and Sirius slid his hand into his. ‘No one is going to hurt you, Moony,' he promised fiercely. 'I won’t let them.’  
  
The corner of Remus’ mouth turned up and as he watched the bird become a speck against the slightly overcast sky, the weight that had been sitting on his chest seemed to lift and he suddenly felt lighter than air.  
  
Sirius put his chin on Remus’ shoulder, kissing his neck then nuzzling him. ‘Am I forgiven now?’  
  
Remus turned his head and reluctantly smiled when he saw Sirius making his infamous ‘puppy dog eyes’ at him. ‘I’m a poof, not a girl,' he objected, trying not to let those eyes reduce him to a puddle. 'Those big eyes and fluttering eyelashes don’t work on me.’  
  
‘What does?’ Sirius asked, smirking and Remus’ smile broadened as he twisted around to face Sirius.   
  
Raising an eyebrow, he smiled in what he hoped was an irresistible manner. ‘You keep telling me what a genius you are, Sirius,' he teased, tongue slipping out to wet his lips. 'I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out.’  
  
Sirius let out a suddering breath and grabbed a handful of Remus’ shirt, pulling the werewolf against him and claiming his lips roughly. Remus’ hands came up, tangling in the ebony locks as they kissed - hard and fast and fucking _perfect_.   
  
Tongues battled and Remus felt Sirius’ hand clutch at his backside, squeezing a buttock tight and crashing their lower bodies together. The Animagus’ other hand released Remus’ shirt and snaked around his neck, gripping the back of his head. They staggered back, locked in their fierce embrace until Remus’ legs hit the edge of the mattress and they both collapsed onto Sirius’ bed.  
  
Remus quickly flipped them, the wolf not content to allow Sirius to take control today, and he shoved the other boy’s shirt up and off. He moaned at the feel of the warm, ivory skin under his palms then ducked his head to taste the brown nipples, biting not-so-gently on the hard nubs and making Sirius arch up. Remus felt the brunette’s hands tugging at his shirt and raised his arms, letting Sirius pull the garment off. His own hands fumbled with Sirius’ pants as a desperate craving to feel and taste his lover consumed him.  
  
‘H...hang on,' Sirius stammered, fumbling for his wand. 'C…curtains.’  
  
Remus barely heard, barely noticed as Sirius raise his wand, and certainly didn’t pay any attention to the curtains flying around the bed; he was far too occupied in getting the other boy’s pants off. There was a clatter as the wand hit the wooden floor then Sirius was yanking at Remus’ belt urgently. Pants and underwear were unceremoniously dumped off the side of the bed and both boys groaned in symphony as their naked bodies dragged over each other.  
  
Remus ducked down and took Sirius’ already leaking member into his mouth. He swiped his tongue across the tip, tasting the pre-ejaculate there and moaning as the bittersweet tang coated his taste buds. Sirius whimpered, his body arching off the bed in a silent entreaty for Remus to give him more. The werewolf took the hint and drew the long cock into his mouth, taking it as far as he could and sucking as he withdrew again.   
  
Hands scrabbled at his shoulders as Sirius whispered frantically, 'Close...fuck...' Remus released him with a pop, rising fast to kiss Sirius once again, rolling his hips hard against the other boy's pulsing erection.  
  
The brunette’s fingers dug into his arse painfully, one leg hooking over Remus‘ as he held the scarred body close to his and rocked, the friction quickly bringing them to the point of no return. They snogged - desperately, fervently - breathing loud and harsh in the quiet of the dorm room, and their voices were hardly more than disjointed whispers as they begged each other for release.  
  
‘S…Sirius…fuck…I…Sirius.’  
  
‘Gods, t…touch…me, Remus. P…please.’  
  
The werewolf shoved his hand between them and grasped both their cocks, holding them together and stroking them as one. With hips gyrating and hand pumping, they came noisily and messily, groaning each other’s names.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Three**  
  
Panting, they clung onto each other, Sirius wrapping his arms tight around Remus who, although appreciative of the Animagus’ enthusiasm, was slowly turning blue as his air supply was cut off by the strong arms.  
  
‘You’re…killing me…S…Sirius…’ he stuttered breathlessly and Sirius giggled.  
  
‘Squeeze me tighter, Moony, and we‘ll die together like that lot in that Shakey bloke‘s play.'  
  
‘Sh…ake…speare,' Remus corrected, unable to help himself even as his hands began to push at Sirius' arms. 'S…Sir…ius…’  
  
Sirius chuckled and relinquished his iron grip on the werewolf’s body, instead rolling onto his back and tugging his boyfriend’s arm imploringly until Remus acquiesced, rolling over and spreading himself across Sirius’ well formed chest. Sirius smiled and sighed as he entwined his arms and legs with Remus’ long limbs. He had to admit it - he loved the weight of the other boy on top of him and he smiled broadly into the brown hair that tickled his nose.  
  
Remus felt the smile and murmured, 'What are you smirking about, Padfoot?'  
  
‘Just thinking how wrong I was,' Sirius replied and Remus' head shot up, the werewolf grinning cheekily.  
  
‘Merlin, call the Daily Prophet, Sirius Black has admitted he got something wrong twice in one day,' he teased. 'Hang on, I’ll grab a camera so we can capture this moment…’ He made as if he was going to get out of bed and Sirius grunted, yanking him back to sprawl across his chest.  
  
‘Wanker,' he muttered, taking the bite out of his words with a kiss on the temple.  
  
‘You were begging for me to do that very thing not so long ago and now you hurt me by using it against me…’ Remus said, pouting and Sirius laughed.  
  
‘Shirt lifter.'  
  
‘Bum bandit.’  
  
Sirius raised his eyebrows. ‘Now who’s getting literal with their insults, Moony?’ he said.  
  
Remus laughed and Sirius couldn’t help smiling at the expression of pure happiness on the other boy’s face, knowing it was reflected on his own. It almost felt like a sin to be this joyful.  
  
‘So?' Remus said, burrowing into Sirius' side. 'What were you wrong about this time?’  
  
‘I think I might be a bottom,' Sirius admitted then couldn't resist teasing the other boy. ' _If_ I was gay, that is.’  
  
‘ _If_ you were gay?' Remus snorted into his armpit. 'I’ve never met such a flaming queer.’  
  
‘Look in the mirror, Moonboy.’  
  
Remus laughed and rolled over onto his side. Sirius mirrored his pose, propping himself up on an elbow as a thought hit him.  
  
‘You know, maybe I had so much trouble calling myself gay because I’m not actually attracted to guys…’ he mused, chuckling when he saw Remus' incredulous gaze. ‘I mean, _other_ guys. I’ve never looked at another boy and thought ‘I wish I could get me a piece of that arse’…’  
  
‘Thank Merlin - I’d hate to think the bloke I‘m shagging would have such tacky thoughts…’ Remus said, screwing his nose up.  
  
‘Shut up, you,' Sirius admonished, tapping Remus playfully on the wrinkled nose. 'I’m trying to be all fucking romantic and thoughtful by telling you that you’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted.’  
  
The corner of Remus’ mouth twitched and he tried to fight back his wide grin as he said, ‘Ditto, Mister Black.’  
  
‘And I don’t want us to hide it anymore.’  
  
Remus’ burgeoning grin faded a little as he stared, shocked, at Sirius. The brunette saw his surprise and hurriedly tried to explain himself.  
  
‘It’s just…well, I’ve had some time to think about what Pete said this morning and…it’s _not_ fair that James can stick his tongue down Evans’ throat whenever he likes and we can’t even hold hands in our own common room.’  
  
Remus frowned uncertainly at Sirius as if he wasn't sure he was hearing Sirius correctly. ‘You want us to…come out?’  
  
‘I’m not talking about a parade and a fireworks display in the Great Hall to announce it to all and sundry,' Sirius said hastily. 'But…wouldn’t it be nice not to have to pretend we accidentally touched hands in the common room?’  
  
Remus was silent for a long moment, his brow creasing as he thought. ‘You know some people are going to react exactly like Regulus did?’ he said eventually.  
  
‘I know,' Sirius said then he bit his lip, needing some time to get his thoughts into order. He swung his arm off the edge of the bed, groping for his wand then, when his fingers closed around it, he cast a couple of quick Cleansing spells.   
  
Remus watched him closely, almost able to see the wheels grinding inside his friend's head, and waited patiently for him to say whatever it was he was trying to find the words to articulate.   
  
Sirius finally looked back up at Remus. ‘What if we wait until after exams then tell whoever we want to know?' he suggested tentatively. 'Then, if we get some bad reactions, we won’t have to put up with it for long.’  
  
Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth and Sirius bent over to kiss him. ‘Stop it, you’ll make it bleed.’  
  
Remus gave him a distracted smile then said with a frown, ‘You‘ve really been thinking about this, haven‘t you?’  
  
Sirius nodded then caught his own lip between his teeth as he broached the other subject he'd been thinking about all day. ‘And I thought that when we leave Hogwarts…‘ He took a deep breath.  
  
‘Maybeyoucouldmoveinwithme.’  
  
Remus’ brow creased. ‘Is that some new kind of spell?’ he asked, keeping his voice light and Sirius frowned, knowing Remus had understood him and was avoiding answering.  
  
‘Moony…’  
  
‘Or perhaps some sort of experimental cross-breed…’  
  
‘Move in with me,' Sirius repeated, carefully enunciating each word so there was no chance of misunderstanding or avoidance.  
  
Remus was silent for a moment then said softly, ‘That’s what I thought you said.’  
  
Sirius gnawed on the inside of his mouth nervously. Had he moved too fast? ‘Remus, it’s alright if you don’t want to…’ he began but Remus interrupted.  
  
‘You know what you’re asking, don’t you?' he asked with a frown as his blue eyes drilled into Sirius'. 'You’re not asking me to be your flatmate, Padfoot. You’re asking me to be your…’  
  
‘Wife?’ Sirius said with a half-smirk and the werewolf glared at him.  
  
‘Partner,' he corrected firmly. 'But…the commitment would be the same as a marriage, Sirius. It’s a big step and I’m not doing it unless you understand what it means.’  
  
‘As you pointed out accurately earlier, I’m practically a genius,' Sirius said, a faint smile playing about his lips, but his eyes were fixed on Remus'. 'I know exactly what I’m asking, Remus. We’ve lived together for seven years; there is nothing we don’t know about each other. I miss you like crazy when we’re apart…have done for a lot longer than I care to admit for fear you’ll dump me for being so damn stupid I didn’t work out I loved you years ago…’  
  
Remus chuckled and Sirius tightened his arm around him. ‘I want to be with you, Remus. You’re my family.’  
  
Remus didn’t say anything and, despite Sirius’ dire warning about blood loss, he continued to worry his lip.   
  
Sirius frowned at his hesitation, a little hurt that Remus needed so long to decide. ‘Moony, if it really is too soon…’  
  
‘It’s not that. I just…’ Remus sighed, looking away, and suddenly Sirius thought he knew what was wrong.  
  
‘You would normally talk about this kind of thing with your mum, right?’ he asked and knew he'd hit gold when sad blue eyes rose to meet his own grey orbs.  
  
Remus nodded and Sirius smiled reassuringly. 'It's fine, Remus,' he told him. 'Maybe you could talk it over with your dad first?’  
  
Remus’ expression was inscrutable as he continued to stare intently at Sirius who, hating silence as he did, let the first things that came to mind spill out of his mouth to fill the void.  
  
‘I know you must miss her the most at times like this - when there’s stuff you want to talk about with her,' he rambled, a little unnerved by the intensity of Remus' stare. 'When I left home last year, James was great, you know. He told me to talk to him and I did, but all I could think was that I wanted you there, that I could talk to you or just sit with you but that either way, you’d know exactly how I felt and what I needed to feel better. I guess you used to go to your mum for stuff like that…’  
  
‘Okay.’  
  
Sirius was on such a verbal roll that he almost missed Remus' softly spoken word.  
  
‘Huh?’ he asked and Remus smiled.  
  
‘Okay,' he repeated. 'I’ll move in with you.’  
  
Sirius’ face lit up. 'Really?' he asked, and Remus couldn’t help his chuckle.   
  
He shifted, listening to Sirius’ ‘ _Oomph_!’ as he aligned himself along the Animagus’ body, ensuring they were touching from pressed foreheads to tangled toes. Noses brushed as Remus looked into Sirius’ eyes.  
  
‘I do miss my mum,' he said quietly. 'And yes, I _would_ have talked this over with her first, but in the end, I would have made my own decision. I would have followed my heart.’  
  
A slow smile crept over Sirius’ face and Remus grinned broadly before he leaned in, kissing the brunette’s shoulder.  
  
‘Please tell me your heart wants to play happy families with me,' Sirius said raspily.  
  
Remus' voice was muffled when he answered, his face was still buried in Sirius’ neck, but the words came through loud and clear...  
  
‘More than anything.’  
  
Sirius’ jaw almost cracked as his smile became impossibly wide. He tipped his head and kissed Remus on the ear, the closest part of the werewolf to his mouth. Remus made a satisfied noise in his throat, lifting his head and offering his lips up for the same treatment. The air was filled with many such noises in different timbres for several minutes as the two boys devoured each others’ mouths.  
  
Sirius’ head fell back as Remus’ lips moved off his, trailing hot kisses down the sensitive skin of his exposed throat. The werewolf let out an approving rumble, sounding very canine-like, as if the wolf were surfacing and growling its approval. The brunette shuddered as Remus’ teeth scraped lightly over his pulse point then nibbled his way over to his collar bone.  
  
‘Time to test the theory?’ Remus asked, his voice low and desire-rough.  
  
Sirius’ heavy lidded eyes opened, watching Remus take a brown nipple into his mouth. ‘Huh? Ooohhh, that’s good...’ he gasped and his hands came up to thread through Remus’ soft locks.   
  
He moaned loudly as Remus’ teeth nipped at the hardened nub before his tongue dragged over it, soothing it.  
  
‘You did say you thought you’d like being a bottom,' Remus reminded him as his mouth trailed across Sirius' firm chest. 'Should we try it and see?’  
  
He glanced up at Sirius' face hopefully and the brunette smirked roguishly. ‘It’s about fucking time, Moony,' he said emphatically, throwing out his arm to open the side table drawer and fumbling for the little tube of lube he kept there. His fingers closed around it and he handed it to Remus, parting his legs eagerly.  
  
Remus chuckled as he took the lube from Sirius and threw it towards the foot of the bed. ‘Hold your Hippogriffs, Pads,' he said with a laugh. ‘I’m going to take my time with this.’  
  
Sirius groaned when he saw a wicked smile that rivaled Sirius’ best spread across Remus' face, knowing that Remus enjoyed teasing him as much as he enjoyed playing with the werewolf.  
  
'Remus,' he said plaintively, but Remus ignored him, lowering his head so his lips could continue their journey over the other boy’s chest.   
  
He marvelled at the smooth perfection of the lightly defined expanse of flesh, unable to bite back his murmured tribute and flushing when Sirius sniggered a little.  
  
‘Did you just call me beautiful, Moony?’ he asked and Remus flushed.  
  
‘Shut up,' he snapped.  
  
‘You did!’  
  
‘I said, shut up,' Remus growled, shifting away from the other boy. 'Unless you want me to stop…?’  
  
Sirius shook his head emphatically, miming zipping his lips then he let his head fall back, groaning as Remus’ tongue returned to his skin, probing the recess of his belly button.   
  
Once he caught his breath again, he said softly, 'I think you're beautiful too, Moony.' He felt Remus pause then a kiss was pressed feather-light to his stomach and he knew that was Remus' thank you.  
  
He smiled as the soft, hot lips continued their southerly migration, skimming over hair-sprinkled legs, teeth scraping over the sensitive skin behind his knees. Sirius moaned loud and long, shocked by the heat that shot through him like lightning at the sensation of Remus' mouth there.  
  
‘Sweet Merlin, Remus!’ he cried and Remus chuckled, the vibrations tickling Sirius' soft skin and making him groan as his cock pulsed urgently.   
  
No one had ever kissed him there before and he was startled to discover it was a erogenous zone. The feel of Remus’ tongue lapping at the crease nearly undid him and he gripped the werewolf’s hair tightly, pulling him gently away as the urge to come and come _now_ threatened to overwhelm him.  
  
‘If you keep doing that, I’m done,' Sirius warned.  
  
Remus grinned then glanced down at Sirius' dark red erection, surprised by the turgidity of the organ. ‘You really did like that,' he murmured, surprised such an innocent touch had bought Sirius to this point.  
  
Sirius barely heard him as Remus’ hand moved to stroke him. ‘Remus…Gods…I’m so fucking… _ohhhh_ …’  
  
His words evaporated as Remus’ lips closed around him, velvet soft heat surrounding his throbbing length,, and he gave himself over to the talented mouth of the werewolf. His overstimulated tip hit something soft but solid and Sirius cried out, trying not to thrust as he realised how far down the other boy’s throat he was. Remus moaned, sending delicious vibrations down Sirius’ cock, pooling at the base where Sirius felt the burn of orgasm beginning.  
  
‘Gods, Moony! S...stop.’  
  
He pushed the brown-haired boy off his cock, panting and clutching the sheets beneath him as he tried to hang onto a little control. As he concentrated on his breathing and the image he’d conjured of McGonagall teaching Transfiguration in a string bikini, Remus reached for the discarded tube of lube and, with hands that were shaking as badly as Sirius’ had last night, he popped the lid.  
  
Sirius’ eyes shot open when he felt the cool, slippery finger stroking over the entrance to his body and he moaned approval, lifting his hips as he tried to encourage his lover to stop teasing him. Remus smiled, but his fingers remained where they were, massaging Sirius’ perineum.  
  
‘Reeeemus!’ he complained, squirming impatiently, then he gasped as suddenly those fingers were pushing into him - not gently as they had the first time, but roughly, burying themselves to the hilt with one forceful shove.   
  
He groaned, staring up at Remus with wide, lust filled eyes. The invasion had burned, had hurt, had turned him on more than he thought was possible.  
  
‘Bloody buggering hell, Remus!' he whispered hoarsely. 'Do that again.’  
  
Remus smirked, a glint in his eyes that Sirius had seen only once before - in Moony’s eyes the night he’d pinned Padfoot with his strong jaws open over the Animagus’ throat. Sirius felt a thrill of desire quake through him and a smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he remembered a phrase from a Muggle fairy tale Remus had once told him about.  
  
‘Big, bad wolf indeed,' he murmured.  
  
Remus’ smirk turned into a grin and his fingers moved, withdrawing then thrusting back inside him with the same force as they had earlier, garnering the same reaction as Sirius arched up.  
  
‘Fucking Godric!’  
  
The werewolf scissored his fingers, his eyes darkening as he watched the brunette plant his feet and start bearing down on the digits. Lust shook him as he hit Sirius’ sweet spot and the other boy howled his name and arched off the bed as if he’d been shocked. When his back met the mattress again, Sirius shot up into a sitting position and grabbed Remus’ wrist. His grey eyes glittered dangerously and Remus suddenly found it difficult to breathe as Sirius' need consumed him.  
  
‘Fuck me, Remus,' Sirius said fiercely. 'Now.'  
  
Remus tightened his jaw and said, 'Please, Moony?'  
  
Sirius whimpered then Remus thrust his fingers one last time, twisting them to hit Sirius' prostate once more, and the Animagus yelled, 'Please? Fucking please, Moony?'  
  
They were both panting as Remus withdrew his hand and the werewolf's voice was rough and raw as he shoved Sirius back onto the bed and demanded, ‘Roll over.’  
  
Sirius almost came on the spot at the sound of that voice, but clenched his eyes tight, forcing back the desire as he quickly scrambled to obey this suddenly dominant and fucking _HOT_ Remus.  
  
‘Where the hell have you been hiding?’ he mumbled, then yelped as Remus slapped him on the arse sharply.  
  
‘Don’t be cheeky, you mutt,' Remus ordered and Sirius moaned desperately.  
  
‘Fuck, I love you like this,' he groaned.  
  
Remus’ hands gripped Sirius’ hips, pulling his lover’s backside against his groin and grinding himself against that well formed arse. Sirius ground right back for a minute then began to rut urgently against the mattress.  
  
‘Stop fooling around, Moony, and fuck me,' he begged then gasped as, before the words were out of his mouth, he felt Remus’ cock pressing against his pucker. He tilted his arse to allow better access and heard Remus let out a shuddering breath before pressing forward. There was pressure as Remus pushed, then tearing pain as the head of the thick phallus forced its way inside the virgin passage.  
  
‘SHIT!’ Sirius yelled, unable to hold back the cry of pain.  
  
‘Sorry…’ Remus whispered, but Sirius shook his head.  
  
‘S’right,' he insisted. 'Just…do it.’  
  
Remus didn’t _‘just do it’_ ; instead he gave Sirius another few seconds to adjust before he slowly slid inside him, letting his length stretch the Animagus’ body inch by inch. Sweat beaded on his brow as he tried to resist the urging of the hungry wolf inside him to slam into that tight, slick arse. He paused each time the friction became too much and he was sure he’d lose it, waiting until he had tenuous and temporary control again before resuming his motion. Sirius was moaning underneath him, his hand stroking his own prick slowly and Remus bit his lip hard to try and retain control.  
  
‘Remus, please?’ Sirius said, beginning to move his hips back to meet Remus' slow, shallow thrusts.  
  
‘S…slow,' Remus managed to gasp out. 'I…I’m nearly there…’  
  
‘So am I,' Sirius said, the hand on his dick moving faster now. 'Remus, _fuck_ me.’  
  
Remus let out a whimper then control slipped from his fingers as Sirius pushed his hips back hard, impaling himself on Remus’ length.  
  
‘Fuck! Fuck, Pads…’ he cried out, blood roaring through his veins as all restraint flew out the window and he withdrew before plunging unrestrained into the other boy.  
  
Hot, clenching walls squeezed Remus’ cock and his fingers dug bruisingly into Sirius' hips as he tried to resist the urge to just come, come, come into that tight, burning arse. He thrust harder, wanting to be buried as deep as possible inside the other boy, and Sirius screamed in pleasure as the long member found its target. The brunette climaxed immediately, unable to withstand the direct hit to his prostate, and babbled incoherently as ejaculate splattered onto the bed beneath him. His muscles tightened unbearably around Remus' cock and the werewolf couldn't hold on for another moment, crying out, ‘ _Sirius_!’ as he found his own powerful release.   
  
Sirius collapsed face first onto the bed, Remus falling on top of him and they lay in a spent heap, panting hard as come and sweat quickly cooling on their skin. After several minutes, Remus heard Sirius chuckle.  
  
‘What?' he asked, voice hoarse from his last, loud cry and Sirius twisted his head around, peering at Remus through a sweat dampened fringe.  
  
‘I am _definitely_ a bottom.’


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Four**  
  
‘Gods, are you two at it _again_?’  
  
Sirius lifted his head off Remus’ chest and glared at James. It was their last evening at Hogwarts and the Marauders had spent the day saying goodbye to the castle that had become their home over the last seven years.   
  
They had done a last run through the secret tunnels to Hogsmeade, a final trip to the Shrieking Shack and the Forbidden Forest, and said farewell to the house elves who had provided them with illicit food so willingly at all hours of the day and night. The day had culminated in their final prank at dinner - involving fireworks as Marauders entered the room (well after everyone else for effect), table centrepieces that spouted dirty limericks sporadically (mainly regarding the love lives of their peers and professors), immovable enchanted banners that rained confetti and announced that Gryffindor _'rules'_ and Slytherin _’sucks’_ , and exploding desserts at the end of the meal for the Slytherins.  
  
They were supposed to be finishing their packing now, but James had gone off with Lily after dinner, Peter was snitching some final cakes from the kitchen for the trip home on the train, and Remus and Sirius had made an attempt to give Sirius’ bed a final hurrah, but instead, had collapsed exhausted onto the mattress. For the first time since they became lovers, sex was the farthest thing from their minds…but there was no way Sirius’ ego would let him reveal that to his friend.  
  
‘I’m ready anytime, anywhere, anyhow,' he boasted, straining to lift his tired head off Remus' chest. 'Moony just has to crook that cute little eyebrow at me and…‘  
  
‘Oh, shut up, Pads,' Remus muttered irritably. 'We aren’t doing anything to offend your delicate sensibilities, Prongs…‘  
  
‘Not yet anyway…’ Sirius pushed and Remus glared at his boyfriend.   
  
‘We don’t have the energy,' he revealed and Sirius huffed.  
  
‘ _I_ have the stamina of an ox, Moony,' Sirius protested. 'Just because _you’re_ quicker than a greyhound doesn‘t mean we all operate with such haste.’  
  
Remus snorted and extracted himself from Sirius’ grip. Several shirts fell to the floor as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Clothes were strewn all over the room as the Marauders tried to pack for their final journey home on the Hogwart’s Express, finding that their belongings had somehow spread far and wide during the year. They were cutting things a bit fine - the train left first thing in the morning.  
  
Remus’ feet caught in a jacket and he fell like a falling tree to the floor, crashing with a less than masculine screech. James burst out laughing and Sirius peered over the edge of the bed, chuckling once he saw Remus was alright. The werewolf glared at his boyfriend who smiled ingenuously at him. He untangled the jacket from his ankles and threw it at Sirius.  
  
‘Until your trunk is packed properly, Mister Padfoot, your sex life is on hold,' he snapped, flushing with embarrassment at his graceless collapse.  
  
Sirius’ eyes widened as he objected loudly, but Remus remained firm as he stood up.  
  
‘I’m _not_ cleaning seven years worth of crap out of your trunk when we get to your place,' he said, narrowing his eyes. 'I mean it, Padfoot.’  
  
Sirius cocked his head and frowned. ‘ _Our_ place, Moony,' he said, an admonishment in his voice. 'When are you going to start calling it _our_ place?’  
  
Remus sighed at the reminder. He was thrilled to be moving in with Sirius, but was very conscious that it was _Sirius’_ funds that he was going to be living off - at least until he managed to find a job.   
  
Even though the Blacks had been true to their word and cut Sirius’ access to his trust fund, his late Uncle Alphard’s bequest (with which he’d bought his flat nine months ago) was more than enough to keep the brunette comfortable for many years without him having to lift a finger. Sirius had joked about Remus being _‘a kept man’_ and made many suggestions, each one increasingly lewd, about how he could earn his keep. But now, with only one more night until they became de factos, Remus was starting to worry in earnest about the unequal financing of their new life.  
  
Sirius, somehow omniscient when it came to Remus’ thoughts, slid off the bed. With a quick look at James, who took the unspoken hint and buggered off to the bathroom, he moved to stand in front of Remus, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
‘How many times are we going to have to go through this, Remus?' he asked softly, but firmly. 'I. Love. You. What’s mine is yours - my money, my sexy body, my heart. All yours. Reject one and I’ll be devastated.’  
  
‘I want to contribute…’ Remus objected, but Sirius interrupted.  
  
‘You do,' he said gently. 'In a more valuable way than providing cash. You keep me sane, Moony. You remind me of who I really am. You keep me getting too far up myself and copping a flogging from James to bring me back down to earth. You love me and you’re one of a very select group of admirers of whom I‘m rather fond as well.’  
  
‘That’s all very nice, but none of that puts food on the table,' Remus said, a ghost of a pout playing about his lips.  
  
‘You pay when you can, Remus,' Sirius reminded him. 'It’s not your fault your opportunities are limited. Bloody Ministry and their stupid rules - you’re more fucking intelligent than most of the morons they’ve got working there…’  
  
‘It’s the rules, Padfoot,' Remus reminded him despondently and Sirius snorted dismissively.  
  
‘Yeah, well - they’re stupid rules,' he mumbled then he grasped the front of Remus’ shirt in his fists and pulled him close. ‘Please, Moony? Please stop worrying about it. I did nothing to earn this money except not be a complete prat to one of the only relatives I can stand. Uncle Alphard was queerer than the both of us put together…he’d love the idea that his nephew and his werewolf lover were living off his share of the Black wealth. He’s probably laughing his arse off as we speak. You want to honour a dead man’s memory, don’t you?’  
  
Remus smiled reluctantly and Sirius grinned, sliding his arms around the other boy as he sensed the battle had been won. ‘Besides, if you don’t move in with me, I’ll have to move in with you and your dad to be with you,' he said with a smirk. 'While he’s been very good about finding out his only son is a bufftie, I doubt he’ll want to hear me screaming all night for you to _‘fuck me harder’_. Remember how pale James and Pete were when they told us that we’d forgotten the Silencing Spell that time?’  
  
That memory drew a laugh from the werewolf and he leaned into Sirius’ embrace. ‘Okay,' he capitulated. 'I’ll try to stop thinking about how you're the one paying the bills. If not for me then for my dad’s sake. 'Gay son' is tolerable in theory but I’m not sure he could handle the reality of what that meant.’  
  
Sirius sniggered and Remus pushed him away playfully. ‘You win, Mister Padfoot,' he said with a shake of his head. 'Yet again. _I_ promise I will try not to harp on about money if _you_ start packing now.’  
  
With a dramatic, drawn out sigh, Sirius nodded his agreement, leaning forward and aiming for Remus’ lips, but the other boy pulled back.  
  
‘Nada, Padfoot,' he said, the corner of his lips turning up. 'Not until that trunk is a lot fuller.’  
  
With a loud curse, Sirius spun around and scooped up some of the clothes on the floor, throwing them onto his bed. Grumbling under his breath about cruel boyfriends and mumbling, _‘wait until the next time I top, Lupin’_ , he sorted the garments, tossing anything that wasn’t his in the direction of the assumed owners’ bed. Remus chuckled and called out to a still hidden James that it was safe to come out now.  
  


~*~

  
  
Later that night, Peter and James, full from Peter‘s pilfered snacks, sat chuckling at an unusually edgy Sirius as he stood in front of the mirror and fussed with his ebony locks. Remus, a little pale, also watching Sirius with an expression of growing irritation. Finally, he snapped.  
  
‘For the love of Merlin, Sirius, it isn’t going to look any different no matter how much you fuss,' he said sharply. 'Can we just get this over with?’  
  
Sirius gave his fringe one last flick and turned around with a sigh. ‘Alright, alright,' he muttered. 'I just…’  
  
‘…you’re just stalling,' Remus said darkly. 'This was _your_ idea, Padfoot. If you don’t want to come out…’  
  
‘No. No, I do,' he insisted, walking over to where the obviously nervous werewolf sat and taking his hand.‘I _do_.’  
  
Remus gave him a grim smile that made him look as though he’d swallowed something most unpleasant and stood up, turning to James and Peter who had been told of the couple‘s plan to reveal their relationship tonight to the other Gryffindor students.  
  
‘You don’t have to come down with us,' he said, voice rough with nerves. 'They aren’t going to attack us.'   
  
He hesitated then murmured, 'I hope,’ in an undertone.  
  
James and Peter rose to their feet as one, James speaking for them both. ‘We’re coming,' he said firmly. 'We’re right with you. Marauders forever, brotherly solidarity and all that…’  
  
Peter nodded and smirked mischievously. ‘ _And_ we want to see the looks on the girls faces when they realise Sirius fancies blokes.’  
  


~*~

  
  
Hands joined, fingers threaded together, Sirius and Remus followed James and Peter down the stairs.  
  
‘Are you sure about this, Padfoot?’ Remus murmured and Sirius stopped.  
  
He turned around to look at Remus, whose scars stood out starkly against the pallor of his face, and his chest squeezed tight. He lifted his hand to Remus‘ cheek, thumb tracing the raised skin of a large scar before he kissed the abused flesh.  
  
‘Babe, we don’t have to do this,' he said softly and Remus looked startled.  
  
‘Did you just call me _babe_?’ he asked incredulously and Sirius flushed as he said nonchalantly, ‘Yeah, I did, honey bunch.’  
  
Remus snorted with laughter and shook his head. ‘Oh, that is disgusting, Padfoot,' he said without malice as his own cheeks coloured.  
  
‘Why are you smiling like that then?’ Sirius asked and Remus elbowed him.  
  
‘Fairy.’  
  
‘Princess.’  
  
Remus chuckled then kissed Sirius on the cheek, murmuring, ‘I love you, you great poof,' against the smooth skin.  
  
‘I love you too,' Sirius murmured then pulled back with a broad, happy smile, suddenly sure that publicly declaring his love for Remus was the right decision.  
  
 _I want everyone to see how bloody happy he makes me._  
  
Remus tilted his head. ‘Why are you grinning like the cat that got the cream?’ he asked.  
  
Sirius smirked lasciviously. ‘Ah, that would be the puppy that got the bone, wouldn't it?' he said and Remus groaned.  
  
‘Gods, you can make anything dirty, can’t you?’  
  
‘I’m gifted,' Sirius said with a shrug. 'I’m also very sure about this. Are you?’  
  
Remus hesitated before answering with a firm nod. ‘Yep.’  
  
Sirius' smile widened and he squeezed the other boy's hand as he whispered, ‘Let’s do it then.’  
  
They kissed quickly then trotted down the final few steps to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Usually, when the aptly nicknamed Sexy Sirius entered the room, girls sat up straighter, smiling broadly at him as they tried to draw his attention to them. Today was no different except that today, as the female members of Gryffindor House turned their predatory eyes to Sirius Black, they saw a most unusual sight.   
  
Everyone was aware of how close the Marauders were, but no one had ever seen them holding hands before and the way Sirius was looking over at Remus Lupin right now wasn’t the way boys usually looked at boys, and they were smiling at each other, secret smiles like lovers exchange then…  
  
‘Oh my God!  
  
‘Sweet Merlin!’  
  
‘No way!  
  
Gasped exclamations filled the otherwise suddenly hushed room as Sirius Black kissed Remus Lupin in a way that indicated they weren’t just good mates and - _holy shit_ \- was that Black’s hand on Lupin’s arse?   
  
It was, and Remus slapped the hand away as he pulled back from the demanding lips, glaring a little at the other boy for giving him the unexpected kiss.  
  
‘Bloody hell!’  
  
The loud curse from a shocked Fifth Year made the two boys look around nervously. They saw many different expressions on their housemates faces: horror from a few people, disgust from others, but surprise or amusement were the predominant expressions.   
  
Sirius felt Remus’ hand tighten around his and the werewolf's face paled even further as the awkward silence wore on. James and Peter glanced at each other uneasily then James cleared his throat, drawing attention to himself.  
  
‘Who won the lottery then?’he said loudly.  
  
Several of the Sixth Years looked startled and stirred uncomfortably while James smirked.   
  
‘Oh, come on,' he said lazily, leaning back against the cushions of the couch and looking supremely unconcerned. 'You think we didn’t know you were taking bets on which of us were shagging the other? Well, now you know. So, who gets the pot?’  
  
There was a slight hesitation then three of the boys raised their hands and a ripple of laughter spread through the room. The tension broke and the chatter starting again - loud and excited.   
  
Lily stood and gave James an approving kiss before hugging Remus then Sirius, crowing that she’d known it all along. The couple sat down with grateful smiles at James and were immediately accosted by several girls who cooed at how cute a couple they made - Kelly the notable exception, throwing Sirius a filthy look before stomping up the stairs to the girl‘s dorms in a huff.  
  
A few of the Fourth Year boys screwed up their noses as they glared at Remus and Sirius, muttering loudly about disgusting arse-bandits until James stood up threateningly with his fists clenched. Even with only had a couple of hours left as Head Boy, he was still intimidating and the younger boys rapidly left the common room without further comment.   
  
After ten minutes of listening to the girls fawn over Sirius and himself, Remus appeared vaguely ill at the attention and, as soon as was polite, he grabbed Peter and they went to hide in the corner with a chessboard between them.  
  
Sirius chatted with James and Lily, lapping up the attention and telling increasingly outrageous (and completely untrue) stories about how he and Remus got together for his admirers, who eyed Remus enviously. They weren’t the only ones who couldn’t keep their eyes off the brown-haired boy; Sirius’ attention also kept returning to the werewolf.   
  
He smiled fondly as the other boy grinned smugly at Peter and made a move with his bishop, sitting back with his arms crossed and a raised eyebrow. Sirius had seen Remus’ _‘I’ve got you right where I want you’_ face in very different circumstances and his smile widened, wondering how soon he could excuse himself and drag his sexy wolf upstairs.  
  
‘You really do care about him, don’t you?’ said a soft voice and Sirius glanced to his right at Lily, who’d managed to peel herself from James’ side to shift closer to Sirius.  
  
‘Of course I do,' he said as if it should have been the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Lily bit her lip. ‘It’s just…you’re not very good with relationships…’ she said uneasily and Sirius frowned.  
  
‘You people have such little faith in me,' he muttered, then looked straight into Lily's green eyes. 'Remus and I have always been close, Lily. The only thing that’s changed is that now we have the most incredible sex as well.’  
  
The girl’s face turned as red as her hair and she appeared flustered. ‘I…I…just…you…oh!’  
  
She rubbed her face irritably and Sirius chuckled, reaching across and patting her hand as he spoke in a low voice.  
  
‘Lily, this isn’t an experiment,' he said seriously. 'This isn’t a casual thing for either of us. We’re going to live together, with all the commitment that comes along with that. I love him, Lil, and for some reason known only to him, he loves me too.’  
  
Lily smiled broadly and hugged him hard. ‘Good,' she said vehemently. 'Because he deserves that. And, whether you believe it or not, Sirius Black, so do you.’  
  


~*~

  
  
‘That went pretty well last night,' Sirius said as Remus sat down for his breakfast.  
  
The werewolf reached for the toast and hummed,‘Mmm,' softly.  
  
Sirius frowned at the non-committal noise and looked up from his breakfast. ‘What's wrong?’ he asked and Remus frowned.  
  
‘I saw Regulus just before I came into breakfast,' he answered. 'Our news must have spread like wildfire.’  
  
‘What did he do?’ Sirius asked, his voice rising sharply and Remus put a hand on his arm to warn him to calm down, hearing an audible sigh from several forlorn looking girls who’d been watching the couple intently.   
  
The werewolf frowned in annoyance as he looked around and realised many female eyes from all the house tables were focused towards the newly outed couple - some jealous, some adoring, some judging, and all equally as irritating to Remus right now.  
  
‘Do they think we’re going to shag right here?’ he snapped irritably and James, having watched the disappointed girls grumbling as Remus and Sirius disappeared up to the dorm last night, laughed.  
  
‘I think that's _exactly_ what they're hoping, Moony,' he chuckled. 'You and Padfoot should give them another show.’  
  
Sirius ignored him and, frustrated, grabbed Remus’ arm to get his attention. ‘What did Regulus say to you?’ he demanded and James’ smile faded as Peter looked up from his bacon.   
  
‘Regulus?' he said in alarm. 'Are you alright, Remus?’  
  
Remus nodded, smiling at a concerned looking Peter before answering. ‘Nothing worth repeating,' he said calmly, buttering his toast. 'McGonagall came along before he got too vile. We might have to watch out for him on the train…he’s pretty angry that we came out on our own terms after your parents insisted he not tell anyone about us.’  
  
Sirius scowled. ‘Retain the dignity of the Noble House of Black by pretending the queer son doesn’t exist. Prats,' he muttered, poking viciously at his porridge.  
  
‘Yeah, well, he’s pissed off,' Remus said bluntly, reaching for the jam.  
  
Sirius grabbed his wrist and said in a low growl, ‘I want to know what he said, Remus.’  
  
The werewolf sighed and tried to make light of the venom Sirius‘ brother had spit at him. ‘That I infected you with ‘gay‘, that we were disgusting, that I was a dirty animal, that I should watch my back and sleep with one eye open…’  
  
‘Remus!’  
  
‘Look, it’s nothing I haven’t heard before about my condition, Padfoot,' he said, annoyed. 'And it’s nothing we won’t hear again from other intolerant pricks now we aren‘t hiding our relationship anymore. Just leave it alone and stay out of his way. He’s pretty unhappy about all of this.’  
  
How unhappy Regulus was became apparent after breakfast as they made their way to the train from the horseless carriages that transported them to the station. Sirius, holding Remus' hand, stopped abruptly just before they reached the station, making Remus, who had kept walking, fling back against him like a rubber band.  
  
‘Pads, what…?’ Remus asked in confusion, but another voice broke in.  
  
‘What are you staring at, Princess?’  
  
James and Peter turned towards the familiar, snide voice at the same time as Remus and saw Regulus and several other Slytherin Sixth Years moving briskly towards them. Peter and James quickly moved back to Remus and Sirius’ side, all four boys’ hands sliding into their pockets and curling around their wands.   
  
‘You’re a fucking coward, Reg,' Sirius scowled, stepping forward to meet his brother head on. 'Can’t you face me on your own? You have to bring your little cronies? What were you going to do? Beat me up?’  
  
Regulus sneered at him. ‘I might catch something if I touch you…’ he snapped and Sirius snorted.  
  
‘You can’t catch gay, Regulus…’ he retorted. 'You really are a dumb fuck...'  
  
‘Don’t you fucking talk to me like that!' yelled Regulus, his face turning purple with anger. 'You are a traitor! You chose that… _faggot animal_ over your family…’  
  
‘NO!' screamed Sirius, apoplectic with rage at the slight on Remus. ' _They_ chose their reputation over me! Don’t you fucking dare take this out on Remus because you’re pissed off with me. If you want to hit me, then for once in your pissing, pathetic life, be a fucking man and do it!’  
  
 _CRACK!_  
  
Sirius’ head snapped to the side as Regulus’ fist shot out and made direct contact with his jaw, making the older boy stumble as he let out an involuntary cry of pain.   
  
Remus threw himself forward, but James grabbed him, holding him back and hissing, ‘No, he needs this. Leave them.’  
  
Regulus’ posse looked nervous now the fight had escalated from the expected name calling and they shifted uneasily, looking to each other for guidance.   
  
Peter frowned at them and waved his wand threateningly. 'Back off. Don‘t interfere and don't piss me off or you‘ll be living your lives as eunuchs.’  
  
Their eyes widened and they did as they were told, stepping back as James and Peter pulled Remus out of the way of the brothers Black, who were now circling each other like gladiators.   
  
Sirius growled, glaring at his brother. ‘No wands,' he snarled. 'You started this the Muggle way, brother, and we’ll finish it that way.’  
  
Regulus' lip curled and he taunted, ‘Take your best shot, you fucking pansy.’  
  
Sirius did, smashing his fist into Regulus’ nose, sending blood spraying across the grass below them. With a cry of outrage, Regulus threw himself at Sirius, who met him with clenched fists and boiling anger.  
  


~*~

  
  
‘And I still say you should have cast a Confundment Charm on Hagrid so he forgot to stop us…’  
  
‘Will you shut up, Sirius? You keep opening that cut up.’  
  
Remus dabbed at the other boy’s lip as the train lurched away from the station, cleaning up the last of the blood before pointing his wand at him. ‘Hold still, you stupid bloody wanker,’ he muttered.  
  
Sirius frowned, but did as Remus asked until he felt the familiar tingle of the Healing Spell then he opened his mouth. ‘I was defending our honour and you call me a wanker?’ he cried and Remus shook his head.  
  
‘You weren't defending us; you were settling a score… _that’s_ why I called you a wanker,' he said disapprovingly.  
  
Sirius opened his mouth but, as James stepped back into the train carriage, Peter spoke up loudly.  
  
‘Stop arguing, you two,' he snapped in annoyance. 'Honestly, I would have thought two blokes being together would mean _less_ arguing not more.’  
  
James sniggered and handed Sirius a charmed towel. ‘Here,' he said, smirking at Sirius' blackening eye. 'It’s cold. It’ll help with the bruising.’ His smile broadened. 'I just saw Regulus. You definitely won, Padfoot.'  
  
Sirius smiled gratefully and threw himself at James, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek and hugging him hard before he allowed the bespectacled boy to push him off.  
  
‘For Merlin’s sake, Pads! Are you trying to convert me?’ he complained, wiping spit off his cheek with the back of his hand.  
  
‘I wouldn’t touch your arse with a ten foot pole, Mister Prongs,' Sirius snorted, shoving James playfully.  
  
James pushed back and declared, ‘You’d be lucky to have my arse, Mister Padfoot, and I think you’re dreaming about the size of your pole.’  
  
With a laugh, Sirius fell back in the seat next to Remus then, realising the werewolf was still irritated, gazed imploringly at the stony-faced boy who was softened by the pleading grey eyes.  
  
‘Fine,' he mumbled, crossing his arms. 'You're forgiven for being an utter knob.’  
  
Sirius grinned, then winced before putting the icy cloth on his face. His hand went to Remus knee, running upwards until he was squeezing his thigh. Remus tried to push him off but Sirius laughed, kissing him on the neck. Remus, flushing, elbowed him away, unable to completely hide his reluctant smile.  
  
James shook his head despairingly as he and Peter watched Sirius’ antics. ‘Gods, must you keep molesting the poor boy, Padfoot?' he asked, wrinkling his nose. 'He’s going to rue the day he ever ingested whatever love potion it was that made him look twice at your ugly mug.’  
  
Sirius smirked and threw himself back against the seat, hooking an arm around the werewolf’s neck and dragging him against his shoulder before saying, ‘You _know_ that this is all your fault, Potter?’  
  
James raised an eyebrow. ‘It’s my fault you took a look at Moony’s arse and decided you had to have it?’  
  
Remus, trying to extricate himself from Sirius‘ embrace, looked up with a wicked smile. ‘Actually, it’s usually Sirius’ arse that gets had…’  
  
‘Remus!’  
  
Sirius glared at a laughing Remus then looked back at a queasy looking James, knowing the boy was trying to erase Remus‘ last comment from his memory.  
  
‘Do you remember that Firewhiskey you pinched from your dad’s cabinet at the beginning of the year?‘ Sirius asked.  
  
James’ forehead creased as he thought then nodded as the memory came back to him. His face reddened as he recalled how strange Sirius and Remus had been after that night and his oh-so-clever mind quickly put two and two together.  
  
‘Oh, Humping Hippogriffs! You snogged that night, didn’t you?’ he said with a grimace and Sirius grinned happily.  
  
‘Sure did,' he declared. 'If you hadn’t bought that Firewhiskey, none of this would have happened. Moony and I might never have realised we were as gay as picnic baskets.’  
  
‘Shit,' James said, biting his lip. 'So it’s _my_ fault Pete and I have to watch you two mooning over each other for the rest of our bloody lives?’  
  
Sirius grinned, laying his head on Remus’ shoulder. ‘Yep. So next time you moan and groan about seeing us groping, remember…you’ve only got yourself to blame.’  
  
He turned his head and saw the corner of Remus’ mouth quirk up and he shifted closer, kissing the other boy. Remus’ smile broadened and he turned his head to allow Sirius access to his lips. As their mouths joined, Peter flushed and turned to James with a glare.  
  
‘Thanks a bloody lot, Prongs.’  
  
fin.


End file.
